Tethered (19 page)

Sam, Emmy and Mayson returned one week before Emmet was supposed to leave for Harvard. Mayson stayed a day before she said she couldn’t take anymore of Sam and went back home, a couple of towns away. Though I knew my time with Emmet was going to be seriously impeded, I was glad that everyone was back in New Jersey. None of my other friends could ever replace Emmy, and though Sam was nosey and too opinionated, sadly, she was still a decent replacement for my own mother who barely knew I existed.

Two days before we were to escort Emmet to his off campus apartment, Sam and Fred asked to speak with me in Fred’s office. The request made me want to throw up. Were they going to ask me about Emmet again? Were they going to admonish me for my behavior? They never asked to speak to me alone before, not even when my dad died. Was there something wrong with my mom? Were they about to break more bad news to me?

When I looked to Emmet and Emmy for clarification, they gave me twin shrugs. Emmy said “I don’t know” and Emmet threw his hands up as if to say “Wish I could help you, but I don’t know what’s going on.” I couldn’t read Emmy’s emotions if she chose to keep them from me, but Emmet was a different tale. I was getting better and better at sensing what he was feeling, and I sensed that he was being elusive. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion but followed Sam to the office. She told me to have a seat on the couch as she closed the door. Nervously, I sat on the edge of the couch, looking from Fred to Sam.

“What’s going on?” I asked, trying not to sound as frazzled as I felt.

I braced my hands on my knees and waited while Sam sat down on the other end of the couch.

“Now don’t get upset,” Sam said, putting her hand up to calm me even though I had no idea why I was there. “But Emmy told me about what your mama said about the modeling.”

“Emmet told me,” Fred said from behind his desk.

“Traitors,” I muttered. Even though I did not want Sam and Fred to know about the modeling thing, I was extremely relieved when neither of them brought up my relationship with Emmet.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Fred asked, sounding genuinely hurt. I talk to Fred about everything – well most everything.

I wasn’t sure how much my traitorous boyfriend and his traitorous sister had told them about my mom. I had to tread carefully.

“It isn’t your problem,” I said without malice. I said it simply, because it was simple. It wasn’t their problem.

“Haven’t we always treated you like one of our own?” he asked.

“Yes, but I’m not.”

He winced and Sam shook her head. “That really hurts, Donya,” she said sadly. “You’re just as much our child as Emmy and Emmet are.”

Before I could respond to that, Fred said “You should have come to us.”

“For what?” I asked defensively. “You want me to come to you and ask for money so I could
possibly
model? No matter how close we all are, you’re not my parents. My father is dead and my mother is poor. That’s my reality and I’m dealing with it.”

“Bullshit,” Fred snapped. Sam and I looked at him in surprise. Fred was not the cursing kind of guy. Maybe in his Marine days, but he wasn’t as a father and husband. “You forgot that you have another family that wants to see you happy and successful. You forgot that this family in this house is part of your reality. This isn’t about being close, Donya. We are a family and you are a part of this family and always will be. It is a god damn slap in the face when you sit there and try to pick at the threads that bond us together.”

I sat there in a stunned silence. I greatly underestimated how this family feels about me and what I meant to them. I felt as if everything they had ever done for me was invalidated by my careless words.

“You’re our daughter,” Sam said quietly after a long minute of silence. “And we want to help you.”

“Maybe I’m not good enough to be a model,” I said in a shaky, low voice, echoing my mother.

“Emmet told me what your mom said,” Fred said. “I don’t think she meant to hurt your feelings. When we called her earlier today to discuss our plans for you, she was supportive.”

I looked at him with doubt. I had no support in that household. Unless you count the walls and the floors.

“We are going to financially support you while you pursue a modeling career,” Sam said softly, but with a big smile. “Even if that Max won’t take ya, we are convinced that you
are
cut out for it. You didn’t see your portfolio yet.”

I had nearly forgotten about the photo shoot I had in Louisiana. The photographer, Tori, had worked in the modeling industry before, and she thought I did really well, but she was getting paid and she wasn’t even in the industry anymore. I couldn’t take her words at face value.

