Take it Deep (Take 2) (9 page)

I grab a couple of glasses out of the cabinet after using the corkscrew and hand Brian a glass. 

“Sounds like you’ve led quite the life.  What did you major in?” 

I start packing away my shopping and greedily sip my wine. 
“Criminal Justice.  I work at the Fairfax County Police Department.  I love it.  It’s certainly interesting.  What do you do, Brian?” 

He takes a sip and looks at the glass like he’s appreciating the
flavor. 

“
I work from home mostly.  I’m in IT which basically means I’m a computer geek.  I do freelance work fixing bugs etc.  It’s nothing fancy, but it pays well.” 

I finish putting all the shopping away and turn my attention to the bucket.  I offer Brian a piece and he licks his lips. 
“Wow, it’s a pity you’re not a different sex as you’d be the man of my dreams.” 

I nearly wet
myself laughing as we both stand there giggling away like idiots.  I almost miss the doorbell buzz we’re so loud. 

“Hold on a
sec, Brian, I’ll be right back.” 

I turn and make my way to the door and look through the peep hole.  I see a man holding some flowers.  “Who is it please?”  I bellow.
 

“I have a deliver
y for a Miss Ana-Lucia Sinclair.” 

I bury my head in my hands.  There’s only one person that calls me by that name.  I open the door and spot a huge bunch of the most beautiful pink Hydrangeas.  I sign the clipboard and he hands me the flowers.  I thank him and make m
y way back to the kitchen. 

“Wow
, someone loves you very much.” 

I smile at Brian and place the flowers on the side to look at the card.  Attached is a beautiful silver key ring of a star.  I open the note to read.
 

‘I chose Hydrangeas as apparently they represent perseverance
, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to use that word to its fullest.  I love you and want you back in my life.  I want to give you the stars.  All my love, Jake.’ 

I smile as a single tear falls down my face.
  I don’t know how he does it, but he renders me into mush.  If he were here I’d be putty in his hands. 

“I take it that this is from the man who broke your heart?” 

I don’t say a word, I just nod. 

“I guess he regrets that now.” 

I look at Brian for the first time taking him in. He’s slender; about five foot ten and has golden brown hair and light gray eyes.  He’s pretty, very pretty.  It really does make sense now.  He’d be the kind of boy you’d bitch about to your friends that all the good guys are either married or gay.  This is certainly the case for Brian. 

“I’m so sorry about all this.  Every time you see me I’m bloody crying.  Jeez, I need to get a hold of myself.”
  He comes over and pats me on the shoulder. 

“Don’t sweat it, I’m used to it.  I
’m like an agony uncle.  Whatever it is he’s done he’s obviously very sorry about it, but whatever it is you decide it’s up to you and no one else.  Only you can follow your heart and come up with the choice that’s right for you, and only you.” 

I
really like Brian now.  He seems very sincere and I think he and I are going to become firm friends.  I hold up my glass to him.  “To making the right choices.”  He raises his glass to mine and we clink them together as he repeats my words back. 

His phone decides to
vibrate, so he quickly licks his greasy fingers and wipes them on his jeans to answer. 

“Hey
, babes, what’s up?  Oh, you are?  I was on the floor above visiting a new neighbour.  She’s great; you have to meet her one day.” 

He winks at me and I give him the thumbs up. 

“I’ll be right down then.  Okay, see you soon.  Love you.” 

He hangs up and thanks me for the wine and chicken. 

“I better be off as he’s waiting for me downstairs.  It was nice meeting you again.  We must go out for a drink one night, if you want?” 

I remember the strip club for the week on Saturday
, but I’m not sure where we’re going yet and if he would really be into that sort of thing.  What the hell. 

“Well,
a week Saturday a bunch of us are going to a strip club for a laugh.  It was my birthday yesterday, so we’re celebrating that.” 

I look at him to see if he thinks I’ve completely lost it
, but he smiles. 

“That sounds like fun.  Let me know when it is and I’ll see if we can make it
.  Oh, and happy birthday for yesterday.” 

“Thanks, that’s
great.  I’ll pop down when I know more then.”  He leaves and I hastily make my way back to the bucket and wine.  I grab it and head for the sofa placing my chicken on the coffee table.  It is then I notice that the card is still sitting there from yesterday.  I had forgotten all about that.  I pick up the remote and flick through a few channels before I settle for a rerun of Friends.  I love watching that program. 

