Telesa - The Covenant Keeper (29 page)

I burned. Inside and out. I burned. There was indescribable pain and the knife edge of pleasure. It was ecstasy and hell all at once. Then, as swiftly as it had begun, it stopped. I was empty. A dried husk scorched beyond belief. Withered and dead. The steaming wet darkness claimed me. As I fell, I cried his name.

“Daniel”
Please don’t leave me
.

It was dark for only a few moments. I heard sirens blaring in the distance, people shouting. I was cold. So cold. Shivering. My eyes flew open, panicked – was the fire still going? Why else would there be sirens? I lay on the dry scratchy grass, the expanse of southern sky staring down at me accusingly. I had defiled the night with hungry flames. It was peaceful no longer. Dogs barked frenziedly up and down the main road, excited by the sounds of panic. Shivering to my very core, I shifted awkwardly, aware that I was wrapped in Daniel’s school shirt. He was kneeling beside me, eyes full of panicked worry.

“Leila – Leila, come on, we have to get out of here before the fire trucks show up. Come on, can you stand?” He whispered urgently in my ear, his hands already raising me to my feet, hurrying me along the gravelled drive back to the car. Numbly I complied, too dazed to argue or question. Just grateful that he had not abandoned me to face the consequences of my actions alone.

I managed to choke out a question. “The fire? The dorm?”

“It’s fine. The most of it is out, only the grass is still kinda burning low. Don’t worry, the fire truck can deal with the rest.”

I was in no state to explain or to justify this night. Within minutes, we were in the car, reversing and then speeding out the front school gate.

“Where are we going? Where are you taking me?”

“The hospital. You could be hurt. We need to get you some help.”

“No! I’m fine. Honest. Please just take me home. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

We both knew that wasn’t really true but instead of arguing, Daniel just sighed and nodded. “Fine.”

I sat back in the seat, watching as one and then two fire trucks sped past us, catching glimpses of the worried faces of the fire fighters. Anxious what awaited them at the scene of the fire. Waves of shame railed me. Battering at my frail composure, taking breath-sized chunks out of me. As I thought of those men hastening to stop what I had created, putting their lives at risk for the safety of others, I started to cry. Huge gulping sobs wracked me. And when I remembered the intensity of my fierce joy as the flames had lapped higher – I cringed within and sobbed harder.

How could I have done that? What had come over me? How could I have so quickly become a creature so unfeeling, uncaring of those around me? Of Daniel even – for heaven’s sake! He had stood there, daring the heat, trying to save me from myself, trying to save those people – while I? I had wanted more. I felt sick to my stomach. Daniel didn’t speak as he concentrated on the road, every so often taking quick looks over his shoulder and in the rear-view mirror. I imagined the revulsion he must be enduring just having me in the same space as him and I sobbed more.

We drove like that for about twenty minutes. Me crying and him focused on the road. Until we came to a halt midway up the long drive to my mother’s house. He didn’t speak for several minutes after quitting the engine.

“Leila, are you alright?” He spoke carefully. Was he afraid I would burst into flame again? Was he dreading our every moment together, wondering which breath would be his last before I incinerated him as easily as I had the night? I cried so hard I could barely make out my words.

“D-D-D-Daniel, I’m so-so-so-sorry. I d-d-d don’t know wh-wh-what hap-hap-happened. P-p-please f-f-forgive me.”

He didn’t answer. Just considered me with those flint green eyes of his, a troubled look on his face. The distance between us in the confines of the front seat, gaped screamingly – a vast chasm of unspoken fear and uncertainty. He took his eyes away from me and stared out the window while replying.

“I have never seen anything so beautiful – and so terrible in my whole life.” His voice was a hushed whisper I had to strain to hear. “Leila, you were on fire! You were burning but not only that, it’s like you were possessed by it. I thought you weren’t going to stop, that you were going to burn down the whole school.” He took a deep breath to steady himself then turned to gaze at me earnestly. “That wasn’t you. It wasn’t. That wasn’t the Leila I know. It wasn’t you.”

He was trying to convince himself as much as me that tonight had been an aberration. Some maniacal misfit had taken my place. Some psychotic split personality perhaps. He sought some rational explanation for what did not make sense.

