The Amish Millers Get Married BOXED SET Books 1-3 (Amish Romance Book Bundle: The Way Home, The Way Forward, The Narrow Way) (Boxed Set: Amish Millers Get Married) (5 page)

2 Corinthians 6:17.

Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you.

Chapter 9
.

That day, the church and the Singing were to be held in the Lapps' barn. The community held both in the Lapps' barn when it was their turn to have church and the Singing, as their
haus
was very small and could not accommodate the community, whereas their barn was quite large. Unlike most Amish homes which had been built to hold large groups of people, theirs was a tiny
Grossdawdi House
which the Lapps' only son had purchased, along with his own adjoining
haus
, from
Englischers
some years ago. When their son had been tragically killed in a buggy accident, the Lapps had sold off his home but kept its parcel of land with the barn.

"I wish I could come too," Martha lamented over breakfast that morning.

"Me too." Esther pushed a bit of cornmeal around with her spoon in her
scrapple
.

Hannah felt sorry for them. "You'll both soon be coming, too. In fact, you'll be wishing you hadn't when you have to sit through one of Mr. Petersheim's long sermons on hell," she added, hoping that Mr. Petersheim wouldn’t be one of the ministers speaking that day.

Esther and Martha laughed while their
mudder
frowned and opened her mouth to rebuke Hannah. "Hannah!" she said. "That's enough!"

Later, in the church service, Hannah tried to keep her balance on the backless, wooden bench with her leg in its cast stuck out in front of her, listening to none other than Mr. Petersheim giving a lengthy sermon in a monotone voice. He was preaching on
hochmut
, pride, this time, but he had gone on for an hour longer than any other minister usually did. This was supposed to be the "short" sermon too; it would be followed by a "long" one. Hannah felt that
Gott
was punishing her for being so disrespectful earlier.

Hannah looked around the barn.
Nothing's changed
, she thought.
It all looks the same
. Last time she was in this barn was a year ago, months before the accident. If only she'd known then what would happen to her. Hannah shook her head in an attempt to clear it of such fanciful thoughts.

Hannah looked at Mr. Petersheim but he was still walking around and speaking about hell in a loud voice. She looked back at the barn.
It would be hard to keep such a large place clean
, she thought idly,
since the Lapps don't use it for farming
. Hannah looked up at the beams way above her head.

Hannah's thoughts drifted to Noah. He had nodded and smiled to her when she arrived, and she had nodded back politely. Why did her mouth run dry every time she saw Noah? Why did she long to run and throw herself into his arms, those big strong arms? With his arms around her, she was sure she would feel safe. Hannah shook her head.
Have I gone mad? The reason I feel bad in the first place is all because of Noah
.

She sneaked a glance at Noah who was sitting on the other side of the room with all the other single men, but David happened to look up at that point and caught her eye. He smiled broadly and winked at her.

Nee, now David will think I'm interested in him,
she thought with dismay.
This must be Gott's way of telling me to concentrate on the message that the minister's bringing us today.
Hannah turned her mind back to the sermon, and tried to concentrate as best she could.

The service finally came to an end, having run for an hour longer than it usually did. Hannah had caught herself yawning during the speaking, and had hoped no one else had noticed.

Usually, people ate in shifts after a church meeting, but as the Lapps' barn was so large, everyone was able to eat the same time, although men still ate at different tables from the women. The men turned the wooden benches into tables, and the women soon had them laden with plates, refusing Hannah's help. Hannah's mouth watered at the sight of her usual favorite, peanut butter spread sweetened with blackstrap molasses and marshmallow crème.

Soon the women brought in jugs of
kaffi
and water and placed them next to the plates of pickles, cheese, red beet, bread, and
snitz
, dried apple, pie.

After they ate, the people mingled with each other. Most of the young people were talking about the night's Singing. After a while, Hannah sat down to have a rest; her arms were aching and her leg was hurting. She saw Noah heading in her direction, and hoped he would walk straight past her. However, he did not.

"
Hiya
, Hannah; are you taking a rest?"

Obviously, I'm having a rest
;
I'm not sitting down simply because I find this hard, wooden bench so comfortable
, Hannah thought unkindly. She bit her lip before answering, "
Jah
." Still, why did her heart flutter so much every time she saw Noah? Why did her pulse race?

I hope he leaves now
, Hannah thought, feeling awkward sitting there with Noah towering above her.

Noah did not appear to be deterred by Hannah's one word answer or by her distant manner. "How are you feeling?"

Hannah was pondering how to answer that question when David Yoder appeared and stood next to Noah. "How do you think she's feeling, Noah? How would anyone feel when a car had hit their buggy and broken their leg?"

