The Amish Millers Get Married BOXED SET Books 1-3 (Amish Romance Book Bundle: The Way Home, The Way Forward, The Narrow Way) (Boxed Set: Amish Millers Get Married) (7 page)

Ephesians 4:26-27.

26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

Chapter 13
.

Hannah had trouble getting to sleep that night. When she arrived home, her
mudder
questioned her about the night, but she had told her firmly yet politely that she was not interested in David Yoder and never would be, even if he were the last man on earth. Her
mudder
had looked surprised, whether at Hannah's vehement tone or her actual words, Hannah did not know, but she was grateful that her
mudder
had not said much at all.

Hannah made sure that Esther and Martha were settled, and refilled their hot water bottles which had gone cold. She snuggled under her blankets, but sleep eluded her. Her whole day had been unpleasant, but the incident with David had upset her. If only she was betrothed to another
mann
, and then David would leave her alone.
Noah would make sure that David didn't bother me
, she thought, and then she at once reprimanded herself for thinking such a thing. Besides, Mrs. Yoder had said that Noah had been seen with
Englisch
girls. While Mrs. Yoder clearly wanted to turn Hannah away from Noah, that didn’t mean that she was not correct.

When the sun forced its way through the dark clouds at dawn, Hannah was still awake. She wasn't sure whether she had slept from time to time in short spurts, but it seemed to her that she'd been awake all night; her leg ached and her back hurt, and she felt as if she were coming down with a cold. The long sleepless night of soul searching and prayer had however forced a decision; she would speak to the bishop.

* * *

Bishop William Graber ushered Hannah inside and indicated that she should sit down.

Hannah had always known him to be a kindly man, as well as wise. Hannah bit back a smile, knowing that some of the youth said that the
Englischers
would mistake the bishop for their Santa Claus, given his twinkling, blue eyes, round face, and gray beard.

Mrs. Graber scurried into the room and deposited mugs of hot meadow tea next to her husband and Hannah. "
Hullo
, Hannah. You're looking pale, dear. Now don’t mind me, I'm off to finish the wash, now that the day is warming up somewhat."

After a moment of prayer, the bishop spoke. "How is your leg doing, Hannah?"

"It's getting better,
denki
."

"And your
schweschders
? How are they doing?"

"Much better,
denki
."

Hannah twisted the mug of meadow tea round in her hands nervously. She didn’t know how to broach the subject with the bishop.

"Now, Hannah, tell me why you have come to see me today. Take your time," he added kindly.

Hannah shifted in her seat. "I have the sin of unforgiveness in my heart," she blurted. Hannah looked at the bishop, expecting him to look shocked or at least surprised, but the expression on his face did not change. It suddenly dawned on her that the bishop would hear all sorts of sins and problems.

The bishop leaned forward. "Tell me all about it, Hannah." His tone was encouraging and warm. "We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of
Gott
. We must strive not to sin on a daily basis," he added.

Hannah nodded. "I have unforgiveness in my heart for Noah Hostetler for causing the accident that injured not only me, but my three sisters as well. I've tried to forgive him but I feel resentment toward him too."

The bishop nodded. "You know, of course, that it was an accident. He hadn’t been speeding; he lost control of the car in heavy mist and on an icy road. He was on
rumspringa
, too."

Hannah sighed. "
Jah
, I know all that. I know he didn’t run into our buggy deliberately. It’s just that he was the cause of so much hardship for me and my
familye
."

The bishop nodded again. "Have you asked
Gott
to help you forgive him?"

Hannah nodded. "
Jah
." She looked down, shamefaced.

"Did you know that the middle letter of the
Englisch
word
pride
is I?"

Hannah looked at the bishop in surprise. She had no idea what he meant.

"You know what
Gelassenheit
means, Hannah?" the bishop continued.

"It means submission?" Hannah asked, not sure if it had some particular meaning that the bishop was referring to.

"
Jah
, but it means to submit to
Gott's
will. It means to resign yourself to
Gott's
will, to have a quiet spirit of self-denial and contentment."

The bishop sipped his tea, while Hannah tried to process his words. "Do you mean that I'm to accept the accident as
Gott's
will, and not blame Noah for it?"

The bishop did not answer directly but nodded to a large, thick book on the table nearby. "See that book."

"
Jah
,
The
Martyrs' Mirror
." Hannah knew the book well. Just about every Amish home she had been in had that book and she heard about the martyrs just about every time she was in church.

The bishop stood up, and walked over to the table to fetch the book, before he sat down with it on his knee. "And do you know the full title?"

