Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (7 page)

And if you can merge into that excitement without leading it to a peak, if you can remain in the beginning without becoming hot, just remaining warm, then those two warmths will meet and you can prolong the act for a very long time. With no ejaculation, with no throwing energy out, it becomes a meditation, and through it you become whole. Through it your split personality is no more split: it is bridged.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA

4

THE EQUAL AND OPPOSITE FORCE OF THE FEMALE ENVIRONMENT

MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME

Much of the confusion and misunderstanding that occurs between men and women results from ignorance regarding our true differences. These deep-seated differences shape our respective roles during sexual communion. With insight into these differences we can begin to work together to reveal and unleash our sexual potential.

For deeper insight into our human potential we refer to information contained in the Tantras (the tantric scriptures), sacred knowledge from the ancients. These ancient sources contain compelling information that rightfully should be passed down from one generation to the next.

Fig. 4.1. Inner magnets of man and woman, showing poles, magnetic rods, and potential circular energy flow (in yab-yum position).

Male and Female Aspects within the Individual

The previous chapter explained the way in which each human being can be likened to a magnet, with a male and a female pole energetically linked by a rod of magnetism that, when awakened, gives rise to an inner electromagnetic streaming. This subtle internal by-product of the inner male and female forces at play within us represents our innate bisexual reality, and represents the very foundation of tantra and the biological basis of the orgasmic experience.

Of particular significance is that these two forces are equal. One is not more, one is not less; they are balanced, even. However, these poles simultaneously exist as opposite forces in relation to each other. The poles are equal forces, but opposite forces, not identical forces. Male represents an outgoing—“positive” or dynamic—force. Female represents a receptive—“negative” or passive—force.

The qualities of receptive and dynamic are diametrically opposite, and at the same time, they are equal and opposite and complement each other. They balance, correspond, and enhance each other, and one cannot exist without the other. Just as electricity requires two poles, positive and negative, no being or body can be without two poles, masculine and feminine, the universal forces of yin and yang.

Dynamic and Receptive Poles

In the male body the male, positive pole is represented in the genitals, the female, receptive pole in the chest/heart. The reverse is true for woman; the male, positive pole is in the breasts/nipples/heart, the female, receptive pole is in the genitals. When man and woman are in an upright, standing position, man can be visualized as a magnet standing on its head, with the positive (north) pole below and the negative (south) pole above. The woman is like a magnet standing upright: the positive (north) pole is above and the negative (south) pole is below.

Magnets Meet at Opposite Ends

When a man and a woman come together in an embrace, for instance, their bodies actually meet with energetically opposite ends aligned. The positives and negatives of each individual approach and meet simultaneously at the genital and heart levels. The inner rods of magnetism (as mentioned in the previous chapter as the source of the orgasmic state) flow in opposite directions to each other. When two magnets meet at opposite ends, there is an attractive force that pulls them together. And the same “magnetic” attraction can also be felt between male and female bodies. There is a perceptible drawing and pulling sensation as the equal and opposite forces influence each other. In addition, there is tremendous amplification of the magnetic or energy fields surrounding the two magnets/bodies.

The Dynamic Male Force

A man’s body contains two poles, but the male dynamic aspect is the outer aspect, while the female (receptive) is his inner aspect. In a woman’s body the reverse is true. The female receptive aspect is outer, and the male (dynamic) aspect is her inner aspect. One aspect is externalized, but both aspects are always present. Generally speaking, this implies that physically and energetically the man, predominantly male, is a dynamic force, while the woman, predominantly female, is a receptive force. Man does not have to take any direct action to connect with his feminine side, or his so-called inner woman. The more truly male man becomes through a relaxed, non-doing presence in sex, the more his opposite feminine quality of love will naturally and gradually open up. There will be a balancing within him. Similarly, a woman will access her “inner man” by relaxing increasingly into her feminine nature. The harmonizing inner opposite emerges and flowers as an alchemical process, as an outcome or a by-product.

Figure 4.1 shows the inner magnets of a man and woman with poles, magnetic rod, and potential circular energy flow while sitting in yab-yum position.

Genitals—Equal and Opposite Forces

The qualities of these forces, the intrinsically different polarities of man and woman, extend down to the level of the genital tissues. The shape of the male penis informs us that it is an instrument from which energy can flow or emanate. Likewise, the vagina is shaped as a canal or receptor with an innate capacity to receive, absorb, or draw out the opposite force.

Energetically and physically our equal and opposite forces are complementary; they fit together to form a single unit. There is a completion in the joining of the penis and vagina, when a man’s dynamic pole meets and penetrates a woman’s receptive pole. When separate and apart, it can be said that the genitals exist as two incomplete halves. Tantra masters believe that everything that is incomplete is longing for completion and suggest that the search for sex, the longing for sex, represents a deep yearning for union, completion, and peace.

