The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 (30 page)

“No problem. If you ever need to talk again just tell me. You don’t have to be all macho and bottle it up. No one will ever judge you for this type of stuff,” Kass assured him, patting his shoulder again.

No one will ever judge the true you because no one will ever understand you,
she thought, feeling like the distance between the two had not only just shrunk, but, in a way, had also grown. The hug, the fact that he had opened up, the fact that she was able to comfort him, it was all good at closing the gap between them as friends, but the fact that she couldn’t even begin to empathize made her feel like a little wall had sprouted up between them. No matter how long they hung out, he was fighting for his life, and she was just playing a game.

“Thanks again,” he said, looking back towards the sea. “Now there’s only one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m scared of dying again, and if I don’t level fast--and I mean real fast--the next time I fight ninja cats or karate turtles or whatever Tiqpa throws at me, I might die,” he said, watching another ship come in. “This is a nice step back from the fighting and grinding, but I need to be doing both of those things. I have to stay above everyone else. My life depends on it.”

“Well, there is an easy enough solution there. How about we just check in with Alex, wrap up on the boat stuff and then go clear that dungeon like there’s no tomorrow. We can go from dungeon to dungeon, just the four of us until we’re so high in Levels people will think we’re cheating.”

“You really think it’s that easy?” he looked at her, his face twisted sideways.

“I don’t see why not. Seems easy enough,” she said, purposefully smiling more than was natural.
Smile with your eyes, Kass, or they won’t believe you.

“And the Panda King? Your new friend, Robin, I mean?” Darwin poked at the fact she had originally been so clueless as to his nefarious schemes.

I was the one who lead him on the quest that caused him to die.
It clicked like a knife through the chest.
I got him killed.

“Um, do we have to finish his quest just because we take it?” she asked, trying to offer him the only solution she knew. It was like when a creepy guy asked her on a date, and she wanted to say
no
, but he was too insistent. All she had to do was agree to it and then flake out when the promised time showed up.

“That’s . . . That’s not a bad idea. It’d buy us plenty of time to get Alex and them out of the town while we go clear the dungeon. We could meet back up where we left the so-called bandits, and then the whole faction can move into and fortify the new home together.

“Yeah, that’s the spirit! Let’s do it!” she almost shouted with the best enthusiasm she could muster and patted his back as hard as she could, but it only left her hand stinging and Darwin unmoved.
What in Hades is he made of?

“Alright, let’s tell the others the plan and get a move on,” Darwin said, turning around, but then pausing for a moment. “Oh, and Kass, one more thing.”

“Yeah?” she asked as she looked up at him.
Has he always been this tall?

“Thanks again,” he said, smiling, and the two of them walked back to the rest of the group.

Darwin
:

              Darwin tensed up as he and Kass passed the door to his quarters on the way back to the group. “Umm, Kass, I need to do something first. Just tell the others I’ll join them in a minute and let them know what we plan to do.”

              Kass gave him a funny look for a minute and then just nodded. “Sure thing. I’ll let the others know our evil scheme.”

              “Is it really evil?” Darwin said as he touched his horns. “Don’t tell me I’m actually turning evil too.”

              “I’ll see you with the group, Darwin. Go take care of your stuff,” she laughed and walked away, leaving Darwin to stare at the door handle to the Captain’s quarters.

              After a few seconds of nervously looking at it, he sighed, reached for it, and finally opened the door. All of the awkward tension from not being sure what to say to Stephanie about his horns or the fact he was leaving without her again the second he got back, even if it was just so that he could get Levels again, was for naught. She wasn’t there. He remembered that she said before he left that she had to take care of some stuff too; but, for some reason, he had kind of expected, maybe even hoped, she would be waiting when he got back. Instead, there was only a simple note written on college ruled looseleaf paper in fancy handwriting lying on his pillow.

              He walked over to it, picked it up, and started to read.

