The Boyfriend Project (19 page)

I woke up with a numb arm that was trapped beneath Kendall. Not that I cared. I could still feel the weight of her, and I had one arm that wasn't tingling. With my good hand, I brushed strands of her hair back.

Sunlight was streaming in through her windows. I liked how she looked when she was asleep. I could count her faint freckles, could see the way her nose twitched. I watched as she opened her eyes and a slow smile eased across her face.

“I'm glad you stayed,” she said.

“Me too.”

She sat up, stretched her arms over her head while blood rushed into my arm with a vengeance, but I fought to ignore it.

She rolled out of bed. “I'll make you breakfast.”

She padded out of the room, while I stayed there for a minute wondering exactly where we went from here.

By the time I got downstairs, the kitchen was filled with the tantalizing aroma of bacon. Using the Keurig, I made some hazelnut coffee before sitting at the counter to watch her fry up some eggs. “What are you going to do today?” I asked.

“I don't know. Maybe go to a movie. I don't want to mope around but if I stay here, I think I will. What about you?”

“Have some plans.”

“Oh?” She looked at me, and I saw the doubts in her eyes. She just nodded, went back to the eggs.

“Not what you think. Not with Jade or anyone else.”

“You don't have to tell me what you're doing.”

I got up, walked over to her, and put my arms around her waist, set my chin on her shoulder. “There's no one else. Not after yesterday. I can't tell you what I'm planning until I know for sure that it's going to happen. If it doesn't happen, I'll go to the movies with you. I should know in a couple of hours.”

“That's kinda Jason Bourne-ish,” she said.

I laughed. “Yeah, I'm a skilled assassin. If it works out, I think you'll like it.”

While she finished with the eggs, I got the toast out
of the toaster, buttered it, and took it to the counter. She brought over the eggs and bacon.

“This is so domestic,” she said as she hopped onto a stool.

“Maybe we'll get a house together our sophomore year so you can cook every morning.”

She stilled, stared at me. It was something I could have said a couple of weeks ago and it would have caused no tenseness between us, but now we weren't completely comfortable with each other. The teasing was gone; the absolute trust had vanished.

I knew it would take some time to get that back.

“Want to tell me what you were doing all night?”

I'd barely walked through the front door when my dad started the inquisition.

“Not really,” I said. I didn't think my dad would believe me, anyway, if I told him that all I did was hold Kendall. If he knew we were in bed together, he would assume we'd had sex. Not that I hadn't wanted to, but I'd understood that wasn't what she'd needed last night.

“You need to break things off with this girl if you want me to help you with your college expenses. I'm not going to stand by and see your life ruined.”

It was ironic. If he'd made the demand a few days
ago, I could have told him that we'd broken up. Right now, though, I wasn't exactly sure where we were.

Following breakfast, I'd helped Kendall clean up the kitchen. Then I'd headed home. At that precise moment, I was wishing I'd stayed at her house.

“Dad, who I date, who I spend time with, who I love, who I ruin my life with—is my business. I know you didn't want to get married when you were eighteen. I know you think it was the biggest mistake of your life, that I'm the biggest mistake—”

“Son, I never—”

“Even if you never said it, I felt it. If Mom hadn't gotten pregnant, if you hadn't gotten married, where do you think you'd be right now? How much better do you think your life would be? Kendall, the girl I love, her name is Kendall, needs to control things, but we can't control everything. No matter how hard we try. Things happen that we're not expecting and we make the best of them. If you don't want to help me with my college expenses, don't. I'll get a job, I'll get a loan. You made your choices and if you're not happy with them, they're on you. Do something about it.”

I turned to go to my room and nearly slammed into my mother. She was pale, her face horror-stricken. What could she say? She had told me I was a mistake.

“If you're not happy, you don't have to stay here because of me,” I said quietly.

Then I headed to my room, determined that I would never look back and think that whatever happened between Kendall and me was a mistake. Whether we got back together or stayed apart, it wasn't going to be because I didn't know what I wanted, because I made a mistake.

Movie it is. What time works 4 U?

The text came from Jeremy while I was sitting on the deck with Avery. I'd called to tell her about Bogart and she'd immediately come over. A true friend.

