Read The Book of Even More Awesome Online
Authors: Neil Pasricha
The Book of Even More Awesome (24 page)
Thirdly, watch what you order. If everybody is getting the buffet, don't order a
baked ziti
off the menu that takes forever to arrive. By the time your meal comes, everybody else will be finished, shaking their heads and
tapping their watches
. No bakes!
baked ziti
off the menu that takes forever to arrive. By the time your meal comes, everybody else will be finished, shaking their heads and
tapping their watches
. No bakes!
And finally, the pros generally take command when it's time for the bill. They assume the part of Math Guy without hesitation, and sharply point and issue commands at the end of the meal. “Sandy, you had a drink so thirteen dollars, Raj, you upgraded to
sweet potato fries
so twelve, and everyone else owes ten bucks.” And don't even try to go to an ATM or pay with a credit card unless you happen to enjoy receiving
Extreme Stinkeye
.
sweet potato fries
so twelve, and everyone else owes ten bucks.” And don't even try to go to an ATM or pay with a credit card unless you happen to enjoy receiving
Extreme Stinkeye
.
But the best part about dining with the pros is the classic post-lunch finishing move. Yes, I'm talking about scoring a
much sweeter parking spot
when you get back. While everybody else is still chowing down, you're pulling through that puppy and getting ready to sit pretty all afternoon.
much sweeter parking spot
when you get back. While everybody else is still chowing down, you're pulling through that puppy and getting ready to sit pretty all afternoon.
Congratulations on scoring
The 12 O'Clock Upgrade.
The 12 O'Clock Upgrade.
AWESOME!
When the free bread they bring you at the restaurant is warm
Hot baked,
warm and steamy
, that basket lands on your table and heats up your whole evening. So sniff it up, crack it open, and enjoy smearing some butter over that warm crunchy-n-chewy deliciousness before the main course arrives.
warm and steamy
, that basket lands on your table and heats up your whole evening. So sniff it up, crack it open, and enjoy smearing some butter over that warm crunchy-n-chewy deliciousness before the main course arrives.
AWESOME!
Taking off your glasses or contact lenses after a long day
How do you spell relief?
Baby, it's gotta be that deep sensation of finally
relaxing your eyeballs
when you pull your specs off at the end of the day. And whether you're resting your
Coke bottles
on the bedside table or peeling your dry contacts out after a long cab ride, you gotta love that big moment of freedom fresh air.
relaxing your eyeballs
when you pull your specs off at the end of the day. And whether you're resting your
Coke bottles
on the bedside table or peeling your dry contacts out after a long cab ride, you gotta love that big moment of freedom fresh air.
When you pull off your lenses you can just blink twice, feel that burn, and give yourself a well-deserved
Pre-Dream eyeball massage
.
Pre-Dream eyeball massage
.
Because you're finally free.
Now, if you're blessed with
20/20 vision
, and have no idea what us blind folks are talking about, then let me give you the
Top 5 Sorta-Similar Feelings
from other parts of your life. Here you go, Perfect Eyes:
20/20 vision
, and have no idea what us blind folks are talking about, then let me give you the
Top 5 Sorta-Similar Feelings
from other parts of your life. Here you go, Perfect Eyes:
5.
Unbuttoning the top button of your too-tight dress shirt after a long wedding day
. You trucked around town in a strangling tux and tie with your neck sweating and brown-collaring your shirt through pictures, speeches, and dancing. When you're finally back in the hotel room, just pop off that button and let it all go.
Unbuttoning the top button of your too-tight dress shirt after a long wedding day
. You trucked around town in a strangling tux and tie with your neck sweating and brown-collaring your shirt through pictures, speeches, and dancing. When you're finally back in the hotel room, just pop off that button and let it all go.
4.
Flipping your belt buckle open after a big turkey dinner
. You packed your stomach with heaping spoons of mashed potatoes, mountains of stuffing, and a boatful of gravy, so when you crack your belt and let your stomach flop on your lap it's time to droop your eyelids and smile a nice, slow openmouthed smile.
