Sympathy for the Devil (10 page)

       Things between West and I travelled downhill faster than those crazy people who do the cheese run. Look it up. Insanity. It’d started out so well. All that loving attention turned into something more suffocating. I didn’t know how to handle it. How could I breathe when every action resulted in questions upon questions, wrapped up in suspicion and skewered with doubt? If Pierce ever came out with us, five minutes after talking with him, West needed me by his side and I needed to explain myself if I stepped out of his view.
Shades of James
, I thought and slapped myself for comparing the two. They were so different. Before the Pierce Callun Campaign of Disrepute began.

       The May Bank Holiday meant a break from lectures, even if I had some extra reading to do. West suggested a disco house night in Brixton and I jumped at it. The intensity of everything reduced when we were around other people. As if West recognised he was acting like a crazy man. Bank Holiday meant rain. Of course it did. But I wore a gossamer maxi skirt and an acid-yellow tank top. Screw the cold. My dad was a proper Manc. We braved Arctic conditions to look good.

       The rooftop club heaved with clubbers, decked out in colourful Afros and platform heels. “Taking the brief too far!” I laughed up into West’s face, hoping to start an amusing conversation.

       “We’ll see what Pierce decided to wear,” he answered.

       My joy plummeted. “He’s coming? I thought it was just us two?”

       He looked down at me. “I didn’t think you wanted it to be just us.”

       “You know he and I don’t get on,” I reminded him, looking down at my bright blue suede heels. I’d borrowed them from Amy, and had a horrible feeling I’d be paying for them, the same way I’d end up paying for this night.

       “This is a chance for you both to put that right. I talked to him.”

       I sent West a look of infinite patience. “It won’t work. But good luck.”

       “I’ll get us some drinks. Come with me.”

       “It’s busy. I’ll just wait here,” I offered, releasing his arm and walking onto the terrace, where I could admire the view of South London from a wonderful height. Well, the two of them had an hour. Or else I’d do one. Pressure, pressure, pressure.
Be the person I want you to be, not the person you are.
James had frequently showed me.

       West returned with a bottle of beer for the both of us. Struggling for something to say, I drank instead, moving around to the music. Everyone else seemed so happy, dancing with the carefree abandon I normally had.

       “Did you see your dad this weekend?” West asked finally.

       “I did,” I answered, brightening immediately. “He’s really looking forward to meeting you properly. He’s said he’s sorry he’s been so busy, but he’s desperately fighting the brewery about something or other. Always a battle. How do you fight about beer?”

       “Easily,” he smiled. “Spillage.”

       “Oh, you do listen to me!”

       His face softened for the first time in the evening. “Always.”

       I reached up for a kiss, only to be interrupted by that terrible, ice-cold drawl. “Evening, all.”

       West moved away to greet his awful friend. A stream of girls followed, all of them giving me a look of disdain then dismissal when they realised I was taken. Why did he always have girls around him? He flashed me a brief smile and, in the hope for a spark of genuineness, I responded. It didn’t last. Within moments, he turned his back and escorted West to the bar.

       One of the girls spoke to me. “How do you know Pierce, then?”

       “That’s his best friend,” I explained slowly. “I’m his best friend’s girlfriend.”

       “Oh,” she said. “Has Pierce said anything about me?”

       “I don’t know who you are,” I reminded her.

       “No need to be a bitch,” she snapped, storming off to the bar. Great. If only Cari had turned up. The text she’d sent back when I asked if she fancied it read: “
Can’t, my love. I’m booked with a bunch of hipsters in Shoreditch. Good cocktails though. X.
”

       Instead, I was left defenceless. “Ben?” I called out, seeing his familiar face and lean body. I called out again, and he turned in my direction. The smile that split his face when he saw me. At that moment, the happiness that spread through me felt like hot caramel.

       “Curtis!” he bellowed, catching me by the waist and lifting me into a huge hug. He called me Curtis, as in Tony Curtis. He refused to acknowledge who I was named after.

       “What are you doing here? I thought you were still in India!”

      
Escaping everything that I had to put up with,
I nearly added. I couldn’t, though. It was so lovely to see his face. The Indian sun had brought out the South American hues of his heritage, hazel eyes sparkling with joy. He set me down on the floor and I simply drank in the relief of not having to tiptoe around someone I knew.

       “I came back so I could get on with my course. My parents said they couldn’t send any more money to me until I sorted myself out, so they spoke to the administration and someone, I don’t know who, but someone paid a fat wedge to allow me to do it, and administration said I could start this term. I’ve been here a good month and a half.”

       “Why didn’t you…”

       He blushed. “I know, I should have. I know.”

       Guilt marred his features and instead of letting him have it, I gave him another hug. “Doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past.”

       West and Pierce returned and I hesitated to introduce them. Ben held out a hand to Pierce. “Thanks for the invite,” he said over the music.

       “Invite?” I asked.

       Pierce’s smile flickered like a snake’s forked tongue. “Yes, I invited him.”

