The Atonement (44 page)

“Rich, I understand your shock. I felt the
same way when he told me, but now I don’t think Dave’s idea is so
far fetched. Sometimes when you’re in a relationship you can get
caught up and end up serving that other person more than the Lord,”
said Allen.

“Where did that come from?” asked Tim.

“Like I’ve said. I’ve had a number of
personal revelations in the past 24 hours.”

“I don’t know if I’m gon’ be able to hang
wit’ you guys for much longer. All this talk about no women and
what not – I don’t know. Next thing you know, y’all all holed up in
Tim’s crib, wearing those brown robes and them funny sandals,
burnin' incense, shaving the top part of your head bald,” said
Richard.

“First of all, we’re not Catholic, and
nowadays modern monks do not shave their heads,” said Tim.

“Still, y’all sound a little extreme,” said
Richard.

“When you live for God sometimes you gotta
make a sacrifice,” said Davis.

“That’s a pretty big sacrifice. Too big if
you ask me,” said Richard.

“When I think about everything He’s done for
us, I don’t think any sacrifice can be too big,” said Davis.

“Hmph. That’s what y’all sayin’ now ‘cause
ain’t none of y’all found that tenderoni yet. I have a feelin’
before the next summer is over somebody here gonna be puttin’ a
ring on somebody,” said Richard.

They all laughed.

“Sounds like wishful thinking, Rich,” said
Tim.

“You’ll see brother. You’ll see.”

Forty-One

“Evening, Brad,” said Tim as he walked into
the New Towers. It had been an incredibly long day and with all the
running around he’d been doing, he really hadn’t had a chance to
rest. Tim was looking forward to going through with his evening
devotion and then going to bed. He’d wait until morning to fix up
his spare bedroom. He hoped in the meantime, the Lord would show
him something he could do to help Allen and Jim reconcile.

“Good evening, Mr. Russell,” said Bradley,
“Late night at the office, sir?”

“Nope. Just visiting a friend in the
hospital,” said Tim leaning against the station desk.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay, Brad. He’s fine, now. In fact,
he’ll be out tomorrow and he’s going to be staying with us for
awhile.”

“I look forward to it, sir. I take it Mr.
Sharpe will be our guest.”

“Yes. How’d you know?”

“Just a guess. He visits often, and you seem
like close friends.”

“Indeed we are.”

“You’re very lucky. Not many people are so
blessed.”

“Thanks, Brad. Any news?”

“You have a delivery…” began Brad handing Tim
a small box.

“My books! Awesome!”

“…and you have a visitor,” he said as his
face became grave and nodded his head to the waiting area.

Tim turned in that direction to see Allyson,
casually dressed in a blue and white striped, cotton breton, dark
rinsed skinny jeans and red platform sneakers, sitting with a red
coat over her lap, listening to music on her cell phone, or at
least that’s what he assumed she was doing since she was wearing
her ear buds that were plugged into it. She was so absorbed in what
she was doing that she didn’t even notice him. “Broke again,” Tim
surmised to himself, “What in the world is she doing with all of
her money?”

“How long has she been waiting?” said
Tim.

“Not more than five or ten minutes.”

“Thanks, Brad. Here’s something for looking
out,” he said handing him a twenty-dollar bill.

“Thank you, sir. It’s always a pleasure.”

As Tim got closer to where she was sitting,
he realized he might have been wrong. Instead of music, he heard
the voice of someone talking. When he was right behind her he could
see, a video was displayed on the screen of her phone. It looked
like a classroom lecture. Tim was practically standing right over
her and yet she still was unaware of his presence. He crouched down
where she was sitting, and removed one of her ear buds.

“That looks interesting,” said Tim in
Allyson’s ear.

Allyson shot up and let out a short
high-pitched shriek, while her coat fell to the floor, and her
phone swayed near her legs from the cord of the earplugs.

“I wish you wouldn’t always do that!” she
said struggling to collect her belongings. She tried to reel in her
phone, but it became disconnected from the ear buds and dropped to
the floor next to her coat.