I hungrily get through the chicken quickly and get up to wash my hands
.  I’m keen to finally open this card and unlock the mystery of who sent it.  I trace my finger under the line of the card and rip. 

I pull the card out and it says
, ‘To the birthday girl.’ 

I
started to wish I had never seen it and just kept it there a mystery, for now I knew all too well who it was from.  I start to shake as I reread what it says. 

‘
You’ve been a hard lady to find and now I see you’ve changed your name.  It’s nice.  I saw your picture in the paper and I must say you’ve turned into a beautiful woman.  You got away from me all those years ago, I think it’s time I got what is due.  See you soon sweet, Ana, and have a great birthday.  Love A.’ 

My hands start shaking and my heart beats frantically in my chest.  Every sound in the apartment is amplified and soon I
turn into a paranoid freak, thinking he’s in the apartment somewhere.  My breathing picks up and the panic rises like never before.  I have no one here to help me through this.  Jake was there through most of my panic attacks.  He always knew exactly what to do to calm me down, but for now, I have no one. 

My heart beats frantically and my head spins.  Feeling dizzy I grip on to the coffee table with all my might and it is then I start to remember
what Dr Townsend told me to do once the panic starts.  I look around the room and settle my eyes on a painting above Jessie’s telly.  It is a beautiful painting of a meadow.  I take deep breaths and concentrate on the colors and the way the painting flows across the canvas.  I see a little boy who looks as though he is running, and I will myself to think about that, imagining him playing happily in the field.  It takes a while longer than normal, but soon I am starting to see some sense and I know there is no one here with me.  It’s just my irrational thinking playing tricks on me.  The card is on the coffee table again and I don’t touch it.  I don’t want to touch it.  I know I need to speak to someone, but I don’t know who.  I can’t talk to Jake as he doesn’t know anything about Alan.  The only person I can speak with is Jessie and I really don’t want to disturb her on her date with Jerry.  I know that if I call Jessie, she will be in her car and on her way back to me in no time at all, but I don’t want to do that to her. 

Heart calming I look across the room and spo
t a mini pink Cadillac on Jessie’s cabinet.  I never noticed that there before.  Suddenly lightning strikes and I remember Agent Marcos.  He’s named after a British car.  I run to grab my phone from the bag in the kitchen and look through to see if I can find his number.  I’m not sure if I have it still from the last saga.  What is he going to think of me?  I bet he will wish I never came here from England.  I’ve been nothing but trouble since we met.  I have to tell someone though—plus he is the only official who already knows about him.  I take another deep breath and dial his number.  After two rings he promptly answers using his surname.  “Andrew, hi, it’s Ana.” 

“Ana, how nice to hear from
you.  You sound a little bit stressed, is everything okay?” 

I shut my eyes as my heartbeat accelerates again.  Please calm down. 

“No, unfortunately not. I really need you to see something.  I think Alan knows where I am now.  I received a card from him.” 

“Where are you
, in McLean?  I’m actually on the road round Falls Church and can be there in ten minutes.” 

“No, I’m not living there anymore.  I’m staying at a friend’s house in Fairfax called Sunnyside Apartments.
  Her door number is 410.” 

“Ok
ay, I’m punching the info in on my Sat Nav and should be there in about the same time.  Hold tight okay, and don’t worry.  I’ll see you very soon.” 

“Thank you
, Andrew.  I appreciate this.” 

“No problem at all.” 

I hang up and sit there patiently waiting.  Every minute seems like an hour.  After about five minutes the door suddenly knocks and I’m wondering how on earth he could have gotten here so fast.  I look through the peep hole and it’s Michael.  Oh shit, how am I going to explain to him why an FBI Agent is coming to the apartment soon? 

I open the door.  “Michael, how are you?  What
are you doing round this neck of the woods?”  I glide over giving him some space to pass.  I’m actually glad he is here as the panic still reeling through my veins has subsided in his presence.  But I’m still uneasy about the fact that Marcos will be here any minute. 

“I just wanted to come by and see how you were.  I knew Jessie was going to be staying with Jerry
, so I thought you may appreciate the company.  I hope you don’t mind me springing this on you?  You weren’t planning anything were you?” 

We both sit on the sofa as Michael anxiously awaits
my answer.  “No, not at all.  I will be having a visitor here shortly though.”  I bite my lip and Michael spots my unease. 