I wondered what Jeremy had planned that wasn't going to happen, but I was also glad that we were going to a movie. I replied:

This evening. Want 2B here when Mom gets home.

Be over in a bit.

“I haven't seen that smile in a while,” Avery said.

I clutched the phone to my chest. I'd already told her about everything Jeremy had done for me the day before. “It was Jeremy. We're going to a movie tonight. Do you and Fletcher want to come with us?”

Smiling, she shook her head. “I don't think so.
Especially if you're getting back together. You could use some alone time.”

“I don't know what we're doing, but it feels right to be with him.”

She clinked her lemonade glass against mine. “I'm for anything that feels right.”

The door that led into the kitchen opened, and Mom stepped out. “There you are.” She glanced around. “Where's Bogart? He didn't greet me at the door.”

Unfolding my body, I stood and touched her arm. “We had to say good-bye to him.”

Her face fell, her eyes watered. “When?”

“Yesterday.”

“You should have called me. I would have come back. You didn't need to be alone.”

“There wasn't time. And I wasn't alone. Jeremy was with me.”

“That's good,” she said, hiking up her chin, but I could see a little quiver in her mouth.

“It's okay to cry, Mom.”

“He was just a dog.” Tears welled in her eyes, spilled over. “He was just a dog.”

“But he was our dog.” I stepped forward and put my arms around her. She hugged me tightly.

“He made me love him, dad-gum it,” she said. “That's not fair.”

“You probably made him love you, too, Mrs. J,” Avery said.

“Still not fair,” Mom said, pulling back and swiping at her tears. “But then that's just part of life.” She patted my shoulder, furrowed her brow. “You said Jeremy was with you?”

“Yeah. We're going to a movie tonight.”

“Are you back together?”

“I think we're testing the waters.”

“Well, I hope you find them to be warm and lovely.”

I wasn't actually sure what she meant. My mom often spoke in a New Age kind of way.

“I'm going to go unpack,” she continued.

I figured she wanted some time alone to grieve the loss of Bogart. After she went inside, I sat back down on the lounge chair. “My mom was never a dog person.”

“I think she is now,” Avery said.

“I think you're right.”

Avery swung her legs around. “I should probably leave so you can get ready for your date.”

“Am I being naïve to think Jeremy and I might have a chance of making this work again?”

“I think sometimes you just have to trust your heart.”

I knew if I asked my mom, she'd say the same thing. Sometimes it was hard to trust your heart when it was still
bruised. But it had gotten hurt because I had tried to control things. Jeremy had changed. I could, too.

I'd never before experienced nervousness when I'd been with Jeremy. I didn't know why I was tonight as I waited for him to arrive. I was wearing white capris and a dark-purple top that draped over my chest. And I was pacing the foyer.

What if he'd changed his mind? What if he'd decided not to take a chance on us?

“You're going to wear a hole in the floor,” Mom said.

I came to an abrupt halt. “Sorry. I don't know what to expect.”

“Expect that life will have peaks and valleys. Relish the peaks and trudge through the valleys. Always appreciate if you have someone to trudge beside you.”

“How do I know if it's the right someone?” I asked.

“Because he'll always be there when you need him the most. You won't have to ask. He'll just be there.”

“How do I know if I'm the right one for him?”

“You won't. But he'll know.”

“I'm scared, Mom. I think about going off to college and leaving you. I think about all the decisions I'm going to have to make. . . . What if I make the wrong ones?”

“Then you'll learn a lesson and next time you'll make
the right one. Life is never perfect, Kendall. It's not always neat, with salt and pepper shakers placed exactly where they belong.”

I cringed. “I'm that obvious, huh?”

“I know you feel a need to control things, but we can't control life. Just live it to the fullest.”

“I'll try.”

“That's all any of us can do.”

I heard a car drive up. I gave Mom a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you later.”

I opened the door. Jeremy was wearing jeans and a light-gray button-up shirt. He'd shaved, styled his hair. He looked great.

He waved. “Hey, Mrs. J.”

I realized Mom was standing in the open doorway. “Hello, Jeremy. Y'all have fun.”

“We will.” He took my hand and led me to the passenger side of the car. He opened the door for me and I slid into the seat. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled his wonderful scent.

He got behind the wheel and we took off. I didn't know why I'd been nervous. It felt so right to be here.

