The Atonement (46 page)

“Looks like you’re gaining weight to me.”

“That’s ‘cause last time you saw me I was
skin and bones. But the doctor say that a guy with my height and
frame should weigh at least 190 pounds. So far I only got up to 175
and can’t seem to get no higher.”

“What about grits? You can eat that can’t
you? That’ll put some weight on you.”

“What’s grits?”

“A brotha like you never eaten grits? How
come? Your mama didn’t know how to cook?”

“My mother was Puerto Rican. My father was
black, but he was married, so he didn’t come around. After him, she
was married to a black guy for a while, but he always spent what
little money we had on forties, cigarettes, and fast food.”

“Well, one day when I return the favor, I’ll
make you some.”

“You cook?”

“Some. I can make grits and eggs, toast, and
cake. That’s about as far as my expertise goes.”

“I used to go to one of them trade high
schools where they taught you how to cook. I used to know how to
make some things, but it’s been a long time since I used those
skills.”

“Once you learn something, you never really
lose it. Maybe you should try to do something with that again. I
wouldn’t mind being a guinea pig. Me and food are no
strangers.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Chris.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a good guy. I’m glad I know you.”

“Back at you, man.”

Forty-Three

Tim was sitting on his couch in sweatpants
and a t-shirt, the only thing he’d ever wear for pajamas aside from
the sleeveless t-shirt and boxer shorts he’d don in the summer
months. He was getting his briefcase ready for the next day,
arranging all of his files and notes in order of priority. Tim was
the master of organization when it came to his work, and wished
that he had the power to work the same kind of magic on his social
life. He hadn’t heard from his sister in days and true to her
promise, she hadn’t shown to church last Sunday. His best friend
had been camped out at his place for nearly a week and he still
didn’t know what happened between Allen and Jim. He had called Jim
once to make sure he was okay, but he seemed like he wasn’t in the
mood to talk, and Tim wasn’t going to try to press him for
information. Once again, their set was falling apart, however, he
realized that no matter what, he had to accede authority to the
master of it all who could do more than he could.

After fastening the locks on the briefcase,
he checked the clock on his living room table and realized that Al
would be home soon, so he went into the kitchen and got the other
half of the pizza he had ordered for dinner and put it in the oven.
After that, he grabbed a Bavarian pretzel from a jar on the counter
as a snack. His timing was perfect for just as the aroma from the
pizza began to waft through the apartment, he could hear Al
unlocking the living room door.

“How was class?” asked Tim shouting from the
kitchen.

“Good. Now that I have time to study and get
some rest, some of the information from my readings is sticking. I
felt like I knew what I was talking about in class today.”

“Glad to know things are working out for you.
I’ve got some pizza heating in the oven if you want. It should be
hot by now.”

“Thanks. I’m so hungry, I could eat my own
foot,” said Allen stopping at the sink to wash his hands before
grabbing an oven mitt to retrieve his pizza.

“Lucky for you there’s pepperoni and sausage
instead.”

Allen took a seat at the kitchen table with
his meal, while Tim sat across from him, bringing another pretzel
with him.

“How was work?” asked Allen as he wiped pizza
sauce from his mouth with a napkin.

“Fine. Things are starting to slow down there
as of late. I’m not taking home much work anymore. Sometimes I just
stay an extra hour or so and just get things done rather than bring
work home with me.”

“Smart. Still nothing from your sister?”

“Nope.”

“Don’t worry. Things tend to get worse before
they get better.”

“One can only hope. Oh, by the way, Callie
left a message for you on my voicemail for some reason. She asked
me to tell you that she wants to talk to you.”

“That’s interesting.”

“I’ll say. I was wondering why she didn’t
just leave the message on your phone.”

Allen just kept eating his pizza without
responding.

“I mean she is your girlfriend, after all.
Although…I have noticed that you haven’t mentioned her the whole
time you’ve been here, and she hasn’t stopped by to see you,
either.”

