Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (11 page)

Ecstatic, thrilling, touching experiences occur through a correspondence of opposites. In fitting snugly together with sustained contact, penis and vagina respond to each other according to an innate intelligence. The penis is a powerful instrument able to generate divine states of ecstasy when arriving in its truly complementary environment.

Deep, Sustained Penetration

As a general orientation, when there is erection and the possibility of gradual, sensitive penetration, the penetration should be sustained in the depths of the vagina. (This subject is also dealt with in chapter 8 on sexual healing and male authority. Both chapters should be read in order to grasp the full implications of remaining deep inside woman.) This means that when you eventually arrive (after the minutes given to the first journey down the canal), you remain with the penis inside, resting in the depths, and do not immediately withdraw in order to repeat the movement. Instead, take the time to intentionally bring your entire awareness into the penis and “be” your penis, attempting to sense the tissues from within, to merge and melt with them. You do not force your penis into woman, but you force your awareness, your point of attention, into your penis, remaining at the same time relaxed and observing. These are two very different experiences for both parties involved.

At the end of the vagina lies the extremely sensitive cervix; and as already mentioned, it can be indescribably painful if the penis head aggressively hits this spot, so it is important to arrive here with sensitivity. When you arrive at the end of the canal or as far as you can go or whenever you have the feeling that the penis head is pushing into the walls with pressure anywhere along the way, it’s very important to drop back a hairsbreadth or two. This minute fraction of space removes any pressure and intention, and creates “breathing room” for the “porous” contact that is required for an energy exchange. When the push is purely physical and hard, the vaginal cells withdraw and close in response. When the contact is subtle, gentle, easy, and spacious, the cells are able to relax and open. Sometimes during penetration the penis will encounter pains held in the vagina, a topic that will be covered specifically in chapter 8 on sexual healing, along with diagrams of suitable positions for deep, sustained penetration.

Lubrication—the Secret of Sensual Penetration

A slippery, smooth, silky, slow, sensual penetration simply has to be one of life’s greatest joys, for both man and woman. Use lubricant without hesitation and with pleasure, and use it every time. Oil the penis, the vaginal lips, and the entrance. It’s a great part of foreplay, especially when woman does the oiling. Oil was used by Taoists thousands of years ago and is said to reduce bacteria levels in the vagina. Use thin, fragrance-free vegetable oil, such as almond oil. It is also suggested that woman hold her lips/labia open when man is about to enter her. Using both hands, she clears the entrance from any obstructing skin folds and holds her hands in position for a while. This assistance guarantees a smooth, pleasurable journey.

Vaginal Dryness

Without high levels of stimulation woman is less likely to become “wet,” which is quite normal. Also, when women approach menopause and suffer from dryness, penetration can become difficult, painful, or impossible. With a slow, conscious, oily penis, miracles are possible. Women who have not been able to make love for years are able to get back into it with ease. Gradually, in time, the vaginal tissues relax, regenerate, and naturally become more moist.

Condoms

Condoms are sometimes necessary for contraception or health reasons, and are without doubt a layer between man and his sensitivity. However, according to people who have used them and our own personal experience, man is capable of feeling the delicate, subtle, electromagnetic exchange through condoms. The basic sensitivity is not seriously affected or compromised.

If condoms are used, don’t use oil as a lubricant; oil destroys rubber and compromises contraception. Use only water-based gels, which can be obtained from a pharmacy. This is a good moment to stress the importance of genital hygiene and daily cleansing of the penis, particularly underneath the foreskin.

While on the subject of contraception, it is important to acknowledge here that a woman responds to sexual invitations much more readily if there is no fear of pregnancy. Such fear can definitely contribute to a woman’s reluctance or lack of availability during her fertile years. If man is willing to take responsibility for contraception, either in taking care of himself or supporting his woman to take the appropriate care in the moment and not in theory, he is helping himself enormously. Some men choose the option of a vasectomy as a solution for contraception, and from time to time we receive queries asking if vasectomy disturbs male potency. We can say with confidence that vasectomy does not appear to affect male potency and may even increase potency, in that it allows woman to be more free with herself. Relieved of concerns about conception, she can be more spontaneous and may also wish to make love with greater frequency.

Soft Penetration—Entry without Erection

Soft entry is a pure and simple alternative when there is no erection. It completely eliminates the pressure of having to have an erection in order to have sex. Given the general lack of stimulation, not having an erection is quite normal and nothing to be concerned about. Soft entry actually bypasses many erection concerns and issues, and gives us a humble, human way to get our bodies together. The advantage of a soft start is that both man and woman begin at zero, so to speak, allowing their temperatures to warm up together. Soft entry is very easy and, with practice, can happen in the flash of a second. There are two possibilities: man puts his penis inside woman, or woman puts the penis inside her. We recommend the second option.

