The Actor (6 page)

I could tell
her I don’t want to talk about it. She’d accept that.

Lying was tempting,
but not a real option.

“I was at this
party a little over a week ago, you remember. I must have been driving you
crazy. I know you told me to go home…”

I should
have kept you on the phone, asked you to talk me out of there, but I thought I
could do it on my own.

She didn’t
comment, and he plunged in.

“The next time
I woke up, I was in the hospital. There were tubes sticking out of my fucking
nose. My wife stopped by and yelled that even if you hear about stars dying
from overdoses on TV, it wasn’t supposed to be me. I didn’t get it. I had no
idea what happened. I still don’t know.”

He leaned back
in the chair and kept his eyes locked on a point on the table, struggling to
regain some self-control.

“When I got out
of there, no one was interested in picking me up. I took a taxi home and the
house was empty. They all hated my guts anyway.”

Being all alone
was unbearable, and the desperation turned into a black hole, feeding on him
from the inside.

Laura still
said nothing, but she reached her hand out to him again, and he took it.

Her touch
didn’t help him break through the fog that surrounded the last week or so, but
it gave him the courage to speak.

“I got drunk,
and lost… another three days. When I woke up I saw a text from you and it
seemed like a sign. I walked out of the house, hitch-hiked to the airport, and
now I’m here.”

“So, that’s why
you came with nothing but a toothbrush in a plastic bag.”

If I stayed
alone in the house for five more minutes I’d start drinking again.

“Yes… I was
afraid of staying long enough to pack anything. I just… left. Guess I’ll have
to go shopping.”

Laura squeezed
his hand, but he still couldn’t make himself meet her eyes. He expected her to
tell him to leave. She was much too sensible a person to want anything to do
with his mess.

“I don’t know
what to do. I can’t live like this anymore.”

His entire life
had become an act. His kids saw him as an ass, which he probably was, and when
he stopped acting in front of his wife, she hated him too.

Coming here
might have been a mistake, but I’m grasping at straws, and you’re the last one.

She rose and
moved over to his side of the table, wrapping her arms around him. He pressed
his face against her belly, and she ran her hands over his hair. What a
heavenly feeling to have someone touch him, comforting, without demanding
anything in return.

“Not counting
today, when’s the last time you slept?”

Marc didn’t
lift his head, but shook it a little.

“I don’t know.”

He couldn’t
remember the last time he went to bed and to sleep in the evening like normal
people. It must have been weeks earlier.

“Let’s go to
bed and watch TV, or a movie, or something.”

It wasn’t late,
it was hardly evening, but it was still a much better idea than anything
he
could come up with.

“Okay.”

She took his
hand and led him through the apartment. Something next to the TV caught his
attention and he picked up a DVD-cover. As tired and miserable as he was, he
could barely stifle a laugh.

“Babe, really?”

She tried to
snatch it away from him, but it didn’t do her any good. He was much too tall
and fast for her to be able to get it, and he held it just out of reach. She
tried to pout, but he could see her mouth twitch.

“You’re not
supposed to see that.”

This movie
is horrible.

He shook his
head and made a taunting sound.

“You, my dear,
need to develop a better taste when it comes to entertainment.”

Laura crossed
her arms and stuck her tongue out at him.

“I only watch
them when I feel lonely and miss you. Besides, that one’s pretty good.”

Her words made
him smile, and he surrendered the cover.

“Does that mean
you missed me? Since you have these next to the TV? I bet the disk is even in
the player.”

She smacked him
over the arm.

“Yes. Yes, I missed
you. It’s been horrible without you. There, you made me say it.”

He wrapped his
arms around her waist and swept her up, too quick for her to react.

Coming here
wasn’t a mistake. It was the best decision of his life.

Possibly the
only
good decision of his life.

Her face was so
close their noses almost touched and he waited for a few seconds, prolonging
the sweet moment. Then, he allowed himself to close the gap between them and
press his lips against hers. She tasted just as sweet as he remembered.