“Sorry, but I was trying to get your
attention. You seemed so focused,” said Tim, as he helped her
gather her things.

“It’s just a seminar.”

“The professors at Columbia allow you to
record them, now?”

“Some. The ones who aren’t popular or
knowledgeable enough to demand speaking fees.”

“Speaking of fees, I thought that with all
the extra money mom’s giving you to spy on me, you wouldn’t need
another subsidy for quite some time.”

“I’m not here for money.”

Tim couldn’t help gaping at her in disbelief.
He wanted to believe that this was a positive development, but
judging by the sour expression on his sister’s face, he wasn’t sure
he should get his hopes up.

“Sooo why are you here?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d prefer to discuss it
in private,” she said as she looked over his shoulder at
Bradley.

Tim followed her gaze and noticed that
Bradley was indeed staring at them. He would be annoyed with
Bradley, but he knew nosiness and eavesdropping were the
unspecified duties of a building doorman.

“Fine. After you,” he said before they
started toward the elevator banks.

Tim swallowed hard as he walked along with
his sister. Ever since their falling out, any kind of conversation
that did not involve pecuniary matters would end up in a shouting
match with Allyson occasionally getting physical. He didn’t know if
he had the strength for whatever his sister had in store for
him.

*****

“Would you like something to drink?” said Tim
after he and his sister entered the apartment and he had locked the
door. He hung their coats on the rack near the door and then laid
his package on the coffee table.

“Depends. What do you have?” she said looking
around as if she’d never been there before.

“There’s sparkling water, regular water,
orange juice, and berry smoothies.”

“Just water.”

“Coming up.”

Tim went into the kitchen and grabbed a
bottle of water from his fridge and brought it back to Allyson, who
spent a good several minutes just staring at the bottle.

“Allyson, is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said before taking a sip and
then a long drag and then putting the bottle on the table. He
noticed that she seemed a little fidgety, and avoided looking
directly at him. All of a sudden, her expression went from her
usual sour, ‘I’m annoyed with the world,’ look to a more somber
one. It made Tim less wary and more concerned.

“You sure? You look…”

“I told you I’m fine,” she said, as her sour
look returned, “I didn’t come here because I had a problem. I
wanted to let you know I got that little package you sent.”

“Did you like it?”

“Where did you find her? I threw that doll in
the garbage years ago.”

“Yes, I remember going out to ride my
skateboard, when I saw her lying outside in a box of trash, and I
rescued her before the garbage collectors got to her.”

“Why?”

“She was special to me. She reminded me of
the good times between us.”

“So why not keep her? Why send her to me now
all of a sudden?”

“You read the card didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then you know my reason.”

“If this is some sentimental ploy that you’re
using to try to broker a reconciliation, then consider it a
fail.”

“Ally, I don’t do ploys, or games. I am not
trying to trick you into reconciling with me. I’m well aware that
you’re angry with me and probably will be until the day you die,
but in spite of all that, I still love you. I always will. That’s
all that present was about.”

“How magnanimous of you, Tim, but I’m not the
one that needs mercy. As always, you forget there’s a reason why we
don’t get along and I have every right to feel the way I do.”

“Look, Ally, I know that I hurt you…obviously
very deeply. But you have to know that I never meant to. I’m sorry,
Ally.”

“You can’t be sorry if you don’t even know
what you’re sorry for.”

“I’m sorry for breaking my promise to you…to
be there for you when Poppa died. I’m sorry I abandoned you and
left for California, and then for boarding school. I’m sorry for
not being there for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry for
being so caught up with myself that I didn’t consider your
feelings. I know things probably won’t ever be the same between us
and I’m not asking for them to be if that’s not what you want. I
just want you to forgive me.”

“So you finally figured it out. What
happened? Did you have some kind of epiphany or did your God tell
you all this?”

“He led me to find this.”

“This is my old diary,” she said looking it
over, and noticing that the lock was broken, “You read it?”

“Yes.”

“It figures. You just don’t get it, do
you?”

“Are you saying you didn’t want me to read
it? You threw it away!”

