Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (5 page)

Tantric Inspiration

Ordinarily the energy is going outward and downward. You have to bring it backward, inward—and “inward” is synonymous with “upward.” Once it starts coming back to you, and you become a circle of energy, you will be surprised: a new dimension has opened up; you start moving upward. Your life is no longer horizontal. It has taken a new route, the vertical.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
SECRET OF SECRETS

3

EJACULATION IS NOT MALE ORGASM

The general assumption is that male ejaculation is a man’s version of an orgasm. However, some men have discovered that ejaculation is definitely not a true orgasm. They have experienced that nature designed the genitals for elevated, or evolved, sexual experiences. They agree that ejaculation is an intense pleasure, but these few seconds cannot compare with the timeless, blissful, relaxing experience of orgasmic fusion. You find your body empowered, rejuvenated, and your spirits lifted.

Physiologically it is possible for man to have an orgasm without ejaculating. However, a man can also ejaculate sometimes without experiencing any pleasurable sensations whatsoever. Orgasm and ejaculation can occur simultaneously, or they can be experienced independent of one another. For a man this means he is capable of a prolonged “valley” orgasm, or even multiple orgasms, without ejaculation.

LOSS OF ENERGY AFTER EJACULATION

It is well known that men usually, or perhaps always, experience loss of energy after ejaculation. Signs of energy loss occur as a negative type of relaxation that is the result of the unburdening of accumulated tensions from the system. Stimulation and movement are used to build up tension levels; the breath gets shorter and faster until the energy peaks into a climax. Accumulated tension is discharged downward and outward along with life-giving semen (in contrast to the energizing effects of orgasm without ejaculation, which keeps the energy in the body and sends it vertically up the spine).

There are a number of ways in which the loss of energy after ejaculation manifests: a sense of separation, emptiness, loss of interest in the partner, irritability, tiredness, wanting to switch off, or falling asleep. There has been a depletion of energy, inducing a negative type of relaxation. The by-product of true relaxation is increased vitality and aliveness.

A young man of twenty-five years attended our weeklong seminar for couples, during which he immediately started to avoid ejaculation and contain his energy. After several days of making love two or three times a day without ejaculation, he observed a distinctly different quality arising from his body and his being, as though he had entered a love paradise. He felt as high as a kite.

Then, on the second to last afternoon he decided to have an ejaculation just to check it out and see how it would feel. He told us that from one second to the next he felt himself falling from heaven into hell. There was an instant evaporation of the positive, uplifting, inspiring inner force he had felt building up within himself during the previous days.

Since that shattering experience he has been able to observe and identify certain emotional and physical states that accompany or follow his ejaculation. Here is the list he made:

An intense idleness spreads inside of me.

Contact with people becomes difficult for me. I do not feel like seeing people.

The front of my torso is extremely tense for the next two days.

My lower back is contracted.

My neck is tense.

My body is generally tense. There is no space in me, no mobility.

I am irritable.

I behave like a child that did not get enough sleep, even if I’ve slept a lot.

Even little things are often too much. If I have to do something, it often feels like an insurmountable obstacle.

My thoughts are racing

I doubt my profession, my relationship, my living space, and my life. Nothing seems as good as it is.

I lack serenity. I feel no joy. I am afraid that everything will get to be too much.

My eyes are blurred and my head feels foggy.

I do not want to look at my beloved any more, and I am hardly able to look at her. If I do it anyway, I do not see her clearly.

I feel restless.

In brief, nothing is fun.

I need two to three days (at least) in order to recover, unless

I start watching movies endlessly and avoid contact with anyone.

The rest of this man’s interesting observations appear at the end of chapter 9.

The Power of Containment

The containment of sexual energy is not a new idea by any means. Containment was advocated and practiced by ancient Taoists and Tantrikas thousands of years ago and was considered pivotal to enjoying a long, healthy, creative, happy life.

Today, the majority of men (and women) never question ejaculation. With the equation ejaculation equals orgasm never being challenged, ejaculation becomes the goal of sex. It’s why we do it. Besides, we think sex without a buildup and climax can hardly amount to real sex, and so ejaculation is given a central place without consideration of the many possible negative effects. Enormous amounts of spiritual and physical energy are required to rebalance and revitalize the system—energy that would otherwise be put to better use in essential body maintenance, especially as a man gets older.

One tablespoon of semen is unbelievably potent. The fluid contains an immense amount of proteins, vitamins, minerals, and amino acids, as well as vital energies. Semen is like liquid gold. With each ejaculation a man releases around forty million sperm cells, which have the potential to reproduce that many human beings. What incredible power!

Man unwittingly and habitually depletes his essence each time he has sex because of the prevailing idea that sex is for the pleasure of ejaculation.

The Spiritual Aspect of Sex Energy Rises

The creation of a human being is a miracle, yet the reproductive potential of sex is its more superficial expression. The higher, spiritual aspect of sex lies beyond the biological aspect, and this is where man differs fundamentally from his animal friends. Animal reproduction is relatively infrequent, generally limited to brief seasons, and occurs when the male of a species is attracted to specific odors emanating from the female. Sexual behavior is rarely displayed in the phases between seasons.

