Take it Deep (Take 2) (8 page)

“I want you to promise me something. 
Something really important.”  She takes my hand and this time I let her. 

“What is it?” 

I take a deep breath.  “I want you to promise to give this baby the best mother it could possibly have.  I want you to love and cherish him or her and put them first no matter what.”  The tears flow from her now and she quickly nods again. 

“When did you grow up and become such a wise
, beautiful young woman, Ana?  I know I did wrong with you but I’m proud of the way you turned out, I really am.  I promise I will try my hardest to be the best mum I can be.  I’ve grown quite a bit in the last few years.  I hope I can do right by this child and remedy all the bad things I have done in the past.  I do so want to be a good mum.” 

Satisfied that she’s telling the truth I get up
, and she rises with me.  She takes me in for a hug and I accept it.

I feel at peace with what has been said and I’m glad it is all out in the open.  I don’t know whether I will see Stella again
, but I certainly won’t abandon her when she needs it the most.  At the end of the day she is my aunt and she now carries my cousin.

I pull out of her embrace and we look at each other for a few moments.  She squeezes my hand
, before I let go and walk away.

Chapter 9

My head is spinning by the time I get back to work.  I check my phone as I left it in the car in my haste to speak with my mum.  It suddenly feels weird calling her that now after everything, but it is all I’ve ever known up until an hour ago. 

There seems to have been a panic as both Jessie and Jak
e have been calling me on a regular basis.  My stomach is in knots at the thought of seeing Jake now after the news I have been faced with. 

I take a few calming breaths
and I head back to the office. 

It is coming towards the end of lunchtime now, so it’s relatively quiet.  Jessie spots me straight away and drags me to the coffee room. 

“
Ana, shit where have you been?  I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you okay?  I know what’s going on.” 

I look at her in shock.  How could she possibly know what’s happening?  She sees the questioning in my eyes so continues.
 

“When you just ran
off like that, Jake came over to see if I knew anything, which of course I didn’t.  He saw your computer screen and had a look at what it said.  It was only when I saw the look of horror on his face that I turned to see what he was looking at.  He stormed off at that point and I suspect you have a million missed calls both from him and from me.” 

Well, thinking about it now that’s one less thing I need to tell Jake. 

“It’s true, what you saw.  Listen, I’ll tell you everything, but right now I need to see Jake.  I must speak with him about this.”  I take her arm and she nods letting me pass. 

I walk towards his office and timidly knock on the door. 

“Come in,” I hear as I turn the doorknob. 

I walk through and close the door behind me.  Jake looks up with his piercing green eyes
that always somehow manages to burrow deep into my soul.  He looks so beautiful, so sexy, but he’s not mine anymore.  The thought tears through me stabbing at my chest.  I must be strong and get through this.  I can do it. 

“Ana, are you ok
ay?  What the fuck happened?  I’ve been going out of my mind with worry.  I saw what you were looking at on your computer and have been trying to call you ever since.  Did you go see your mom?” 

He gets up to walk around to me
, but I back away.  “Please, Jake, you need to hear something.”  He stands still for a moment and studies me. 

“
Okay, what do you need to say?” 

H
e looks at me silently, patiently waiting for my response.  “Stella is not my mother, she’s my half aunt.  Also, the baby she’s carrying; it’s not yours.”  He looks slightly shocked, but there was also definite evidence that this was a huge weight off his shoulders.  He was obviously happy about the news, but tried to gain some sort of composure. 

I proceeded to tell him bits of what was said and he listened
, not once attempting to interrupt.  When I finished he took a deep breath and I could see he looked like he was having a debate in his head about what to say next.  After a few uncomfortable silences he spoke.

“I’m not going to see Stella out in the cold
, no matter what.  She is still your family, Ana and despite the fact the baby’s not mine, I still want to make sure she’s okay.” 

He moves a little closer and my breath hitches up a little.  He notices my body
’s blunder and smiles.  He moves in that little bit more and I can’t feel my legs.  Why does he have this effect on me?  He grabs both my arms and holds me.  I’m rooted, unable to react apart from my heart beating loudly in my ears. 

“Ana, you know what this means now don’
t you?  We can be together.  Nobody can hold us back anymore.” 

His words suddenl
y force me to remember what he did, so I pull away.  “How can you say that this changes anything?  You ignored me, Jake.  I was pleading with you to look at me and you just ignored me.” 

He fli
nches at my words and backs off.  I see the pain in his eyes, and it makes me realize just how easy things could be if I just accepted what he had done and moved on.  Let him touch me, caress me and hold me like he used to.  I want so much to forgive him for what he did, and in time I will, but how can I ever forget?  It was the most painful day of my life and it was all caused by Jake.  I turn to leave and put my hand on the door. 

“I’m so sorry I hurt you
, Ana.  I really am.  If I could take that day back and do things differently I would, but it’s done now, so I can’t.  I just hope in time you will forgive me because I love you so much.  That has never changed for me.” 

I grip the doorknob willing it to turn.  I feel my face flush with the onset of more tears threatening to run.  His words fill my head with some sort of tortured bliss.  On one hand I want to run to him and tell him it’s ok
ay, that I want him just as much, and that I love him, too.  But the other side of me can’t get over what he did, and that is what finally gives me the strength to turn the handle on the door.

“I will never let you go
, Ana.  I will fight for you, I promise you that.  My world is nothing without you in it, and I’m not giving up until you’re mine again.  I’ve never stopped being yours and I never will.  The stars are not the same since you left.” 