Sam got up and walked over to her husband’s desk. He handed her a flat looking black book and she handed it to me before sitting back down on the couch. I put it on my lap and ran my fingers over the leather cover. I took a deep breath and opened it to the first page. The very first picture was just a simple headshot. My hair was hanging loose on my bare shoulders and I was void of any makeup or moisturizer or anything on my face. My smile was simple and genuine. The second photo was another headshot without the smile and my hair was pulled up in a ponytail. The next photo was one of the ones taken during the photo shoot. I was modeling the Gucci dress that Sam had bought me the previous summer for a formal party. My hair was professionally done, my makeup was professionally applied and I was several inches taller in a pair of Minolo Blahnik sandals. I was at a funny angle, leaning backward, but my body was twisted and my legs were at a funny angle, too. I remember posing and trying to find a good angle, and I remember feeling like an idiot, but apparently it worked.

In the next photo I was in a classic looking white and red polka dot bikini. I had on an enormous pair of Dior sunglasses and my hair was pinned up. I had on a black pair of heels and I was standing at the end of the pier with the lake at my back. I hardly recognized myself, and I hardly recognized myself in the next three photos. When I turned to the sixth photo, it was a picture of me standing with Emmet at Lucy’s wedding reception. There was a whole party going on around us, but in the photo, it was as if he and I had completely forgotten we weren’t alone. He was smiling gently at me and I was looking up at him with a raw, passionate, adoring expression.

I remembered that moment, too. Emmet had just told me how beautiful I looked and how he wished he could wrap his arms around my waist and dance with me until the sun came up.

I looked at Sam who was also looking at the picture. She met my eyes.

“It’s a beautiful picture,” she said. “Maybe Emmet should be a model, too. You two posed well together. Very convincing.”

I didn’t tell her it was very convincing because it was real and we had not even been aware of the camera. I looked at Fred and couldn’t read his expression. So, I turned back to the book and finished looking at all of the photos. I was beyond impressed by both Tori’s skills with the camera and settings and my own skills that I had not been aware of until I looked through my portfolio.

“You’re stunning,” Sam said with another smile when I finished with the book. “I believe with a little make over to fix your hair and maybe a push up bra you can do this.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned as Fred snapped at her.

“No one said anything about a make-over or a damn…bra,” he spat out.

“Just making a suggestion,” Sam argued.

“I like my hair and believe it or not, I like my boobs!” I liked that Emmet liked my boobs, too.

Fred groaned now as Sam and I bickered back and forth about my boobs and my hair.

“Enough!” Fred bellowed making us stop immediately.

Emmy was right. I had a nut job and a whack job for mothers, though for some reason, I didn’t take Sam’s words to heart like I did my mother’s.

“Now,” Fred said after we were quiet for a moment. “We are going to support you while you take a shot at a modeling career.” When I started to object, he raised his hand to silence me. “It isn’t a free ride, Kiddo. You will have a tutor and you will keep up with your school work. You will be supervised around the clock wherever you go and you will stay out of trouble, and you have to really try. You have to put everything you have into this. We will make sure you have everything you need. We already spoke to your mother and she will do her part as far as your legal concerns.”

It really began to sink in what he was saying to me. “So…I won’t be going to school in September?” I asked.

“Doesn’t look like it,” he answered and didn’t seem too happy about it. “It all depends on this Max fella and other resources we are gathering for you.”

Just like that, my life was going to change.

“We still have many kinks to work out,” Sam said. “But for now you’ll stay here or at your mama’s, but if you’ll need to be in New York or wherever for an extended period of time, we may have to consider other options.”

I looked from Sam to Fred and back and forth so many times I thought my head would tilt off of my neck and roll to the floor.

“You guys believe in me that much?” I asked in a small voice.

“We all do,” Sam smiled.

“Even with my little boobs and ugly hair?” I asked her dryly.

She gave a noncommittal shrug but then smiled teasingly at me. I smiled back, for a moment, but then it faded.

