Telesa - The Covenant Keeper (33 page)

I pressed her. “What is it? Tell me.”

In answer, Nafanua slipped off her seat and with one swift movement, hitched up the side of her skirt to the mid-thigh, revealing the band of black patterns tattooed on her skin. It began at the knees and ended at the height of her thighs. “A
malu
. The traditional tattoo given to women.”

I stared at her aghast. “That? I have to get a tattoo like that? No way. I can’t. I’m not doing that. No. I won’t do it.”

Nafanua raised her hands appeasingly. “Hush my daughter. Don’t worry. It’s not something that you have to consider right now. There will be plenty of time for it later. And we
telesa
have herbs that mean it is not that painful. And it will be quick. We won’t speak of it again until you are ready, until you have reached a certain point in your training. The
malu
is the final step in the journey towards becoming a
telesa
. It is essential to your mastery of these gifts. The inks are made with certain plants that will give you the infusion you need to be in complete control of your fire. We prepare the inks and administer the
malu
ourselves. Now come, we have much more to talk about and there are things I want to show you in my lab.”

I was happy to have her change the subject as I slowly followed her to the backyard lab. A tattoo was the last thing on earth I would ever do. No way in hell was I going to get one of those. For a brief, unwilling moment, an image flashed in my mind, of Daniel with his tattooed arm. The look in his eyes as he explained the different markings. The edge of excitement as he told me about his plans to get a full-body
pe
’
a
. The feel of his skin under my fingers as I delicately traced the black patterns. His kiss. NO. I resolutely slammed a wall on that image.
Stop it Leila.
It was too dangerous to think about Daniel. No. I wouldn’t go there. I had almost killed him and I could never allow myself to get close to him again. That was the only thing I knew for certain.

* * * *

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. Daniel called. Again and again. But I switched the phone to silent and just watched the ring tone dance on the receiver. And each time I ignored his call, another piece of me withered. He tried calling the house phone. But Netta politely told him I was unavailable. And each time she did, I cut a little deeper. Monday, I told Nafanua I didn’t want to go to school. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, the same. Instead, I slept. And slept some more. Simone texted me. Sinalei called. But I sent them vague replies, telling them only that I was busy with family stuff. Nafanua spent most of her day at work. She had endless meetings with some environmental agents visiting from Europe. Something to do with logging rights. And a volcanologist expedition on the other island of Savaii. I slept. I didn’t want to feel. Didn’t want to think. Didn’t want to remember. If ‘inner peace and calm’ was the key to control then I figured the best way to achieve that was not to feel anything at all. Sleep was the answer.

Friday morning, a green truck pulled up out front. Daniel. I watched him walk to the door from my window. I felt nothing. A bland dullness. I was disengaging. He couldn’t be part of my new life, so the quicker I cut him out of my consciousness, the better. Netta told him I was sick but I could hear him arguing with her, insisting that he needed to see me. I wanted to do nothing but lie in my curtained darkness and sleep, but sympathizing with timid Netta’s attempts to obstruct a six-foot tall rugby player, made me drag myself out of bed and go downstairs.

He stood in the living room, his face flushed and defiant, shoulders rigid, fists clenched. I stopped short at the sight of him. I was wrong. A week had not lessened the impact of his beauty on me. It pierced my numb soul and cut through my dead stupor.

“Daniel …”

He took two steps toward me, halting when I instinctively shifted back. His eyes were pained.

“Leila what’s going on? Are you okay? You haven’t been to school, you haven’t been answering my calls. I’ve been worried sick about you.”

I would have sobbed. The old Leila would have cried. With happiness that he cared about me. And ran into his arms. But this was not the old Leila. This Leila was a
telesa
. Who could fry the love of her life to a crisp. And make the earth open up to swallow his green truck. No, I was not the same Leila, and the sooner Daniel realized it, the better.

“Daniel, you shouldn’t be here. I’m fine, really I am. You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve been a bit sick, but it’s no big deal and I should be back at school next week. You should go. I’m sure you have lots of stuff to do at the workshop.”

