The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya (20 page)

The three girls were sitting on the bed, I was parked on the dressing table, and Koizumi was calmly leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“I’ve figured it out!”

Haruhi shouted all of a sudden and I reflexively responded in the usual fashion.

“Figured what out?”

“The culprit.”

Haruhi’s face as she made her proclamation seemed to be filled with some kind of mysterious conviction.

I reluctantly voiced what the other three were thinking.

“What culprit? Nothing’s happened yet. We just got here.”

“My gut tells me that the culprit is the master of this place. His first victim will probably be Mikuru.”

“Eek!”

Asahina was really scared. She trembled like a little rabbit hearing the flapping of a hawk’s wings and clutched at the skirt of Nagato, standing next to her. Nagato didn’t say anything.

“…”

She just silently stared at a fixed point in the air.

“Like I said, what culprit?” I asked one more time. “Or should I say, what crime do you intend to blame Keiichi Tamaru for?”

“How am I supposed to know that? He just had a look in his eyes like he was plotting something. My gut is usually right. I’m sure that we’ll be involved in some kind of big surprise.”

I hoped that she was just talking about a simple surprise party, but Haruhi wasn’t expecting a cheap birthday party with a lame catch.

Just imagine. Keiichi suddenly dropping the friendly smile and getting a crazy look in his eyes as he starts slashing guests with a kitchen knife. The old guy beating at the door to use us as sacrifices because he was possessed by an ancient spirit after stumbling upon an old dolmen deep in the forest of the island.

“That’s ridiculous.”

I waved one hand in a horizontal motion as I shot myself down.

There’s no way that an acquaintance of Koizumi’s would do something like that. The “Agency” can’t be made up of a bunch of idiots. They should have investigated the site beforehand. Koizumi still has that usual harmless smile on his face. Arakawa the butler, Sonoh Mori, and Yutaka Tamaru have absolutely nothing in common with the residents from horror stories. Besides, Haruhi is looking for a detective mystery, not a splatter film.

If anything were to happen, it’d be a serial murder or two, right? Though I doubt it’s going to happen so conveniently. The skies are clear and they haven’t issued a high seas warning. This island hasn’t become an isolated space.

Besides, Haruhi wouldn’t truly wish for someone to die. If
Haruhi were that kind of a person, I’d have run out of patience after dealing with her for so long.

Haruhi, paying no heed to my worries, spoke up in an innocent-sounding voice. “Let’s start by taking a swim. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that people come to the beach for the sole purpose of swimming. Let’s see how far we can swim. We can have a contest to see who gets carried away by the waves first!”

Sure, but you better have a search and rescue team standing by.

Still, we just got here and we’re already on the move? Hasn’t she even considered taking a short break after the long voyage? Of course, it was possible that Haruhi wasn’t tired, but she could at least occasionally refrain from using herself as the standard for everyone else.

“What are you talking about? You could take an offering to the Temple of Apollo, but that isn’t going to stop the sun. We have to move before the sun sets ’cause time’s a-wasting.”

Haruhi wrapped her arms around Asahina and Nagato’s necks.

“Wah,” went Asahina as she blinked, while “…” was the silent response from Nagato.

“Swimsuits. Swimsuits. Get changed and meet up in the lobby. Heh-heh-heh. I chose the swimsuits these girls will be wearing. Kyon, you’re getting excited, aren’t you?”

Haruhi bared her white teeth with a creepy smirk in a look that said she knew what I was thinking.

“You’re absolutely right.”

I puffed my chest up in defiance. That was my primary objective for this trip. I won’t let anyone rain on my parade.

“Koizumi, the private beach is reserved for us, right?!”

“Yes, that’s right. Our only company will be a few seashells washed up on the shore. It’s an unexplored beach. But the tide comes in quickly so you shouldn’t get too far away from the coast. Assuming you were serious about having a contest.”