“My mother doesn’t believe in me,” I said quietly. “She always goes with what you guys say because she doesn’t want to do the actual work of raising me. She’s just a…formality. She will probably be glad to be rid of me.”

I couldn’t stop myself from saying that out loud. I didn’t want them to know about my relationship with her, but any fool could see that my mom has stood on the sidelines all of these years, watching someone else raise her daughter, and she hadn’t cared. I thought under all of her depression and sadness and weakness she cared, but she didn’t, and it was time for me to come to terms with that.

“Things are not always what they seem,” Sam said carefully.

“Your mother does care about you,” Fred said just as carefully.

I had a feeling they were hiding something from me, but now wasn’t the time to squeeze it out of them. I needed to push aside how I felt about my mom and focus on the fact that I was going to actually pursue a career in the modeling industry. I never thought I would hear those words even in my own head, but there they were. Now I had to say them out loud.

I smiled again at Sam and Fred, my parents.

“I’m going to pursue a career in the modeling industry,” I said with amazement.

“Yes, you are,” Sam said and then held my chin between her soft, delicate fingers. “And you’re going to kick ass at it.”

The door flung open and Emmy came in with Emmet on her heels.

“What the hell is going on in here?” she asked in exasperation. She beckoned me to get up with her hands. “Up! We have a party to get to!”

“Right,” I said and got up.

Sam looked at the three of his disapprovingly. “Will there be parental supervision at this party?”

“Probably not, mom,” Emmy said. I could tell she said it just to rile the woman up. “There will probably be drugs all over the tables, beer kegs in every corner, and hot and sweaty sex on every piece of furniture.”

Emmet skillfully cut in between Emmy and Sam before an argument could arise. He looked at both of his parents and said “I’ll take care of both of them, I promise. No one will be high (lie), drunk (another lie) or having sex (possible lie).”

Fred and Sam didn’t look well appeased, but after a few warnings and rules, we were allowed to escape from the office. I was last out of the room, but I stopped before closing the door and looked at both of them.

“Thank you,” I said softly, but with meaning. “Thank you.”

“Let’s go!” Emmy shouted from the living room.

I threw them one last smile and hurried after my impatient friend.

*~*~*

Perry Hinson was having the biggest party of the summer. There were kids coming from several surrounding towns to celebrate the end of summer and the end of childhood for the graduates. Perry lived out in the middle of nowhere in a big farmhouse. The closest neighbor was a half mile away. While life was probably very boring growing up in the middle of rural New Jersey, the kids that lived out in these areas always threw the best parties because the cops were less likely to stumble upon them.

The party was already in full swing when we got there at eight-thirty. There were kids everywhere. I swear the house looked like it was vibrating as we walked from Emmet’s car. When we got inside, I saw a lot of kids I knew from school. I realized then that I probably wouldn’t see a lot of them for some time, depending on how my career went. I was glad that I was there. Who knew when I’d come across another party like this one.

“Stick with me all night,” Emmet said in my ear while Emmy was distracted, talking to Amy.

He was pressed up against me because there were so many people standing in the room we were in. I could smell his cologne and the shampoo he used for his hair. I wanted to wrap myself in him, but that wasn’t an option.

“Emmy will probably want me with her,” I said after I pulled his head down close to me so he could hear me without anyone else hearing me. Honestly, I could barely hear me over the music and noise in the house.

“Tabitha and Mayson will be here, too,” he said. “She’ll be distracted.”

I nodded, letting him know I understood. His fingers quickly, but affectionately squeezed mine before he dropped his hand away.

True to Emmet’s word, Emmy ended up very distracted and wasn’t worried about having me attached to her side. I didn’t feel the jealousy I had felt when she was in Louisiana. I had other friends to talk to and new faces to get acquainted with, but despite Emmet’s insistence that we stick together all night, we ended up separated repeatedly. Eventually, I gave up and just tried to enjoy the party. I would have him all to myself the following night.

After two hours in the house, I was feeling hot and stuffy. The three beers I had probably didn’t help either. I pushed my way through the sweaty partiers and stumbled onto the back deck where more people were hanging about. The air quality outside wasn’t much better than it had been inside.