However, human beings are able to make love all day, every day if it is their individual wish, so there must be more to sex than straightforward procreation. Man is able, through his consciousness, to raise his sexual expression to a higher level—one that is an evolutionary step. The containment of the life force through relaxation gives rise to stillness and a higher form of self-experience. Sexual experiences become uplifting, deeply moving, and nourishing. Further, the capacity to be relaxed in sex and avoid tension-filled climax-oriented sex gives rise to a quality of male authority and presence that is lacking today in the majority of men. (This aspect will be covered in chapter 8.)

A man’s experience of the spiritual aspects of sex is limited because there is confusion about sex. Nature has an inherent commitment to reproduction (among all plant and animal species) and is not at all interested in states of ecstasy or fulfillment of orgasmic potential. Ejaculation, which serves nature perfectly well, also leads to a crash landing well before humans take off and start flying. The usual brevity of the sex act means that the majority of men are not experiencing the vagina as the true home and resting place of both man and penis. In a man’s lifetime inestimable amounts of time and energy are locked up into sexual fantasy and longing, but the actual amount of time a man spends with his penis inside a vagina is minimal.

A style of superficial reproductive sex is basically not satisfying in the long term. Again and again the longing to repeat the same experience arises and can become a vicious cycle of desire and discharge. With repetition boredom easily sets in, so a man will change partners in order to keep his sex life alive.

When the ejaculation experience is truly fulfilling there is a sense of deep satisfaction and completion. Instead, most men, as already mentioned, feel depleted and devoid of creativity. Because the peak climax is not profound or deeply touching, the desire for sex continues almost as a compulsion or an obsession, and a man can find himself fully controlled by his sexual urges.

With the habit of building up and discharging energy the more subtle, delicate layer of sexual experience is bypassed. The life force is not given the opportunity to circulate within the body. Ejaculation interrupts the circle, and the higher potential of sex is lost. When a man learns to experience his higher orgasmic nature and finds deeper fulfillment through sex, there usually will be a corresponding decrease in his sexual obsession.

CONTAINING THE LIFE FORCE

For a man to shift gears and reach a higher octave in sex, he needs to prolong the sex act by cooling down and either avoiding ejaculation or postponing it until a moment of his choosing. The bodies of a man and a woman need to make love for an extended period of time for states of sexual ecstasy to arise. The human body is designed by nature to experience higher states, but this requires time, sensitivity, and awareness.

If a man understands that premature ejaculation happens through overexcitement, he can make ejaculation a conscious choice, rather than an accident or a habit, as mentioned in the previous chapter. Tantra masters also inform us that ejaculation is always preceded by the thought of ejaculation, that the origin of ejaculation is actually in the mind. Without the thought of ejaculation there is rarely an ejaculation (except when a woman gets overexcited and pulls an ejaculation from a man, as already mentioned).

Avoid the Tension of Ejaculation Control

Absence of ejaculation (nonejaculation) is not the same as ejaculation control. There is a significant difference between not ejaculating as a result of relaxation and controlling the ejaculation.

Osho says, “In sex, you are relaxing in it, not controlling it. If you are controlling it, there will be no relaxation. If you are controlling it, sooner or later you will be hurried to finish it because control is a strain. And every strain creates tension, and tension creates a necessity, a need, to release. It is not control; you are not resisting something. You are simply not in a hurry because sex is not happening in order to move somewhere. You are not going somewhere. It is just a play; there is no goal. Nothing is to be reached, so why hurry?”

This is different from sexual practices that suggest a man “dance on the verge” of ejaculation for a period of time without actually ever getting to the point of ejaculation. In other words, the man intentionally builds up the excitement and tension level, and then shortly before he feels he is about to reach the “point of no return,” he relaxes his efforts, which represses the ejaculation. After a while the energy level is built up again, and then repressed again, and this process is continued with the effect that ejaculation is controlled for a prolonged period. (There are also specific techniques to repress ejaculation; for example, a man pushes finger pressure into his perineum/prostate area.) As the term
controlling ejaculation
indicates, by using such repressive techniques, the shift is from ejaculation to avoiding ejaculation—which means that the goal orientation remains the same.

Physical Pain after Hot Sex

Controlling ejaculation through repression as described above can have a short-term energizing effect on a man. However, the deliberate building up and pushing down of excitement will deposit tension in the prostate gland and genitals, which can later cause congestion. Because all repression is basically a type of tension, the practice of ejaculation control is not particularly healthy in the long term. When a man deliberately plays with excitement and controls his ejaculation, he should not be surprised if he experiences pain in the testicles or groin area afterward. The pain is usually a reflection of the tension produced through the buildup and repression of energy.

If, and when, a man does reach a point where he needs to ejaculate, it’s suggested that he simply allow it to happen right then and there. Better not to interfere with the direction of the flow. Tell your woman out loud in words that you are coming, look into her eyes, remain present to the situation, and enjoy!

If you wish to postpone or avoid ejaculation, it’s advisable to steer clear of too much stimulation and excitement right from the start of the lovemaking. Instead, become more slow and sensitive through relaxation and awareness. A cool approach can empower you to make love for hours.