Hannah gasped. David's tone was not overtly hostile; rather, he was making an effort to pretend he was speaking in a lighthearted manner, but how could such words ever be said in jest? Never mind the fact that Hannah had been thinking those very words; no matter what, she would never say them to Noah.

Noah and David faced each other. "David Yoder." Noah said the words politely and nodded his head at David.

To Hannah's mind, David looked disappointed by Noah's reaction. It was obvious to her that David been trying to provoke Noah by his words.

A slow, red flush appeared on David's neck and traveled up his cheeks. He reached for Hannah's arm and said, "Come on Hannah; I’ll help you over to one of the gas heaters. It’s too cold over here."

Hannah shook off his hand. "
Nee
, David.
Denki
, but I'm in the middle of talking to Noah right now."

Both David and Noah looked equally surprised by her words, but David appeared furious. "All right then," he all but spat, and he hurried back to the others.

Noah turned to Hannah with a smile on his face but the smile did not last when Hannah didn't return it. Noah looked at Hannah for a moment, his forehead furrowed in a frown. "Hannah, could I fetch you a mug of
kaffi
to warm you up?"

"
Denki
, Noah. That would be good, but then I want to sit here alone to think and pray."

Noah's face fell. "All right." He dutifully went off to get Hannah a mug of
kaffi
, while Hannah watched for any sign of David Yoder returning. Thankfully he did not, and after Noah gave her the
kaffi
, he too left.

Finally, I'm alone
, Hannah said, albeit wishing she was alone in a warmer spot than this. Yet did she want to be alone? She could not but help to respect Noah for the way he'd handled David's blatant rudeness. She watched Noah now, speaking to one of the young, pretty girls, and Hannah clenched her teeth until her jaw ached.
What's wrong with me,
she asked herself as she shifted around to try to get comfortable on the seat.
How can I be jealous when Noah is the very one who did this to me?

* * *

Noah chatted to the other youth but his mind was on Hannah. He kept glancing over at Hannah, trying not to make it look obvious. He was heartened by the fact that she had refused David Yoder's offer to help her walk over to the heaters.
Perhaps she's warming up to me
, he thought, but then shook his head.
Nee, she didn’t want to spend any time with me after that
.

Noah sighed and turned to listen to the young woman who was trying to capture his attention, totally oblivious to the fact that Hannah was watching them both, and was doing her best not to be overcome with jealousy.

Psalm 9:13.

Be gracious to me, O Lord!
See my affliction from those who hate me,
O you who lift me up from the gates of death.

Chapter 10
.

The community had brought in large gas heaters for the Singing, but the heaters only served to keep the chill off the air and did nothing to provide any actual warmth unless someone was standing right next to one of them.

Hannah had always enjoyed the Singings, but tonight was different. Tonight Noah was there. Of course he was always at the Singings, but this was the first Singing she’d been to after the accident and she wished in her heart that Noah was not there.

Why couldn’t he have stayed home just this once?
she thought.
I just want a little piece of joy in my heart.
Joy was impossible for her now that Noah was there. Every time she saw him, the conflicted feelings rose to the surface.
Resentment and love cannot exist in the one heart
, she remembered the bishop saying once.

Several times during the Singing, Hannah felt eyes on her and looked down the row to see David Yoder grinning at her. Each time she smiled politely and looked away.

After two hours of singing, Hannah had worked up quite a thirst, so walked over to the table which held the food and drink. She looked at the array of cookies and desserts. There were donuts, pies, and cakes. She opted for a glass of water and a cup of coffee. She drank the water in one go and poured herself coffee from the pitcher.

“Can I get anything for you, Hannah?”

Hannah swung around to see Noah’s smiling face.
What a ridiculous thing to say
, she thought.
I'm standing right in front of the food and I could surely get anything I wanted for myself. I don't need him to get me anything
. “I’m fine,” she said before she swung around, away from him.

“It was a great Singing, wasn’t it?”

Hannah stayed with her back to him for a moment, irritated that he would have the nerve even to speak to her. “
Jah
, it was a great Singing.” She spoke with as little animation as she possibly could.

She walked away with her coffee and found a chair away from the group and sat down. Tonight she just wanted to be left alone. The only reason she had come at all was because her
mudder
had forced her. Her
mudder
was always talking about her youth and what a
gut
time she’d had at all the Singings. She expected Hannah to feel the same way. Well, true, Hannah usually did enjoy the Singings, but she couldn’t tonight - not with Noah there.

Noah shrugged and left and Hannah breathed a sigh of relief. Her relief was short lived, however, for David approached her. "Did you enjoy the Singing, Hannah?"

