Take My Dress Off (15 page)

Killed our baby
? The weight of his words hung in the air between us like a cloud of dust. I stared back, speechless. How could I have forgotten that he went through this with Miranda? We had never really talked about it. I assumed he was okay with her decision. What guy wanted to be a father at eighteen?

“If I got you pregnant what would
you
do?” he asked flatly.

I thought for a moment, choosing my words carefully. “I wouldn’t keep it.”

He winced and bit his lower lip, the anger building in his icy glower. “Because you’re still in school?”

“Because I haven’t made it yet.”

“Made what?”

“I want to model in New York, Chaz. That’s my plan. My plan doesn’t include getting knocked up or ruining my body from being stretched into a watermelon.”

“Seriously, Paige? You actually think Theresa’s little modeling agency is going to get you to New York? You’re as checked out as Danielle.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the headboard.

“You don’t think I’m good enough to make it in New York?” This conversation was way too heavy to dive into right now.

“I didn’t say that. It’s just very unrealistic. You need to have a back-up plan.”

“I only have one plan, Chaz. Get to New York.”

“And what if you don’t?”

“That isn’t an option.”

He started to reply and stopped, pursing his lips. He shook his head and snapped off the bedside light.

***

“Chaz,” I whispered. “You need to get some rest. Don’t you have a match today?”

“Yes,” he said wearily. He was leaning up against the headboard, a pillow propping him up. I looked up to his beautiful face. His eyes looked heavy, circles darkened below his lower lashes. He blinked slowly and sighed. I started to doze again but was awakened by a strong scent. I looked over to Chaz. He slowly puffed on a joint, the smoke curling out of his lips and around his golden hair like a halo.

“Chaz?” I whispered.

“Paige?” he whispered back. He slowly exhaled and looked down to me. “What? I can’t sleep.”

“So this is how you get to sleep? Most people count sheep.”

“Paige, just let it go, really.”

“Fine,” I spat and tossed my legs to the side of the bed. I reached my toes to the floor and searched for my flip-flops.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going home.”

“How?” he said in an exhale of smoke. “I drove you here.”

Shit. He did.

“Get back in bed.”

“No.”

“I’m not fighting with you, Paige.” He picked up a Coke can from the nightstand and tossed in the remains of the joint.

“Do you realize this is the only thing we fight about?” I glared, my hands on my hips. The morning sun streamed through a crack in the curtains revealing every golden hair on his chin in clear definition.

“I don’t understand why you make such a big deal out of it, it’s nothing.”

“To you. I don’t like it.”

“Then don’t smoke it.”

“I don’t. And I wish you wouldn’t either.”

“Paige, I’m really tired. Can we talk about this later?” He yawned. “Come back to bed, baby.” He slid down under the sheets and rolled onto his side.

I did. Because I couldn’t leave. But I couldn’t fall back asleep. I went outside for a swim then settled into a lounge chair with a beach towel draped over me. Chaz was perfect, except for this. I hated pot. I hated the smell, hated the horrible taste it left on his tongue. It seemed so juvenile, like what was he, thirteen? I tried it once in eighth grade. Gina Shapen had stolen a joint from her older sister Gwen’s room. One boring Saturday we snuck over to the elementary school across the street and took turns taking drags as we dangled from the swings. I coughed my brains out and it burned my throat. Gina started to giggle uncontrollably, bragging about how high she was (which I thought was bullshit). I didn’t feel anything but sick. I threw up in the sandbox and we walked home.

I don’t know why it made me so pissed when Chaz smoked pot. Did I feel it was taking away from me? Like I wasn’t enough for him? He made me feel so good so why did he need anything else but me?

It was getting hot and I returned to the guest house. Chaz had a blue towel wrapped around his hips and was leaning into the mirror as he carefully glided a razor under his chin. I hung back and quietly watched him. I was always so fascinated when I watched a man shave. When Dad lived with us I loved to watch him shave too. There was something so masculine about it, the procedure of it all, the cream, the razor.

“I’ll be ready in a sec,” Chaz called, snapping me out of my reverie.