Man Initiates Soft Penetration

Man kneels between woman’s open legs, as seen in figure 6.1. Woman can place a flat, firm cushion underneath her buttocks. The lifted position raises the level of the pelvis and brings the vagina closer to the penis. Woman holds her labia open, as described earlier, and man introduces the head of the penis into the entrance of the vagina using his fingers. Push the head in a little bit (be sure your fingernails are trimmed), move the fingers back a few centimeters, and insert the penis a little further into the vagina. Step by step, wiggle and walk the penis inside the entrance.

When the penis is in the vagina as far as you can manage (even the head is a good start), remain kneeling and bring the pelvises together. Or lower yourself down on top of your partner, holding yourself up with your arms. Or lie forward on your partner and then roll onto your sides, man remaining between woman’s legs.

Woman Initiates Soft Entry

The easiest and most comfortable position for soft penetration is the side position called scissors, because of the scissor-like interlacing of the legs. The advantage of the scissors position is that nobody is on top and nobody is underneath, which is indeed very relaxing. Man is on his side, while woman is lying on her back with her legs inserted, scissors fashion, between man’s legs. You can stay in this position for several hours quite easily. From scissors position any number of other positions can be reached, which will be elaborated on in chapter 7.

Fig. 6.1. This figure shows man in the middle position suitable for soft entry

Fig. 6.2. The scissors position for soft penetration

Bring your legs together, as shown in figure 6.2. The scissors position can be assumed from either man’s left side or his right side, and it’s a good idea to change sides regularly to avoid getting habituated (and therefore less alert) to one side only. Woman opens her legs, opens her labia, and then reaches for the penis, which has been oiled in advance. By now it’s probably not so soft, so the entering is made even easier.

The first two fingers of one hand (short nails so as not to scratch the vagina) are put behind the head of the penis and squeezed firmly to get a grip (see fig. 6.3). The same two fingers on the other hand can stabilize the penis at the base. Woman pulls the head toward the vagina and inserts it in the entrance. Fingers are moved back a few centimeters, then gradually walked step-by-step into the vagina. At first the head may be as far as it gets, but with practice, it does get perfect. Woman must avoid looking between her legs during this delicate operation because the tightening of her abdominal muscles (needed to lift up the head to look) will also tighten the vagina and make penetration difficult, if not impossible. Looking is fine as you get set up, but then lie back and relax before you initiate the insertion.

Then move the pelvises together, joining firmly in connection. If by any chance man rolls back slightly—which pulls the penis out—wedge a flat pillow from behind, under his pelvis/buttocks. The pillow wedge tilts man’s body forward slightly and stabilizes the position. Pillows can be used for support wherever needed, for instance, under the calf/knee of man’s upper leg. This also reduces the weight on woman’s body, as well as giving man a floating feeling. Be sure to get yourselves as comfortable as possible so that your systems can relax. Small discomforts can be distractions, and instead of delighting in your inner pleasures, you tune in to your lack of comfort.

Fig. 6.3. Woman’s finger position behind penis head

SPONTANEOUS ERECTION AND IMPOTENCE

Spontaneous erection within the vagina is not something that can be expected or demanded of the body. It is a by-product of a special constellation of factors, among which are awareness, presence, relaxation, and love.

Erection Responsibility is Shared

Until now, whether he likes it or not, erection has been considered man’s job, which has been a big part of his performance pressure. Conventionally, erection usually depends on stimulation and excitement, and many anxieties or fears about erection can cause a disturbance in the psyche, perhaps becoming expressed in distorted ways.

As a partnership continues, a man can easily experience a lack of erection because of a lack of excitement. The woman is known, the situation is known, and the routine is known, so there is nothing to get him really excited. However, with a new vision of sex we realize that excitement is not necessarily a basic ingredient of the sexual experience.

Erection is definitely possible without stimulation and excitement when a man begins to trust his penis. A true erection is an electromagnetic response to the equal and opposite force exerted by the vagina. From a soft state, the penis can slowly rise as a direct response to the vagina surrounding it. The female force plays an equal role; through receptivity it starts to “draw” and effectively pulls the penis into an erection, millimeter by millimeter. The penis unfolds like a slow snake winding upward in a circular spiraling motion. Erection without stimulation or excitement can also happen when in close proximity to a woman. The female force exerts an influence on the male force without your actually being inside her. Men say that it is as if the penis awakens in the atmosphere of love created through presence and awareness