Flipping your belt buckle open after a big turkey dinner
. You packed your stomach with heaping spoons of mashed potatoes, mountains of stuffing, and a boatful of gravy, so when you crack your belt and let your stomach flop on your lap it's time to droop your eyelids and smile a nice, slow openmouthed smile.
3.
Taking your shoes and socks off after a long day at work.
It's hard to beat the feeling of leg hairs straightening out and blood recirculating past the sock elastic imprints in your calves after peeling off a pair of tight socks after a sweaty day at the office.
Taking your shoes and socks off after a long day at work.
It's hard to beat the feeling of leg hairs straightening out and blood recirculating past the sock elastic imprints in your calves after peeling off a pair of tight socks after a sweaty day at the office.
2.
Untying your corset in your dim candlelit castle tower
. Such sweet relief from a long day of washing your hair in the courtyard well, attending a stuffy dinner with the King, and sitting through hours of poetry with the troubadours in the town square.
Untying your corset in your dim candlelit castle tower
. Such sweet relief from a long day of washing your hair in the courtyard well, attending a stuffy dinner with the King, and sitting through hours of poetry with the troubadours in the town square.
1.
Cracking open your ski boots after a day at the slopes and walking around in sock feet.
All the bumps and blisters on your feet finally relax by the chalet fire after being squeezed together in a ski boot jail all day.
Cracking open your ski boots after a day at the slopes and walking around in sock feet.
All the bumps and blisters on your feet finally relax by the chalet fire after being squeezed together in a ski boot jail all day.
Now, if you're still reading you know all these pleasures make life juicy and delicious. So if you're nodding along and
loving these buzzes
then you deserve big ups for loving all the tiny moments of bliss wedged tightly in the middle of your busy days.
loving these buzzes
then you deserve big ups for loving all the tiny moments of bliss wedged tightly in the middle of your busy days.
So today we give you a recognition you truly deserve.
Congratulations on stopping to smell the
AWESOME!
The moment at a concert when the crowd figures out what song they're playing
Sweaty crowds in
sticky shirts
scream and scramble for better views between songs. Drums kick boom and guitars get tuned just before the bright lights flip up and
flick on
. Everyone slides forward on the beer-slicked floor and as the first notes kick in we all catch our breath.
sticky shirts
scream and scramble for better views between songs. Drums kick boom and guitars get tuned just before the bright lights flip up and
flick on
. Everyone slides forward on the beer-slicked floor and as the first notes kick in we all catch our breath.
AWESOME!
That one car that randomly travels with you on the highway for a really long time
Highways can be lonely.
See, we're all strapped in and surrounded by glass and metal,
alone in the zone
, at one with the windshield as we change lanes and hit the gas to keep zooming along, swerving between trucks, speeding past strangers.
alone in the zone
, at one with the windshield as we change lanes and hit the gas to keep zooming along, swerving between trucks, speeding past strangers.
But it's this secret street solitude that makes it so sweet when you suddenly notice someone cruising the same streets beside you.
Maybe it's a couple college kids bumping along on a road trip.
Maybe it's a grizzled trucker in a sweaty tank top.
Maybe it's a minivan with bikes on the back heading to the lake for the weekend.
Maybe it's a grizzled trucker in a sweaty tank top.
Maybe it's a minivan with bikes on the back heading to the lake for the weekend.
Basically, it's any car you seem to see over and over again on your trip.
“I swear I saw them before,” you might think, peeking in the window to confirm it's the same crew. Tattooed shirtless guy with screaming kid in the black Mustang? It's them! Bigsunglasses girls singing in summer dresses? It's them! Slowrolling seniors smoking cigarettes with the top down in an old convertible? It's them!