“Take your time,” I called and slipped on my sweats and t-shirt over my bikini.

“When are you going back to the hospital?” he asked as he leaned into the sink.

“I don’t know,” I replied. A chill ran down my back as a vision of Danielle covered in blood flashed through my mind.

Chaz splashed water onto his face then patted it dry with the blue towel that had been slung around his hips. I tried not to stare as he sauntered over to the dresser. He slipped on a pair of gray briefs and strolled over to the closet. I continued to watch as he put on khaki pants and an old green and gold Fallbrook Warrior golf shirt.

“What?” he asked as he tucked in the shirt.

“I can’t believe I’m dating a former Warrior,” I sneered. “Gold and green, ugh!”

“I’m still a Warrior. I always will be,” he grinned.

“Don’t remind me.”

“You Panthers take that rivalry stuff way too seriously,” he chuckled.

I never went
back to the hospital because Danielle was released that afternoon. Donny picked me up and we went to Rocket’s to fetch the cherry limeade she requested, then we hung out with her as she rested on the sofa. Chaz promised he would drop by after the golf tournament and take me out to the movies. It seemed like forever since we had been out on a date.

I was relieved Danielle’s mom had gone out to run errands, I didn’t know what I would say to her. I felt guilty that I had played a small part in Danielle’s deception.

“Are you grounded?” I asked as she crunched on her ice.

“Why would I be grounded?” she mumbled.

“C’mon, Dan,” scolded Donny. “We all know you didn’t have appendicitis.”

She threw her eyes to me in an accusing glare.

“Don’t get pissed at Paige, she didn’t say anything.” Donny took her Styrofoam cup and set it on the coffee table. “It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out, Danielle.”

I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Whatever. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. And so are you or so help me.”

“It was Shane Davis, wasn’t it?” interrupted Donny. He scooted next to her on the sofa and joined her under the crochet blanket. “I told you he was bad news. Why don’t you ever listen to me?” He slid his arm around her and she snuggled into him, relaxing her head on his chest.

“I thought I liked him. I didn’t know he was a jerk.”

“If I ever see that little punk I’m kicking his ass.”

“Please, Don, just leave it alone.”

“She didn’t tell him,” I added. “Shane doesn’t know.”

“You almost died because of him,” Donny said through clenched teeth. “He needs to pay.”

“Stop,” she whined and pulled away from him. “Moving on. Paige, put on MTV,” she said and tossed the remote to me. I searched for the channel as Donny and Danielle continued to cuddle on the couch, in spite of their harsh words. They were the oddest pair.

“I couldn’t live if something happened to you, baby,” he pouted and kissed her cheek.

“Ugh, why can’t a straight guy say that to me?” She tucked back into his chest and I increasingly became more uncomfortable. We had never actually talked about Donny’s sexuality openly though I had my suspicions.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Danielle, I’m bi,” he leaned down and brushed his lips across hers.

She pressed her forehead to his. “Then why won’t you go out with me?” She batted her long, dark lashes up to him.

“You’re jailbait, baby, that’s why.”

“And I don’t have a penis,” she giggled.

I tried to focus on Madonna as she danced on a gondola in Venice.

“Last time I checked,” he winked. “But you do have big, beautiful...”

“Don’t you dare,” she warned and picked up a velvet cushion threateningly.

“Eyes. You have big beautiful eyes,” he said and threw his head back as he roared in laughter. The doorbell rang and I flew out of my chair, relieved I had an excuse to leave the room.

When I opened the front door, Chaz was leaning casually against the doorframe. He was holding flowers in one arm, a paper bag cradled in the other. “How’s the patient?” he asked and bowed to offer me his lips.

“She’s fine, right back to her smart-ass self.” I grabbed his belt loops and then led him through the kitchen. “How was the golf tournament?”

“I sucked, royally,” he groaned as we entered the family room.

“How are you doin’, kid?” Chaz asked and handed Danielle the flowers and the paper bag.

Donny rolled his eyes. “What are you…Prince fucking Charming?”

“I’m going to live,” she smiled. “These are beautiful, Chaz.”

