The Certainty of Deception (22 page)

The preacher was younger than I anticipated.  I’d expected an old man who’d feebly give us a long lecture on how we were all sinners and going straight to Hell.  Instead, the speaker was maybe forty years old with the blackest hair I’d ever seen.  He bounced all over the stage, practically screaming while he preached.  It was hard to keep up with him at times, but he definitely knew how to engage a crowd.

As he spoke, I pulled out the ink pen from my breast pocket.  This was my chance to convince McKenzie to join me.  She really couldn’t argue with me during church.  On the pamphlet that was handed to me when I arrived, I wrote:
Have you decided yet?

I nudged McKenzie who seemed engrossed in what the minister was saying.  She looked down at the paper, her eyes racking over the words.  Her smile faltered, as she took the pen from my hand and quickly jotted down:
I still need some time.

I was tired of waiting.  It may seem selfish of me, and okay, it was, but I was afraid if she didn’t join me all of the progress we’d made would be for naught.  I took the pen back and wrote:
I really want to be with you.

Jackie leaned forward, glancing between us.  Even though the minister’s voice echoed through the room, I still managed to hear her quietly chuckle at us passing notes. 

McKenzie pulled the pen from my fingertips and scribbled:
I want to be with you, too, but -

I reached for her hand, stopping her from writing.  She looked up, her eyes swelling with tears.  I shook my head and removed the pen from her hands.  I quickly jotted down:
We’ll talk after church.

McKenzie nodded, taking my hand in hers.  For the rest of the service, we sat there, hand in hand, listening as the minister preached about love and forgiveness.  I wondered if McKenzie had told him about our situation and that was why he’d chosen that topic for his sermon.  Yet deep down, I found myself considering that maybe I was right where the big man upstairs wanted me to be.

“Forgiveness is simply a matter of accepting that there are things beyond your control,” the preacher’s voice rang out.  How true those words were.  “God will never put more on you than you can handle.”

I sat, engrossed in his words.  He seemed to be speaking directly to me.  As the sermon came to a close, the minister requested we bow our heads in prayer.  We lowered our heads in reverence.  McKenzie squeezed my hand tight, linking our fingers together.  A spark of determination ignited inside me.  I needed her with me.  She wanted to be with me.  So, there was no way I was backing down without a fight. 

As the preacher ended with an
Amen
, I glanced at the woman who seemed to cling to me as much as I did her.  Emotions swirled across her beautiful face.  She leaned over to Jackie and whispered something as we all stood up, ready to exit the church.

The congregation began dispersing from the auditorium.  I’d expected to follow McKenzie and her family out, but instead, she tightened her grip on my hand, and pushed me out
from our pew.  She dragged me down the aisle, as fast as she could, away from everyone before we could be stopped.  I tried to inquire what was going on, but she shushed me.  We dashed up a long staircase, where she wiggled a few doorknobs until she found one that was unlocked.  She pushed me into what appeared to be a Sunday school classroom, and closed the door behind us.

I reached out to locate the light switch, but found my arms suddenly occupied by my angel.  She pressed her mouth hard to mine.  I could taste the salt of her tears on her lips, but that didn’t stop me.  I kissed her as hard as she needed me, caressing her back and holding her close to my body.  Had we not been inside a church, I was certain I would’ve taken her right there.  When she pulled away, I whispered, “What’s this about?”

“I can’t go with you,” she replied.

The dark shrouded her, preventing me from being able to see her face.  “Why?” I asked, confused.  She sounded like a war was raging inside of her.  Why fight what she really wanted?

“Because.”  Her voice shook with remorse.

I cupped her face in my hands.  “That’s not good enough for me, Mickie.  I need to know why.”

She took my hand in hers, pulling them away from her face and kissing my wrists.  “Because it wouldn’t be right.”

“What wouldn’t be?”  Getting a solid answer from her was worse than performing oral surgery on a tiger.  It was damn near impossible.

McKenzie released my arms, stepping away from me.  “Olivia won’t be happy when we tell her about us, and I know what she’s like when she’s upset.  It’s not pretty.  I won’t ruin Gavin and Morgan’s wedding like that.”

I grappled around in the dark, attempting to locate her.  “Who cares about Olivia?  This is about you and me.”

“This is about more than just you and me, Andy.  You have to realize there’s a baby involved too.”

I threw my hands in the air, stumbling over what felt like a tiny desk.  “I realize that.  Believe me, I of all people know there’s a baby involved, but that doesn’t give Olivia permission to control my life.  I’m doing everything I’m supposed to, even if she refuses to give me a paternity test.  In order for me to be a good father, don’t I deserve to be happy too?  Don’t you deserve happiness?”

“You asked for a paternity test?” she gasped in disbelief. “She never told me about that.”

