Read The Book of Even More Awesome Online
Authors: Neil Pasricha
The Book of Even More Awesome (17 page)
AWESOME!
Seeing shapes in the clouds
It's a genie coming out of a bottle, a big map of India,
a ballerina twirling on stage,
or ...
a ballerina twirling on stage,
or ...
AWESOME!
Long, comfortable silences between really close friends
“Mmm, want the air-conditioning on or anything?”
“No, no, I'm good . . .”
AWESOME!
Going on a field trip in elementary school
It all starts with the permission slip.
Yes, when teachers send them home before the bell rings so parents can rubber-stamp the
bumpy yellow bus trip
to the museum, then it's on, my friends,
it's on
.
bumpy yellow bus trip
to the museum, then it's on, my friends,
it's on
.
Soon the days count down and the buzz builds up as the class gets ready for the day away from school. The Middle Ages unit wraps up at
Medieval Times
, paintings are handed in before the art gallery, and everyone mails a friend a letter before the tour of the post office.
Medieval Times
, paintings are handed in before the art gallery, and everyone mails a friend a letter before the tour of the post office.
On the morning of the big day you wake up with some extra pep in your step because you know we're all heading away from school. It's time to skip the portables,
soggy sandwiches
, and long afternoons with the Spanish teacher.
soggy sandwiches
, and long afternoons with the Spanish teacher.
It's time to do something different.
It's time to go for a ride.
Whether it's the petting zoo,
chocolate factory
, or a long hike in the woods, it's time to enjoy the school vacation with the following big perks:
chocolate factory
, or a long hike in the woods, it's time to enjoy the school vacation with the following big perks:
1.
Subs in the house
. Taking thirty screaming seven-year-olds to the planetarium is a bit much, so most teachers call in backups in the form of parent chaperones. These subs act like a sweet and sweatered army who don't know enough names or have enough power to mess up the fun. Of course, that's assuming they're not
your
mom or dad. If they are, your day is over.
Subs in the house
. Taking thirty screaming seven-year-olds to the planetarium is a bit much, so most teachers call in backups in the form of parent chaperones. These subs act like a sweet and sweatered army who don't know enough names or have enough power to mess up the fun. Of course, that's assuming they're not
your
mom or dad. If they are, your day is over.
2.
Wheels on the bus.
They go round and round on the way there and back. Yeah, we all gang-rush the slippery seat-belt-free seats and enjoy a loud, laughing party on wheels. There are loud, screechy songs, secret makeout sessions, and friendly gestures to passing motorists. This is also when the school social structure is on displayâfrom the cool kids at the back to the awkward nerds sitting with the teacher up front. I really did love sitting up front, though, honestly. I mean, how about those big windows? What a view!
Wheels on the bus.
They go round and round on the way there and back. Yeah, we all gang-rush the slippery seat-belt-free seats and enjoy a loud, laughing party on wheels. There are loud, screechy songs, secret makeout sessions, and friendly gestures to passing motorists. This is also when the school social structure is on displayâfrom the cool kids at the back to the awkward nerds sitting with the teacher up front. I really did love sitting up front, though, honestly. I mean, how about those big windows? What a view!
3.
Sealing it in.
A friend and I were strolling through an art gallery a couple years back when we stumbled on a group of kindergartners holding a rope and looking at splotchy paintings. I'll never forget the jaw-dropping look of pure head-tilting amazement from the little boy at the endâeyes twinkling, mittens hanging out his coat, his whirring brain soaking and swallowing something beautiful on the wall. And it's true: Field trips often help seal in the learning. Chalk one up for school.
Sealing it in.
A friend and I were strolling through an art gallery a couple years back when we stumbled on a group of kindergartners holding a rope and looking at splotchy paintings. I'll never forget the jaw-dropping look of pure head-tilting amazement from the little boy at the endâeyes twinkling, mittens hanging out his coat, his whirring brain soaking and swallowing something beautiful on the wall. And it's true: Field trips often help seal in the learning. Chalk one up for school.
