The Best You'll Ever Have (8 page)

Look at the illustration on the next page. This is gynecologist approved, with all parts clearly marked and shapes and sizes proportionate to scale. Compare it with the famous tampon diagram. Like night and day.

Two last quick points about the great unsolved mystery of the G-spot and then down to the business of what, and where, it is.

REASON NUMBER THREE for the bafflement:
The G-spot vanishes!
Not by magic. The tissue that makes up the G-spot is erectile. Just like a penis, or a clitoris, or nipples. When you get sexually excited, they get hard, swollen, bigger, full of blood. Same thing with the G-spot. Just like an erection, it is only there if the mood is right. The G-spot is tactilely invisible and undetectable unless you’re hot and bothered. When you are aroused, it swells, inflates, and gets a ridgy texture.

With this in mind, I’m not at all suggesting you throw this book aside and hunker down to find your G-spot with the same determination you might start a first novel or run a marathon. The G-spot doesn’t respond to that kind of pressure. Think of it as shy. Don’t plow in, demanding its presence. It’ll vanish on you.

Finally, REASON NUMBER FOUR:
The G-spot sensation is
often misunderstood.

Stimulation of the G-spot can easily be confused with the feeling that you need to pee. There’s a simple anatomical reason for this, which I’ll get to in a minute. When a partner finds a woman’s G-spot, she may experience a very pleasurable feeling completely intertwined with the sensation that she must excuse herself immediately and rush to the bathroom. In reaction to this sensation, women tense up, stop thinking of the pleasure and sensation, and focus only on not having an accident.

In Safina Salons, it’s always a satisfying moment when I describe this sensation to a group of women and then hear many of them say, “I’ve felt that.” Understanding is the first step toward openness to new experiences. I tell the women that if they’re getting the have-to-pee sensation, they’re on the right track, not to seize with fear, and to let the feeling wash over them. They look up at me with relief and gratitude, eager to leave the Salon and go home to their partners to try it out. So, without further ado, let’s get to the matter at hand.

The Nerve

Some basic anatomical information: when you put your finger into your vagina as you curve along the abdominal-side front wall, you can feel ridges. What you’re feeling through the vaginal wall is the protective tissue wrapped like insulation around the urethra (that’s a tube connected to your bladder out of which you urinate). That protective tissue, the insulation, is erectile tissue and is filled with nerve endings. When you’re turned on, that tissue becomes enlarged and richly sensitive. The G-spot is part of this band of sensitive tissue. Light bulbs must be going off: this is why stimulation of the G-spot—actually, stimulation of the urethral wall—can be uncomfortable or confused with the sensation of having to urinate.

The spot itself is really an area, a dense patch of ridgy texture that varies in size from woman to woman. Just as the cervix varies in size from as small as a silver dollar to as large as a small pancake, your G-spot might vary in size from a nickel to a half-dollar. You may also find it only to realize that it’s not very sensitive or that it’s not your favorite sensation, but you might as well know that for sure instead of wondering. It could be that it’s your favorite place in the world . . .

The Search Party Begins

Break out the rubber gloves! Kidding. But actually, before you start the expedition deep into the core of yourself, you will want to have some lubrication at hand. Lubrication is another topic that goes undiscussed between women. There is a mistaken notion that it should be unnecessary. Lubrication is as necessary as hand cream. You might not want to use it every day, but it’s great to have around and really, you can never have enough lubrication. If you’ve never tried it, you’ll see it adds to your fun and feels great. I recommend Liquid Silk, but K-Y will do in a pinch. Don’t use household products though. Use real lubricant to avoid upsetting the natural balance of your body. With a partner or alone, this search will be fruitless unless you’re in the right frame of mind (the G-spot just won’t be there). So go pee (to avoid anxiety about that), and then get yourself excited in whatever way you prefer.

Now, locate your pubic bone. Imagine you’re wearing jeans, and press down on where the base of the zipper would be. Feel that hard bone? It’s lower than you might have thought. Most women, when searching for the pubic bone, start pressing in middle of their pelvis and have to work their way down. The pubic bone is about one-third of the way into your vagina. The bottom one-third of your vagina is where most of the nerve endings and sensation are concentrated (probably so you don’t die of pain when you have a baby and your cervix has to open up). THE G-SPOT IS DIRECTLY BEHIND THE PUBIC BONE.
That’s marker number one.