Hannah did know the full title, but she was nervous talking to the bishop, so had to collect her thoughts for a moment before she answered. "
The Martyrs Mirror of the Defenseless Christians who baptized only upon confession of faith, and who suffered and died for the testimony of Jesus, their Savior, from the time of Christ to the year A.D. 1660
."

The bishop patted the book. "And do you know why they were called
Defenseless
?"

Hannah shook her head. "No, not really."

"They were called
Defenseless
because they did not fight against authority when it was unjust."

Hannah did not see what that had to do with unforgiveness, so waited for the bishop to explain further.

"Not resisting is the same as forgiveness," the bishop continued. "
Gott
forgave us, so we must forgive others. It is not an option."

Hannah knew that in theory, but she was finding it hard to put into practice.

"Hannah," the bishop said softly, "you do not have the right
not
to forgive; that is the right of
Gott
, and
Gott
only."

Hannah nodded. Its very sense stuck at her soul.

"And you know how important forgiveness is in
The Lord's Prayer
."

Hannah silently recited
The Lord's Prayer
to herself.

Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil:
for thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory, for ever.
Amen
.

"Why, yes." Hannah felt as if a huge load had lifted off her. How could she have been so blind? She always said
The Lord's Prayer
silently before every meal, and recited it before every church meeting, so how had she overlooked the words,
forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,
for so long?

"As you struggle to forgive," the bishop continued, "you open yourself up to the grace of
Gott
. No one is able to forgive without
Gott's
help; it is beyond us and so we must reply on
Gott
with a gentle and quiet spirit. If
Gott
could forgive us, how can we refuse to forgive others? At the moment you forgive, that is the moment you let your pain go. Hand it over to
Gott
." He paused for a moment. "Am I making sense?"

Hannah nodded. "Yes,
denki
."

"I am not saying you forget what happened. Yes, it was an accident. Noah had not been speeding. But what if he
had
been speeding on his
rumspringa
? Should you forgive him any less?
Nee
. No matter what, you must take all your unforgiveness, all your anger, all your resentment, and hand it over to
Gott
. It is
Gott's
business; it is not
your
business."

The bishop looked at Hannah who nodded. He went on. "There is but one judge, and that is
Gott
. Unforgiveness is a form of judgment. Every time you feel anger, forgiveness, or resentment, you at once must give it to
Gott
, even if it is many times in the one day, even if it is many times, day after day."

Hannah finally spoke. "It does seem easy when you put it that way."

The bishop smiled. "It
is
easy, Hannah. It is easy because there is no other way. You must forgive, and you must hand over your resentment to
Gott
, again and again if necessary."

"
Denki
.
Denki
so much. I wish I’d come to you sooner."

The bishop smiled a wry smile. "Perhaps you should have listened to the ministers who say this all the time."

Hannah felt shamefaced, but looked up to see the bishop smiling at her again.

"Now, before we pray, is there anything else you would like to speak to me about?" He smiled encouragingly.

Hannah hesitated. She had been going to tell the bishop that she was conflicted with her feelings for Noah, her feelings of love for him while at the same time having feelings of resentment for him. Yet now that she had released her sin of unforgiveness to
Gott
, there was no conflict in her heart any more.

"
Nee
,
denki
," she said slowly. "I think that it is all okay now."

The bishop smiled. "
Gut
. Then let us pray."

After prayer, the bishop showed Hannah to the door. "Remember, Hannah," he said, "No matter how great our sins or our problems,
Gott
will always show us the way home."

"
Denki
," Hannah said meekly.

As she walked down the porch steps, she heard the bishop say, "Liebe macht erfinderisch."
Love will find a way
.

Hannah looked back. Did the bishop know about her feelings for Noah?

2 Corinthians 2:10-11.

10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

Chapter 14
.

Hannah felt physically lighter ever since she had spoken to the bishop. The bishop's words had hit home and she had handed over all her unforgiveness to
Gott
. In fact, looking back, she wondered why she'd ever had unforgiveness in her heart in the first place. Of course, as Hannah thought with a chuckle, she was physically lighter as well due to the fact that her cast had been removed.

Hannah had hoped to come across Noah ever since she had spoken to the bishop, but the next Sunday meeting wasn't until the Sunday after the coming one, and Noah had not gone into his
mudder's
quilt shop again, at least not while Hannah was there. She spent much of her time daydreaming about what would happen when she saw him again.

