Read The Book of Even More Awesome Online
Authors: Neil Pasricha
The Book of Even More Awesome (19 page)
Yes, as you are huddled around the
kitchen table
, sitting in a friend's basement late at night, or gathering the family together at the cottage, there's just something about those old, classic board games. They sure do bring us together for some laughs, some ups, some downs, and some plain old fashioned goooooooood times.
kitchen table
, sitting in a friend's basement late at night, or gathering the family together at the cottage, there's just something about those old, classic board games. They sure do bring us together for some laughs, some ups, some downs, and some plain old fashioned goooooooood times.
AWESOME!
When the bubbles in your drink go right to the top but not over
Pouring a
cold soda
or pitcher of beer can be stressful.
cold soda
or pitcher of beer can be stressful.
Yes, all eyes are watching as you attempt a
Hot Spotlight Pour
late at night, surrounded by thirsty people, empty glasses, and focused, judging eyes.
Hot Spotlight Pour
late at night, surrounded by thirsty people, empty glasses, and focused, judging eyes.
You could get sloppy and cause a
Bubbly Volcano
to erupt, staring in horror as the drink owner tries to quickly suck up all the carbonated lava spilling over the edge of the glass. Most likely, you'll end up with sticky hands, a wet table, and some nasty
stinkeye
.
Bubbly Volcano
to erupt, staring in horror as the drink owner tries to quickly suck up all the carbonated lava spilling over the edge of the glass. Most likely, you'll end up with sticky hands, a wet table, and some nasty
stinkeye
.
Or you could have the opposite problem and pour a
Coke No Show
. That's when you cut your pour off early because you're afraid of the Volcano, but when the
Coke fizz
or
beer head
settles down and leaves only half a glass, wellâthat's just embarrassing.
Coke No Show
. That's when you cut your pour off early because you're afraid of the Volcano, but when the
Coke fizz
or
beer head
settles down and leaves only half a glass, wellâthat's just embarrassing.
No, the perfect situation is when you pour a drink where the bubbles go right to the top
but don't spill over
. It's an exhilarating rush to see those bubbles just fizz
up and up and up and up
to the top, and then a massive wave of relief when they calm right back down just in the nick of time.
but don't spill over
. It's an exhilarating rush to see those bubbles just fizz
up and up and up and up
to the top, and then a massive wave of relief when they calm right back down just in the nick of time.
AWESOME!
When your ears pop back to normal after swimming
Do you sometimes forget your ears need popping?
After the jet cabin decompresses,
concert wraps up
, or swimming lessons finish, the volume in your ear dials down a couple notches and your head feels plugged up. But you get used to it. You pick up your baggage, clear customs,
jump on the subway
, towel off, get changed, and life keeps goâTHEN SUDDENLY YOUR EARS POP AND EVERYTHING IS REALLY LOUD AND BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN.
concert wraps up
, or swimming lessons finish, the volume in your ear dials down a couple notches and your head feels plugged up. But you get used to it. You pick up your baggage, clear customs,
jump on the subway
, towel off, get changed, and life keeps goâTHEN SUDDENLY YOUR EARS POP AND EVERYTHING IS REALLY LOUD AND BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN.
AWESOME!
That old Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl on the store counter
Nobody likes pennies.
Sure, maybe in the 1800s they scored you a handful of gumballs or the evening edition of your local
Times-Express
, but these days they're barely worth 1 percent of a
Snickers
bar. Go on, lick the edge of a Snickers and scrape off a few chocolate molecules with your tongue. That, that right there, that's a penny.
Times-Express
, but these days they're barely worth 1 percent of a
Snickers
bar. Go on, lick the edge of a Snickers and scrape off a few chocolate molecules with your tongue. That, that right there, that's a penny.
Now, having said that, there's one moment where the value of a penny shoots sky-high, and that's when the beef jerky and
energy drink
at the gas station rings up to
$8.01
. If you're cringing right now it's because you know that's a terrible price, leading to a few Checkout Possibilities:
energy drink
at the gas station rings up to
$8.01
. If you're cringing right now it's because you know that's a terrible price, leading to a few Checkout Possibilities:
1.
By the Rules.
One option is just to roll with it. Break that ten and get ready for a mittful of change, including the dreaded
Four-Penny Punch-out
. Now your pocket is busting and your hand smells like dirty copper, but what are you going to do? You played by the rules and you lost.
By the Rules.
One option is just to roll with it. Break that ten and get ready for a mittful of change, including the dreaded
Four-Penny Punch-out
. Now your pocket is busting and your hand smells like dirty copper, but what are you going to do? You played by the rules and you lost.