I followed the sound of her voice, locating her in a corner.  By this point, I was pretty turned around and definitely pissed off.  “I’ve asked her repeatedly for a paternity test and she keeps putting it off.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because,” I exclaimed.  “I don’t remember having sex with her.  When I fell in love with you, I stopped having sex with her.  At first it was an unconscious act, but later, it was completely by choice.  I told you when we got together that I couldn’t be with her when I was in love with you.  And even drunk, I can’t imagine myself screwing her.”

“Oh,” she rasped.

“All I know is, I want us together, and I’m willing to face whatever obstacle comes my way, as long as I have you by my side.  Even if that means fighting with Olivia for paternity rights, if the baby is in fact mine.”

McKenzie’s arms locked around my neck.  I embraced her, pressing my nose into her hair, breathing her in.  “I’m not saying that we can’t be together, Andy.  On the contrary.  I just feel like it’s best if we wait until after the wedding.  Morgan and Gavin deserve the perfect day.  Don’t you agree?”

I sighed.  She had me there. 

“And you know that Liv will be very upset when we tell her the news about us,” McKenzie continued.  “All I’m saying is, we need to wait until you return home.  It’s only one week.”

“What if I told you I need you in Boston?”  While I hated the thought of dealing with Olivia, I was more concerned about facing my father alone.  Jonathan Wise was the fifth circle of Hell for me.  In Dante’s Inferno, the fifth circle was of wrath and anger.  There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that my father would use Gavin’s wedding to torture me.  He was already pushing for me to marrying Olivia.  In his eyes I’d soiled the family name enough and it was time for me to take responsibility for my reckless behavior.  Enduring his taunts for a week would send anyone to the bottle.

“You’ll have all the support you need while you’re there, and you can call me any time, day or night.  I’ll be packing, but I’ll be available.”

“Packing?” I muttered.

“I figure if you and I are gonna make this work, I better come home.”

Part of me was happy to hear her say that, but the other part of me was angered.  I needed her, and once again she refuted me.  What pissed me off more was the fact that I knew she was right.  Olivia would cause a scene, but then so would my father. 

I turned my eyes toward heaven and sighed in resignation.  “Okay,” I relented.  “I’ll see you in Florida, but if you change your mind, there’s a ticket to Boston with your name on it.”

McKenzie pulled my face to hers, kissing me hard and deep.  I moaned, almost forgetting for a moment that we were inside a church.  Her tongue moved against mine with intensity and passion.  I stepped forward, pushing her up against the wall.  She groaned
; her fingers linked behind my head, keeping me locked in her kiss.  How I wanted to consume her, but for once my sense of propriety actually won out.

I released her, panting for air.  She shifted between me and the wall, flipping on the light switch, illuminating the room.  Her hair was disheveled and her face red, but she was smiling.  “We better get back out there.  I’d hate for anyone to get the wrong idea about what we’re doin’ in here.”

“The travesty,” I quipped, winking at her.

McKenzie laughed, straightening her dress and smoothing her hair.  She reached up and adjusted my tie for me.  “I love you, you know,” she mused.

“Always?”

“And forever.”

Hand and hand, McKenzie and I exited the church.  Even though she’d made her final decision not to join me in Boston, a war still seemed to be raging inside her.  She was back to her over thinking ways.  If only I had the ability to read her mind, maybe I’d be able to ease it a little. 

The vibration caused by the mass exodus of patrons exiting the church thrummed around us, but we remained silent.  There was nothing left to be said.  She said
no
.  That one little word stung straight into my soul.  It was no secret that I disagreed with her.  I wanted, actually, I needed her by my side, but she made a valid argument.  One that I couldn’t refute no matter how hard I tried.

Outside the building, the late-morning sun rose high in the cloudless sky.  I blinked several times, adjusting my eyes to the light.  Heavy wind blew across the open plains.  The brown, flat land trembled in its wake.  I released McKenzie’s hand and placed my palm against the small of her back, guiding her toward where our family and friends stood. 

With each passing step, I realized more and more what it must feel like to be a man on death row about to face his execution.  We were moments away from saying goodbye once again, and while I knew this time I wasn’t alone, and it wouldn’t be forever, it certainly felt that way.  The same thought played over and over that there had to be something, anything, I could say that would make her change her mind, but there wasn’t. 

I pulled in a deep breath in an attempt to chase away the sadness.  If this was going to be goodbye, I wanted it to be quick; otherwise I couldn’t promise that I’d be able to leave.

“You know,” I said, breaking the awkward silence, “when I get home from Boston, we could take a trip of our own.  Is there anywhere you’d like to go that you’ve never been before?”

McKenzie turned her head upward, meeting my eyes.  “Are you serious?”