“As if. It was just a joke. Someone like Mikuru would end up as fish food after getting swept away by the Kuroshio Current in no time. Okay, everybody? Don’t get all excited and swim too far out. Stay where I can see you.”

Should Haruhi be acting as the guardian here when she’s the most excited one? Maybe I should suck it up and play that role. In any case, I’ll take care not to let Asahina out of my sight for longer than two seconds.

“Over there! Kyon!”

Haruhi pointed her finger at the tip of my nose.

“Get that creepy smile off your face. You look better with your mouth half-open in a grimace. I won’t be letting you have the camera!”

The high-flying and audacious Haruhi Express smiled.

“Okay, let’s go!”

And so, here we are.

Here was a coastal beach of sand. The intense sunlight was definitely what you’d expect of summer. The advancing waves washed over the sand as white clouds puffy like cotton candy slowly floated across a canvas of deep blue. A sharp sea breeze rustled our hair and slowly beckoned us to the water.

The words “private beach” have a nice ring, but the truth was that there wasn’t any need to book a reservation for this beach because it was on an island so far removed from civilization that nobody would ever bother coming here to swim, with the exception of foreign tourists who’d been fooled by some travel magazine. Needless to say, there wasn’t any sign of human life around besides the five of us. There weren’t even any birds flying around.

Which meant that the only witnesses lucky enough to see
Haruhi and the other girls in their swimsuits were the barnacles attached to the rocks. If you don’t count Koizumi and me.

I had spread a blanket under the beach umbrella and squinted at Asahina, who looked all embarrassed, when Haruhi ran up to block my view.

“Mikuru, swimming at the beach is a rule of this world. Come on, let’s go. It’s unhealthy to stay out of the sunlight!”

“Wait, but my skin gets sunburned really easily…”

Haruhi paid no heed to Asahina’s cowering as she led the pale upperclassman to the edge of the water and dove in.

“Wah, it’s salty.”

Asahina was surprised by the obvious as she splashed in the water.

As for Nagato.

“…”

She was kneeling on the blanket with her back straight, also in a swimsuit, as she read a paperback in silence.

“Each person has a different method of having fun.”

Koizumi stopped blowing up the beach ball to smile at me.

“People should spend their leisure time doing activities they enjoy. Or else, that would defeat the point of going on a vacation. Shouldn’t we attempt to relax and savor this four-day three-night trip?”

Isn’t Haruhi the only one enjoying herself? I doubt that Asahina’s feeling too relaxed when Haruhi’s toying with her.

“Hey, Kyon! Koizumi! You guys get over here too!”

We stood up in response to Haruhi’s sirenlike shouting. Truth be told, I didn’t go reluctantly. Haruhi aside, my heart’s desire was to be near Asahina. Koizumi passed the blown-up beach ball to me and I began walking across the hot sand.

Upon returning to the villa feeling moderately fatigued, we took quick showers before returning to our rooms for a brief rest, after which time the sky was filled with stars and Mori was leading us to the dining hall.

It was dinnertime.

Dinner that night was an extravagant affair. I doubt Asahina had particularly wanted to eat seafood, but there was a plateful in front of each of us, enough to make a person destined to live in poverty like me sit up straight. And we’re getting free room and board? Is this really okay?

“Absolutely.”

Keiichi Tamaru assured us with a smile on his face. “Just think of it as a way of showing my appreciation for coming all the way out here. After all, I was bored. Well, I don’t mean that I would have invited anybody available. But Itsuki’s friends are more than welcome here.”

Keiichi was now dressed formally, unlike when he came out to greet us. He wore a dark suit with a necktie in a Windsor knot. The food being served was a mix of Japanese and European cuisine with a menu including carpaccio, meuniere, and some kind of steamed dish among others, though Keiichi was the only one eating with a knife and fork. The rest of us had been using chopsticks the whole time.

“The food is absolutely delicious. Who made this?” Haruhi asked as she displayed an appetite worthy of consideration for an eating contest.

“The butler, Arakawa, also serves as the chef. Impressive, isn’t it?” said Keiichi.

