Talk Sexy to the One You Love (15 page)

C H A P T E R 1 6

Playing with Fire

T
HE hardest work is over, but the thrills have just begun. Now that you’ve unleashed the beast within, it’s time to let that beast roam free and discover your personal fantasy threshold. How wild
are
you? How hot can your language really get? How far can you go and still get home in time for dinner? Questions, questions, questions. Do you think that you’re ready for the answers?

I do.

I think it’s time to find out exactly what you’ve been hiding from yourself for all of these years—and what your partner’s been hiding too. And to help make this possible, I’m going to use this final chapter to teach you some of the games I teach my clients once they’ve learned to talk sexy to their partners. I love these games. They’re fun, they’re easy, they’re expansive, and they

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don’t have lots of little pieces that get lost under the couch. Frankly, some of these games are quite risqué, and not for those who easily blush; but they’ll have you sizzling from sun up to sundown.

We’ll start with three of my favorites.

Exercise 44: Who Said That
?

(20-30 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)

This exercise begins with you and your partner lying together comfortably in bed. Clothing is optional, but in this exercise I think you’ll have more fun without any.

If your breasts could talk, what would they be saying to your partner? If his penis could speak, what would it be telling you? The object of this exercise is to create dialogue for all of the sexy parts of your body and your partner’s body, one part at a time. Let’s say, for example, that you start with his ear. If his ear could talk, it might say, “Put your moist tongue inside of me” or

“I want to feel the warmth of your breath coming from your soft lips.” As the two of you explore your bodies together, take turns creating dialogue for each part.

Try to leave no parts uncharted. If you can’t think of anything sexy, say something silly. The goal, as always, is to keep talking.

Exercise 45: Private Collection

(30-40 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)

You know those catalogs and magazines you wrote about in Chapter 5, Exercise 5? How would Playing with Fire / 155

you like to share some of those sexy tidbits with your partner? Curling up next to the man you love and browsing through your favorite lingerie catalogs, sexual paraphernalia catalogs, and sexy magazines (please, try to avoid any that could make him jealous) can be a real turn-on. As you flip through the pages, talk to your partner about the things that excite you, and how they make you feel. Does your partner have his own titillating collection of favorites? Encourage him to show you a few of the gems that he may have tucked away, and to tell you what makes them so special.

Exercise 46: Field Trip

(2-3 HOURS, WITH A PARTNER)

Go with your partner to the museum in search of various sexy works of art. Whenever you find a piece that turns you on, stop in front of it and study it carefully. Then, in your best museum whisper, tell your partner how turned on you are, being as specific and explicit with your language as possible. For example, you might say something like, “Seeing that couple in the photograph embrace makes me want to kiss your neck while you grab my breasts.”

Try to keep a very sincere museum expression on your face the entire time—being bad while looking in-nocent adds to the titillation. Your partner should play the role of the good listener and remain silent throughout your commentary.

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At some point, switch roles and let him find some artworks that he wants to talk about.

Surprise, Surprise

In the beginning of this book I told you that when it comes to sex, I’m not a big believer in surprises. I meant it. But at the risk of contradicting myself, I must confess that there are those
few
exceptions where a sexy surprise is a surprise most welcome. I think you’ll understand what I mean when you read through the next two exercises.

Exercise 47: Good Morning

Using his favorite color lipstick, write a short, sexy message to your partner in large letters on the bathroom mirror (For example: “I want you” or “I need it tonight”). The best times to do this are in the morning before you leave the house (if you get up before he does) or in the evening before he gets home. Now think about what you’re going to get once he gets the message. By the way, if his favorite color lipstick costs a small fortune, use a reasonably priced facsimile.

Exercise 48: While You Were Out

Plant a sexy message in your partner’s car, briefcase, lunchbag, or wallet. Make sure it’s in a place that only he could discover. The message should be some variation on the theme of: “When

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you get home tonight I’m going to…” For example:

“When you get home tonight I’m going to bathe you from tip to toe, wearing my sexiest lingerie. Then I’m going to strip for you until you get so excited you can’t keep your hands off of me.” Now sit tight till he comes home, and wait to see the magical effects of your handiwork.

Is the Caller There?

I think the telephone was invented for people who love to talk sexy (and the telephone bill was invented to stop us from getting too carried away). In the next three exercises, I’m going to show you a few creative ways that the telephone company can help you stay intimately connected with your loved one. Please note: If the privacy of your telephone connections is not a certainty, I discourage you from trying any of these exercises. Do not use a cellular phone.

This first exercise is a surefire way to turn an ordinary day into a day to remember with just the touch of a few buttons.

Exercise 49: It’s for You

Pick up the telephone and call your partner. When you are certain it is him on the line, tell him something
really
sexy, and then hang up. You might say, for example: “I just wanted you to know I’m not wearing any underwear” or “If I

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was there right now I’d let you make love to me on top of your desk” or “I can’t wait till you get home tonight and I can unzip your fly.” Get the picture? Good.

Encourage your partner to call you with his sexy messages too.

This second exercise has been made possible by years of research and sophisticated microchip techno-logy.

Exercise 50: Beep, Beep

Does your partner have an answering machine or voice mail service that only he has access to? If he does, leave him a really sexy message when he’d least expect it. Here’s an example of a message that will change a man’s mood for a while: “I just called to tell you that I’m thinking about your beautiful stiff penis.”

After a week or two (or less, if you can’t wait), leave another sexy message. Once your partner retrieves a few of these sexy messages from you, hopefully he’ll

“get the message” and start entertaining you with sexy little surprises of his own. If he doesn’t, you can always ask him.