A small twinge of jealousy shot through me. I watched her dip her nose into the shiny plastic wrap around the flowers that I had hoped were for me, a token of his apology after the sort-of argument we had last night.

Danielle held up the paper bag. “What’s this?”

“Open it.”

She handed the flowers to Donny and peered inside. “Ooh, my favorite!” She lifted out a pint of Baskin Robbins ice cream. “Bubblegum. How did you know?”

“A little birdie told me,” he winked.

“Chaz, sometimes I almost like you,” she laughed. “Paige, can you go into the kitchen and get a spoon?”

“Look in the bag,” Chaz said.

She reached in and pulled out a bright pink spoon. “Paige, I think I’ll let you keep him around after all,” she grinned as she tore off the cardboard lid from the carton.

“Serna are you trying to steal my girl?” Donny challenged.

“No way, bud. I’ve got my hands full with this one.” He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me to him as he kissed me on the neck. Silence settled over us as Danielle sucked on her spoon and Donny stared at the TV.

“Donny, can I talk to you for a minute?” asked Chaz.

“Sure, man,” Donny said and scooted off the sofa.

Chaz and Donny disappeared into the kitchen.

“Don, put the flowers in a vase with water please,” called Danielle with a mouth full of ice cream. “Paige, you’re so lucky. Chaz is so thoughtful. I need to find a guy like him.”

“Donny is crazy about you.”

“We love each other, but not in that way, you know?”

I nodded. But I didn’t get it, not really. They were so affectionate and he had been frantic when he came to the hospital. But I needed things to be black and white. It was too confusing when things didn’t fit into categories. Donny didn’t fit anywhere. I lowered my head and blushed but Chaz and Donny came back into the living room before Danielle could ask me what I had been thinking about.

“You ready, Paige?”

I nodded and leaned in to hug Danielle.

“Thanks for coming over guys.”

Donny took his place back on the sofa and wrapped his arm around her. “You need anything, baby?” he asked.

“Just you,” she pouted. He drew her tighter against him and kissed her.

“See you two later.” Chaz lowered to kiss Danielle on the cheek. Donny sat back and watched, his grin slipping from his lips.

***

I settled back into the vinyl seat as the wind tossed my hair forward. Chaz was driving us to the movie theater at the mall to see
Crocodile Dundee
. I was wondering what Chaz and Donny had been talking about in the kitchen and it was driving me nuts. I decided I would ask him later. I looked over at him as he shoved a tape into the tape deck. He fast-forwarded the tape a couple of times, stopped on
Alive and Kicking
by Simple Minds and settled back into the seat, one hand on the wheel, his elbow casually resting on the window ledge.

My heart ached for this man. I hated fighting with him. Things were so strained between us since the whole pot incident this morning. I’m sure our fighting hadn’t helped his golf game. Or that he had been up all night because of my friend. Our ride back to my house this morning had been in silence. I looked out the window and Chaz stared through his hands onto the road. Maybe I was making too much out of this pot thing. Who was I to say what he could and couldn’t do? He was going through so much. He was so perfect except for this one little thing. I didn’t want to ruin our relationship because of it. I covered his hand on the gear stick with mine and squeezed.

“Can we skip the movie?” I shouted.

He looked down to me through his Ray Bans. “Skip the movie? Why?”

The wind tore through his hair and I desperately wanted to run my hands through it. I wanted his hands on me too. I leaned forward and turned down the volume on the radio. “I want to go to Black Bridge.”

“Black Bridge?”

“Yes. Please.”

“If that’s what you want.” He took the next exit and I turned the volume back up as
Dance Hall Days
by Wang Chung blasted through the Mustang. I threw my head back and raised my hands into the air.

Chaz guided the Mustang down the dirt road to the secluded spot of shady trees at the river affectionately known as “Black Bridge.” It was one of several make-out spots in our small town. If there really was a black bridge nobody could tell you as they never actually got out of their cars. There was an old Mexican legend that
La Llorona
, the ghost of the weeping woman, wandered along the river looking for the children she drowned. No one ever strayed very far from the trees. Chaz turned off the engine and raised his eyebrows at me.