“Oh shit, is it Jake?  I can leave if it’s going to cause you too mu
ch trouble.” 

I shake my head,
“No, no, nothing like that at all.  Andrew Marcos is coming.” 

He frowns in confusion and my heart picks up once again.  I don’t know how much my heart can stand with all this frantic beating its taking.
 

“He’s FBI
, isn’t he?  What is he coming here for?  You’re not dating him are you?  I think he’s nearly twice your age, and married.” 

“No, it’s nothing like that.  I asked him to come.”  I sigh heavily defeated at the knowledge that he’s bound to find out now.  I’m about to tell him when there is another knock.  “That must be him now.” 

Michael stares on still confused.  “All will be explained in a minute.”  I rush to answer the door and Agent Marcos stands beaming at me. 

“Ana, so nice to see you again.
  I wish I could say under different circumstances.” 

I wave for him to come through and shut the door.  Michael rises from his seat as he spots Marcos and they shake hands.
 

“I remember you from before, Michael is it?” 

“Yes, that’s right.  I’m not sure what’s going on; I’ve just walked right into this about five minutes ago.” 

They both sit down and I offer them a drink busying myself in the kitchen to get Michael a beer and Andrew a coke.  I pour myself another glass of wine and sit all the drinks on the coffee table.
 

“Is this it?”  Marcos points to the card. 

“Unfortunately, yes.” 

He gets out his
pen to slightly open the card.  “May I?” he asks. 

I nod my head and he looks, Michael h
overing over to also take a peek.  Marcos studies it and takes a deep breath.

Michael just frowns.
  “Who the hell is this asshole?” 

Marcos looks at me obviously wondering just how comfortable I am with all this.  Michael is a cop, he’s curious.  They all are. 

“I believe this is from a guy called Alan Martin.  He was the reason why my mum and I moved all those years ago.  He was an Accountant from New Jersey and he wanted my mum and I to move in with him.  My mum wanted a new start away from London and thought that bringing me here would be a better a start, as any.  She was wrong about one thing though.  Alan was a monster.  He—” 

I tried to get the words out but they felt heavy on my lips.
  Michael looks at me, clocks ticking away in his head, as he’s trying to gather what it is I’m trying to say.  Somehow I get the words out.  “He did things to me when I was twelve.  Unspeakable things.  He made me do things also.” 

I pulled my hand up and gripped my top as if this was the only thing here to protect me from t
he monsters.  I suddenly felt twelve all over again knowing he’s out there, and I’m back to where I was all those years ago. 

“
At first it was touching and groping, but a little after I turned thirteen he came into my room expecting more.  I screamed, he hit me and a neighbor thankfully saved me.  My mum and I fled and she changed our names.” 

Michael’s mouth was open in shock
.  He manages to gather himself and moves across to where I’m seated.  He grabs my hand and holds it to his chest. 

“You’re shaking.  Can I get you anything?” 

I didn’t realize I was shaking until Michael mentioned it.  “No, I’m fine.  I just wish he was caught a long time ago, and I also wish he had forgotten about me.” 

Marcos picks the card up carefully and places it in a plastic cover.
 

“We’re going to need to dust this for prints to make sure
it's him.  You okay with that?” 

I knew it wasn’t really a question
, but nodded in answer. 

“What could he possibly wa
nt with you after all this time?” 

Marcos quickly cuts in.  “I think he feels there
is unfinished business with Ana, and she was the one that got away.  I assume this is the first piece of contact that you have had with him?” 

“Yes, I haven’t heard a thing since that horrible night.” 

Marcos finishes his coke and rises to leave.  “Have you got someone staying with you tonight, this friend of yours—?” 

He looks toward Michael and
I immediately feel I have to defend myself.  “This is Jessie’s apartment.  She’s staying with her boyfriend tonight.” 

He looked
a little unhappy.  “Is there any other place you can stay, or do you know someone who will stay with you tonight?  I’m not saying he knows where you are as he sent that card to the station, but I would still feel happier knowing you were being watched.” 

Oh great, a babysitter. 

“I’ll stay with her,” Michael blurted. 

I qu
ickly turn my head towards him and frown. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch, I don’t mind.  I want to know you’re safe.” 

He gives me a look that means business before brandishing his killer smile. 