Living in the jet age isn’t always easy. Do you or your partner ever have to part company overnight because of the demands of business or family? It gets lonely on the road, but, as you will soon discover in this third and final exercise, it feels a lot less lonely if you and your partner can talk each other through an orgasm before bedtime.

Playing with Fire / 159

Exercise 51: Phone Home

Call your partner and, in your sexiest voice, tell him how much you miss him. Tell him how much you want him to have an orgasm before he goes to sleep, and that you’ll “talk him through it” if he’ll do the necessary work on his end (you may not even have to say this last part, since he may have already started on his own once he heard your voice).

Now tell him in the greatest of detail what you would be doing with him if he were in bed with you right now. Tell him what you’re wearing (or
not
wearing). Tell him how you’re touching yourself, and how that feels. Describe your body to him in detail.

Talk to him about his body. Tell him how much it turns you on, and how you wish you were touching him. Use the sexiest language you’ve got. Now ask him what he’s doing right now as he’s listening to you talk. If he tells you that he’s touching himself, ask him to describe that to you.

You may want to take turns verbally stimulating each other, or you may opt for simultaneous stimulation.

Either way makes for very pleasant dreams.

Forever After
…

There aren’t many times that I’ve been at a loss for words, but frankly, I’m talked out. It is my sincerest hope that the exercises I have presented in this book will help you and your partner create

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a never-ending story, giving you a blueprint for a lifetime of talk that will get sexier year after year.

Most of the exercises in this book never
stop
being sexy—don’t
you
stop. As you may have already discovered, the greatest thing about talking sexy is that the more you do it, the sexier it gets. Some days, you just don’t know
what
is going to come out of your mouth. The only thing you do know is that it will be steaming hot. So be adventurous, be creative, be crazy, be dirty, be playful, be daring—and, for the rest of your life, be the sexy woman you were always meant to be.

Epilogue

I
T’S ten o’clock on a Saturday night and Sharon and her husband, Richard, have just returned home from a romantic dinner. At this moment Sharon is looking at her husband’s body, and she’s wondering how she can tell him that she’s been having sexual fantasies all day. She would like to be able to tell him what she has been thinking about. She would like to be able to describe to him the way she feels about his body, his lips, his hands, and his penis.

She would like to be able to tell him how she wants to make love right now, and how turned on she’s feeling.
And now she can
! Suddenly, a big, sexy smile breaks out across Sharon’s face. Dinner may be over, but dessert is about to be served. Life sure has changed since Sharon learned how to talk sexy to the one she loves.

Appendix:

For Men Only

I
F you have never talked sexy to a woman or had a woman talk sexy to you, you may be feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the concept. Such feelings are perfectly normal and understandable.

It is hard for many people to imagine how a few changes in someone’s vocabulary can inject thousands of volts of electricity into lovemaking. After all, how sexy can a bunch of words really
be
? And how sexy can a bunch of
exercises
be?

Although talking sexy may not sound very exciting or erotic to you right now, the fact is that the techniques I offer in this book can unleash a level of passion, pleasure, and desire that few couples are ever lucky enough to experience. Hard

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to imagine, perhaps, but you won’t have to rely on your imagination for very long. Once the words start to flow, so does the excitement. After that, the only regret you’re likely to have is that you waited this long to try.

Still, I would not feel I was doing my job as a sex therapist if I did not attend to possible concerns you might be having right now and do my best to mitigate them. For this reason, I’d like to offer you some guidelines.

Get Ready for Wonderful Changes

Your lovemaking is about to change, and change dramatically. The woman you always thought you knew is about to surprise you in a very big way. And you may have a few surprises of your own. Once people start talking sexy, they discover all kinds of powerful erotic feelings inside of themselves they never even knew were there. That’s really exciting, but it can also be unsettling. Change is always kind of scary, and that has to go double for changes in lovemaking.

Now I know you love your partner very much. I’m not psychic. I just recognize that any man who is reading this book at the request of his partner must love that woman a great deal. Love means trust. In a loving relationship, you can open up to each other in ways you could never open up to someone you didn’t trust. I want to do everything possible to support that love and that trust, and to strengthen it. But I need your help.

Appendix: For Men Only / 165

If there’s one thing that stops men from getting excited about talking sexy, it’s their fear of change. And if there’s one thing that can minimize that fear, it’s getting fully involved in the process. Now, you don’t have to read this book to reap the benefits of what your partner is about to learn, but here’s why I think you should:

In the beginning of this book I make it very clear that I’m not a big believer in surprises when it comes to sex. I want you to know what to expect and when to expect it. At the very least, you ought to have the opportunity to know exactly what your partner is about to learn. Reading this book is the best way for you to minimize unpleasant surprises and prepare for everything that is coming your way. It’s also a great way to get you more excited about the process. Even if you don’t actually work on any of the exercises, leaving all of that to your partner, just reading through them can be a pretty big turn-on. Now let me tell you what can be a pretty big turn-off: sexual pressure.

That’s why…

Never Forget That They’re Only Words
Talking sexy may sound like a pretty harmless way to enrich your lovemaking, but it can also lead to conflict if your partner’s new vocabulary is misinterpreted.

Talking sexy, more than anything, is a way to convey
mood
. Your partner will be expressing her feelings, her desires, and her fantasies. She will not be issuing demands—nor will you—and it is crucial that you understand, believe, and accept this.