So ... let's enjoy the memories,
let's enjoy the moments
, and let's enjoy the parking lot speed bumps. Yes, let's all love those special days when
dusty chalkboards
fade away and buses wheel us down the freeway ... far away ... far away ... far away . . .
let's enjoy the moments
, and let's enjoy the parking lot speed bumps. Yes, let's all love those special days when
dusty chalkboards
fade away and buses wheel us down the freeway ... far away ... far away ... far away . . .
AWESOME!
The moment on a roller coaster when you get to the top of the big hill and before you go down it
You drive to the park, you walk to the gate,
you get your hand stamped
, you run to the line, you move up, you grab a hot dog, you move up, you check your watch, you get to the front, you jump in the ride, and then the big moment finally arrives : The screechy cars start moving, there's some
rumbly bumping
, and you're cranking up the big first hill and all you hear is chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk.
you get your hand stamped
, you run to the line, you move up, you grab a hot dog, you move up, you check your watch, you get to the front, you jump in the ride, and then the big moment finally arrives : The screechy cars start moving, there's some
rumbly bumping
, and you're cranking up the big first hill and all you hear is chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk.
Then there's a short, quiet pause as you teeter on the top and float for a brief second as the cars tip down,
your stomach twists around
, and your arms wave high as you get ready to scream.
your stomach twists around
, and your arms wave high as you get ready to scream.
AWESOME!
When that social event you didn't want to go to gets canceled
Catch you next time, distant cousin's baby shower. We totally would have been there, new coworker's birthday party. Sorry it didn't work out, someone we don't know's wedding.
AWESOME!
Rocking out on air instruments
Oh, there's more than just guitar.
How many of these other air classics have you pulled off?
1.
Air Drums
. Riding shotgun and nailing solos on the dashboard or cooking dinner and feeling the beats on the kitchen counter, you either go with the My Fingers Are Drumstricks method or the My Fists Are Holding Air Drumsticks method. Both sound excellent.
Air Drums
. Riding shotgun and nailing solos on the dashboard or cooking dinner and feeling the beats on the kitchen counter, you either go with the My Fingers Are Drumstricks method or the My Fists Are Holding Air Drumsticks method. Both sound excellent.
2.
Air Keyboard
. No Air Résumé is complete without some strong Air Keyboard experience. Nail it by squeezing your eyes shut, raising your brows, biting your lip, and swaying back and forth.
Air Keyboard
. No Air Résumé is complete without some strong Air Keyboard experience. Nail it by squeezing your eyes shut, raising your brows, biting your lip, and swaying back and forth.
3.
Air Harmonica
. Use sparingly for Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty songs.
Air Harmonica
. Use sparingly for Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty songs.
4.
Air Cowbell.
If you master Air Cowbell, be prepared to be invited to all the coolest parties and hottest dances. Bonus points for playing with a giant openmouthed smile and wildly bobbing head while being really, really tall.
Air Cowbell.
If you master Air Cowbell, be prepared to be invited to all the coolest parties and hottest dances. Bonus points for playing with a giant openmouthed smile and wildly bobbing head while being really, really tall.
Yes, rocking out in a state of air-playing bliss is one of life's great joys. When you're in the zone there's a
tear in the fabric of space-time
and you're suddenly transported to a soldout Air Stage in front of millions and millions of sweaty screaming Air Fans.
tear in the fabric of space-time
and you're suddenly transported to a soldout Air Stage in front of millions and millions of sweaty screaming Air Fans.
Your big buckets of passion and neverending supply of energy help keep our planet spinning, so pump those fists, nail those high notes, and rock on, rock star, rock on.
AWESOME!
Doing anything that makes you feel like a caveman
There's something about getting in touch with your inner Neanderthal that strokes your brain stem just the right way. Accomplishing something caveman-style feels goodâa combination of clenched teeth, throbbing veins, and good old fashioned feistiness that we don't always get to experience in today's sophisticated society.
Here are some things that deliver
a good cave high
:
a good cave high
:
â¢
Building a fire.
There's serious satisfaction to be had from collecting a pile of twigs and logs and sending them up in smoke. You're in the forest on your hands and knees, coaxing life-giving heat and energy out of dry, dead wood. For the full effect, leave the lighter fluid at home.