“Right, well that settles it then if you’re happy
, Ana?”  I look over at Michael, silently asking if he is sure, and he determinedly nods his head.  “Okay, I’m happy.  Thanks for coming, Andrew.” 

“It’s no sweat.  I’ll take this in now and I should be able to have a result for you in a day or two.” 

I show him the door thanking him every step of the way. 

After shutting the door I lean my forehead against it.  How could I get myself into this mess?  Jake was right about me.  I am a magnet for trouble.  I don’t want it to find me, it just does.  I feel a set of hands on my shoulders and I jerk a little, my unease still engulfing me.  I quickly turn around and I’m met with a pair of sympathetic deep blue eyes. 

“I’m
sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you.  You just look so lost standing there.” 

I bury my hea
d in his chest and start crying yet again. 

“How can you stand me Michael?  I
’ve been nothing but trouble.  It always seems to find me no matter what I do, and it always comes with a fucking cherry on top.”  He starts laughing but not in a way that what I said was funny.  Nothing about this is funny.  He grips my arms firmly and looks deeply into my eyes. 

“Ana, you’re not to blame for this.  It’s not your fault that he’s decided to send you that card.  You’re the most beautiful, intelligent, special woman I know and sometimes people take advantage of that, but it’s not your fault.  Please understand that.” 

The pain in his face is evident as he loosens the tight grip of my arms.  We stand there for a few seconds as he just stares into my eyes.  His breathing hitches slightly as he traces his eyes down to my lips.  My heart starts to beat rapidly as I wonder what it is he’s thinking.  He seems to want to kiss me, but I can see the little bolts in his head spinning again as he tries to figure out what to do.  In another life I would want him to kiss me, who wouldn’t.  He’s beautiful inside and out, but it always still boils down to the same thing with me ever since I met the obnoxious, overbearing, but unbelievably sexy caveman, Jake. 

Michael
’s decision is finally made when he lets me go and pulls away.  I can see he’s debating whether he’s doing the right thing or not, but I think he is just trying to be a gentleman.  He knows I’m still hurting over Jake, so I think he feels it would be exploiting the situation.  I feel I must say something to let him know how I feel. 

“Thank you
, Michael.  I truly mean that.  You’re very unique and one day I hope you will meet someone who is just as special as you.”  My words don’t seem to go down well as he looks on still in the same despair. 

“Have you got another beer?” 

I start laughing and lead the way to the kitchen to fetch him one.

After the awkwardness we manage to sit and eat potato chips, laughing and drinking together.  We sit for ages quizzing each other with the knowledge of the Friends sitcom and coming out with lines from famous movies.  It was nice to be able to be with a friend and forget just a little while about all the troubles that seem to surround me.  We spoke about when we were little and the tricks we used to get up to, like replacing the salt container with sugar, and vice versa.  We were in stitches reminiscing on the days when he first noticed girls and I first noticed boys.  I was having such fun; I didn’t even realize it was close to midnight until I spotted the clock on the wall. 

“Wow, would you look at the time.  We’ve been talking for ages.  I must get to bed and get my beauty sleep.”
 

Michael smiles up at me and
I go to the closet to fetch him some blankets and a couple of pillows.  I spy what looks like a big enough T-shirt for him and grab that also, thinking he would appreciate getting into something a little more comfortable.  I make sure he’s okay before saying goodnight and making my way to the bedroom to get ready for some sleep.  I set my alarm and get snuggled under my sheets sparing a thought for Jake and the beautiful flowers.  I’m lying down dreaming of the way he used to trail his fingers up and down my spine and how that used to make me shiver all over.  No man has ever made me feel that way.  After a few sexually frustrating memories, I finally get off to sleep.

Chapter 10

The smell is here again.  The smell that I can only assume is offensive to me, as rotten dead bodies are to anyone.  I try to stop myself breathing it in, but it’s no use.  The whiskey aroma is filling my nostrils and stinging the back of my throat.  Please not this again. 

I can’t see him
, but maybe that’s because I don’t want to see him.  I feel him though, and I can hear his disgusting heavy breathing.  The panic is rising again, as I can’t seem to move or will my eyes to open. 

“You like it like this don’t you
, Ana?” 

I feel the blood pumping in my veins at the sound of his voice.
  “No, please just get off me,” I beg.  His breathing is becoming more erratic as I feel his hardness digging into me again.  I sob like a baby.  I can’t believe how weak and feeble I have become knowing this man is on top of me.  He has always made me feel as tiny as a flea, and he loves every minute of making me squirm. 