Through the understanding of polarity—the equal, opposite, and complementary forces—it becomes more apparent that man is not necessarily an independent unit unto himself. In order to invite the truly masculine qualities embodied in his penis, a man is dependent on the environment around him, namely, the vagina. The quality of receptivity determines or influences the dynamic qualities. A dynamic force can only be dynamic (experience its very self) through being received. In fact, the more receptive, the more dynamic; the two happenings are inextricably linked. Giving makes receiving possible, and receiving makes giving possible, which is why it is so important for a man to take into account his equal and opposite force and become aware of the vital role of receptivity.

The Significance of the Female Environment

To manifest the vitality of the penis and discover how best to call forth its dynamic male qualities (and essential function), the woman needs to be centrally placed in the sexual constellation. Man physically enters woman with his penis, so the environment surrounding the penis is to be given value and not underestimated. The polarity differences between men and women are best embraced and enhanced, not sidestepped, in order to make the most of the sexual situation. Acknowledging the woman’s receptive nature allows the man to experience himself as a truly masculine force. He feels a deep sexual fulfillment when he experiences male energy flowing through him and being received by the woman.

Man is inextricably dependant on woman for his higher experiences, and her environment needs some preparation to be able to warmly receive the guest. Man basically can be ready for sex at any given moment if he so wishes, which is probably the by-product of being a positive, dynamic force. Woman’s lack of instant readiness is a by-product of her nature as a receptive, passive force. Any reluctance or unwillingness in sex is not a mental hang-up or frigidity, but rather a reflection of the intelligence of the body.

Woman’s Body Needs Clock Time to Open

Usually man prefers to penetrate woman as soon as possible. Getting inside her becomes his primary focus, often from fear of losing his initial erection response. When a man has to hang around on the fringes waiting for the woman, he easily loses his erection and may have to wait some time for another. In reality, a leisurely, extended time frame, even an hour or three, will normally suit woman very nicely. She is able to tune into her body and relax into herself. If the man takes the time to “be” with the woman, perhaps to lovingly and softly (as a feather) caress her body into an energetically expanded state
before
entering her, he will be amazed by what an awesome experience it is. To consciously enter and be received by an inviting and absorbing channel changes the entire experience, which in turn transforms man.

When woman is entered too early, without feeling truly ready to receive, without the feeling of a total yearning “yes,” her body may begin gradually to close down, interest in sex may dwindle, and reluctance to have sex may increase. During the initial phases of lovers’ meeting, the woman’s heart is wide open, so receiving man totally and at any time is not an issue. But sooner or later a woman will require acknowledgment of her differences if she is to continue enjoying sex well into her later years. The same is true for man. On an encouraging note, once a man of eighty years attended a couple’s workshop with his wife of seventy-six; four years later they continue to have genital union as a daily practice. Their motivation in attending was to have one more adventure in life, and they both report a vastly improved quality of life; each day is a joy and filled with love.

When man enters a woman before her body is “open,” it is similar to butting his head against a closed door. You can get only so far, but no further. However, when you have the keys to the door, you will find it opens easily and often. When man accepts the fact that woman is basically slower than he and her system requires preparation, then his sexual experiences will begin to transform into empowering acts of love.

Energy flows from positive to negative. This is the direction of movement, penis into vagina. A doorway opens, energy moves. When woman is vibrantly receptive, the direct connection between penis and vagina forms one vital unit. There is a flow and exhange of energy, potency, and life force.

The Diminished Role of the Clitoris in Tantric Sex

The vagina naturally has greater significance (for both men and women) than the clitoris because it is understood to be the receptacle for man’s dynamic force. Normally the clitoris is considered to be the saving grace, the sun around which everything revolves, because clitoral stimulation can easily, but not necessarily, bring woman to orgasm. Clitoral stimulation will intensify excitement, which can, in fact, have a subtly disturbing effect on the cellular receptivity of the vagina. This tension in turn disturbs the capacity of woman to accept and receive the dynamic force into her. Clitoral stimulation elicits sexual desire but causes tension and confusion in the vaginal vibration, and the potential of the penetration is reduced.

Basic to experiencing higher states is maintaining a lower level of excitement, as introduced in chapter 2. A cool, nonstimulating approach allows the vagina to remain free of tension, able to maintain a relaxed, receptive atmosphere. If a woman is able to monitor her own excitement, to relax into her body rather than work at building up the intensity, she is less likely to inadvertently trigger man’s ejaculation. Likewise, if man does not attempt to excite his woman, ejaculation can be postponed and lovemaking can be extended for hours.

A woman can get a bit fixated on her clitoris because of the pleasure and intensity experienced though these nerve endings. Sometimes it can be challenging to let go of things we know and have enjoyed. All the same, an elevation of sexual experience requires curiosity and intelligence by both partners and a willingness to explore the unknown. (See chapter 8 for more about the clitoris.)