Talon (Ashes & Embers Book 4) (8 page)

"Stay positive—and open-minded. Remember to write in your journal, and we'll chat next week. If you're feeling extra stressed, you can text or call me at any time. I don't want you to feel alone or be too overwhelmed, but I also want you to talk to him about your feelings as much as possible."

"Okay, I'll do my best. Should I send him in?"

"Yes."

I
leave
the guest room to find him sitting on the couch having a stare-off with Princess Pixie, who's perched on the arm of the couch, holding her own.

"You can't win," I tell him. "Just give up now."

"I'll break this cat. I'm king of the castle now. That makes me above her."

"Tell yourself what you want, oh great one. Dr. Hollister is ready for you."

Breaking his stare from the cat, he turns to me. "How did it go?"

"Okay, I guess. She didn't say much. She's insisting we sleep together immediately."

He claps his hands together. "Woo-hoo. Go put something sexy on."

"Sleep, Talon. As in, in the same bed. Not sex."

He rises and scowls at me. "What the fuck? Don't tease me like that, baby. My dick can't take this shit."

"It's only been two days. Your dick will be fine. You better go before she disconnects."

I have a moment of inner debate as he disappears down the hall and closes the door, and Good Asia loses. I tiptoe down the hall and press my ear against the door.
So very wrong.

"…what the fuck you idiots were thinking. Not sure how you expect us to take this thing seriously when you purposely set us up to fail."

I can't hear Dr. Hollister at all, but his voice is pretty loud and clear.

"…Well, yeah, I get that. But she's just not my type. She's too fucking cute. It's like fucking a puppy."

My heart plummets practically to my feet.
Fucking a puppy?
That's how he thinks of me? Not only is that a huge insult but pretty damned twisted.

His voice continues. "…Okay, not a puppy, but you get what I'm saying. She doesn't have the bang factor I'm used to."

Bang factor?

"…She's sorta sweet, and I like how creative she is. Did you set us up because I have money? I don't mind getting her out of the ghetto, but I'm feeling a little like that's the reason you stuck us together. I wanted a wife, not a charity case."

I pull away from the door and slowly and quietly make my way back to the living room, my eyes and chest stinging from that unexpected blow.
A charity case.
That's even worse than the puppy comment.

Could that be true? Is that the only reason they put us together? I wonder if Kat somehow had something to do with this and convinced Dr. Hollister to set me up with the richest guy in the program. Dr. Hollister is her boss, after all. I'm sure she could have thrown her opinion in there. And, from an experiment standpoint, how interesting would it be to see the plain, poor girl matched up with the sexy, hot, megarich rock star?

Cradling Pixie, I wander out to the screened porch and settle into one of the blue-cushioned chairs. This all feels so wrong. My whole reason for participating in this crazy experiment was to find someone to love me, someone who wouldn't hurt me. To find someone to share the rest of my life with. I never expected to be insulted and have my soul torn apart, or to have my lifestyle sliced and diced and judged by someone who was born into a famous family and has loads of talent.

"There you are." His booted feet appear on the floor in front of me, but I can't look up at him because I don't want him to see how hurt I am. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Oh, not much. I'm just sitting here being a puppyfuck charity case with zero bang factor."

Sarcasm has always been something I seem to have no control over, and today is no exception. When I'm hurt, it’s my first choice as a self-defense weapon.

S
hit
.

"You were listening to my conversation?" I demand, keeping my voice low so Gram doesn't hear me. The last thing I need is her over here playing referee or calling Asher or my mom here to counsel us.

"Yes." She leans her chin against the top of the cat’s head, and the cat in turn rubs up against her neck. "I know I shouldn't have been, and it was really immature of me. But I wanted to hear what you said about me. I just wasn't expecting to hear all
that
."

Her head finally rises, and I'm looking into watery, purple gems that literally stop my heart for a few seconds.

I've never hurt anyone before—or made a girl cry. Well, not since in third grade when I refused to sit next to Jenny Mallow on the school bus. But since then—nope. I've never been through a messy breakup or broken a girl's heart, because I've never been with a chick who cared about anything other than sleeping with a guy in a band.

But just one day after my wedding, I've already made my wife cry.

Marriage isn't easy.

It's a whole lot of fucked up.

It's a fucking melting pot of emotions.

And a ton of damage control.

How the hell do people do this for twenty-five years or more?

"I didn't mean it."

"Yes, you did."

"I didn't."

"You did."

"No, I didn't." This convo is very reminiscent of how I fight with my little sister, and methinks that cannot be good on any level.

"You did. Be honest," she says.

I kneel down on the floor in front of her chair so I'm not towering over her. "Okay, I sorta meant it, but not as bad as it sounded. I really do think you're cute. I'm sarcastic, just like you. It's how I express myself."

"I get that. I'm not after your money, Talon. I was doing just fine. If they put us together because you have money, then I'm sorry, but I don't want to be with someone who feels sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you, Aze. But I do feel bad that I obviously hurt your feelings, which I never meant to do."

