Take it All (Blinded by Love) (53 page)

She swallowed, trying to rid the dryness that made it hard to breathe. Her mouth finally unfroze and her lips parted. “Caleb.” She had meant for it to sound louder, so he could hear the gut wrenching pain that filled her normally soft voice, and he’d come back to her. But all that sounded was a whisper, ending with a small sob as she sat up in the bed.

“Whoa, Lennox,” Emerson’s voice said as he rushed to the side of her bed, “it’s okay.”

She looked around disoriented, her hand again her temple, “Where am I, what’s going on?” she whispered, her voice cracking.

“Reed and I brought you to the hospital,” he said, sitting on the edge of her bed, looking at her closely. “Do you remember what happened?”

She looked at him confused, “Hospital? Why, last thing I remember is last night with Caleb–Caleb–where is, where’d he go?” she asked, turning her head to look out the window, into the hall.

Emerson grabbed her hand and she looked at him, “You came over to the house this morning, remember? Asking about him and where he was.”

She looked at him, “But–” she began, stopping as the memories started to play back in her head and she remembered as she looked at the window, “it was just a dream, wasn’t it, he was never here,” she whispered.

Emerson squeezed her hand gently and sighed, “I’m sorry Lennox.”

She shook her head, unable to look at him as her eyes darted away from the window. She looked around the small, dim, hospital room she was in. She was lying on an uncomfortable bed still in the clothes she had pulled on in a hurry before she ran out the door in a panic, going to Caleb’s. But he hadn’t been there, and he hadn’t picked up his cell phone when she called him on her way over; it had went directly to voicemail when she had hung up and threw her cell phone back on the seat.

She focused on a fake plant across the room and asked, “You don’t know where he is?”

He ran his hand through his hair, clearing his throat before he said, “Wish I could tell ya, but I have no idea.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat as flashes of their night together flashed through her head, “Will he come back?”

“For your sake, I hope so.”

“Has,” she began, clearing her throat as her voice cracked and her eyes began to burn, “he ever took off before?”

“Other than on a couple day binge–no,” he said, his voice sad and his face washed with concern.

She nodded, feeling her emotions start to get the best of her, “Where’s Reed?” she asked, still not looking at him knowing she was on the verge of a breakdown.

“He went to get a bite to eat; I can go get you somethin’,” he offered.

She could see him watching her closely, his face full of worry, and she nodded, “Juice would be nice, if you don’t mind.” She tried to cover the begging in her voice, not wanting him to think she didn’t want him there–she did, but she needed some time to herself to wrap her mind around everything.

Emerson stood from the bed then bent over and kissed the top of her head. “I’m gonna let the nurse know you’re awake on my way out. I won’t be long.”

Not trusting her voice, Lennox nodded, and watched him leave the room. She watched him walk away, rounding the corner, and disappearing from her sight without a glance back. Then the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding rushed out, as if someone came up to her, and punched her in the stomach. It was then everything collided into her at once, and thrusting upon her the heartbreaking realization that, when it came to Caleb, nothing had been enough; even more heartbreakingly so, not even her.

He was her all, he would always be her all, and she knew it the day he unexpectedly walked back into her life. That moment when their eyes met, she knew they were made for one another; that they were meant to be. They were each other’s missing piece and he found her, in all his glory, grabbing her by her heart and soul and never letting go.

Together Lennox and Caleb went places. Places she never in her life thought she’d ever go. The things she saw and witnessed, no one should have to see or speak of again because once was enough. His path took them on a journey through hell, where, when given the chance to leave, she stayed and fought for him and a way out.

She didn’t hear her door open then close with a soft click. She didn’t hear the rustling of paper on a clipboard next to her, and she didn’t hear a man clear his throat trying to get her attention. She didn’t hear anything until he spoke, “Ms. Ward, I’m Dr. Hudson.”

Dazed, Lennox shook the thoughts away and looked up at the man. He was young, but older than her by at least seven years; he was tall and his dark hair was perfectly sticking up in the front and his brown eyes were warm, in a comforting way. He was holding a white clip board in one hand and his other hand was inside his lab coat pocket. “Hi,” she said her voice raspy and hollow.

“How you feeling?” he asked, looking directly in her eyes, watching her carefully as if he expected her to lie.

It took her a few seconds to answer, as she realized she wasn’t in any pain, not like she had been in weeks, and she replied, “Fine.”

“Good, we gave you a bag of fluids as you were dehydrated when your friends brought you in and we ran some tests just to be sure it wasn’t anything serious.”

She continued to listen to Dr. Hudson as her eyes drifted back on the last place she saw him in her dream, silently wishing it hadn’t been a dream and that he would somehow know she was in the hospital and he would come back to her.

“Ms. Ward,” Dr. Hudson called, stepping to the side, obstructing her view of the window. Blinking, she looked up at his unreadable face, as he closed the clipboard and met her eyes again, “Did you hear what I said?”

Lennox nodded, having heard what he said but turned her head away from him and sat there, looking at nothing; the room was silent as if someone had muted real life. Her mind was only on Caleb.

When he left her there in her room, he knew he wasn’t leaving alone, that he was taking a piece of her with him; maybe not physically, but in every other way possible. It was more than a piece of her he took, it was more than a part of her– it was everything.

And she let him.

“Ms. Ward, did you–”

She shook her head, “Yes, I heard you,” she said, pushing the thoughts aside. She looked up at him, and watched his lips move as he repeated the words that not only sent icy waves through her numb body, but caused what little was left of her world to shatter.