Building a fire.
There's serious satisfaction to be had from collecting a pile of twigs and logs and sending them up in smoke. You're in the forest on your hands and knees, coaxing life-giving heat and energy out of dry, dead wood. For the full effect, leave the lighter fluid at home.
â¢
Eating a meal that is just meat
. Have you ever been that person at the buffet who loads their whole plate up with just meat? You know, slab of steak, couple pork chops, maybe some ribs on the side? Sure, you see that potato salad, you see those steamed baby carrots, but you can't justify eating anything other than meat. Don't worry, your inner caveman thanks you. Bonus: filling your plate with drumsticks, chicken wings, and ribs so you can just eat messily off the bone with your bare hands.
Eating a meal that is just meat
. Have you ever been that person at the buffet who loads their whole plate up with just meat? You know, slab of steak, couple pork chops, maybe some ribs on the side? Sure, you see that potato salad, you see those steamed baby carrots, but you can't justify eating anything other than meat. Don't worry, your inner caveman thanks you. Bonus: filling your plate with drumsticks, chicken wings, and ribs so you can just eat messily off the bone with your bare hands.
â¢
Ignoring body hair for a really long time
. Your chin fuzz grows out and connects with your unkempt muttonchops, your hair gets long and scraggly, and you suddenly start getting Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Back. This will keep you warm in the cave for winter.
Ignoring body hair for a really long time
. Your chin fuzz grows out and connects with your unkempt muttonchops, your hair gets long and scraggly, and you suddenly start getting Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Back. This will keep you warm in the cave for winter.
â¢
Breaking something
. Maybe you're tossing an old dresser at the dump or splintering the brokendown shed for firewood. Either way, after you've delivered a few devastating boots, hammer swings, and stick smacks, make sure you let out a victorious roar to let the whole forest know you won the battle.
Breaking something
. Maybe you're tossing an old dresser at the dump or splintering the brokendown shed for firewood. Either way, after you've delivered a few devastating boots, hammer swings, and stick smacks, make sure you let out a victorious roar to let the whole forest know you won the battle.
â¢
Throwing a temper tantrum much more aggressively than normal
. If you're the kind of classy gal who usually politely bee-beeps the horn when someone cuts you off, but then one time you hold it down for ten seconds, flip the bird, and scream out your window, then that's the one. That's your Beautiful Cavegirl Moment.
Throwing a temper tantrum much more aggressively than normal
. If you're the kind of classy gal who usually politely bee-beeps the horn when someone cuts you off, but then one time you hold it down for ten seconds, flip the bird, and scream out your window, then that's the one. That's your Beautiful Cavegirl Moment.
So I say love it. Love those caveman days, because they're a throwback to the simple lifeâwhen instead of eating processed cheese and watching reality TV we were clubbing saber-toothed tigers and painting caves, baby.
AWESOME!
That teacher
Put your hand up if you ran from doorbells,
hid behind pant legs
, and avoided eye contact with grown-ups as a shy little kid.
hid behind pant legs
, and avoided eye contact with grown-ups as a shy little kid.
Brothers and sisters, if your hand is up right now, you are not alone.
Yes, mute as a mouse,
quiet as a cat
, I was a short, snotty, bedhead-smeared ghost of a child until about eight years old.
quiet as a cat
, I was a short, snotty, bedhead-smeared ghost of a child until about eight years old.
That was when I was head-yanked out of my
turtle shell
by a cotton-white
curly-haired
, crinkly-smiled teacher who pushed me every single day. For some reason Mrs. Dorsman cared, she just cared, and she had me reading to the class, talking out loud, and
practicing my cursive
on the blackboard.
turtle shell
by a cotton-white
curly-haired
, crinkly-smiled teacher who pushed me every single day. For some reason Mrs. Dorsman cared, she just cared, and she had me reading to the class, talking out loud, and
practicing my cursive
on the blackboard.
Sadly, when I was ten years old, my family moved away and we completely lost touch. But the little germs of ideas she planted in me rooted deep and grew slowly as the years bumped on and on and on and on ...