Your heart lifts a bit when you realize you've got company. Suddenly there's a
freeway companion
along for the ride. You get to guess who they are and where they're going and smile every time you notice they're still driving along.
freeway companion
along for the ride. You get to guess who they are and where they're going and smile every time you notice they're still driving along.
Sometimes you lose them for a while and think they're gone. “We had a good run,” you say, before steering into the rest stop for gas and noticing their car outside the diner. You smile and shake your head as you pull up beside them.
“I knew they wouldn't leave me.”
Sometimes you actually witness the departure at a fork in the road. They head north and you head south, so you say goodbye with
headlight flashes or honks
that say thanks for the trip, thanks for the moment, and thanks for the memories.
headlight flashes or honks
that say thanks for the trip, thanks for the moment, and thanks for the memories.
AWESOME!
An inbox of personal emails when you wake up in the morning
A fresh batch of personal emails is like a
little basket of gold
to start your day.
little basket of gold
to start your day.
Grandkids telling you about kindergarten, blurry photos from last night's party, mom asking what you want for your birthday, and
dirty inside jokes
between your closest friends, all piled on top of each other in your private little den of secret conversations.
dirty inside jokes
between your closest friends, all piled on top of each other in your private little den of secret conversations.
You smile softly because a page full of personal emails tells you one thing for sure:
People like talking to you
. So pull up your chair, rub your palms together, and get ready to dive in.
People like talking to you
. So pull up your chair, rub your palms together, and get ready to dive in.
AWESOME!
Passing under a bridge on the highway when it's pouring rain
Your windshield wipers have no idea what's going on as you enjoy a blissful
two seconds
of silence.
two seconds
of silence.
AWESOME!
Finding treasures in your spring jacket pocket
Dig deep, baby.
When the weather warms up and the
snow melts down
, it's time to pull out that thin, dusty jacket from the back of the closet and toss it back on.
snow melts down
, it's time to pull out that thin, dusty jacket from the back of the closet and toss it back on.
Now, just make sure you stuff your hands deep in those pockets and see if you can't score some buried treasure that's been held there safely all winter long:
1.
Your favorite lip balm.
You thought she was lost so you bought some cheap impostors from the drugstore to tide you over. But now that greasy beauty's back in business, babyâfaded packaging, slippery tube, linty plastic cap and all.
Your favorite lip balm.
You thought she was lost so you bought some cheap impostors from the drugstore to tide you over. But now that greasy beauty's back in business, babyâfaded packaging, slippery tube, linty plastic cap and all.
2.
A pack of gum with only one piece left.
The top is probably folded down and creased over that one remaining rock-hard rectangle. You can give it to a friend or enjoy the minty molar-shattering experience yourself.
A pack of gum with only one piece left.
The top is probably folded down and creased over that one remaining rock-hard rectangle. You can give it to a friend or enjoy the minty molar-shattering experience yourself.
3.
A Good Times receipt.
This is an old crinkly receipt from a great night a long time ago. Maybe it's a birthday dinner, grad party, or wild girls' night out on the town. When you stare back at that distant receipt and slowly remember where it's from, you'll eventually end up smiling at the memories. Good times.
A Good Times receipt.
This is an old crinkly receipt from a great night a long time ago. Maybe it's a birthday dinner, grad party, or wild girls' night out on the town. When you stare back at that distant receipt and slowly remember where it's from, you'll eventually end up smiling at the memories. Good times.
4.
That one really good pen.
That smooth-flowing ballpoint never gets lost. No, it just goes on long vacations to your jacket pockets, pencil cases, or board game boxes.
That one really good pen.
That smooth-flowing ballpoint never gets lost. No, it just goes on long vacations to your jacket pockets, pencil cases, or board game boxes.
5.
A contact lens still in its packaging.
Say goodbye to your blurry winter.
A contact lens still in its packaging.
Say goodbye to your blurry winter.
6.
A shrunken orange.