“Here we are. And we came here because…” I slid over the gear stick, raised up my white rayon pleated mini-skirt, and straddled his lap. He slipped off his Ray Bans and wrapped his arm around my back as he leaned forward to set them on the dashboard. “Feeling a little adventurous?”

I grinded my hips against his and bit my lip.

“Chaz?”

“Paige?”

He smiled.

I melted.

“I’ve been thinking,” I sang.

He sang back, “About what?”

It was strange looking down at him pinned beneath my thighs. My hair fell forward, grazing his shoulders.

I had the control.

I had the power.

I could do this.

“Earlier. You know, you smoking.”

“Uh huh…” He raised his eyes to mine, his fingers tightening around my hips.

“I don’t care if you do.”

“Yes, you do.” His lips grazed my neck.

“No, I really don’t. I don’t want to fight about it. You’ve been through a lot and if that’s what you need then do what you need to do.”

He threw his head back and released a throaty laugh. “You know when I asked to speak to Donny, in the kitchen, at Danielle’s?”

I nodded.

“I gave him back the rest of my stash. I told him it wasn’t worth losing you over it.”

I swallowed over the knot that had formed in my throat. This was better than flowers.

“You’d do that for me?”

“It upsets you, so yes. I’m smoking totally too much anyway. It used to be fun, now it only makes me more depressed. I love you, Paige, you’re all I need.”

“I don’t care if you need it. I don’t care,” I cried.

He pushed my hair from my face and leaned into me, my lips parting as his tongue sucked and swirled. His hands pulled my sheer pink blouse out of my skirt and slid between fabric and skin. He pushed forward, pressing my back against the steering wheel as his hands slid up my spine and released my bra. My breasts filled his hands under my blouse.

“Oh God, it’s been too long,” he murmured into my neck. I nodded as he sucked and nibbled. I didn’t expect us to go from zero to naked so fast but soon we were both panting. I missed this. I wanted to escape with him. Escape the drama with Danielle, escape the fighting, school, Dillon…everything.

“Let’s go back to my house,” he panted between kisses.

“No. Here. Now.” I reached down, searching for the braided belt on his khakis.

“Out here?” he said between gasps. “You’re crazy.”

“There’s not a living soul out here right now and it’s getting dark,” I justified and tugged the zipper down on his pants. I released him and stroked his length, delighted by how hard he was.

He reached under my skirt, his fingers sliding my panties to the side. “You’re so wet,” he sighed as he explored. “Glove box,” he said between kisses.

I leaned back against the steering wheel and searched for the knob of the glove box. Chaz’s fingers pushed into me and I was aching, throbbing. I needed relief. I popped open the glove box and felt around for the packet. He took it from me and tore it open, quickly rolling it down as he surveyed our surroundings. It was almost dark and we were still alone. He guided me over him, wrapping his hand around his thick base as I sank down onto him. I moaned as he filled me and I pressed back into him, soaking in his warmth. I rolled my hips on top of him, trying to push him deeper with each thrust, delighting in the fact that I was completely in charge of our pleasure. Finally, I was going to get the closeness that I desired. He couldn’t slip behind me in this position.

“Oh fuck, Paige,” he called out and squeezed my ass, setting the rhythm as he glided me up and down his length. I worked to keep up with his pace, my breath quickening as I claimed him and he claimed me, my eyes locking on his. The knowledge that I was responsible for driving him over the edge was intoxicating. He grabbed the back of my neck and pressed my lips into his, my breathing staggered as I felt the delicious heat building between my thighs.

“Paige, hurry,” he gasped as the sun sank behind the trees. His command sent me over the edge and I fell apart around him. He pressed me down on his thighs and stilled me against him, his muscles tensing as he held his breath. He closed his eyes, his jaw stiffening as he threw his head back, his voice cracking as he cried out. His hands slipped from me to his sides and his breathing slowed as I clung to him, wishing I didn’t feel so empty, like I was observing and not participating. I decided I didn’t really like being on top after all.

Bright lights pulled across our faces as a car passed by.