Her eyes drift from mine to stare out into the yard. "It's my own fault for eavesdropping. I'm sorry I did that; it was wrong."

"Don't apologize to me. I'm the asshole here, not you."

She wipes her finger beneath her eye, smearing her eyeliner in the process. "You're not an asshole. You're entitled to your own thoughts. I'm sorry I don't have the bang factor, or whatever you called it."

"Come on… that's just shit guys say when we talk about women."

"Either way, I'm pretty certain I'm never gonna live up to that. So I'm not sure where that leaves me."

"Well…" I begin, struggling for some kind of right words. "Maybe that's a good thing. The bang factor is just like wham-bam." I reach out and pet Pixie, my fingers lightly brushing over Asia's hand that is resting on the cat's back. "Something tells me you've got way more to offer than just something to bust a nut in."

Her eyes widen and her lip curls up a little bit. "Bust a nut?" The words sound so much worse coming out of her mouth.

"I guess I'm not making this any better, am I?"

"I can see that you're trying, so at least the effort is there, but your choice of words leaves a little bit to be desired."

"I was trying to say I think you'd be more than just a quick fuck."

As she shakes her head slowly from side to side, an awkward smile creeps across her face. "Let's quit while we're ahead. I think I get what you're trying to say."

"Good idea. So, Dr. Hollister got on my case about the bed thing, too."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I don't have the bang factor, then. It makes me feel safer sleeping in the same bed with you not having to worry about waking up with your dick poking at me."

Goddamn.
Her snarky comment literally gave me a hard-on. First time that's ever happened to me.

"I can't make any promises about that," I admit, winking at her. "Sometimes it's got a mind of its own."

With a little pout on her face, she nudges my leg with her foot. "You're kinda hard to stay mad at, ya know."

"I hear that a lot, actually."

"You can't keep using it to win every fight."

"Neither can you. Those eyes really get to me."

"Really?" She bats her lashes at me. "I didn't know that."

"Now ya do. So stop it."

My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my pocket to see I've got an email from the Realtor. Scanning it quickly, I read that she's got five houses for us to view tomorrow.

"Good news. The Realtor has a bunch of houses for us to check out tomorrow."

"Wow…so soon? That's like…tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'm stoked." I type a reply to Sandra to tell her we'll meet her at eight a.m. "We're gonna meet her in the morning, but first let's stop at my condo and get my other car. I think you've had enough of the truck."

"All right. That sounds good. Are the houses near where either one of us lives now?"

"Not too far," I respond, browsing through the listings. "A few are kinda near the city and the rest are in smaller, woodsy towns. I kinda want to move away from the city. What about you?"

She nods slowly. "I never really thought about it much, but I would really like to live in one of those little, typically quaint New England towns. Woodsy, like you said. Something with a nice porch would be amazing."

"A porch, huh?" I see two of the houses we're checking tomorrow have porches.
Whew.
I should have asked Asia what kind of house she would like before I contacted Sandra this morning. It's going to be hard remembering that I have someone else to consider now when I do things, as I'm used to making all decisions by only thinking about myself and what I want.

"I've always wanted a porch with a swing," she adds.

"A porch
and
a swing?" I sigh heavily, pretending to be annoyed. "I guess we can make that happen."

"Really? That would definitely make me like you a little more."

I stand up and smile down at her while shoving my phone back in my pocket. "I might just get two swings, then, jelly bean." I reach my hand out to her. "Can we be friends again? I don't like you and the princess sitting out here plotting against me."

She takes my hand and I pull her up to her feet. "I guess if you're getting me the porch and swing, I can forgive you."

I put my arms around her before she can walk away again. "You kinda take off and pout a lot, don't you?"

Embarrassment heats her face and she looks down at her feet. "Sometimes."

"I think this might be the third time, and we've been together less than two days. I see a pattern starting."

"I'm sorry… I don't cope well sometimes." The cat jumps from her arms that were squashed between us, and Asia quickly tries to squirm away too, but I tighten my embrace so she can't.

"Not so fast. The cat can go but not you."

She peers up at me with those big, pastel eyes. "It's not fair that you're so much stronger and bigger, ya know."

"I'm going to refrain from making a sexual comment for once."

"Impressive."

"I'm trying to be serious. Isn't that what you asked for?"

"Yes…"

"Then stop it."

"Geez—"

"Shh." Damn, sometimes she doesn't shut up. "You can't just throw a tantrum and stomp off to pout every time you get upset. Okay? Talk to me when something's bugging you."

"What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Talon, I eavesdropped on you and heard you say I was too cute to fuck'?"

"Yeah, that works. Don't just go hide and then I gotta come find you. Or find out you're gone, like you tried to do at the hotel. I don't like that at all."

"I'm sorry. I don't think I realized I was doing it that much."

I lift my hand and push her long hair away from her face so I can see her better. "I'm a little worried that if I'm gone on tour, and you get some kind of bug up your ass about something, you're either gonna move out of the house while I'm gone, or not answer the phone when I call…things like that. That will seriously drive me crazy. I'd rather you just confronted me with whatever's bothering you."