"
Jah
, it was
gut
." She made to turn away from David, but he moved closer to her, and handed her something.

"Here, try this."

Hannah took the little sugar cake automatically. "
Denki
, David." Hannah did turn away then, but not before she looked up, straight into Noah's eyes. He had clearly been watching the whole exchange.
Oh no, Noah will think there is something between me and David, especially given the fact that David stood so close to me
, Hannah thought with alarm. Then she thought about it some more.
But what do I care what Noah Hostetler thinks, anyway?

Hannah studied Noah as he walked over to a group of young people and laughed with them.
It’s as if nothing has happened
, she thought.
His life goes on as normal,
while he has sent our lives into turmoil
.

Nevertheless, Hannah could not take her eyes off Noah as he made his way around the barn. Her pulse raced faster every time he spoke to another girl.
Surely I can't be jealous
, she thought, as another pang of longing hit her when she took in his tall, muscular frame and his wide shoulders, his thoughtful, kind face.
I can’t be still in love with Noah Hostetler
.

Hannah put down the plate with the little sugar cake and walked over to the edge of the room to have some privacy. No one else was there due to the fact that it was far from the gas heaters, and bitterly cold.

Hannah looked down at her hands, which felt as if they were positively freezing. The hand holding her cup of coffee was warming up, but the other one resting on her crutches looked as if it had turned blue.

“Are you cold?”

Hannah looked up to see that Noah had followed her. “
Nee
,” she snapped. She was shocked at her own rudeness, so added, “Well, kind of.”

Noah dragged over up a bale of hay and sat in front of her.

Why won’t he leave me alone,
she thought.
He can surely see that I don’t want to speak to him at all.

“I’m sitting by myself tonight, because I don’t feel like company," Hannah said with as much politeness as she could muster. "I don’t want to be rude. I’m just saying how it is.” She lowered her eyes, hoping he would take her not so subtle hint, and then she took a little sip of her coffee.

Noah nodded. “I sometimes feel like that too. Do you want to know what I do about it?”

Hannah wanted to say,
Nee, I don’t care; now go away,
but her
mudder
had brought her up better than that. She took a deep breath. “What do you do about it?”

“I put a smile on my face and all of a sudden the world is brighter.”

Hannah could only look at him with irritation. She was sure she had absolutely no expression on her face while she was trying to figure out a way to get him to leave her be.

“Try it now.”

Noah was far too cheerful for Hannah. “Try what?”

He clapped both hands onto his knees. “Smile; try a big smile right now.”

“
Nee
, I will not smile. I don’t see what there is to smile about. Martha is only just home from the hospital and is in a lot of pain.” She leaned forward and through gritted teeth said, “We’ve all been through a lot of pain because of…”

“Because of me?” His eyebrows lifted a fraction. “Hannah, I’ve already said that I’m sorry.” He looked intently at Hannah, clearly waiting for a response. When none came, he added, “You know that
Gott
wants us to forgive anyone who asks us.”

Hannah could not stop her eyes from rolling. He sounded just like her
daed.

“I’m truly sorry, Hannah," Noah said. "It was an accident.”

Hannah nodded. "
Jah
, I know it was an accident.”
But you should have been more careful,
she was longing to say.

He rose to his feet. “I guess I’ll leave you alone then.” He waited for a moment before he said, “Try that smiling thing once in a while.” Noah walked away without saying another word.

Hannah watched him walk away. She watched him until he joined in with another conversation across the other side of the barn.

Look at him
, she thought,
laughing and smiling as if nothing has happened. His life goes on as normal whereas ours has changed and my parents are forced to take money offerings for the medical bills
. Hannah had to look away from him as bitterness was looming in her heart once again.

Once she had such tender feelings in her heart for Noah, but how could she feel anything for the
mann
who could do something so stupid and then think just saying ‘sorry’ would fix everything?

Well sometimes 'sorry' just may not be enough
, she thought.

* * *

Noah was annoyed with himself.
I can’t believe the silly things I said to Hannah
, he scolded himself.
Imagine me telling her that Gott wants her to forgive me - whatever was I thinking?
Nerves just made my mouth run away with me, but that's no excuse for saying such stupid things
. He shook his head.
Hannah will be even more cross with me now. I wish I’d never come to the Singing
.

Noah ran his hands through his hair.
Besides, that David Yoder is clearly keen on Hannah. Hannah doesn't seem interested in him, but what would I know?
Noah sent up a silent prayer that
Gott
would deliver him out of all of his troubles. He for sure could not rely on his own strength to get through them.