2.
The Cashier Cheat
. You can never predict when this happens. Sometimes you're expecting to play by the rules, but the cashier just rounds up or down for you. When Bill-Counting Betty doesn't care about the till balance, she just drops you a nickel and a wink.
The Cashier Cheat
. You can never predict when this happens. Sometimes you're expecting to play by the rules, but the cashier just rounds up or down for you. When Bill-Counting Betty doesn't care about the till balance, she just drops you a nickel and a wink.
3.
The Bowl.
Finally, the feature attraction. Since you don't want ninety-nine cents jingle-jangling around your pocket, you eye the Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl and see what's shaking. You've made your deposits over the years, so don't feel guilty about a little withdrawal now.
The Bowl.
Finally, the feature attraction. Since you don't want ninety-nine cents jingle-jangling around your pocket, you eye the Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl and see what's shaking. You've made your deposits over the years, so don't feel guilty about a little withdrawal now.
Yes, the Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl brings out the best in us. It's a stranger-to-stranger donation that pays you back after you pay it forward. Just remember: Take a penny, leave a penny?
Take a favor.
Leave a legacy.
AWESOME!
When someone saves you a seat
It's time to get down with the get down ...
At the movies!
Your arms bearhug fat tubs of popcorn and slippery jumbo drinks as you blindly stumble down the dark aisle. You scan the chattery crowd dotting the red plushy tundra before noticing your friend thirty rows up giving you the two-armed wave.
Your arms bearhug fat tubs of popcorn and slippery jumbo drinks as you blindly stumble down the dark aisle. You scan the chattery crowd dotting the red plushy tundra before noticing your friend thirty rows up giving you the two-armed wave.
At the school assembly!
You're separated from your fourthgrade soul mate and only see each other while double-dutching by the portables at recess. But then come student council speeches, music recitals, or a Thanksgiving play and suddenly your hearts spark again at the back of the bleachers.
You're separated from your fourthgrade soul mate and only see each other while double-dutching by the portables at recess. But then come student council speeches, music recitals, or a Thanksgiving play and suddenly your hearts spark again at the back of the bleachers.
At the concert!
Boots up, you're bumpily crowdsurfing at the front of the mosh pit. After you crashland on your neck in a dirty puddle of warm beer, your friend yanks you up by the wrist and squeezes you beside her right in front of the stage.
Boots up, you're bumpily crowdsurfing at the front of the mosh pit. After you crashland on your neck in a dirty puddle of warm beer, your friend yanks you up by the wrist and squeezes you beside her right in front of the stage.
At the rocket ship before blastoff!
You slept in and got stuck in highway traffic so now you're chomping on a fistful of ice cream pellets while Velcroing your aluminum-foil-andfishbowl getup together in the car. You arrive at the launchpad and race down the thin metal bridges into the ship as the engines fire up . . . and there's Cindy! With a windbreaker lying on the window seat beside her.
You slept in and got stuck in highway traffic so now you're chomping on a fistful of ice cream pellets while Velcroing your aluminum-foil-andfishbowl getup together in the car. You arrive at the launchpad and race down the thin metal bridges into the ship as the engines fire up . . . and there's Cindy! With a windbreaker lying on the window seat beside her.
Yes, when you spot a friend snagging you a
prime seat
it's good times, it's good times. After all, they're expressing your friendship
to the world
by deciding twenty minutes of stinkeye is worth making sure you sit together.
prime seat
it's good times, it's good times. After all, they're expressing your friendship
to the world
by deciding twenty minutes of stinkeye is worth making sure you sit together.
AWESOME!
The sound of water lapping against a dock
It sounds like the
warm and windy
start of summer. It sounds like the cool and quiet finish to fall.
warm and windy
start of summer. It sounds like the cool and quiet finish to fall.
AWESOME!
When the delivery food you ordered somehow arrives really early
Grumbling tums
make those late snacks come every time.
make those late snacks come every time.
Scope this scene:
It's late at night,
clock clicking
past two in the morning, and you and your friends are lying on a torn, potato-chipcrumb-covered couch, sporting big grins, slack jaws, droopy eyes, and
sweaty T-shirts.
You're half awake but fully hungry, half cooked but not fully done, half exhausted but fully up for ordering some
hot and steamy late night food
.
clock clicking
past two in the morning, and you and your friends are lying on a torn, potato-chipcrumb-covered couch, sporting big grins, slack jaws, droopy eyes, and
sweaty T-shirts.
You're half awake but fully hungry, half cooked but not fully done, half exhausted but fully up for ordering some
hot and steamy late night food
.