“Duh! That in and of its self should have
told you I didn’t want anyone reading it. Those are my personal
feelings! You had no right to read any of it without my
permission!”

“I’m sorry, Allyson, I didn’t realize you’d
feel this way. But how else was I supposed to know why you were
angry with me? After all, you flat out refused to tell me whenever
I asked and I’m not a mind reader.”

“You didn’t need to be. It should have been
obvious.”

“Sometimes it’s not. Two people can have
different views of the same events you know.”

“That’s because the selfish can never
properly empathize with anyone or understand the effect their
actions have on other people. They only see things from their own
narrow point of view.”

“Okay, so I’m a jerk. Fine. If you can’t
forgive me for my sake, then do it for your own. If you haven’t
noticed, all that misery and anger you’re holding inside of you is
only going to attract more of the same. If you want to have some
peace in your life, I suggest you let it go.”

“Please. I have lots of money, I’m on the
path to a promising career in journalism, I have lots of
connections and I’m dating the heir of a multimillion-dollar
publishing and entertainment mogul. I would hardly call that
miserable.”

“Sounds very brave, but you can’t fool me. If
all that stuff could satisfy you, then you wouldn’t be as upset as
you are now.”

“I’m not upset!”

“If you’re not upset, then why are you
yelling?”

“I’m not! - Why did I even bother coming
here?”

“That’s a good question. Why did you come
here tonight, Ally? I know you couldn’t have possibly come out all
this way in the middle of the night, and even be willing to wait
around for a bit, all so you could tell me you got your birthday
present, especially when there are easier and faster ways to do it
and you wouldn’t have had to put up with my irritating
presence.”

“You are so right. Thanks for the insight. In
fact, I think I’ll do myself a favor and leave.”

“Allyson, wait!”

She stopped in her tracks but she didn’t turn
around to face him.

“I’m tired of things always ending up this
way between us.”

“I’m tired, too, Tim. I’m tired of mother,
I’m tired of playing detective, I’m tired of church, and I’m tired
of you.”

Allyson left leaving Tim standing in a puddle
of disillusionment. He thought sure that after discussing the real
problem, things would change between them, but Allyson was just as
bitter as she was before.

“Lord, I tried. I’ve done everything I know
how to do and I’ve done everything you’ve told me or at least what
I thought you told me. But now it’s in your hands. If Allyson and I
weren’t meant to reconcile then I accept that. I pray you give me
the strength and courage to move on.”

Forty-Two

Jim tried to stand up. He eased himself up on
the crutch until he was standing. Then he tried to shift his weight
onto his formerly encased leg. At least he could stand on it.
Yesterday, he couldn’t do much of anything with it. Next, he tried
to walk across the floor. He managed to take a few steps, but his
knee seemed to be locked up and he had a hard time flexing it. Jim
was getting frustrated with his lack of mobility. He’d had his
casts off for two days, but with the way his body was responding,
they might as well still have been on. Jim wasn’t expecting to have
his full range of motion, but thought he should be able to walk
about without the use of his crutch by now. He was hoping to be
able to have enough mobility to be able to get himself back to his
old apartment. There was no way that he could stay with the Sharpes
any longer.

It wasn’t that the Sharpes had been angry
with him. If they were, he would have felt better about staying
under their roof. After confessing everything he’d told Allen to
Mama Lena, Pop Vernon and Riley they all agreed that they’d been
disappointed, but were willing to look past his indiscretions.
Everyone was willing to move on as if nothing had happened and
nothing had changed. But Jim knew better than that.

Allen was now at Tim’s place, and had no
plans to return anytime soon. Mama Lena and Pop Vernon had told him
that maybe it was a good idea for him to go away for a little while
with Riley so he could clear his head. Even Riley didn’t hang
around as much any more. When she was, she didn’t have much to say.
The Sharpes were too polite to say it, but he knew they were tired
of dealing with him and the problems he was constantly raining on
them. Jim wasn’t going to continue to put a strain on this family.
So he decided he was going to do them a favor.