“Ana, I’ve come to collect the
goods.  You know you owe me.”  He breathes the words in my ear and I scream. 

“No, get off me, get off me
,” I yell.  I’m kicking and screaming, but suddenly I have his arms around me. 

“Sh
h, it’s okay.  It was just a bad dream.  I’m here.” 

Jake is here.  His words soothe me and I relent into his arms.  The feeling of having him so close overwhelms me so mu
ch, that my body reacts to it quickly.  I pull at Jake hungrily to my mouth and I feel his warm lips to mine.  He moans into my mouth and I return that beautiful sound to him.  I’m gripping at his T-shirt and pulling him into me. He complies immediately positioning himself on top. 

I spread my legs longing to feel his hardness on my crouch
.  I don’t care if he dry humps me, I just want to feel him near me, on me; anything just to satiate my need for him.  I want to feel his lips on mine, the way he touches me so in the right spots that he knows will render me completely his. 

I trail my hands down
around his hips and immediately I notice a difference in him.  He’s lost weight.  Maybe the stress of being away from me has gotten to him, too.  Ever since I left I have been dreaming of these moments with him.  I wrap my legs around his waist so I can feel the true force of his body pressed against mine.  With both feet, I push him into me again, and again he moans.  He wants me just as much as I want him.  I must be soaking wet against his boxer shorts and he must be able to feel my longing for him. He runs his hand across my tank top and down towards my breasts.  He finds my hard nipple and squeezes it gently.  If I don’t have him inside me soon, I’m going to explode.  I hear him growl against me as I scratch at his back.  He traces gentle kisses against my neck and down towards my breasts.  “Jake,” I cry. 

I’m so lost in the
moment that I’m unaware for a few seconds that he has stopped.  What happened?  Going from complete confusing, I’m suddenly jolted into the here and now.  I quickly realise I’m in Jessie’s spare room, and that Michael… oh shit no, Michael stayed with me. 

I feel his heavy breath in my ear and his sudden deflated body is hovering over me sti
ll.  “Michael, I’m so sorry.  I—” 

“Don’t
, Ana, please.” 

The tears are streaming down my face
now, ashamed at what I’ve just done.  He must be so pissed at me.  All he’s ever done is be nice, gentle and kind to me, and I’ve just thrown that back in his face.  I wouldn’t blame him if he ups and walks out of the apartment right now.  I would.  It would only be what I deserved. 

He climbs off me
, the disappointment screaming from every pore of his body.  He sits positioned at the edge of my bed.  I’m starting to tremble with my tears, I feel so mortified. 

“Please don’t cry
, Ana.” 

He tries to comfort me
, but that just makes me feel even worse. 

“I thought this was too good to be true. You’re obviously very much in love with Jake still and I understand that.  I wish you didn’t love him
, but I understand.  I also know exactly why Jake’s been such an asshole since you left.  If it’s like that with you all the time, no wonder he’s such a jerk.  I can understand now exactly what he’s missing.” 

I know he’s trying to make little light of the situation
, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a complete dickhead. 

“I have nightmares a lot of the time.  Jake used to be there for me when I had them before.  I’m so sorry, I thi
nk in my subconscious I thought—” 

There was no point trying to explain.  I think I’m only making things worse
. 

“Look, if it makes you feel any better, we’ll just pretend that this never
happened, okay?  I probably should have realized what was happening anyway and stopped it myself.  You just made it so hard to say no.” 

I suddenly want him to stop talking.
  I feel terrible, and Michael trying to make me feel better, is only making it worse. 

“I’m going
back to the couch now.  It’s all forgotten, okay?” 

I nod my
head, as it is all I can do after my massive blunder.  Michael says nothing more and makes his way out of the door. 

Once it’s shut
, I heavily fall back onto my bed and sigh aloud.  What an absolute numpty I am.  I try to go back to sleep, tossing and turning, but it’s no use. I feel too stupid, and quite frankly, sexually frustrated now that I’ve had a taste of what sex used to be like.  I toss and turn a few more times willing my body to give in, but it’s not having any of it.  I eventually turn over to look at the time and it's nearly 6am.  The only thing I can think of to do is go for a run.  As soon as my decision is made I get up and get ready.