I remembered the countless times my dad had sat me on his lap to gently explain, yet again, that our tempers were something we needed to control, we needed to master. That we must not let our emotions rule us. No matter how powerful they were. I thought of the martial arts training with the finest instructor he could find – always emphasizing the need for inner control, inner peace, mind over the body. I remembered as a young child, the tantrums at my grandmother’s house when my dad went away on assignment, scratching, kicking, biting people. Smashing her fine china. Being forbidden to return until I had learned how to behave. And finally, I thought of the deep sense of satisfaction when I had punched the face of that blonde girl at school, the complete shock in her blue eyes as my fist connected with her nose – breaking it in two places and requiring plastic surgery to restore it to its former artificial glory. Refusing to apologize, the only thing separating me from expulsion and possible assault charges, the donation of a brand-new science lab and a ridiculously large cash settlement for the blonde to assuage her pain. Her return to school two months later, triumphant with new breast implants as well as a new nose but never again daring to call me the daughter of an island whore. Unwillingly I faced my truth. No, my fiery temper was nothing new. My joy in anger and violence had always been there.

“Leila?” Daniel waited for me to answer.

I was unwilling to meet his gaze. If he looked into my eyes now, he would see what I already knew. That the monster he had seen tonight WAS me. The real me. Revealed in all its ugliness. The monster who revelled in administering pain to others, in destroying beauty, and wielding unlimited power. I felt a cold steel resolve dry my tears. I must not let him see me again. He must never be threatened by such a monster again. I could not and would not bear it if tonight happened again. I forced coldness into my words.

“Daniel you don’t really know much about me at all. What you saw tonight? That was me. The real me. I have to go.” I opened the car door roughly, pausing once to look back at him in the darkness. “I’m sorry about tonight. I don’t know what’s going on with me but please, can you not say anything to anyone about it? Please?”

“Of course. But Leila, wait! We need to talk about this. We can’t just leave it like this. Come back.”

Swiftly, he got out of the car and came over to stop me with one hand on mine. “Don’t go. Please. I don’t want you to go.”

I gazed up at him, the concern and pleading in his eyes and I almost faltered, leaning into his strength for one fragile moment. But it was enough. For me to see the slight redness on the side of his face, the splatter burns on his arms and bare chest. My indrawn breath was one of pain as I reached out to gently trace the evidence of my fiery outburst. Shaking my head, I spoke with finality.

“I hurt you tonight Daniel. And I’m sorry. I never want to do that again. Let me go. Nafanua will be worried and I don’t know how to explain this to her. I’m tired. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I shouldn’t have kissed you tonight. It wasn’t what I wanted. This – you and me – it’s not going to work. I don’t want it to. I just want us to be friends, that’s all. Just let me go, okay?”

His face shut down at my words. He nodded stiffly and released me, backing away slowly. “Oh, of course. I’m sorry. About tonight. About earlier. About all of it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His impassive face belied his disinterest. Where once I had burned – now ice gripped me. This was it. Daniel would never want me again. Hold me. Kiss me. Love me.

“Good night Daniel.” Without waiting for a reply, I turned and walked up the drive, too numb for tears.

His reply was to gun the motor and drive back the way we had come.

* * * *

The house was dark. I welcomed the shadows as I opened the front door.

“What happened tonight, Leila?” my mother’s voice startled me from the living room. She stood, with arms on her hips and repeated her question. “Leila, what happened to you tonight?” There was no anger in her voice. No recrimination or accusations. Rather, there was a sense of subdued excitement as she walked forward, turning on the light to better appraise my appearance. The tense excitement in the air was so thick it almost crackled. Her eyes were gleaming, red lips stretched wide in a hungry smile. She sniffed at the smoky air around me. Like a Doberman on the hunt. I had never been so afraid of anyone then as I was of her at that moment.

I backed away several paces, until my back was against the front door. “Umm nothing?”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, you foolish child. Look at the state you’re in.” She waved a hand impatiently. “I’m not angry. I want to know – I need to know – what happened to you tonight? Tell me everything!”