“So what's this other thing you wanted to do?” I asked.

“We'll do it another time.”

“You can't give me a hint?”

“Nope. I want it to be a surprise.”

“So you think we'll still be seeing each other after today?”

He slid his gaze over to me. “I'm hoping so.”

I was, too. But I didn't want to jinx it by saying so.

As we stood in line to get tickets, I noticed someone in line in front of us. “Is that Darla and Tommy?” I asked.

Jeremy leaned around me and grinned. “Looks like.”

“I'm glad. She's really nice.”

“Tommy is, too. I think they'll work.”

“I hope so.”

Jeremy bought tickets to a romantic comedy. At the concession stand, he bought a large popcorn and medium drink. I took the bucket of popcorn to the butter machine. I usually hit the button five times. I did it four. Stopped. Backed away.

“You miscounted,” Jeremy said. “You like five squirts of butter.”

“I'm trying not to be obsessive with the actual number. Four is fine.”

“Why not six? If you're only worried about the number of times you hit the spigot, why not shoot for more butter instead of less?”

I laughed. “You're right.” I pressed it three more times.

As we walked down the hallway to the theater, he said,
“You don't have to change your habits for me.”

“I try to control too much. I need to be more spontaneous.”

“Kendall, all you need to be is you.”

Oh, God, this was why I loved him. Because he accepted me, quirks and all.

Sitting in the back row, we watched the previews, giving each other a thumbs-up for the ones we were interested in, thumbs-down for the ones we weren't. From the moment the previews began, we never talked. We'd never discussed movie etiquette. Not talking during a movie was just something we shared.

Like the popcorn and the drink.

When we were finished with them, Jeremy held my hand. The movie started. I focused on it but I was also very much aware of Jeremy beside me. Being here with him was a peak in my life. It felt right, it felt good, it felt like we were where we were supposed to be.

On the screen, the main female character said something to her friends and I laughed. Jeremy went still beside me. I looked at him. He was studying me. Even in the darkened theater, I was very much aware of the intensity of his look.

Then he leaned in and claimed my mouth as though it always had and always would belong to him.

After all that had happened between us, after the loss of Bogart and her grieving, I hadn't expected that Kendall would laugh tonight. But when she did, the lyrical sound swirled around me, seeped into me, and reminded me of all the things I loved about her.

How passionate she was about animals. How kind and thoughtful she could be. How obsessive, and even how controlling. But it was her controlling nature that had helped to make Bark in the Park a success.

And just like the first time that we'd come to a movie without Avery, I'd been unable not to kiss her. That she kissed me back gave me hope that we would still be together next weekend.

She slid her mouth along my cheek until she reached my ear and whispered, “I don't care about the movie.”

“Me either.”

Standing, I took her hand, pulled her to her feet, and led her out of the theater. Once we were out in the parking lot, she laughed again. I put my arm around her waist, drew her in, and kissed her.

A car horn honked, and we jumped apart. I realized we were actually on a path and holding up traffic. I grabbed Kendall's hand and we ran to the car. She laughed the entire way.

Once we were inside the car, we just sat there for a few minutes looking at each other.

“Want to go to the lake?” I finally asked.

She nodded. “But . . .”

“But?”

She looked over her shoulder into the backseat.

“Yeah,” I said. “We might have changed a little but that didn't.”

“What if we borrow Avery's car? It's as old as the earth but it has a huge backseat.”

I thought of all my father's warnings, my parents' unhappiness. I thought about what I had with Kendall, what I wanted. “Okay.”

She gave me a wonderful heart-stopping smile. Then she pulled out her phone.

Forty-five minutes later, we were at the lake, kissing in a backseat that gave us some room to maneuver. Not as
much as I'd expected but still more than we had in my car.

“I can't believe your abs,” Kendall said as she ran her hands over them.

“Now that I have them, I'll probably work to keep them.”

“I feel badly that I nudged you into working out, that I made you think I was dissatisfied. Maybe I was the one who needed to change.”

“The thing is, Kendall, we're both going to change. No one remains the same. I shouldn't have been bothered by the surface changes because I think you're okay with who I am.”

“I love who you are.”

Then she was kissing me again, I was kissing her. I thought maybe, just maybe, we were going to be all right.