Just after
The Book of Awesome
came out last year, I woke up and found this in my inbox:
The Book of Awesome
came out last year, I woke up and found this in my inbox:
From: Stella Dorsman
Neil, I just read an article in the paper this morning about your interesting life and upcoming book. I just need to know ... are you the Neil Pasricha who was in my grade 3 class at Sunset Heights P.S.? If so, reading about you has been my truly awesome moment for today. I have been retired for ten years, but always remember my good students and hope that some of the emphasis
I placed on writing skills eventually paid off. Please confirm your identity!
Best wishes,
Stella Dorsman
Â
From: Neil Pasricha
It's me! It's me!
Mrs. Dorsman, you did indeed inspire and encourage me. I remember our class fondly! You are a fantastic and passionate teacher and I'm sure you encouraged thousands of students in your career. I count myself amongst the lucky! Thank you for calling my name on your attendance list that cold morning after Labor Day.
Neil
Â
From: Stella Dorsman
Neil, SO HAPPY to hear from you . . . and you're old enough to call me “Stella” now! I also remember your Sunset Heights class as one of the highlights of my career ... not all classes were as much fun.
I will indeed check out your book . . . I'm very proud of you . . . Stella
Well, we've all got those teachers who plant seeds inside us. Maybe it's the
baseball coach
who leaves you on the mound after giving up some runs, maybe it's the language teacher who helps you with that stutter after class, or maybe it's the college professor whose
inspirational talks
fill you with the power to follow your dreams.
baseball coach
who leaves you on the mound after giving up some runs, maybe it's the language teacher who helps you with that stutter after class, or maybe it's the college professor whose
inspirational talks
fill you with the power to follow your dreams.
Mrs. Dorsman ended up coming to the book launch for
The Book of Awesome
, where she joined me onstage and took the mic and told stories from decades ago to hundreds of people. After she spoke I gave her a big hug and a signed book . . . and told her to check out the Acknowledgments buried deep in the back where every single copy has a tiny little note waiting there just for her.
The Book of Awesome
, where she joined me onstage and took the mic and told stories from decades ago to hundreds of people. After she spoke I gave her a big hug and a signed book . . . and told her to check out the Acknowledgments buried deep in the back where every single copy has a tiny little note waiting there just for her.
“Special thanks to Mrs. Dorsman for pushing me out of my shell in third grade.”
AWESOME!
When somebody holds the elevator door for you
Close Door people, we see you.
Don't pretend you don't know what we're talking about. We see you duck into the elevator twenty steps before us in the lobby and tap-tap-tap that
Close Door
button so you can score a slightly faster ride. What, you think we don't notice your attempts to avoid eye contact? Oh, we do, and we don't like you for it either.
Close Door
button so you can score a slightly faster ride. What, you think we don't notice your attempts to avoid eye contact? Oh, we do, and we don't like you for it either.
No, the people we like are a different sort of people. They're
Open Door
people. They're the ones with the bruises on their forearms, tapping the Open button, and popping their head out to ask innocently,
“Going up?”
Open Door
people. They're the ones with the bruises on their forearms, tapping the Open button, and popping their head out to ask innocently,
“Going up?”
Why yes, we are going up. Why yes, we would love to share the lift with you. Why yes, we'll smile and thank you for holding it. And why yes, we'll keep it open when we see you coming the next time too.
Now let's all hug and chug-a-lug home.
AWESOME!
Setting the new high score on a video game
It's a big deal.
When I was a little kid my friends and I took pictures of the TV screen after setting new high scores. It was so important to us we'd even mail the photos to video game magazines hoping they'd splash them across their pages as a late-breaking scoop.
Two eight-year-olds defeat Bowser in epic battle
No-holds-barred cave fight features
fireballs and flying hammers
No-holds-barred cave fight features
fireballs and flying hammers
Yes, if you've been there you know the road to setting a new high score is paved with lots of swearing,
tossed controllers
, and empty soda cans. Blurry eyes, all-day bedhead, and slowly expanding pit stains are the mark of these basement-dwelling champions.
tossed controllers
, and empty soda cans. Blurry eyes, all-day bedhead, and slowly expanding pit stains are the mark of these basement-dwelling champions.
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