“I went out with Daniel. We went to the school field to train together. And then, something happened.” I stopped short, unwilling to put into words the horror of the night.

She grabbed my arm, red nails digging into already tender flesh. Her face was alight with a terrible joy that threatened to explode. I wondered how my father had loved this woman with her frightening beauty and steel-like edge.

Abruptly, she loosed her grip to take a deep breath. Her voice softened as she changed her tactic. “Leila I can tell that something…wonderful has happened to you. I need you to trust me enough to tell me what that something was. I can help you, but you must trust me and tell me. What happened tonight?”

How I longed to believe her. To trust her words. I needed desperately to find some sanity in this night of madness. I started to shake, waves of coldness rushing over me in a delayed reaction of shock. Nafanua held me close in her arms, patting my hair and soothing me softly as I shook.

“There, there … it’ll be alright. Hush … hush … we will take care of you. Don’t be afraid … Come sit, you’re like ice!”

She guided me to the sofa, still keeping me close. I tried to speak but the shivering wouldn’t allow it.

“It’s alright, my daughter. It’s alright. I am here.” Nafanua continued to rock and soothe me for several minutes until the shaking subsided. She brushed strands of hair out of my face, pulling some close to breathe the smoke that soaked me.

“Oh my daughter you have much to tell me!” She was triumphant, rigid with excitement again. I was so relieved to have a mother to confide in that I ignored the warning instinct that whispered unease within.

“I don’t know what happened … I … I was with Daniel and then I was so hot I was burning and then I exploded – I literally exploded into flames. My whole body was on fire but it didn’t hurt. I still don’t understand it … I can’t believe it – but it was real. Nafanua – it was real – I swear it!” I pleaded with her to believe me. I needed her to believe me. To make sense of it for me.

Rather than the incredulous reaction I expected, Nafanua jolted to her feet, her whole body exultant. “YES! I knew it! I knew it!” she seemed to forget I was there as she paced back and forth, muttering to herself. “I told them, I knew it, I felt it. She’s the one. She has to be.”

I felt very tired. Very dirty and very unclothed as I sat and watched her jittery high. Nafanua stopped mid mutter and refocused on me.

“Leila, you are descended from a very powerful line of spirit women. What happened to you tonight was – magical – you could call it. We – I – like to call it a – a – spiritual manifestation of the earth goddess. Pele, the goddess of fire, earth has chosen you to be her conduit. This is a sacred gift, Leila. Not something to be taken lightly – but then not something that should frighten you or inspire dread. As my daughter, it was always a possibility that one, if not more, of the earth’s forces or powers would be gifted in you, lying dormant until you reached maturity, but we could never be certain.”

 I couldn’t have been more confused than if she spoke a stream of gobbledegook. Spirits? Goddesses? Earth powers and forces? What the heck was this woman on about? Was she insane? Was this why my father had warned me away from coming to this place? Because he knew his wife, the mother of his only daughter, was mentally unwell? And he didn’t think I could handle it? Nafanua’s explanation continued.

“What you’re telling me about what happened tonight – I have been watching and hoping it would be so. Only I wasn’t sure. There are those who doubt the gift of Pele still lives within us. They believe that it’s been far too long and the bloodline has been too diluted. It doesn’t help that more and more people turn away from our gifts every year. They are so eager to embrace the knowledge and medicine of the Western world that they trample the gifts of the earth mother under their feet.” Nafanua’s face darkened, her eyes flashing black fire in the night. I hugged Daniel’s thin shirt closer to me and shivered. I wished suddenly that he were here. That he hadn’t driven off without a backward glance. Or that I was with him in the comfort of his grandmother’s kitchen. Instead of sitting here, alone in an empty house with nothing but a madwoman for company.

“I see that you doubt my words, that you think me crazy.” Nafanua laughed. It only served to heighten my growing alarm. I tensed as she sat down next to me, taking my hands in hers.

“Leila, I know that you are scared right now. Confused. Something happened to you tonight, something terrible but beautiful in all its splendid immensity. It made you feel limitless. Untouchable. It took you far beyond yourself. Am I right?” she looked at me searchingly.