“If you get anymore messages like that, just
erase them. Callie and I broke up.”

“I kind of suspected that. When did this
happen?”

“Just before you guys came to see me at the
hospital.”

“So that’s why you seemed so bummed when we
came in. This wouldn’t happen to have something to do with the fall
out between you and Jim, would it?”

Allen was silent again.

“C’mon, Al. I gave you some space earlier
because I knew that you were still trying to figure things out, but
it’s been nearly a week now. What’s going on?”

“I don’t even know where to start. The only
person who I feel sorry for in all this is Darius and what he’s
going to have to go through. I’d like to be there for him, but I
don’t know if that’s going to be possible.”

“Darius? How does he figure in all this?”

“You’ll never guess who Callie hooked up with
before Darius was born. No, actually, you will.”

“Jim?”

“Told you.”

“Dude! Are you implying that Jim is
Darius’s…”

“I’m not implying anything. He told me
himself.”

“Whoah, dude! Are you serious?! Hold on, I
think I might need a minute. This information’s blowing me
away.”

“Now think about how I must’ve felt.”

“I’m not going to even pretend to know.
Sorry, Al. I can’t imagine what could’ve happened to…”

“Neither can I.”

“Are you sure Jim even knew how much you
liked her?”

“Trust me, he knew.”

“We all know he was under a lot of emotional
stress at that time, and was definitely drinking if he wasn’t using
yet. You think maybe he was under the influence when this happened?
I’m not saying that excuses his behavior, but it might explain
it.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Only God knows. Not
that it matters anyway.”

“Are they going to be a couple now?”

“No. Whatever they had together was just
physical.”

“Figures.”

“Now, I’m just trying to move on, and forget
about them.”

“Al, I can understand your being upset and
all, but I think you should try to work things out with Jim.”

“Believe me, for the past couple of days I’ve
thought about that, but Jim’s got a lot of issues that he needs to
work out. I used to think that God could use me to help him, but I
think I’d just be setting myself up for more pain.”

“Not necessarily. He’s given his life to God
and I know he wants to do the right thing. He could have gone down
south and kept everything a secret, but he told you the truth.”

“That might have been more like an
accident.”

“No, he made a decision, even if it was in
the heat of the moment. Besides, this thing happened years ago when
you knew neither of you were on good terms. It’s not like he did
this yesterday and if what your mom says is true, he is sorry about
it.”

“Or sorry his secret’s out.”

“Despite what everything looks like, I can’t
believe Jim could be that malicious. He was still grieving over his
mom. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own pain that
they’re not thinking about the real impact of their actions.”

“It’s called selfishness. I’m not sure if it
would be good to have a friend like that.”

“All right, I’ll grant you that. But we’ve
all been there. I know I have. I’ve done a lot of stupid, selfish,
irresponsible things to you in the past, like the time I left you
stranded in the middle of Allentown, Pennsylvania.”

“Yes, I remember, but that wasn’t as
bad…”

“It was bad enough. You could have been
killed or abducted or something. Yet, the next week back on campus,
you forgave me, despite my very lame excuse. As a matter of fact,
there were a number of other times you could have written our
relationship off, but you didn’t. Why?”

“Because I knew that the real Tim, the good
guy that was hiding, would show up eventually.”

“Well, I think the real Jim is about to make
a comeback, too. You’ve known him since you were little kids.
Friendships like that are rare and definitely worth the effort to
save.”

“I always thought if our friendship was so
special, stuff like this couldn’t happen.”

“
In an ideal world it
wouldn’t. But we’re living in a fallen world with imperfect people,
and that includes Christian people. You have to forgive Jim. That’s
not what I’m saying, that’s what the Bible says.”

“Funny. You’re the last person I would’ve
expected to hear this from given that you and Jim were never that
close.”

“I’ve always respected him even when we
didn’t agree, and I think I can understand what he’s been through.
When my grandfather died, I was in an emotional funk for a while,
too, and ended up hurting Allyson in the same way he hurt you.”