He carried her
the short way over to the bed and dropped her down on it, making her giggle.
What a sweet sound.

Laura turned on
the TV and flipped channels until she found a movie. It was early and he should
probably try to watch it with her, but drifted off to a world of dreams as soon
as he relaxed. Feeling her weight and warmth in his arms was more comforting
than any drug could ever be.

It was morning
when he woke up again, and very nice to know exactly where he was, as well as
the name of the woman sleeping next to him.

It was also
pleasant, but strange, not to be hung-over.

Marc made
breakfast, feeling clumsy in the small space.

A door in the
hallway revealed a washing machine, but Laura’s laughter interrupted him before
he could tuck his clothes into it.

“What?”

She shook her
head.

“Nothing.
You’re… adorable.”

Oh yes,
that…

He looked down
at himself and grinned at her pink robe. It barely reached below his buttocks,
and
almost
reached around him, leaving his chest bare.

“That’s what I
get for running away from home.”

The clothes
disappeared from his hands and she read the labels with a frown.

“You can do the
shirt, but the pants and blazer need dry-cleaning.”

“What’ll happen
if I run them anyway?”

“They might
become more my size than yours.”

Seeing he only
had one pair of pants
that
might be a problem. He didn’t want to pull
them back on, but there were few other options.

“Do you have a
men’s clothing store that delivers?”

The corners of
her mouth twitched.

“I have no
idea. Google. Or we can go to the mall.”

He put his
hands on her hips and inched her closer.

“Do people
still do that?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I made French
toast.”

“I thought
something smelled good.”

Her lips were
too close and too tempting. He
had
to kiss her.

Once they
reached the mall, he lifted an eyebrow at most of the stores. Did people really
wear these things?

Oh boy I’m
spoiled.

Laura crossed
her arms over her chest.

“I never shop
for men. I don’t know what you want. If you can’t be more specific, you get to
wear this.”

She nodded
towards a plaid green and orange shirt that would probably glow in the dark.

If I wear
that, stray dogs will start attacking, thinking I’m an alien invader.

“Alright, I get
the point.”

All of a
sudden, he didn’t feel so good. A drop of cold sweat trickled down his
forehead, and the store was much too small. People were crowding in everywhere.

Keep it
together.

“Is there a
food court? Let’s go get some coffee or something.”

Laura rested
her hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Sure. I just
really want a drink, and maybe a little something more. Or a lot.

“I’ll be fine.
Let’s get out of here for a few.”

Even when
walking side by side, she seemed too far away and he reached for her hand. She
rewarded the effort with a smile making him want to rip her clothes off.

Down boy,
this isn’t a good time.

A piercing
female voice solved the problem.

“Laura? Hey guys,
it’s Laura!”

She whispered,
“Crap. I’m not up to that.”

A small group
of young women hurried towards them, and one hollered, “Oh my goodness what a
hunk.”

Seriously? I
feel like a bum. This beard stubble itches like a mother… I need to buy a razor
or something.

Three women
flocked around them.

They look
like they want to poke me to see if I’m real. Too funny.

The panic
attack from the clothing store had passed, and he made sure to be his most
charming self, putting a hand on the small of Laura’s back. She glanced up at
him, and the look in her eyes made him want to take down the moon for her. It
might be an unpractical gift, but if she asked for it, he would try.

One of the
girls purred, “So, is this the reason you’ve been invisible for the last few months?”

Marc’s mouth
twitched.

“My bad.”

Maybe not in
the way they imagined, but it
was
his fault. Questions rained over them.

“Where did you
meet?”

“How long have
you been together?”

“Where do you
come from?”

“What do you
work with?”

“Oh wow, your
arms are huge, how much do you work out?”

“Laura, why
haven’t you told us?”

“She’s clearly
been hiding him from us, wanting him all to herself.”

He pushed her
in front of him and rubbed her shoulders. When there was a pause long enough to
get a word in, he said, “Laura means everything to me. Without her, I’d die.”