       “Yeah, it’s great to catch up with Curtis, here.” Ben nudged me, and I couldn’t help laughing.

       West looked pale. “What’s wrong with her name?”

       “Come on. Tony Adams? I can’t say it.” Ben put his hands over his chest as if he was in pain, and it made me giggle. “Can’t do it. Don’t make me!”

       I shoved him in the shoulder. “Get over it.”

       “Never.”

       My gaze shifted from Ben’s face to West’s and my smile dropped. Oh, dear. “Ben and I went to the same school as Cari.”

       “And your ex as well, right?” Pierce added.

      
Don’t bottle him,
my conscience begged.
You wouldn’t last a minute in prison without Cari.
“Yep. A million years ago.”

       “Same uni now, too.” Ben put an arm around my shoulders. “I’ve missed her. Best friend anyone could have.”

       Carefully, I stepped out of Ben’s embrace and stood proprietarily close to West. “This is my boyfriend.”

       “Oh.” Ben didn’t hide his disappointment, and I wish he had tried, even a little bit. “Nice to meet you.”

       “Did you plan that? All three of you going to the same college?” West asked, a tightness to his voice.

       “I think Cari started it,” Ben said, thinking back to the conversation he, James, Cari, and I had in our sixth form common room. “She wanted to come here because it’d mean she’d stay in London, and Toni refused to go anywhere else. When they had an open day, I had a look around, and they were willing to let me come in a term late…So here I am. Speaking of Smurfette... Where is Cari?”

       “She couldn’t come. I think she’s in Shoreditch having cocktails with a bunch of hipsters.”

       “Cocktails or cock?” Ben asked in all seriousness and I laughed. West grinned at last, but Pierce looked as if someone had given him a shot of piss. “Who’s she seeing now?”

       “No one. Enjoying uni life,” I replied.

       “That’s really how it should be done. Relationships don’t last,” Ben said lightly, glancing between West and me.

       “My parents met at uni,” West protested. “They’re still together.”

       “By a thread,” Pierce asserted rudely. “Anyway, I’ll see you guys later.”

       He walked off and his entourage of girls chased after him. West looked unsettled and I suggested, “Ben and I haven’t seen each other in nearly a year. Do you mind if we sit and have a chat?”

       Ben laughed. “Jesus, Curtis, he’s not your dad.”

       West’s face turned pink with embarrassment. “Course I don’t mind. Come and find me when you’re ready.” He pressed a kiss to my lips and followed Pierce’s lead.

       Ben looked down at me. “Not a good start, there. How long have you been going out?”

       “Four months.”

       He shook his head and the same shame that tinged West’s cheeks not moments before twisted my stomach.

       “That’s not good. Does he know?”

       “About what happened with me and you or with me, you, and James?”

       “Any of it.”

       I shrugged. “Probably from what his friend’s told him. Pierce.”

       “Oh, he’s all right. He’s just looking out for you both. When I met him, he said you needed looking out for. He wasn’t sure if West was doing right by you.”

       My eyebrows nearly flew off my face. “He said that?”

       “And from what I just witnessed, I think he’s right. Four months in or four years in, your man shouldn’t be worried about what you’ll do in a crowded club with a friend.”

       Such stark and horrible truth made me want to cry. “Don’t worry about that.” I forced a lightness into my tone. “Tell me all about everything.”

       Shaking my beer bottle and realising only the dregs remained, I made my way to the secondary bar, one floor up. I saw Pierce in the centre of the dance area, with a whistle in his mouth, surrounded by girls. A usual night out for him. The secondary bar allowed me to look down onto the bar below. Toni’s bright top could be seen from miles away. She laughed repeatedly at whatever Ben told her, the two of them more couple-like than we ever looked. Jealousy bubbled in the pit of my stomach, a boiling cauldron of fear. Could Ben take Toni away from me? Or did Pierce have her wrong?

       My heart leapt into my throat when Ben leaned into Toni. For a moment I thought he’d kissed her, but Toni made a face and shook her head, hair tumbling around her face as she cupped a hand to her ear.
I need help
. I didn’t understand where my panic had come from. Rubbing both palms over my face, I jumped when Pierce slapped a hand on my back.

       “All right, there?”

       “Yeah. How did you meet Toni’s friend.”

       Pierce shrugged. “He’s sharing halls with some of Sam’s friends.”

       “Sam?”

       “Kate Farrell’s boyfriend. He came along to a night out.”

       “Small world,” I said, the words nearly sticking in my throat as my jealousy threatened to spill out of control.

       “Isn’t it? How fortunate that he and Toni went to the same school and now are at the same university together. He went on a gap year.” He made the word “year” sound silver-spoon-in-the-arse correct. “They must have so much to talk about.”

       I made a noncommittal sound in my throat, and he followed my gaze to where Ben and Toni were stood talking. They weren’t laughing anymore, just looking at each other.

       “What did I tell you?” Pierce sighed.

       “Don’t give me that bullshit. It’s unnecessary.”