Hannah had also escaped the unpleasantness of spending another day with Mrs. Yoder at the schoolhouse, as Mary Knepp had recovered sooner than expected and was back teaching the school children. Hannah returned home one night after her morning in the quilt shop followed by a visit to Rebecca in the hospital. Hannah was in high spirits as Rebecca was improving far better than the doctors had hoped, and was expected to be discharged soon.

However, her mood soon changed. As she was helping her
mudder
prepare dinner, her
mudder
turned to her. "Now listen, Hannah. Beth Yoder has invited you for dinner tomorrow night."

"
Nee
,
Mamm
!" Hannah's eyes went wide. "Please, I told you that I don’t like David Yoder at all." Hannah considered telling her
mudder
that David had tried to kiss her, but then decided against it. Beth Yoder was a close friend of her
mudder's
, and Hannah didn’t want to say anything that might put a strain on that relationship.

Mrs. Miller held up her hand. "
Nee
, Hannah, listen. I don't think it’s like that at all. We didn’t discuss it, but I think Beth has realized that you feel uncomfortable around her son David. She liked speaking to you the day you both taught together and wants to stay friends with you. In fact, she hasn't even invited you to her own home for dinner."

"She hasn't?" Hannah was puzzled.

"
Nee
. She's invited you to a restaurant."

"A restaurant?" Hannah parroted. Mr. and Mrs. Yoder were known to be stricter than the other members of the Amish community to which the Millers belonged. In fact, Jessie Miller always wore her bonnet over her
kapp
in public, without exception.

"
Jah
."

"That seems a bit strange,
Mamm
." Hannah had an uneasy feeling. Why on earth would Beth Yoder want to meet her at a restaurant? She didn’t think the Yoders even approved of
Englisch
restaurants. Perhaps Beth was going to attempt to talk her into dating David?

Mrs. Miller simply shrugged, and continued the preparation of dinner.

* * *

Hannah sat in the restaurant, looking around at the other patrons. She was the only Amish person there, although she knew that some of the other members of her community did on occasion eat at this restaurant. The clock on the wall showed that Mrs. Yoder was late. The table for two had been reserved, and Hannah had taken the seat facing the entrance so that Mrs. Yoder would find her more easily.

Hannah studied the menu while she was waiting, and decided she would order chicken pot pie with a side of chow chow, or perhaps something with mashed potatoes, pepper slaw, and creamed celery.

Mrs. Yoder's full of surprises
, Hannah thought.
I know Amish cooks don't work here, but Amish cooks do work at the other restaurant just a block from here. Plus this restaurant's more one suited to dating couples, rather than for friends - the other one's more suited to that. I wonder why she chose this one?

Hannah shrugged and looked at her surroundings. The lighting was dimmed, and the walls were a pale, golden amber that reflected the soft glow of the candlelight from the ornate candles on each table. The napkins, by way of contrast, were a deep burgundy.

Hannah looked at the door once again. There was still no sign of Mrs. Yoder. Had her
mamm
got the restaurant's name right?
Yes
, Hannah thought,
there was a reservation here in the name of Yoder
.

"Hannah." The voice was masculine; it was not Mrs. Yoder's voice at all.

Hannah looked up into the face of David Yoder.

"David!" Hannah realized she had said the word with some horror, but didn't really care. "What are
you
doing here?"

David sat down in the chair opposite Hannah's. "
Mamm
said to say
sorry
; she can’t come, so she's sent me instead."

It all became obvious to Hannah. This was a set-up; Mrs. Yoder had never had any intention of having dinner with her. It had simply been a ploy to get Hannah to have dinner with David.

Hannah abruptly stood up. "I’ll be leaving then, David."

"
Nee
,
nee
," David said, his brows meeting in a frown. "I wanted to have dinner with you to apologize anyway. Please, will you forgive me for my behavior, Hannah?"

Hannah's heart softened and she sat back down. Perhaps
Gott
was testing her over the matter of forgiveness. She had forgiven Noah, and now she had to forgive David too. Besides, it was a public place, and he was hardly going to try to kiss her again here.

"
Jah
, I forgive you, David. However, I will only agree to have dinner with you if you understand that I will
not
be dating you - not now, not ever." Hannah thought that came out a little harshly, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

Hannah saw something that looked like a momentary flash of anger pass across David's face, but then he agreed. "
Jah
,
jah
. I'm so happy you've forgiven me, Hannah." He smiled a wide smile, which Hannah thought looked quite fake and insincere. Nevertheless, she had learned her lesson about forgiveness and was determined to follow through. She would be gracious and have dinner with David Yoder.