Next, acquaint yourself with the pubococcygeus muscle (henceforth, PC muscle). This is easy. Once again, think tampon insertion. When women first give this a go, the wall of resistance that they have to pop through to get the tampon far enough into the vagina often troubles them. That wall of resistance is the PC muscle. You can feel it at the entrance of the vagina, but it stretches all across your bottom from your pubic bone to your tailbone like a hammock. Without it, you couldn’t keep a tampon in place, you’d be incontinent (in fact, one way to find the PC muscle is to stop your urine stream), and you wouldn’t have powerful contractions during orgasm. It’s jam-packed with nerve endings from the clitoris to the anus. To understand the G-spot, you must visualize the PC muscle. Picture the vagina as if it were a drawstring bag. When you pull a drawstring bag shut, there’s still a small opening, right? Imagine that is the opening of the vagina. The cinched part is your PC muscle. Just past the cinched part, there’s extra room. And that is where to find it.

THE G-SPOT IS JUST BEYOND THE TIGHT RING OF MUSCLE AT THE VAGINAL ENTRANCE.
That is marker number two.

Moving along, knowing where to look is well and good, but you need a method for getting there. Take your hand and put it in the air and motion for someone to come over to you—the come-here motion we all know well. Turn your hand sideways while you’re in the middle of doing the “come here” motion and notice the steep curve of your index finger, the backwards “C” shape. If you inserted your fingers into your vagina and put them back into that same position, you’d be behind your pelvic bone and right in your G-spot area. Be sure to move your fingers around, pressing on your abdominal-side vaginal wall. Keep them curved into the C –shape, but try some circular motions to find the hotspot(s) of your own G-area. If you want, although you might laugh and totally ruin the mood, say, “Come here, G-spot” to attract its attention while making the motion inside.

To Recap

You can do this alone or with a partner.

Lubrication is key.

Eliminate fears: make sure you pee beforehand.

You won’t find it unless you’re already turned on
(because it won’t be there).

The G-spot is behind the pubic bone.

It is just beyond the PC muscles on the abdominal
side of your vaginal wall.

You can access it by making the come-here motion
with your fingers.

This is supposed to be a fun exploration, not a
sweaty, overly determined hell-bent quest. Relax
and poke around. You might strike gold.

The G-Spot in Position

Before trying to hit a perfect G with intercourse, I strongly advise you find it first with your own hands, your partner’s hands, or any of the wide selection of ergonomically curved G-spotter vibrators/wands (we call them Sexories at Safina). Vibrators will probably help you find it faster because they will tease the tissue into becoming erect. When you know your G-spot as well as you know the location of your nose, you can guide someone else to it. The worst thing to do is to give someone directions and have them get lost. Be sure of the way there yourself.

Reminder: Tell your partner not to do a pressing-a-button motion. The same motions that work on the clitoris are a good idea.

If you want to stimulate the G-spot during intercourse, your partner doesn’t have to be an expert at finding it with his penis. You can shift position so that he’s hitting it. Think of it like geometry: how can he be angled so that he’s dragging along the front/abdominal-side wall of the vagina? Based on what I’ve heard in Safina Salons, MISSIONARY POSITION IS THE WORST FOR G-SPOTTING FOR MOST WOMEN.
Here are two positions that are better:

Typically, the position is referred to as “doggie style,” but the
term seems so insulting.
Of course, we need to suspend judgment and have fun, but somehow, equating yourself with a dog taints the whole thing. And I love dogs! But still, I don’t want to be one. So let’s refer to it as the Position Formerly Known as Doggie Style, or Admiring the Sheets. For G-spotting, Admiring the Sheets is the way to go. The penis enters at a downward angle; think 45 degrees, in and down. You can control the angle by adjusting with your elbows or moving your head closer or farther from the bed.

Topside. Good G-spot contact here.
The man is on his back while you straddle and face him. Instead of going at it like a man would (bouncing up and down), slide in a circular motion as well as and back and forth, towards his feet. This makes anatomical sense, and you may very well enjoy it because by sliding around, you’ll be stimulating the clitoris as you go. Bouncing ignores this epicenter of nerves. By angling your body towards his feet, the penis can push into the G-spot.

What the G-Spot Can Do