Someone suggests it and everybody wants it. And then it's all over.
First you start picturing
burning hot mozzarella
sliding around on slippery tomato sauce. You think of wet and glistening pepperoni, the corners black and crispy, little
grease puddles
lying in the folds. Then you start dreaming of steamy Styrofoam with sticky sweet-and-sour chicken. Then you're salivating over thought bubbles of greasy samosas and pillowy naans in paper bags. And you know, you just know, that late night food will taste delicious. Because how can it not?
burning hot mozzarella
sliding around on slippery tomato sauce. You think of wet and glistening pepperoni, the corners black and crispy, little
grease puddles
lying in the folds. Then you start dreaming of steamy Styrofoam with sticky sweet-and-sour chicken. Then you're salivating over thought bubbles of greasy samosas and pillowy naans in paper bags. And you know, you just know, that late night food will taste delicious. Because how can it not?
See, we all know this ain't your
6 p.m. Dinner Order
, where opinions are collected, phone numbers are looked up, and the table is set for dinner, complete with triangle-folded paper towels and a giant
2-liter bottle of Coke
centerpiece.
6 p.m. Dinner Order
, where opinions are collected, phone numbers are looked up, and the table is set for dinner, complete with triangle-folded paper towels and a giant
2-liter bottle of Coke
centerpiece.
No, this is the
Late Night Scarf-It-And-Sleep
. This is the one your doctor warned you about. This is the one that took out Grandpa. Yeah, this is the big ball of greasy grub that sponges up everything else in your belly. It's the only cure for rapid outbreaks of the
Midnight Munchies
, that empty, raw, growling feeling your gut gives you when it's tired and confused and suddenly wants breakfast.
Late Night Scarf-It-And-Sleep
. This is the one your doctor warned you about. This is the one that took out Grandpa. Yeah, this is the big ball of greasy grub that sponges up everything else in your belly. It's the only cure for rapid outbreaks of the
Midnight Munchies
, that empty, raw, growling feeling your gut gives you when it's tired and confused and suddenly wants breakfast.
The Scarf-It-And-Sleep generally consists of somebody dialing whatever number is in their cell phone, ordering a
plain cheese or pepperoni pizza
or random Mixed-Plate Combo #6 without asking anybody else, and then just throwing it on their credit card because they can't be bothered to collect five bucks from everybody sitting around playing video games.
plain cheese or pepperoni pizza
or random Mixed-Plate Combo #6 without asking anybody else, and then just throwing it on their credit card because they can't be bothered to collect five bucks from everybody sitting around playing video games.
The only issue with the Scarf-It-And-Sleep is that even in the middle of the night you get told what you always get told: “That'll be forty-five minutes,” they say. And brother, you know and I know that you don't want to be waiting for that food, that long, that late. Somebody might crack and
drink a bottle of salad dressing
or eat a bar of butter, man. It's a tense scene.
drink a bottle of salad dressing
or eat a bar of butter, man. It's a tense scene.
And that's why it's great when, once in a while, you get that surprise really, really early delivery. When twelve minutes after you place your order, the doorbell rings and
whambam, thank you gram
, it's here, it's hot, and it's time to toss that greasy square of hot cardboard on the floor or big stapled paper bag on the counter and rip right into it like a pack of lions around a
dead zebra
.
whambam, thank you gram
, it's here, it's hot, and it's time to toss that greasy square of hot cardboard on the floor or big stapled paper bag on the counter and rip right into it like a pack of lions around a
dead zebra
.
So this one goes out to the delivery people who surprise us with an early doorbell once in a while. Thanks for filling our bellies with your
greasy goodness
just in time for bed.
greasy goodness
just in time for bed.
AWESOME!
Acrobatic snoozing
Everybody loves a good snooze.
That's where you groggily dive back into the sleepy underworld for a few more minutes of
lazy-boned bliss
before waking up to get your day on. It's even better when you tap the snooze button with a bit of acrobatic showmanship that keeps you dreaming before your
wide-awake self
invades your space.
lazy-boned bliss
before waking up to get your day on. It's even better when you tap the snooze button with a bit of acrobatic showmanship that keeps you dreaming before your
wide-awake self
invades your space.
Here's how to keep on snoozing in the free world:
1.
The Blindfold.
You've long memorized the shape and location of your snooze button, so when it starts buzzing you don't even open your eyes. Nope, you just fumble until you find it and kick back for nine more minutes of heaven.
The Blindfold.