My heart plummeted at this point.  His words sent a current of emotions
shooting through my veins.  I remember how he used to make me feel when we made love.  How I would tell him I saw the stars, because that’s how special he made me feel when he touched me.  I can’t see a world without Jake in it either, but I remember quickly how things could have been if it wasn’t for the bomb my so-called mother unleashed on me. 

I pull the door towards me not once looking back at Jake
, as I know that if I do, I’ll be lost and give in to him.  I have to show him I’m strong and that he can’t just worm his way back into my life, no matter how much I want him to. 

I close the door behind me and make my way back to my desk where Jessie awaits me patiently.  Of course she is going to want an explanation and of course I’m going to have to provide her one
, but the thought right now just exhausts me.  I’ve had enough of it all for one day.

I tell Jessie everything that has happened and after her initial shock and horror she takes me in for a hug. 

“You know Jake thinks we can just pick everything up from where we left off and move on like nothing happe
ned?” 

She doesn’t seem terribly
surprised by this news. 

“You’ve both been miserable without each other.  I’m not saying what he did was not
hing, but I think it’s inevitable that you’ll be back together soon.” 

I shake my head venomously,
“No, Jessie, I can’t.  Not after what he did to me.  I’m not letting him win.”  She looks on at me clearly not amused and tuts at me. 

“You know you’re the most stubborn woman I have ever met?  I wonder if your mother was ever the same.” 

In my horror of the day I completely forgot to ask about my mother.  Of course I need to know more about her.  I need to know what she was like.  I quickly take my phone out to text Stella and ask, but there is already a message from her with an attachment. 

I open it up and staring at me is a photo of a man in uniform who I immediately
recognized as my dad.  He is standing next to a woman who I realize must be my mother.  She was beautiful.  She has the same blonde hair and blue eyes as me.  She is smiling and looking at my father sweetly.  He, in turn, is looking at her with complete adoration.  She looks to be pregnant by about six months or so and is protectively cradling her stomach.  A lump fills my throat as I stare at the only memory captured of my mother and father together.  After a while of staring I manage to pull myself away from the image to read what she has to say. 

‘
I found this photo and thought you may appreciate me sending it to you.  Your mother was a beautiful woman.  She was always the one to capture the hearts of men so easily, as I should imagine you do, too.  Anabelle had a gift for winning over anyone she ever met.  She was an extraordinary woman.  I hope you can forgive me for everything I have done, as I don’t think I can ever forgive myself.  I’ll be in touch soon.  Take care, Mum.xx’ 

I notice that she is still calling herself mum
, but I should imagine not doing so would be a little difficult after all these years.  To be honest it would be difficult for me to stop also.  I give myself a mental kick.  I don’t know why I’m so up and down with my emotions lately.  I suppose having your lover betray you and then topping that off with finding out who you thought was your mum, was actually your aunt, would do that to you.

I get back to what is left of my working day, but my heart is still not in it.  I’m glad when the hour turns to 5pm so I can go home and wallow in self pity again.  I make my way outside with Jessie; giving her a big hug and I wish her a great night out with Jerry. 

On the way home I stop off to get some groceries for the apartment and order a bucket of chicken to take away.  I can really do with the comfort food right now.  I take my time when I get home to load all the shopping bags in the only two arms I have.  I make it to the entrance door when again I spot Brian.  We start laughing as this is becoming a habit.
 

“We have to stop meeting like this, the
neighbors will talk and I can just see their tongues wagging, especially after seeing who comes out my door most mornings.  Here let me help you with that.” 

He grabs a couple of my bags and we make our way to the lift.  “
Sorry, have I missed something?  I’m a little confused.”  He looks abashed all of a sudden. 

“Oops
, I assumed you knew.  I thought I had a radar over my head.  I’m gay, I was trying to make a joke, but it fell flat on my ass.” 

“Oh, sorry yes
, it all makes sense now,” I say laughing.  “As you can already tell I’ve been a little preoccupied.” 

He nods his
head.  “Yeah, I know how that feels.  Love is a bitch at times.” 

W
e gather ourselves into the lift and it hums as we make our way up.

“I’ll see you to your door if that’s ok
ay with you?  You seem to be a little overwhelmed with shopping bags.  My better half loves to shop, so I know what it’s like.” 

I laugh again,
“Thanks, that would be great.  Sounds like your other half and I would get on famously.” 

The door
pings open and we make our way towards Jessie’s door. 

“Where are you originally from
may I ask?  You're obviously not from around these parts, that’s for sure.” 

I let the bags down as I fumble for the key to unlock the door.  “I’m originally from a place called Chelsea in London.  My mother and
I moved over from there about eleven years ago now.” 

I push the door open and we
walk towards the kitchen setting the bags down. 

“How cool is that?  I always wanted to see London.  How come you managed to keep that accent of yours then if you’ve lived here so long?” 

I make my way to one of the bags suddenly dying for a glass of Pinot.  I haven’t had a glass in ages and one could just do the trick right now.  I offer him a glass and he accepts. 

“Well, that’s easy you see.  When we finally managed to get me settled and enrolled in school
, all the pupils there were amazed with my accent.  They loved it and I quickly became one of the most popular girls in school.  I was known as ‘Ana London’ for a while and it caught on into high school.  I figured if everyone loved it so much, that I should hold on to it as long as I could.  It helped that every now and then we would visit London, but I haven’t been back now for about four years since I devoted all my time to studying and passing my Bachelors degree.”