The bad news is you can no longer eat this orange because it's been sitting in your jacket for months. The good news is you get to smell like citrus for a couple days.
A shrunken orange.
The bad news is you can no longer eat this orange because it's been sitting in your jacket for months. The good news is you get to smell like citrus for a couple days.
7.
Travel pack of tissues.
Sometimes if those small packs have been sitting for a while all the lint molecules try to escape from their plastic prison. When you zip open your pocket you catch them coating your liner in the middle of their slow and methodical jailbreak.
Travel pack of tissues.
Sometimes if those small packs have been sitting for a while all the lint molecules try to escape from their plastic prison. When you zip open your pocket you catch them coating your liner in the middle of their slow and methodical jailbreak.
8.
Random phone numbers.
Sometimes I pull out a piece of scrap paper and there's just a phone number on it with no name, no context, no nothing. I silently curse my lazy former self and spend a minute debating whether or not I should just dial it up to solve the mystery.
Random phone numbers.
Sometimes I pull out a piece of scrap paper and there's just a phone number on it with no name, no context, no nothing. I silently curse my lazy former self and spend a minute debating whether or not I should just dial it up to solve the mystery.
So come onâfinding buried treasures deep in those jacket pocket caves is a bit like Christmas in the spring. Yes, you score some tiny little presents from your past as you start a
fresh new season
with big beaming smiles and heartwarming reunions with some dear old friends.
fresh new season
with big beaming smiles and heartwarming reunions with some dear old friends.
AWESOME!
Pulling a weed and getting all the roots with it
Gardening ain't for sissies.
Nope, if you're getting down with the kneel down you know planting flowers,
growing herbs
, and trimming hedges is tough business, baby. Sun's beating wavy rays,
dirt's clumping in your eyes
, and worms wiggle in all directions as you attempt to plant petunias.
growing herbs
, and trimming hedges is tough business, baby. Sun's beating wavy rays,
dirt's clumping in your eyes
, and worms wiggle in all directions as you attempt to plant petunias.
Those weeds are the worst of all.
Sharp stems
and jagged leaves spread in all directions and slowly smear across the gardenâdevouring pristine patches of grass and gobbling up innocent tulips.
and jagged leaves spread in all directions and slowly smear across the gardenâdevouring pristine patches of grass and gobbling up innocent tulips.
That's why it's a great feeling when you pull a weed and get all the roots with it.
First you eye it slowly and grab as close to the base as possible. Next you gently
yank and wiggle
it a little bit to lower its defenses and loosen it up. Then it's time for the big moment when you quickly pull it straight up and outta the dirt.
yank and wiggle
it a little bit to lower its defenses and loosen it up. Then it's time for the big moment when you quickly pull it straight up and outta the dirt.
Seeing a long trail of
dirty roots
hanging below that weed you just pulled out of the garden?
dirty roots
hanging below that weed you just pulled out of the garden?
Say it with me now.
AWESOME!
Driving over a small hill in your car
Let's hit the suburban roller coaster.
When you're a little kid riding backwards in a woodpaneled wagon, there's few things as fun as hitting a
guttwisting bump
over a little hill on the highway. Or maybe you're at the back of the school bus, bouncing like jumping beans as you ride the waves, laughing with your snot-nosed pals amongst the slippery nylon seats on your way to the Science Center. Or maybe you're just cruising down dark roads,
slipping through shortcuts
, and winding off the freeway and rolling over those small hills gives you a small lift on your long drive home ...
guttwisting bump
over a little hill on the highway. Or maybe you're at the back of the school bus, bouncing like jumping beans as you ride the waves, laughing with your snot-nosed pals amongst the slippery nylon seats on your way to the Science Center. Or maybe you're just cruising down dark roads,
slipping through shortcuts
, and winding off the freeway and rolling over those small hills gives you a small lift on your long drive home ...
Bumps in the road make life more fun.
AWESOME!
The moment of anticipation before the first kiss
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