I tried to smile. Casually. But he wasn’t going to make this easy for me. Shaking his head, he took the remaining steps that separated us. I backed up again until I felt the wall behind me. He had me cornered. He put an arm on each shoulder, trying to look me in the eyes while I stared away.

“Leila don’t do this. What happened the other night, we need to talk about it. I need to know if you’re alright. I need to know what’s going on. Don’t shut me out like this.”

With fingers on my chin, he gently raised my face to his, his emerald-chipped eyes unwilling to let me hide.

I felt the heat of his skin on mine. I remembered what it felt like to drown in his kiss and it gave me the cold strength I needed. I leaned both hands against his chest and pushed him away firmly. My voice was hard and clipped. “Daniel, this is ridiculous. What makes you think you can come in here and make me talk to you when I don’t want to? I’m not like one of your puppy dog rugby players ready to run and ruck whenever you tell them to. I have nothing to say to you. I want you to leave.”

I turned to go back up the stairs before the tears came. His hand caught me softly. “Nothing Leila? Do you really have nothing to say to me?”

I took a deep breath before rushing on. “Actually I do have something I want to say.” I faced him full on, composing my features in the blandest expression possible. “You’re a really nice guy, but, I’m sorry, I don’t think we should hang out any more. We both have … stuff going on, and it would be better if we just stopped this before someone got hurt. I mean, you told me so yourself, you’ve got plans and I don’t want to get in the way of that. And me, now’s not really a good time for me. I need to be spending time with my mother so she can help me with my … my problem. That’s the most important thing right now.”

The air was heavy and full when I stopped.

“That’s all you’re going to say about the other night? About what happened? That’s it?!” His voice was low and edged.

“Yes. That’s it. We both know that I’ve got a problem and I need help to fix it. I’m really glad that you helped me the other night and I would really appreciate it if you could keep it secret. I’m working on doing something about it.”

He looked exasperated. “Leila, I’m not talking about you bursting into flames! I’m talking about you and me. Us. Our friendship. We kissed. I’m talking about what’s going on between you and me. Don’t tell me to just forget about us.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. There is no us. We aren’t an ‘us’. It’s impossible. And it’s the last thing I want right now so would you please just leave? Before I ask Netta to call the police or something?!” My voice rose to a semi-hysterical shriek as I felt the now-familiar prickle of heat creeping up my spine. The fire was coming and I didn’t want him to be anywhere near me. “Just get out okay. Go away!”

Without waiting for a reply, I pushed past him and ran out into the garden. He watched me go, with defeat in his stance. I ran blindly over the grass and into the forest trees, pushing through branches, ignoring their scratching, cutting grab. I ran and, as I did, the fire came. Pulsing like the adrenaline through my veins. Trampling through my insides, ripping through my pitiful defences. With Daniel’s shocked, pained expression in my mind, I collapsed to my knees and let the fire out. I prayed that I was far enough away from the house that Daniel wouldn’t hear my anguished scream of pain. Or see the pillar of fiery smoke that seared the sky.

I had been dreading the return of the fire, hoping and praying every day that I wouldn’t explode. And yet, as I stood there in green forest and burned, I felt better than I had all week. Nothing seemed to matter much anymore. Maybe because when you’re standing in the middle of an inferno, things like a broken heart seemed kind of trivial. Or maybe it was because when I was on fire, I technically didn’t have a heart anymore. I felt free. Unchained. Released. Unstoppable. That day in the forest after Daniel left was very liberating. I was alone in a forest that for miles around had no-one in it. There was no-one to hurt. To burn up. No-one to hear me. No-one to see me. No-one with a heart to break.