And I mean
that literally.

“Oooh, he’s
adorable!”

“Are there any
more just like him?”

I bet you
wouldn’t say that if you knew what hell I put her through.

“We were going
for coffee. Want to join us?”

Two girls shook
their heads and the third nodded.

I think I’ll
call them A, B, and C. Or would it be more appropriate to number them? 1, 2,
and 3?

At least he
felt no urge to get their pants off, thank heavens. Monogamy was never one of
his talents, but maybe Laura was all the woman little Marc downstairs needed?

What if I
would only have sex with her, for the rest of my life? Whoa, scary.

Girl one nudged
girl three. “No… Can’t you see they want to be alone?”

Girl two said,
“We’ll catch up later.”

They
disappeared, waving, and he wrapped his arm around Laura’s shoulders.

“See, that
wasn’t so bad.”

“Thanks to
you.”

They returned
home with a fair amount of clothes and things for him.

I can’t
believe I already think of this as home.

Hiding like
this might be cowardice, but it was a relief to be away from everyone he knew,
and from all the pressure. He didn’t even want a drink all that bad.

They spent the
afternoon on her little porch, playing games and talking about everything and
nothing. They cooked together, watched movies that weren’t his, and had a good
time.

“Are you… Going
to work tomorrow?”

He struggled
not to show how much the thought stressed him out.

“I can call in
sick for a couple of days, if you want company. I’m never sick so I have time
in my account.”

“You’d do that
for me?”

“Of course.”

*****

Marc did pretty
well as long as Laura was home.

She kept him
distracted, and every time dark moods or cravings threatened to get the better
of him, she said or did something so unexpected it rocked him back to the
present.

That woman
has to be psychic.

When Wednesday
came, she said, “I should probably go to work tomorrow, but it’s just two days
until the weekend.”

“Do you have to
work?”

Way to sound
needy.

She laughed.

“Yes. One day
soon you’ll get tired of hanging around here, and I’ll need something to do and
a way to pay my bills.”

That was a bit
too clear sighted for his taste.

“But, you’re
special to me.”

Laura fell
serious and met his eyes.

“You’re special
to me too, but that doesn’t change the facts. You’ll be off to new adventures
soon.”

She touched his
cheek. “I get to have you
now
, and for that I am grateful.”

Ouch. Am I
that much of a pig?

She claimed a
seat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“If you sleep
in tomorrow morning, I’ll be home before you know it.”

Tomorrow, Laura
won’t be here.

The thought
created an uncomfortable sensation in his stomach.

Do I love
this woman? Is that what this is?

There had to be
a reason why he grew so miserable after that darned convention. He had been
down before, but never on a self-destructive spree like this.

“Hey, where did
you go?”

He forced
himself to exhale, and huffing stale air out of his lungs helped a little.

“I’m… Nothing.”

Laura kissed
him, and her mouth against his helped a lot.

The next
morning, he watched her go to her car from the kitchen window, and when she
glanced over, he waved. She smiled and waved back, and then he was alone.

Is it normal
to be this uncomfortable with one’s own company? Am I crazy?

The weight of
the world weighed down on his shoulders. The apartment didn’t hold enough air
for him, and his heart pounded.

Am I having
a heart attack? How can the place seem smaller with one person less in it?

He staggered
out on the little porch and sank down in the chair that had already become his.
Fresh air helped chase the anxiety attack off, but sitting there alone wasn’t
the same as sitting there with her.

He held out for
an hour.

Running his
fingers through his hair, he muttered, “You’re fucking pathetic,” and called
her.

“Hey, it’s me.
Wanna meet for lunch?”

Her voice
smiled.

“Hi sweetheart.
Are you bored already?”

Does she
wonder the same thing I do? Is there something wrong in my head?

“Not bored.
Just lonely.”

He wanted to
keep her on the phone, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Marc, I have
to do some work now. Heather has been covering for me, but I have a lot of
catching up to do. Are you okay?”