However, instead of pleasant conversation, David bombarded Hannah with questions - who had she dated in the past, was she interested in anyone now, how long did she intend to work for Mrs. Hostetler. Hannah managed to deflect all the questions, but with some difficulty. David also criticized Noah Hostetler, but Hannah did not respond, as she figured he did so only to draw some kind of reaction from her. He did not ask how her leg was, or ask after her
schweschders
.

"What time did you say the taxi was calling for you?" David asked between courses.

"Eight thirty, David. That's the second time you've asked."

David smiled. "I'm just looking out for you, Hannah. I wouldn't want you to miss your ride, with you relying on taxis given how you feel about buggies and all. Do you think you'll have time for dessert after all?"

"
Jah
, I sure will." If Hannah was going to be forced to wait until eight thirty in David's company, she was going to do her best to enjoy it, and that was going to mean eating dessert. "Besides," she said aloud, "if I did miss that taxi, I’d simply call another."

Hannah noted the look of worry on David's face.
Why is he so keen to have me leave at eight thirty?
she wondered. "I
will
be leaving at eight thirty, anyway," she said, more to herself than to David. "If the dessert is late coming, I will simply not eat all of it."

David nodded with clear relief. "You are a beautiful woman, Hannah," he said, at the same time reaching across and patting her hand.

Hannah looked up in shock, and to her horror, looked straight into the eyes of Noah Hostetler. They held each other's gaze for a moment, and Hannah was so surprised that she did not think to snatch her hand away until Noah had turned on his heel and left the restaurant.

What have I done?
Hannah's heart thumped loudly and her throat tightened.
Noah will think I'm dating David Yoder
.

As if through a mist, she vaguely heard David order hot apple fritters with ice cream. "And you, miss?"

Hannah looked up at the waitress. "Shoo-fly pie, please," she said automatically.

David peered into her face. "Have I upset you?"

"
Nee
, well, not exactly, David. But you mustn't say things like that. And please do not touch my hand again."

David simply nodded and looked around the room, and then at his watch. Hannah was surprised to see that he was wearing a watch, as she knew that Mr. and Mrs. Yoder did not approve of them. It looked like a fancy watch too.

Hannah was only able to have a mouthful or two of the shoo-fly pie, as her stomach was churning. She had finally forgiven Noah and come to terms with her feelings for him, but now he no doubt thought she was dating David. Then another thought occurred to her. What was Noah doing here anyway? Was he meeting someone, perhaps a girl? Was it true that he was seeing
Englisch
girls after all?

Hannah sank into the depths of despair. Despite being seated close to the roaring fire, she felt a chill run through her veins.

Finally, the clock on the wall told her it was eight twenty-five. "Thank you, David; I'll be going now."

David made to rise but Hannah waved him down. She had no wish for him to wait outside with her. She didn’t want a repeat performance of the incident in the barn the other week. "
Nee
, David; stay and finish your dessert. The taxi will be here for me any moment."

To her relief, he readily agreed. Hannah hurried outside to see that the taxi had just pulled up. She slid into the seat with a sigh as she released all her pent-up tension. Hannah had made up her mind to tell her parents about David, how he had tried to kiss her. That was the only way to stop dinners being arranged behind her back - in fact, it would put a sure stop to all matchmaking ideas of Mrs. Yoder's as well as her
mudder's
.

The taxi driver looked over his shoulder at Hannah. "If you’re not in a hurry, miss, could you wait five minutes? I have another ride booked for eight thirty-five - she lives near you."

"Sure, that's fine." Hannah didn’t mind at all. The taxi was warm, and besides, it gave her the opportunity to think about what she would say to her parents. It might even give her time to think how she could put things right with Noah, if that were even possible.

Hannah was looking out the window of the taxi when she saw David come out of the restaurant. He stood there, looking around. Hannah sunk back in the seat, and was relieved that David hadn't caught sight of her. Just then a short, shapely,
Englisch
girl hurried over to him. She was wearing a short skirt and an abundance of jewelry. She flung her arms around David's neck and kissed him hard.

Hannah's jaw dropped open. She couldn’t stop staring, despite her shock at the scene unfolding in front of her. David and the
Englisch
girl were embroiled in a lengthy, passionate embrace right there on the street.
He must've been pretending to be interested in me just to throw his mudder off the track
, Hannah thought with astonishment.

* * *

Noah hurried away from the restaurant. His worst fears appeared to have come true; his beloved Hannah was having dinner with David Yoder. Why, the
mann
even had his hand on Hannah's and she didn't look as if she minded. What on earth was going on?