The Anal Sex Position Guide (6 page)

If the initial penetration is difficult for you, in addition to deep breathing, try to bear down slightly, as if you’re pushing something out of your anus, as he enters you. It sounds like the opposite of what you should be doing, since you want him inside you, but it’s a proven technique. As you push down gently, the sphincter muscles will relax and make penetration easier.

Lots of anal novices say that the first few times they experience anal penetration, it feels like they have to go to the bathroom. It makes sense, because all the nerve endings are being stimulated just as they are during a bowel movement. Usually, after the first few times, this sensation (or at least the urgent feeling to run to the toilet) subsides. So take a deep breath and try to just experience this new sensation. If you’re feeling anxious, then by all means, stop and take a trip to the bathroom. You probably don’t have to go, but you can try anyway, to reassure yourself.

If you start to feel any pain during penetration, don’t panic (that will only make it worse). First, ask him to slow down or come out slightly, and see if that makes a difference. He may have to stop moving altogether; if he can do it and maintain his erection, have him simply stay inside you with little or no movement. Add some more lube; there may be too much friction that is causing the pain. Have him come out and switch back to whatever came before the intercourse: two fingers, a butt plug, whatever it was. If none of these work and it still hurts, then stop altogether. It’s crucial that you listen to your body.

Some women have fantasies of having both their vagina and ass penetrated at the same time; men also like the idea of filling both of her orifices at once. With some patience, creativity, and a dildo, you can try it.

If you want to explore double penetration, use a dildo made of a flexible material like rubber or silicone. Some women can accommodate something in their vagina and in their ass simultaneously with relative ease. For others, it takes some effort, lots of warmup, and practice. For most women, when something sizable goes in one hole, the membrane that separates the vaginal and rectal cavities gives slightly one way or the other to accommodate it. So, if there’s a large toy in your vagina, your ass may feel tighter than normal, and vice versa. Try out different techniques to see which one suits you. You may want to inch the dildo into your vagina as he inches his penis into your ass. Work your way in slowly, alternating between the two until it feels comfortable. Or have him penetrate one orifice (the ass would be the best choice since, for most women, it requires more warmup), then work the dildo into your vagina. Some people like to alternate holes—as the penis goes in the backdoor, the dildo comes out of the front—then switch, so the effect is like two pistons going in opposite directions. You’re testing the limits of your body, so make sure you go slowly and give your partner plenty of feedback about how it feels.

WHEN YOU TRY OUT
something sexual that’s brand new, it’s better to start your experimentation in familiar and straightforward positions so you don’t complicate the process. So, as you first explore anal sex, it’s important to go back to the basics. Finding the right position is crucial for anal beginners; it will help you feel comfortable and get used to this exciting new form of stimulation and pleasure. Each of the following positions has its own pros and cons, and each one is appropriate for newcomers and novices. The positions in this chapter (and in
chapters 7
and
10
) are described with examples of men as givers and women as receivers, and the photos reflect the same coupling.
Chapter 12
specifically covers women as givers and men as receivers. Remember, most positions can be adapted for couples of any gender or sexual orientation. The description of each position that follows is not meant to be the definitive “correct way” to perform it. Remember, there is no such thing as the wrong sex position if it works for you and your partner. Feel free to modify the ones described in this chapter so that they accommodate your specific needs, including your body size, flexibility, comfort, and personal preferences.

Missionary is the original man-on-top position for vaginal intercourse, and, in some circles, has a reputation as boring, ordinary, and predictable. But don’t dismiss it that easily, because it has plenty of good qualities! For anal penetration to work in this position, the woman must angle her butt upward to give her partner easy access to her anus. To do this, she needs to fold her legs back toward her shoulders so that her knees rest against her chest. She can keep her knees bent or straighten her legs. This allows him to lie completely on top of her as he penetrates her. This is a good position if you both like deep penetration or if he has a shorter penis.

Missionary provides more opportunities for variety than some people give it credit for. The man controls the angle, depth, and pace of penetration, and some men harness their dominant side in this position and take charge. Others like to be sweet and sensual in Missionary, since it’s a perfect position for lots of kissing and skin-to-skin contact. Many women like Missionary because they enjoy feeling the weight of their partner on top of them. Others say they like to feel a sense of surrender as he takes charge. You can look into each other’s eyes, take advantage of face-to-face communication, and touch each other’s faces, heads, and hair.

A woman needs to be extremely flexible in order to make this position work, and it’s definitely not for everyone. It can be awkward to get into and uncomfortable to stay in for any length of time. Likewise, some men find that they can’t support their weight on their hands or arms for very long. Some women feel pinned down by their partner’s body and too confined to enjoy themselves. Because his body covers hers, vaginal stimulation or penetration is nearly impossible; she can stimulate her clitoris if she slips her hand—or a very compact vibrator—between their bodies. Large and wand-style vibrators just won’t work.

In Upright Missionary position, she lies on her back, he sits up on his knees and positions himself between her legs, and she bends her knees, resting her feet on his chest. In this position, he can caress and squeeze her breasts or even pinch her nipples if she likes it; he can also easily reach and stimulate her clitoris with his hand or a vibrator. He has a good view of the action in this position, as he can watch his penis go in and out of her. She can look at him as he penetrates her and stroke his chest and nipples. This can be an alternative to Missionary if she wants his weight off of her or to be in a less pretzel-like body position; it’s also good for partners of very different heights or weights.

In this one, he sits up on his knees and moves between her legs. She lies on her back and puts her legs up in front of him so that they are perpendicular to the rest of her body, forming an L shape. Having her legs at a right angle to her torso straightens out the rectum slightly and makes penetration a little easier. As in Missionary, where her legs are folded back, she must be quite flexible in order to sustain this, so it may not be a position many women can stay in for very long. This position allows him more shallow penetration than other variations, which is good if he has a longer penis or she doesn’t like him to go too deep.