“I’d love to offer my appreciation. Please call him over later.”

Haruhi was putting on the airs of a person at a fancy restaurant.

Asahina’s eyes widened every time she took a bite. Nagato, who
didn’t seem like a big eater, was keeping up a surprising pace. Koizumi was cheerfully chatting with Yutaka and the others.

“Would you like something to drink?”

Mori, who served as our waitress in her maid outfit, held a long and narrow bottle as she smiled at me. Looks like some kind of wine. Can’t say that I approve of offering alcohol to minors, but I decided to try a glass. I’d never had wine before, but humans are supposed to be a little adventurous. Besides, I’d feel bad if I turned down Mori while being faced with that charming smile.

“Ah, what are you drinking by yourself over there, Kyon? I want some of that too.”

Per Haruhi’s request, a glass of wine was passed to everyone.

Somehow, I have a feeling that this was when the nightmare began.

That day, I discovered that Asahina had absolutely zero tolerance for alcohol, Nagato was like a bottomless pit, and Haruhi was a hopeless drunk.

My own memories were rather hazy since I got cocky and drank a bit too much, but I recall Haruhi drinking from the bottle as she slapped Keiichi’s head.

“Man, you’re the best! I’ll leave Mikuru here as thanks for inviting us. Do some serious maid training. This girl really needs help.”

I vaguely remembered Haruhi shouting something along those lines.

The real maid, Sonoh Mori, had lined up the wine bottles on the table like bowling pins and presented us with expertly sliced apples for dessert. Asahina, the fake maid who was only on duty in the club room, was collapsed on the table, her face completely red.

Nagato continued emptying the alcoholic beverages Mori brought over. I had no idea how her body processed alcohol, but
her complexion hadn’t changed a bit as she emptied bottle after bottle like a whale drinking seawater.

Yutaka looked at her with great interest.

“Are you sure you’re fine?”

The sight of him talking to Nagato in a concerned voice tugged at a corner of my memory.

That night, I completely passed out and was able to reach my bed only with Koizumi’s help. Koizumi told me afterward with a mocking smile on his face. He also mentioned that I, along with Haruhi, had engaged in some sort of disgraceful behavior, but I had no recollection of any such thing, so I’ll just pretend that I never heard him tell me that. We’ll just say it was one of Koizumi’s typical jokes.

Because what happened the next day pushed all that stuff to the corners of our minds.

On the morning of the second day, a storm showed up out of the blue.

A horizontal rain pounded on the walls as strong gusts howled ominously. The trees around the villa shook as though they were possessed by ghosts.

“Rotten luck. A hurricane had to show up now of all times,” Haruhi muttered as she looked out the window. We were in Haruhi’s room. We had gathered to hold a meeting to discuss what we would do today.

We had already eaten breakfast. Keiichi had been absent from the table that morning. Apparently, he had a hard time getting up in the morning, and it was all but impossible for him to get out of bed before noon, according to Arakawa’s explanation.

Haruhi turned to us.

“But you know. Now we’re really on a remote island in the middle of a storm. A once-in-a-lifetime situation. Maybe something will actually happen.”

Asahina flinched as her eyes darted around. Koizumi and Nagato looked as though this was business as usual.

The waves had been perfectly calm yesterday, yet now we had a high wave warning. Definitely beyond acceptable conditions for going out in a boat. If it’s still this bad in two days, we’ll have been unwillingly trapped on this island because of Haruhi’s will. A closed circle. It couldn’t be.

Koizumi smiled in an attempt to reassure us.

“It appears to be a fast-moving hurricane so conditions should improve over the next two days. It’ll suddenly disappear the way it suddenly showed up.”

“That’s what the weather forecast says. But there wasn’t any information about a hurricane coming yesterday. Whose head did this storm happen to pop out of?”

“It was a coincidence,” Koizumi said calmly. “An ordinary natural phenomenon. One of the signs of summer. We get at least one large-scale hurricane every year.”