Dear Darwin,

If you’re reading this then that means I’m dead. Kidding! I’m probably still out taking care of errands, but how dramatic would that be? It would totally be, like, one of those fancy-pants action movies, and you would have to, like, avenge me all hero style. I’d expect a cape. Actually, given there will probably be players who will try to kill me one day, you should be taking notes. I want you to be wearing a cape, and something really tight, like leather, that shows off those hot muscles and your cute ~ Wait, this letter needs to be PG-13 or it won’t make it into the live action movie. Anyways, remember that!

Now, just in case you beat me back to the cabin, please leave a map of where you’re headed so I can catch up to you later. Thanks, honey.

P.S.

Last night was really fun, I’ve been thinking about it all day ;-) ← Is it okay to write an emoji? Should I just draw a winky face instead? Will it end up as awkward like if you say “LOL” in real life in place of actually laughing? Get back to me on this.

Lots of kisses, XOXOXOXO

Stephanie.”

              Darwin actually laughed a bit at the comment about people saying ‘LOL’ in real life. He couldn’t help but think of his old guild and that one annoying paladin who never actually laughed, but would constantly say LOL over the voice chat channel just to let everyone know he thought something was funny. That guy’s habit was strangely comforting though, like a reminder to Darwin that even after spending every waking moment that he wasn’t working playing games, he still wasn’t the biggest nerd in the guild--not that it would have been a bad thing.

             
I wonder what she’s been up to that she still isn’t back,
Darwin thought, as he drew out a map for Stephanie.
With her Level, what in this area could possibly take her more than a few minutes to handle?

              After he finished the rough sketch of a map, the best one he could do with his limited knowledge of the area, he put in his own little note for Stephanie and left to go join the others. Walking back to the group, he felt a sense of joy that hadn’t generally come with the game so far. Sure, everyone here was a gamer just like like him, and he had played countless games before with groups of people, but this time it felt less like he was logging in with a bunch of guys to grind and more like he was about to go hang out with a group of friends and play, which was something he had never really gotten to do as a kid.
Today will be a good day,
he said to himself.

              “Ah! Great Lord Darwin!” Justin shouted as Darwin came closer. “We were just informed of your decision.”

              “Yes, we were, and I must protest the current plan. I know my rank does not allow such insubordination, Great Lord Darwin, but my conscience won’t let me send you off into another dungeon without adequate protection,” Alex said, his head ducked low as he maintained a bow throughout the protest.

              “Well . . .” Darwin searched his head to come up with a reasonable excuse as to why he didn’t need protection. “Well . . . “ he started again, but this time Kass interrupted him.

              “Would you feel more comfortable with him going if we took Fuzzy Wuzzy with us?” Kass asked.

              Alex paused. “Alright, but you have to figure out how to get Fuzzy Wuzzy to wear his uniform. He won’t put it on.”

              “Did you try putting it on for him?” Darwin asked, thinking about how hard it must be for a bear without thumbs to put on a bathrobe. He had thumbs and stood on two feet, and his bathrobe was still sometimes difficult to put on if only for the fact that the sash kept disappearing.

              “We have, but he’s been grumpy since he last left the Great Lord’s presence. While he’s been incredibly helpful with the preparations, he’s just not been cooperative with much else. Perhaps if you insist, he’ll wear one.”

              “Wait, Fuzzy Wuzzy can talk?” Daniel asked, eyes wide. “I thought he just growled. Those growls aren’t words are they?”

              “What, you didn’t know?” Kass said, looking at him like he was an idiot. “Fuzzy Wuzzy is a sophisticated bear gentleman. He doesn’t growl. He speaks with a deep, ursine voice as is the custom of his people. I can’t believe you’re so uncultured that you didn’t even know that.”

              “Really?” Valerie asked, her eyes even wider than Daniel’s.

“I believe they’re just pulling our leg, Valerie,” Mclean laughed. “Well, I think they are, but they could also have spent the last two weeks learning an intricate language no one else can speak without a Rosetta Stone.”