She leans her forehead against my chest for a moment and then looks up again. "Okay, you're right. I'll try not to do it. I definitely won't move out—I can promise you that. This is just hard, ya know? It hurts hearing that you don't like me in that way. That's not exactly what I was hoping for in a husband."

"Do you think I liked hearing that you don't like the way I look? I have feelings too. I may joke and be sarcastic a lot, but I still was hoping that whoever I ended up with wouldn't be repulsed by me."

Her hands clutch the scarf that's still draped around my neck. "I'm sorry." Her voice is soft, almost inaudible. "And I'm not repulsed by you."

"You could prove it by giving me a kiss. Maybe." I move my hand to her chin and gently lift her head up. "You might actually like it."

"Close your eyes," she says. "I can't do it if you're looking at me like that."

"Are you twelve? Stop stalling and put your lips on me like you own me."

I close my eyes and wait. A few seconds go by and I feel her go up on her tiptoes. Her lips touch mine quickly, then they're gone.

My eyes fly open. "What the hell was that?"

"A kiss."

I laugh in her face. "That was
not
a kiss."

"Yeah, it was. Don't laugh at me."

"
That
was supposed to prove to me that you're not repulsed by me? If anything that proves you are."

"Talon, I am not. Not at all. I'm just kinda…shy, I guess. And not used to kissing on demand." Her eyes lower again, like she's afraid to make eye contact with me for too long.

And then it hits me. It's not that she's not attracted to me. It’s that she's
too
attracted to me and it's freaking her out. She's a jittery, nervous mess around me.

This changes everything.

This, I can have even more fun with.

"
S
o
, what do you want to do now?" I ask her as we're strolling back to the guesthouse after having dinner with Gram.

"Hmmm…" She ponders. "Anything?"

"Sure. If you wanna go someplace, I'll take you."

"Do you promise not to laugh at me?"

"No, I'll probably laugh at you, but I'll still do whatever you want to do."

"Fair enough. I want to cuddle on the couch, watch a movie, and eat popcorn."

I stop walking. "
That's
what you want to do?"

Shrugging a little, she grabs my hand and tugs me to keep walking. "Yeah. It's actually something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but it sucks to watch movies alone."

"Ya know what? That's something I haven’t done since I was in high school. So you're on."

"Are you kidding me?"

I open the front door of the guesthouse and let her go in before me. "Nope, I can honestly say I haven't hung out on the couch and watched a movie with a chick since I was about sixteen."

"Wow. What did you do with your exes then?"

The past ten years flash through my brain, and none of it seems like something I should share with my new wife if I plan to keep her. "You really don't want to hear all that, babe."

"Yeah, no. I don't want to hear gory details, but I'm really curious. How did you spend your time?"

I head into the kitchen to see if I can find some microwaveable popcorn. Gram keeps this place pretty stocked since there is usually someone staying here several days per month. "Um…drink, sometimes some recreational drugs, went to some clubs, and sex. That's about it."

She opens a cabinet and pulls out a box. "Look! Popcorn!"

"Awesome."

"And that stuff really doesn't sound like much fun. No offense."

"It was at the time, but I guess I outgrew it and started to want more. Which is why I signed up to do this."

"This with me?"

"This with whoever who ended up to be you."

"Is it disappointing? So far?" she asks, opening up the popcorn box and taking a pack out.

"Disappointing is not the word I would I use. Would you?"

"Not exactly."

She heats up the popcorn in the microwave while I hunt for a bowl. "I think my Gram is right, though. We should stop focusing on what we were expecting and didn't get and just focus on us."

"You're right.
She's
right. If we keep dwelling on it, we're going to waste the time we have together causing damage and not getting to know each other."

The microwave beeps and I take out the puffed-up bag and dump it in the bowl, afraid she might burn herself if she does it. She grabs the bowl and skips to the living room with the cat chasing her.

"Come on! We have to find a movie before it gets cold!"

I follow her to the couch, enjoying seeing this happier side of her. I guess I'll have to be sure to give her popcorn more often if this is the effect it has on her.

"Here." She hands me the remote control. "I'm not good with all those buttons, so you find us a movie."

I lean back and bring up the movie guide on the TV. "Is porn okay?" I ask casually.

She throws a piece of popcorn at me and I catch it in my mouth. "No porn, mister. And nice catch."

"Thanks. I have lots of oral talents to show you."

"I'll keep that in mind. How about a good comedy or a mystery?"

I pick a movie from the on demand service and hit play, then kick off my shoes to get comfortable while she's sitting on the other end of the L-shaped couch with a throw blanket over her.

"What?" she asks, catching me looking at her. "Popcorn?" She holds the bowl out to me.

"No, you said you wanted to cuddle on the couch."

"I did. And I am."

"You can't cuddle yourself."

She blinks at me, midchew.

"Get over here, then." I snap my fingers and motion for her to come closer.

"What?"

"Get over here and do it right."

She scoots over until she's about a foot away from me. "Better?" she asks.

I pull her closer. "Stop acting like I'm contagious or something."

"Sorry. I didn't know if you wanted me on top of you."