I shrugged, nodding my head.  “Yeah.  Anywhere you want to go.  The sky’s the limit.”

She raked her teeth over her lips.  Her eyes squinted in deep thought before a smile appeared on her beautiful face.  “I’ve always wanted to go overseas to some place like London.”

I rubbed my chin, pretending to consider it.  “London, you say.  Hmm.”

“If you don’t like London, we can go somewhere else.”

I laughed.  “McKenzie Evans, if London is what you want, London is where I’ll take you.  I’d take you to the end of the world, if that’s what you desired.”

“There they are!” Justice yelled out, pointing toward us.

Everyone froze at the sight of us.  McKenzie took a few steps ahead of me, embracing Justice into a tight squeeze.  “Hey, buddy,” she said, her voice cracking.

“Is everything all right?” Lindsey asked, extending her hand out to me.  I took her hand in mine, using it to bring her into my side.  She smiled and wrapped her arm around my waist. 

“Everything’s fine, Mom,” McKenzie said in a slight undertone.  She rested her arm on top of Justice’s head, who ducked away from her. 

“So, when does the flight leave?” Bill inquired, glancing at his watch.  “I’m sure Mickie will need time to pack.”

“I’m not going,” she whispered, keeping her eyes downcast. 

Lindsey stiffened next to me.  “Not going?  That’s preposterous.  I was certain that you’d be joining them.”

“It’s not the right time,” McKenzie mewled. 

“I don’t understand,” Glenda prodded.  “
How’s it not the right time?”

“Ma,” Bill groaned.

“What?”  The old woman stepped away from my brother’s side, taking McKenzie’s face in her hands.  “Listen to me, young lady, there’s no such thing as the right time.  It’s only what you make of your time.  Don’t think.  Act.”

“You don’t understand, Granny.  It’s not that simple,” McKenzie argued. 

“What’s to understand?  Do you love him?” Glenda demanded.

My fingers tightened around Lindsey’s shoulders. Part of me was scared to hear McKenzie’s answer, even though she’d stated it many times in the past few hours.  But saying something in private is one thing.  Admitting it in a crowd of people who know and love you is another.  Lindsey patted me on the back in reassurance.  I glanced down meeting her eyes.  The motherly tenderness there nearly knocked me backward.

Glenda took McKenzie hands in hers, shaking them.  “Answer me, Mickie.  Do you love him?” Glenda persisted.

McKenzie glanced at me, her lips twitching into a small smile, as a blush exploded in full bloom across her face and neck.  “I do.”

“Then you’re a fool for not going with him,” Glenda stated simply.

Seeing the agony flash across McKenzie’s face about ripped me to shreds.  I pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Lindsey’s head and stepped forward, resting my hands on McKenzie’s shoulders.  She rested her back against my chest, relaxing at my touch.  “While I’d give anything for her to join me in Boston,” I started, “I realize a trip like this takes planning.  It was foolish of me to expect her to leave at a moment’s notice.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Glenda retorted.  “She’s not tied to anything-”

I raised my hand, stopping the older woman from finishing her statement.  “It’s more than ties here.  We also have Olivia, Gavin, and Morgan to consider.”

“Morgan and I support you.  You know that,” Gavin announced.  “Why else would I be here?”

Jared pushed away from the car where he was leaning.  “They’re right, Gav.”

Gavin jerked his head around to Jared.  “How can you say that?  We came here to give them a second chance, and to bring her,” he pointed to McKenzie, “back with us.  If she doesn’t come, this trip was for nothing.”

“It wasn’t for nothing,” McKenzie interceded.  “I
do
love your brother.  What was broken between us is on the mend.”

“Yeah, but,” Gavin tried to contend.

“There’s no
but
, Gav,” I stopped him.  “We’re leaving, and she’s staying.  But on the flip side, she’s coming back to Florida.”

Jared’s face broke into a huge grin.  “Really!” he exclaimed.

“Really,” McKenzie squealed.  Jared pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. 

“What’s all the excitement about?” A husky voice broke through the shrieks of laughter.

The intruder caught me off guard.  I flung around, coming nose to nose with Gage.  His thick arms strained against the material of his cotton Oxford shirt.  His platinum blond hair was slicked back, giving me the impression that McKenzie forced him to watch Harry Potter one too many times.  Every hair on my body stood on end.  Even after learning there was nothing going on between him and my girl, the urge to slug him still consumed me. 

“McKenzie’s returning to Florida to be with
me
,” I sneered.  A sense of smugness colored my tone.

Gage crossed his arms over his broad chest giving him a foreboding presence.  I wondered if he was this big and bulky back in high school.  He didn’t seem like her type to me.  From what I knew of Nate and then of course me, she
preferred a lean man.  Not the Hulk. 