“Sure.”

Come home.
Please come home. I’ll pay your rent for the rest of your life if you just come
home.

The words never
left his lips. Admitting he couldn’t cope with a few hours alone was out of the
question.

“I’ll text you
the address. Meet me here at noon?”

Knowing he
wouldn’t have to spend the entire day on his own got him through the morning,
and Laura waited on the sidewalk when he arrived in a taxi. Seeing her lifted a
weight from his chest, and he breathed easier.

Panicking
over being alone in an apartment isn’t normal. Get a grip.

A woman came
out from the building, and Laura waved.

“Heather, come
here! Heather, this is Marc.”

She smiled and
shook his hand.

“Nice to meet
you, Marc.”

Was there a
flicker of recognition in her eyes? No, probably just his imagination.

Wow, this
woman is stunning, and I don’t want her. What’s up with that?

He must have
stood there, frowning and thinking longer than he expected. Laura touched his
shoulder.

“Are you sure
you’re okay?”

“Yes.”

Heather looked
amused.

She can’t
know what I’m thinking. She just can’t, but she knows. Oh great, now I’m
completely paranoid.

The girls
talked and he missed most of it until Heather put a slender hand with perfect
nails on his arm.

“I think your
souls belong together, but you already know that.”

She disappeared
off and Laura nodded down the road.

“Lunch? She’s a
little peculiar with that soul stuff, but I like her.”

You think
that’s peculiar? Wait until you meet more people in my business.

He wrapped an
arm around her shoulders. “What are we having?”

The lunch hour
passed much too quickly, and Marc escorted Laura back to the old office
building. She snuggled close for a moment and her words warmed his heart.

“It’s good to
have you here.” He squeezed her tighter. “Hurry home, okay?”

She blew him a
kiss as she entered the building, and he stood alone in the sunshine.

Not a cab in
sight. Oh well, I could use some exercise.

He strolled
past the stores lining the street, passed a liquor store, and entered out of
old habit. A bottle of whiskey would help pass the long and boring afternoon.

Back in the
little apartment, he brought a glass with him out on the porch. He sat there
for quite some time, rolling it between his hands. It didn’t seem as appealing
as he thought it would be.

I need
something to do. Maybe a book.

When he
remembered about his drink an hour or so later, it was warm. He laughed at
himself and poured it out in the sink.

He fell asleep
on the porch and woke hours later from Laura stroking his hair. He pulled her
down on his lap.

“I was going to
welcome you home with dinner, but I got… sidetracked.”

“That’s okay.
I’ll just nibble a little on you instead.”

*****

Weeks went by,
and even though Laura expected Marc to disappear at any time, she rejoiced in
his company.

He seemed to
feel better every day. His hands no longer shook, and even if he often met her
for lunch he no longer panicked when she left the apartment.

I think he’s
getting restless. He won’t stay here much longer. I wish he would. It’s okay to
dream, right?

Heather gave a
slight shrug when they talked about it.

“He won’t stay,
not this time, but he’ll be back. You two belong together. He just hasn’t
figured it out yet.”

“How can you be
so sure he will?”

“Because if he
doesn’t, he’ll kill himself.”

Great…

Marc usually
ignored his phone, but one afternoon it just wouldn’t stop ringing. She tried
not to listen, but perked her ears anyway when she heard his tone of voice. He
sounded drained.

“Yes, Lawrence,
I understand. Can’t you deal with it? Well, what do I pay you for?”

For a moment
she thought he’d throw the phone, but he just clenched his jaw and put it down,
a little too slowly.

No… No,
please don’t leave.

“Problems,
lover?”

“Yes. I have to
go home and deal with my divorce.”

That should be
a good thing, a great thing, but since it implied him leaving, it was deeply
depressing.

Can I come
with you? Please ask me to come with you.

“I wouldn’t go
if it was just the money, but Lawrence says if I ever want to see the children
again I’d better show up. Anne is pretty mad.”