“Yeah, no. It’s more like since Fuzzy Wuzzy is a summoned creature, I can understand what he is thinking and relay orders to him in a way that is incredibly hard to explain,” Darwin said as Fuzzy Wuzzy came barreling up the stairs and jumped on him like a big dog who was seeing his master for the first time in a long while. Darwin, who would have been knocked over if it weren’t for the power boosts the game afforded, did his best to stay standing as the big black bear leaned his head over and licked his face. “Although, I’m not exactly making him do this.”

“Tha . . . That’s Fuzzy Wuzzy?” Minx said, staring open mouthed.

“Yeah, that’s our Fuzzy Wuzzy, but you need to be careful,” Kass warned Minx. “Fuzzy Wuzzy preys on cute, young girls. He’s like a big, fat ped--”

“Shh, Kass, don’t tell her that,” Darwin managed to stop her from making the conversation take a dark turn. “Fuzzy Wuzzy is a fine citizen of the StormGuard Alliance.”

“He’s . . . He’s SO CUTE!” Minx said, jumping on the surprised Fuzzy Wuzzy. She caught him right around the neck and hung on tight like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hug the bear or choke the life out of him. She had in essence become a human tie for the giant, red-eyed teddy bear.

Kitchens just shook his head. “Minx, you can’t keep the bear,” he said, as if understanding what was going on in Minx’s head before she even asked.

“But, but, Dad! He’s so cute!” Minx pleaded as she swung back and forth as the bear’s human tie.

“Wait, Minx is your daughter?” Darwin asked, looking over at Kitchens. “Does that mean, you’re like . . .”

“Yes, I’m an old man who plays video games with his daughter.”

“Well, umm . . . How old?” Darwin felt awkward asking. He actually wanted to know how old Minx was because she acted more cutesy and kiddy that any actual child he had ever seen, but he couldn’t imagine a really little kid ever being allowed on a VRMMO like this one. Not wanting to betray his confusion, he had figured he could probably gauge from Kitchens’ age how old Minx might be.

“Oh, me? I’m forty-two with the full head of gray that comes with it,” Kitchens said, touching his hair.

“Dang, I thought I was the oldest one at thirty. Well, that’s cool you let your kid play a VRMMO. Most parents typically frown on the video game route,” Darwin noted, remembering how many times he had seen parents get in the way of good raids because they insisted their fifteen year old go out and ‘get a life.’

“I’m not a kid!” Minx yelled from her new necktie position. Fuzzy Wuzzy, now standing on two legs, was looking at her and holding his paws over her as if he weren’t sure if she were deadly to touch or not. Occasionally, he’d extend one paw close to her as if he were going to poke her, but then would pull it back. “I’m an adult!” Minx yelled again.

“Of course you are,” Darwin said at the bear tie.

“I am! I’m 18! I’m more than old enough to get a pet, and I want a Fuzzy Wuzzy!” Minx yelled back from the neck of the bear, who, in response to Minx’s plea, just let out a defeated growl.

“She’s 18?” Darwin asked Kitchens in a low voice as to not draw more Minx yells from the bear’s neck.

“Yeah, she is. Actually, the game is a fun way for me to spend time with her and get her to socialize since she doesn’t have friends at school.”

“I’ve heard that kids who go in and out of that Japanese school system have trouble with bullying sometimes,” Kass snuck into the conversation.

“Yeah. The kids at school are a bit unkind to her sometimes, but they mean well,” Kitchens nodded.

“Wait, she goes to school in Japan? How could you tell?” Darwin asked Kass, not sure of what queues he missed.

“‘Cause the only people I know who stand as straight as Kitchens are Marines. There’s that and his reverence for Asian philosophy, the stuff you two are always talking about as if I can’t hear you. Together, the two probably mean that he spent a lot of time stationed in Okinawa, and they most likely either live in Japan or lived in Japan until very recently,” Kass said with a smug smile.