It was with wondrous awe that I stood and let the flames ripple over me. Then I started running, and what a rush that was. I could train for years and never run as fast or as powerfully as I could when I was on fire. My power seemed to give added speed to my feet, they literally skimmed above the ground. I don’t know how long I ran like that, running like lightning through green trees, making sure to take all my fire with me. I was beginning to be aware of the flames. Where they ended, where every spark and cinder landed. Aware enough that I mentally collected them as I ran, unwilling for any errant spark to set the forest ablaze. I only stopped my wild rush when I came to a pool. Not as beautiful as our pool. Me and Daniel’s pool. But similar enough to make me to pause and catch my hot breath.
Daniel, where are you now? What are you feeling now? What do you think of me now?
But no, I must not allow myself to think of him. He did not belong to my world now. I must remove any piece of him from my thoughts. Scourging them, burning them like a cauterized wound. I gave myself over to more experimenting, playing with my powers. Kneeling, I dipped my hand into the water. It felt cool. Could I change that, I wondered? Eyes glinting, I stilled my hand and focused, breathing deeply. The water started to churn and steam rose to fill the clearing. I laughed. Coldly. Ha. I barely had to even exert myself at all to do this. This was baby stuff! The pool began to boil, bubbling up and over its rocky circle. I laughed some more. Until the fish floated with the bubbles. Dead. And baby crayfish. Dead. Abruptly, I jerked my hand away. Death, is that all I would be capable of causing with this power? Would any good come from it?

Tears flowed. But they were useless and I was tired of wasting my time on them. I ran on through the forest. And as I ran, I danced. Delighting in the fiery patterns my hands drew in the air. If nothing else, I was beautiful. In the fire, I was beautiful. And I would need no-one. Not even a boy called Daniel with laughing, green eyes.

Chapter Eight

When night fell, I crept back home. Tired and spent. I had run for miles. But at least I was too exhausted to cry myself to sleep. My mother did not bother to even ask me about Daniel’s visit. Netta had probably briefed her. She merely mixed me an extra dose of the medicine I needed. Which I drank without hope. I didn’t believe it could really do anything for me anymore. And if I didn’t have Daniel, I didn’t care what happened now.

She regarded me quietly over breakfast the next morning. My black-circled eyes. The lank unbrushed hair. She wrinkled her nose at me. “Leila, this has to stop. This infatuation for a boy has got you completely in disarray. I’ve given you time to sort yourself out, but I think this moping has gone on long enough.”

I stared at her dully. She forged on. “You must realize that these emotions you are experiencing, they are but childish things. Once your power fully matures, you won’t be plagued with such trivialities. You will understand better our world and your place in it. It may be difficult to accept now, but trust me when I tell you that in a few short months, your feelings for that boy, they will be but a brief memory. You must embrace who you are and unchain yourself from all transient things. Men – all men, are unnecessary. Amusing, yes. And some even likeable. But they cannot even begin to comprehend what we are and what we are capable of. You must start practicing now to be less easily swayed by them.”

Her eyes contained nothing but kindness. She truly did believe what she was saying. And the jagged pieces of my heart longed to believe her. I didn’t want to love Daniel. I didn’t want to hurt like this. I didn’t want to feel like this. Like I could never laugh again. My dad had died and left me incomplete. Daniel had not only filled that void – he had carved a whole new world in mine. One where joy lived. And contentment. Completeness. How could I forget that?

I sat at the breakfast table and cried. Instead of hugs and empty platitudes, my mother took me outside. “Come, I think it’s time we began your training.”

So that was how my first day of learning to be a
telesa
started. We stood under a blue sky and she made me kneel. “Place your hands on the earth. Shut your eyes. I want you to tell me what you feel. What you can hear. What you can see.”

Because I was past feeling, I didn’t feel ridiculous. Instead, I listened. And beneath my fingers, I felt it. I heard it. A humming. Like breathing. Like a heartbeat. Like a being.

My eyes flew open and I jumped back. “What is that?!”

Her voice was triumphant. “It’s
fanua
. Earth. She hears you. She speaks to you. She has waited a long time for you. And she rejoices at your return, your awakening to your gifts. Now, let us see if we can tame this fire of yours.”

I hated to admit it, but Nafanua was a good teacher. But then I supposed I shouldn’t have been surprised. She had been teaching
telesa
for decades. She was patient but firm. I had to start by calling the fire into the palm of my hand – without exploding. It was frustratingly difficult. The rush of heat that came in answer to my thoughts didn’t want to be tamed. It didn’t want to only speak through a single fingertip. It wanted to rage and burn and tear up the air, combusting every molecule of oxygen it could find. Nafanua asked for a single flame from my hands and I could only set my whole body alight, destroying yet another set of clothes.