You've long memorized the shape and location of your snooze button, so when it starts buzzing you don't even open your eyes. Nope, you just fumble until you find it and kick back for nine more minutes of heaven.
2.
The Behind The Back.
Here's where you're facing away from the alarm clock when it starts ringing, but instead of flipping right over you casually toss your arm in the air and reach backwards until you find the snooze. Also known as the Reverse Angle Shoulder Twist.
The Behind The Back.
Here's where you're facing away from the alarm clock when it starts ringing, but instead of flipping right over you casually toss your arm in the air and reach backwards until you find the snooze. Also known as the Reverse Angle Shoulder Twist.
3.
The Outsource.
Perhaps your clock starts buzzing as your boyfriend is hopping around putting pants on or while your sister's knocking to wake you up. Either way, you outsource your snoozing to them with a cute and groggy “Mmmnnn . . . can you hit ... button.”
The Outsource.
Perhaps your clock starts buzzing as your boyfriend is hopping around putting pants on or while your sister's knocking to wake you up. Either way, you outsource your snoozing to them with a cute and groggy “Mmmnnn . . . can you hit ... button.”
4.
The Toe Tap
. You've been tossing and turning all night and now you've got the Toe Vent going in a perfect spot to use your foot to tap the button. If you manage to avoid knocking over your glass of water or accidentally kicking your alarm clock to the floor, this can be a stunningly beautiful move.
The Toe Tap
. You've been tossing and turning all night and now you've got the Toe Vent going in a perfect spot to use your foot to tap the button. If you manage to avoid knocking over your glass of water or accidentally kicking your alarm clock to the floor, this can be a stunningly beautiful move.
Yes, pulling off an acrobatic snooze makes you feel like a
trapeze artist
way up inside a big tent at the roaring climax of the circus. Sweat drips down your forehead and onto your
tight white unitard
as you stare with steady eyes at your wideeyed partner swinging toward you. Suddenly you bend your knees and
jump high and wide
into their open arms before quickly locking and soaring breathless over all the bright lights below ...
trapeze artist
way up inside a big tent at the roaring climax of the circus. Sweat drips down your forehead and onto your
tight white unitard
as you stare with steady eyes at your wideeyed partner swinging toward you. Suddenly you bend your knees and
jump high and wide
into their open arms before quickly locking and soaring breathless over all the bright lights below ...
Elephants trumpet,
lions roar
, and jaws drop as you somersault with a smile way, way up in the darkness. The ringmaster points his cane at you and screams while thundering applause rains down.
lions roar
, and jaws drop as you somersault with a smile way, way up in the darkness. The ringmaster points his cane at you and screams while thundering applause rains down.
So snooze for the moment. Snooze for the memories.
Snooze for your life.
AWESOME!
Eating foods you loved as a kid
The flood of memories that comes shooting back when you eat food you loved as a kid is a giant, neuron-splattering head rush. You're suddenly transported back to the kitchen you grew up in and can practically see the avocado-green stove, three-hundred-pound microwave, and plastic alphabet magnets covering the fridge.
So come on, let's all go back:
â¢
Squished-up balls of fresh bread.
This one involves taking a piece of really soft, really fresh bread, ripping off all the crusts, and then rolling it into a tight, white ball of dense deliciousness. Feel free to hide a wedge of butter in the core there too.
Squished-up balls of fresh bread.
This one involves taking a piece of really soft, really fresh bread, ripping off all the crusts, and then rolling it into a tight, white ball of dense deliciousness. Feel free to hide a wedge of butter in the core there too.
â¢
Whatever you ate for holiday meals.
Maybe back at The Kids Table you were loving Grandma's pumpkin pie, your brother's lumpy mashed potatoes, or mom's famous stuffing. Nothing tastes as good when the holidays hit.
Whatever you ate for holiday meals.
Maybe back at The Kids Table you were loving Grandma's pumpkin pie, your brother's lumpy mashed potatoes, or mom's famous stuffing. Nothing tastes as good when the holidays hit.
â¢
Boxed macaroni with chopped-up hot dogs.
Stare into that hot steamy fluorescent orange bowl and get ready to chow down. Optional features include adding massive squirts of ketchup or chopped-up hot dogs. Not optional is eating the whole box.
Boxed macaroni with chopped-up hot dogs.
Stare into that hot steamy fluorescent orange bowl and get ready to chow down. Optional features include adding massive squirts of ketchup or chopped-up hot dogs. Not optional is eating the whole box.
â¢
Tang.
The beautiful thing about Tang is that as you get older, you can just water it down a bit if you can't handle the sweetness anymore. Or you can do the opposite and have yourself a glass of Super Tang. After that, it's time to blast off to the moon.