“Is this true?” he challenged, directing his question to McKenzie.

McKenzie stood up straight, wrapping her arm around my waist.  I pulled her into my side, holding her close to me.  My fist balled at my thigh.  “It is,” she answered.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Gage questioned her.

“I told you before, Gage.  I love him.  That hasn’t changed.”  I looked down at my beautiful angel to find her twirling the chain of her necklace around her finger.

Gage let out a solemn chuckled.  “I know.  I just don’t want you to get hurt again.  I’m worried about you.”

“Stop worrying.  I’m going to be all right.”

Gage looked to Bill and Lindsey.  “And you’re okay with this?”  He motioned between McKenzie and me with his head. 

“Of course we are.  We’ve anticipated this from the moment she came home,” Bill stated.

Gage seemed to contemplate this statement for a moment.  A slow smile blossomed across his face, as he returned his focus to me.  He dropped his arms, releasing a deep breath.  “Well, all right then.”

I looked around to find everyone flanking us.  They all supported this decision to some degree.  It felt good to be encouraged like this.  I might’ve not gotten my wish concerning McKenzie joining me to Boston, but the fact that everyone agreed she needed to come home with me spoke volumes.  I was trusted, which was something I never even had with Rebecca’s family.  To them I was the devil.  Actually, to them I’m still the devil.

“Well, all right,” Bill repeated, sounding quite relieved.

Gage turned to me.  “I’m sorry that I came off as such a jackass.  You see, Mickie holds a special place in my heart, and I don’t take kindly to people hurting her.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her.”  I looked down at McKenzie, brushing my fingers through her silky hair.  “All I want to do is make her happy.”

“You better, or I’ll hunt your rich boy ass down like a 12-point buck.  You understand?”

“Oh, a new sport,” Jared joked.  “Drew hunting.  I’m game.”

“Hush it,” I sneered, cutting my eyes to Jared.

Gage extended his hand out to me.  “We have a deal?”

I accepted his handshake.  “We have a deal.”

“I better get Blair home.  She’s makin’ a pot roast for supper.”

Gage opened his arms.  McKenzie stepped into his embrace.  His huge arms practically swallowed her whole.  “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Mick,” he whispered.  A surge of fury boiled in me, but I managed to control it.  He was going with his girl and I was with mine, to an extent. 

“Pissing contest,” I heard Glenda muttered.

“That’s par for the course with Drew,” Gavin returned.  Glenda cackled, wrapping her arm back through Gavin’s.

Gage said his farewells to the rest of the family and darted off in the opposite direction.  I was about to turn on Gavin for his smart mouth, when I felt a little hand tug on my suit coat. 

“Dwew?” Justice continued to tug on my jacket until I acknowledged him.

“Yeah, big guy?”

“If Kenzie not go with you, can I?”

I smiled, placing a hand on Justice’s shoulder.  “Not this time, buddy.”

“Awww,” he whined.  “Pwease.”

I glanced up to see Cody mouthing an apology to me.  There was no reason for that.  It was an honor that Justice wanted to spend time with me.  The thought occurred to me; that had to be a big step for him.  This was a request I couldn’t completely deny.  A compromise formed in my mind that I felt could benefit us all.

“How about I make a deal with you?  If your mom and dad say
its okay, Aunt Mickie and I will have you and your family at my beach house this summer.  What do you say about that?”

He looked at his parents and McKenzie.  “We go to Dwew’s beach house?”

“Are you sure?” McKenzie whispered to where only I could hear her.

I knew what she was concerned about.  To prove how serious I was, I rustled Justice’s hair and moved toward Jackie, who continued to hold Honor close to her chest.  I opened my arms.  The pit of my stomach churned and perspiration formed over my skin, but I forced the
panic back.  It was time for this to end.  Seven years of torture was long enough, and McKenzie was right; Autumn wouldn’t want me to hate myself and shut life out.  “May I?”

McKenzie and Gavin gasped in unison.  I trained my eyes on the small girl wiggling in her mother’s arms.  Jackie seemed hesitant at first, but nodded.  “Of course.”  She placed Honor in my arms, keeping close to me as I held the first baby I’d been near since my precious little angel passed.

Every nerve in my body fired simultaneously.  The earth seemed to spin, yet I was standing in place; fused to the tiny bundle in my arms.  For a moment, I couldn’t breathe, let alone think.  The rhythm of my heart changed, pumping blood through my veins in the most erratic of ways.  Sweat beaded across my brow and trickled down my shirt.  My stomach churned and swelled with the ache of my extreme panic.  I felt numb and lightheaded.  My muscles tensed, buckling under the pressure of my immense terror.  I wanted to flee, but I knew if I could manage to stay, everything would be all right.