“I’m not sure that’s possible. Anyway, I
thought you didn’t know why she was mad at you.”

“I didn’t – until I came across her old diary
about a week or so ago.”

“So…”

“So, you remember when I told you I ran away
to California when I was 14?”

“Yeah.”

“She felt that I had abandoned her. Come to
think of it, I did abandon her.”

“That’s why she’s so nasty? All because you
ran away from home?”

“It’s not that simple, Al. She was a kid. I
was the only real family that she had left after Poppa died.
Instead of being there for her, I ditched her. I get why she’s so
bitter.”

“I don’t. It’s not like you didn’t come
back.”

“But I didn’t stay very long before I was off
to Boston for boarding school.”

“Have you talked to her about this
recently?”

“Yes, and she’s still angry. I thought that
once everything was out in the open things would change, but, no
deal. Al, you don’t know what I’d give to have my baby sister
back.”

“Sorry, man. I wish there was something I
could do.”

“There’s not much that any person can do. We
have to wait and see what God will do.”

“Makes sense. I think I’ll do the same.”

“Allen…”

“On another note, I heard from Miko that you
two are supposed to be having dinner together this weekend. Is that
right?”

“Yes, that’s right. We were supposed to go
last week, but then a certain person got sick and we had to change
our plans.”

“Maybe I should get sick again.”

“Relax, Al. It’s not what you think. She just
wants to thank me and Riley for helping her with her work from
school.”

“Good. I thought I’d have to remind you of
the conversation we had when you were staying at my place.”

“You mean when you threatened me to leave
Miko alone for yet the second time.”

“I was not threatening, just trying to
persuade you to see things logically and to consider all of the
possible consequences that could follow if you chose to continue
your pursuit.”

“In which you concluded, and let me know if
I’m paraphrasing you correctly, that I am an emotional retard who
would only mess things up with Tamiko, destroy our friendship, and
create rancor and division among our friends.”

“I know it hurts, but I had to keep it real.
Your track record in relationships is like the NY Knicks basketball
stats. Am I wrong?”

“Okay, I will admit that in the past I was
very immature and self-serving. But I’ve outgrown that stuff. I
really do want a genuine relationship now.”

“I’ve heard that one before.”

“You’re not going to bring up the whole thing
with Mya are you?”

“Well…”

“C’mon! You’re like the fifth person this
month that’s brought that up. Is anyone going to let me forget
about that? Is there anyone who thinks I can be different?”

“Tim, I know you’re trying, but you need to
reflect and think about where you went wrong with that, bro, or
you’ll keep making the same mistake.”

“I have. It’s like Daniel said, I should have
set some boundaries and expectations. Better still, I should have
followed the leading of the Lord and never taken her out in the
first place.”

“Yeah, she wasn’t right for you, bro.”

“Tell me about it. Not that I was really that
into her anyway.”

“You always say that. C’mon, man. Haven’t you
ever met a woman that you felt like she might be the one.”

“Truth be told? Yes, but you just said she’s
off limits.”

“Tamiko?!”

“Who else?”

“All this time, and you still haven’t gotten
her out of your system?”

“I’ve been trying, Al.”

“So try harder, ‘cause I’m not sure if you
two are meant to be. You know she still likes Davis?”

“He doesn’t like her. You heard what he
said.”

“Davis is just having some cold feet because
of something that happened in a past relationship. Once he gets
over it, I think he’ll change his mind.”

“You think it’s fair that she wait around
until he does?”

“Tim, I’m telling you. If you go after her
now, she’ll probably go out with you because she feels bad about
losing Davis. Then when Davis comes out of his funk and opens his
heart to her, she’ll go running back to him.”

“And he and Tamiko will get married and live
happily ever after.”

“And you, the rebound guy, will be all alone.
Don’t waste your time chasing something that wasn’t meant to be.
All you’re going to get is a lot of heartache. If you need proof,
you can consider me exhibit A.”