Tang.
The beautiful thing about Tang is that as you get older, you can just water it down a bit if you can't handle the sweetness anymore. Or you can do the opposite and have yourself a glass of Super Tang. After that, it's time to blast off to the moon.
â¢
Melted Cheese.
This is one that my sister and I used to love. We would put a piece of bread on a plate, slice up five thin slices of cheese, and then nuke it for thirty seconds. We had it down to an exact science. Once in a while things would get a little crazy and we'd put some tomato sauce on it, but mostly just Melted Cheese. A perfect name for a perfect after-school snack.
Melted Cheese.
This is one that my sister and I used to love. We would put a piece of bread on a plate, slice up five thin slices of cheese, and then nuke it for thirty seconds. We had it down to an exact science. Once in a while things would get a little crazy and we'd put some tomato sauce on it, but mostly just Melted Cheese. A perfect name for a perfect after-school snack.
â¢
Liquid antibiotics
. Okay, it's not really a food, but how about that sugary amoxicillin you used to get? You can apparently still ask for it as an adult, but you might need to take eight teaspoons fourteen times a day to get your full dosage.
Liquid antibiotics
. Okay, it's not really a food, but how about that sugary amoxicillin you used to get? You can apparently still ask for it as an adult, but you might need to take eight teaspoons fourteen times a day to get your full dosage.
â¢
Those cheese spread cracker kits with the red plastic stick.
Who else always ran out of cheese way before they ran out of cracker?
Those cheese spread cracker kits with the red plastic stick.
Who else always ran out of cheese way before they ran out of cracker?
â¢
Your favorite sandwich
. Maybe today you're on a health kick, but remember when your favorite sandwich was bologna and processed cheese on white bread? Or salami and mustard and mayo? Or creamy peanut butter with grape jelly cut into triangles?
Your favorite sandwich
. Maybe today you're on a health kick, but remember when your favorite sandwich was bologna and processed cheese on white bread? Or salami and mustard and mayo? Or creamy peanut butter with grape jelly cut into triangles?
â¢
Canned pasta.
Whether your fancy is beef ravioli or the tangy sweetness from a soupy bowl of ketchupsoaked O's, these piles of sodium and meatpaste definitely tickle the memory bone.
Canned pasta.
Whether your fancy is beef ravioli or the tangy sweetness from a soupy bowl of ketchupsoaked O's, these piles of sodium and meatpaste definitely tickle the memory bone.
â¢
Mom's Spaghetti Sauce.
Was your mom a jar of sauce in a pot kind of gal? Or a slow, all-day simmering type of lady? Did she leave the mushrooms chunky, chop them real fine, or leave them out completely? What was her position on onions, melted cheese on top, or meatballs versus meat sauce? If you grew up with homemade spaghetti sauce, I'm willing to bet it's still something that tastes amazing today.
Mom's Spaghetti Sauce.
Was your mom a jar of sauce in a pot kind of gal? Or a slow, all-day simmering type of lady? Did she leave the mushrooms chunky, chop them real fine, or leave them out completely? What was her position on onions, melted cheese on top, or meatballs versus meat sauce? If you grew up with homemade spaghetti sauce, I'm willing to bet it's still something that tastes amazing today.
â¢
Cold hot dogs straight from the fridge.
Oh, don't worry. The worms all died in the factory.
Cold hot dogs straight from the fridge.
Oh, don't worry. The worms all died in the factory.
â¢
Random mishmash desserts.
My sister used to put oats and butter in the microwave and top it with a spoon of brown sugar. Maybe you loved Nestlé Quik on a spoon, butter and sugar sandwiches, homemade Coke ice pops, or Nutella smeared on anything.
Random mishmash desserts.
My sister used to put oats and butter in the microwave and top it with a spoon of brown sugar. Maybe you loved Nestlé Quik on a spoon, butter and sugar sandwiches, homemade Coke ice pops, or Nutella smeared on anything.
â¢
Sugar cereals.
I ate Corn Pops every day for breakfast for a decade and somehow survived. These days, you can always cut them with an adult cereal if they're too sweet. Throw some plain Cheerios on those Honey Nut Cheerios or some Corn Flakes on those Frosted Flakes. Just don't tell anybody, old man.
Sugar cereals.
I ate Corn Pops every day for breakfast for a decade and somehow survived. These days, you can always cut them with an adult cereal if they're too sweet. Throw some plain Cheerios on those Honey Nut Cheerios or some Corn Flakes on those Frosted Flakes. Just don't tell anybody, old man.
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