       “She’s not going to do anything with you right here,” he offered. “Back off a bit.”

       I nearly blurted that he had told me to keep an eye on her and I had. The fact he was telling me to leave well alone, really irritated me. “The fuck do you know about it? You’ve had colds longer than you’ve had a girlfriend.”

       “For good reason. At the very least, a cold builds my immune system.” He took a swig of his beer and placed the empty bottle on the floor, reaching into his pocket for his menthols. “You’ve been together what, four months now?”

       “Yeah.”

       “Against all advice. And what’s going on now? You don’t trust her. Because she hasn’t told you how her last relationship ended.”

       “Is this what you found out on Facebook?” I’d looked through my girlfriend’s page and found nothing incriminating. Unless she’d cleared posts and hid them from me.

       “She cheated on the last one. With his best friend. And that feeling you’ve got that something’s wrong? It’s because you know you won’t be able to keep hold of her for long.”

       He was right. He was always right, but fuck it if I gave him the satisfaction of letting him know. “She loves me.”

       “Really? She probably said that about the last guy. Do you want another drink? Soothe your ills?”

       “Stop it,” I fumed. “I get it, you don’t like her. But she’s not a cheat. She’s…”

       “Perfect?” He rolled his eyes. “Fuck’s sake, no one is perfect. She’s clearly made mistakes in her past and from the looks of things, those mistakes are ones she’s doomed to repeat.” Blowing a plume of smoke past me, he glanced down to where Toni had her head on Ben’s shoulder and she was gesturing to the club with a tilted beer bottle, splashing some club goers. “You’re never going to find perfection. In anyone. To expect perfection from her —it’s a mistake.”

       “Shut up!” I roared, the sound carrying over a dip in the music. It seemed everyone in the club turned to stare at me. “Just shut up about her. I don’t want to hear any more. We’re fine as we are. I trust her.”

       “Bullshit you do.” Pierce sent me a smirk of disgust. “When you see sense, I won’t say I told you so. I won’t even say it doesn’t matter. Just be very aware that you’re risking a friendship for someone who doesn’t know how to be faithful.”

       “I said don’t talk about her. If you have any respect for me, you won’t.”

       Pierce flicked his cigarette to the floor. “Lacking in the respect department for you, Weston. But I won’t say anything else. You clearly don’t want to listen.” He turned on his heel and disappeared into the throng of the club.
Enough of this
, I thought, storming downstairs. I walked up to Toni and held out my hand to her.

       “We’re going.”

       Ben and Toni both gazed at me. “Really?” Toni seemed flustered. “What’s happened?”

       “I’ve had enough of this place and I want to go home.”

       Ben held out a restraining hand. “Listen, we haven’t seen each other in almost a year. We just want to catch up.”

       “On your own time,” I seethed. “Come on, Toni.”

       She put down her beer bottle and kissed Ben on the cheek. “See you.”

       With her hand tightly and reassuringly in mine, I hurried her through the club and to the tube station. Flustered by men selling incense and others smoking weed so strong it made my eyes sting, we rushed to the safety of the Victoria Line. We leapt onto the next tube just as the doors beeped their closure and Toni released me.

       “What?” I demanded, sensing her dissatisfaction.

       “You didn’t have to drag me out like a child,” she said on a huff. “I don’t need you watching me all the time!”

       “I wasn’t watching you. I wanted to go. If you wanted to stay you should have said something.”

       She turned to me, eyes flashing. “I’m saying something now. What’s going on with you?”

       “I don’t know. Maybe I’m feeling like you’re lining up your next boyfriend.”

       Her face drained of colour as the train pulled into the station. “That’s a shitty thing to say. Come find me when you’re ready to apologise.”

       With that, she got up and strolled from the train across to the platform to take her back to Brixton. I stayed put, hands fisting in my hair. The frustration was like nothing I’d experienced before and I wanted to get off the train, hurry after her, tell her I didn’t mean it. That I trusted her without doubt. But that would be a lie. Pretty much like most of our relationship. As soon as I reached the nearest station to my halls, I sent Pierce a text message.

      
Sorry about that. Just want things to work out.

       His reply was brief.
I’m leaving you to it.

       I sent Toni a message as well.
Call me? I’m sorry. xxxxxx.

       She didn’t respond. I sat up until three in the morning waiting and finally my phone pinged with a message.
We can talk later today, if you fancy. But this can’t happen again. You can’t treat me like that, I don’t deserve it.

      
I know,
I replied, eager for her to understand and not let us go.
You don’t. Shall we meet at the Kingsbury after lectures?

      
Sure.

      
Good. Progress. I downed a pint of water, hoping to escape a hangover, which happened more often the less I drank. Shuffling into bed, I looked up at the ceiling for a moment. She hadn’t denied cheating on her ex. So then Pierce was right. On the other hand, all she’d done was talk to that guy and the fear gripped me. I loved Toni. To bits. All I needed to do was prove that to her. And all I needed was for her to do the same.