“I’ll give you a few minutes,” he said gently, looking at her a moment longer then turned and left her alone in the room.

When the door clicked shut that’s when it happened. She began to drown. Drowning in memories, like a surfer in a wild, out of control wave. She was in her own hell, only now she was alone; separated from the one person who mattered the most, the one person she tried to save but failed; and without him knowing it, he left her standing in the deepest, darkest pit, alone.

Not knowing what else to do, Lennox looked around the room and saw her purse sitting on the table beside her bed. Grabbing it, she set it on her lap and dug through it looking and hoping Emerson or Reed had tossed her cell phone inside when they took it from her jeep. She found it on the bottom and pulled it out, then set her purse back on the table before she dialed his number and placed her cell phone to her ear.

It only rang twice before he picked it up, greeting her joyfully. “Cupcake, where you been, I’ve missed you,” Raine’s laugh soared through the line and hit her, doing nothing at keeping the emotions in check.

She cleared her throat knowing it was just a waste of time, that Raine would know something was up as soon as he heard her voice, “Hey, I’ve been around,” she said, her voice thick and full of unshed tears.

“What’s wrong, you don’t sound right–you sick?” he asked, and she could hear the worry in his voice.

“Raine, I need you.”

“Okay, I’m right here–talk to me Lennox,” he said, his voice anxious and full of concern.

She swallowed, “It’s Caleb,” her voice cracked through a small sob, “he’s...”

“He’s what, what’d he do?” Raine said through a tightly clenched jaw.

“He’s gone.”

“Gone, what do you mean
gone
?” he asked, confusion lacing his voice.

She took a breath as the tears began to fall over her cheeks, one by one, “I’ll tell you everything when you get here.”

She could hear him moving around through the phone when he asked, “I’m on my way now, you at home or his place?”

“Neither, Raine I’m–”

He didn’t let her finish when he cut in, “Okay, where are you–at one of the girls’ places then?”

“No, I’m–”

He sighed impatiently, “Where are you then?”

“If you would shut the hell up I’d tell you,” she said dryly.

“Sorry.”

“Raine, I’m in the hospital,” she said, sniffling and wiping the tears that were falling down her cheek away.

“You’re what?” he exclaimed. “Lennox, what the fuck happened?”

“Emerson and Reed brought me in, I collapsed at their place–I’ll tell you everything when you get here.”

She heard a slam to what she assumed was his car door, then heard his car rumble to life. “Which hospital and have you found out why? Are you okay?”

“I’m at the Royal General, and yeah, the Doc just left,” she said, her heart rate spiked as her head fell back against the pillows behind her.

“Okay, well good, I’m just at the lights leaving town so I’ll be there as soon as I can.” His voice was calm and comforting, exactly what she needed, and at that moment she felt incredibly lucky to have a friend like him, who’d drop everything and rush to her side.

“Raine,” she said, through the tears that were rolling in pairs down her cheek as she continuously brushed them away.

“It’ll be okay, Cupcake, I promise.”

She closed her eyes and sucked in a shaky breath, then said, “I’m pregnant.”

Kiss the Rain– Billie Myers

Drunk Enough– Angels Fall

Everything– Buckcherry

Monster You Made– Pop Evil

With You– Emerson Drive

Cry– Cassadee Pope

Poison & Wine– The Civil Wars

Try– Natasha Bedingfield

Let Her Go - Passenger

Colorblind– Counting Crows

It Goes Like– Thomas Rhett

Liar– The Cranberries

White Suburban– Skylar Grey

Linger– The Cranberries

Fall For You– Secondhand Serenade

This Years Love– David Grey

Wanted– Hunter Hayes

Cocaine– Eric Clapton

Skyfall - Adele

Stuttering– Fefe Dobson

Religion– Skylar Grey

Falls On Me– Fuel

I Knew You Were Trouble– Taylor Swift

Titanium– Madilyn Bailey

Told You So– Cassadee Pope

Collide– Howie Day

Radioactive– Imagine Dragons

Wear Me Out– Skylar Grey

Cry With You– Hunter Hayes

Kiss You Inside Out - Hedley

Teenage Dream– Katy Perry

Falling– The Civil Wars

You– Paul Brandt

Wanted You More– Lady Antebellum

All You Ever– Hunter Hayes

Tangerine– Led Zepplin

I’ll Be The Light– Colton Dixon

Bed of Lies– Matchbox Twenty

I Was A Fool– Tegan and Sara

For My Sake– Shinedown

Good To You– Marianas Trench

‘A’ Song - Hedley

Overjoyed– Matchbox Twenty

23– Jimmy Eat World

Hallelujah– Jeff Buckley

The Way– Matchbox Twenty

All We Are - OneRepublic

Brave New World– Hedley

Wonderwall– Oasis

Wanted is Love– Phillip Phillips

Just Like a Pill– Pink

Broken - Seether

Back 2 Good– Matchbox Twenty

Everything– Lifehouse

Call Me - Shinedown

Every Lie– My Darkest Days

If I Lose Myself– OneRepublic

Bury Your Head - Saosin

So Easy– Phillip Phillips

Blurry– Puddle of Mudd

Love the Way You Lie part II– Rihanna & Eminem

Breakdown– Seether

With Me– Sum 41

Dare You to Move– Switchfoot

Now I’m All Messed Up– Tegan and Sara

Lie To Me (acoustic)– 12 Stones