The Chance: A Novel (65 page)

“It’s me.” She closed her eyes. Hearing his voice took her back to the beginning. Back when she was sure love would live forever. “I’m sorry for calling like this. I got your letter. We . . . can talk later.” She rested her head in her hands. “I’m calling about Ellie.”

“What about her?” The concern in his voice reminded her of the old Alan. “Is she okay?”

“Nolan found her. He still cares for her, it’s obvious.” She rushed ahead, not sure she was making sense. “But Ellie doesn’t want to see him.” Tears filled her eyes and the sadness spilled into her voice. “Our problems . . . they’ve cost her so much, and I just thought . . . I mean, you said you’d found a closer walk with God, so I figured . . . maybe if we both prayed for her.”

“Definitely.” Alan’s hesitation didn’t last long. “Go ahead, Caroline. I’ll finish.”

And with that, Caroline and Alan did something they hadn’t done together since Ellie was very young.

They prayed for her.

Chapter
Twenty-six

E
llie figured she’d wait an hour before she called her mom. She and Kinzie had gone to the closest market and bought ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. Her daughter was in a delightful mood, completely unaware of what Ellie was feeling. Kinzie liked Savannah, she thought John was funny, and she wondered when they could come back. “Or maybe we could move here, Mommy? Because then I could be near my grandma. Little girls should have their grandmas close by, right?”

Ellie wasn’t sure why, but she pictured her father alone in his house with no family. If she and Kinzie moved to Savannah—something she’d been thinking about since she first hugged her mom—that’s how his life would be. How it would probably end. Alone and without the people he really did love. The image brought no satisfaction.

“Well, Kinz.” Her heart ached, but she smiled at her daughter. “Families should be together. Moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas.” She walked alongside Kinzie down another aisle, the two of them taking their time. “So, yes, little girls should be near their grandmas.”

Kinzie seemed content with that explanation. She launched into a description of the
VeggieTales
movie. Ellie tried to listen, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Nolan. Why was he in town? It had to be a coincidence. He was about to start the NBA finals. That and he was dating someone. If he had come looking for her, it was only because he happened to be here and he was curious.

Right?

She couldn’t quite convince herself. The timing was uncanny.

All the way here, every long mile between San Diego and Savannah, Ellie had told herself Nolan wouldn’t come to the meeting at the old oak tree. At the same time, she had allowed herself to dream. If he did come, she would hold on to the moment like the most beautiful treasure. It would be a last time to say good-bye. Closure. If he met her at the park, the minutes with Nolan Cook would be theirs alone. Outside of time.

But never along the entire drive had she thought it would happen.

Kinzie switched topics and began remembering out loud every special thing they’d seen on the trip to Georgia. Ellie nodded and said what she needed to say in order to remain part of the conversation. The imagined moment with Nolan had only been a fantasy.

All that changed the moment her mother mentioned Nolan’s name. Fear had seized her in a vise grip. She didn’t want to see Nolan Cook, didn’t want to stand across from him, so close she could touch him. Couldn’t bear to see him disappointed in her. Not now and not ever. Of course she couldn’t get out of her mom’s house fast enough.

If she let him see her now, he would never again know her as the fifteen-year-old girl she had been. He would see who she was today. Who she had become. He would see her place in life and the consequences of her actions, and he would see Kinzie. In as much time as it took to blink, he would shift his emotions from curiosity to compassion.

And just like that, Nolan Cook would feel sorry for her.

Something she could never let happen. Partly because she was happy with her life—especially now that she’d found her mom and her heart was beginning to let go of the anger she’d felt toward her father. She had a job she enjoyed, even if someday she still wanted to write her novel. And she had Kinzie.

Kinzie most of all.

If Nolan felt sorry for her, then it would mean he didn’t understand her or know her whatsoever. No, the only way their memories of yesterday would remain untouched was if they left the past back on Edgewood and Louisiana and Kinzie streets. Back in Gordonston Park.

“Mommy?” Kinzie tapped Ellie’s hand and stopped walking. “Can we get Grandma some of that tea? Because I saw it by her sink, and I think she likes it.”

“Hmm?”

“This.” Kinzie picked up a red box of Tazo Awake tea. “I saw it on her counter.”

“Yes, baby, we can get it.”

“You look funny. Were you listening to me before?” Her eyes had a teasing look. “Are you thinking about making cookies?”

“Yes, baby, that’s right.” She put her arm around Kinzie’s shoulders and hugged her. “I can’t wait to make cookies with you.”

“Me, too, Mommy. Because you and me and my grandma are making cookies for the very first time.”

Ellie smiled at her. “Kinz, I have to call Grandma real quick, okay?”

“Okay.” She skipped ahead a few feet. “Tell her about the cookies.”

The number had been in her address book for a day, but already Ellie had it saved as a favorite. She touched the button, and it began to ring.

Her mother answered quickly. “Ellie . . . you’re okay.” She exhaled. “I was worried. You left so fast.”

“I’m fine.” Her daughter was close enough to hear the conversation, so she didn’t want to mention Nolan. “Kinzie and I are going to make chocolate chip cookies with you when we get back.”

Her mom hesitated. “Nolan came by. You know that.”

“You told him I was out, right?”

“After eleven years?” Her mom made a sound that was more cry than laugh. “He won’t give up now, honey. You have to know that.”

It wasn’t something she had considered. She figured if her mom discouraged him, if he thought she didn’t want to see him, then he would give up. Especially if he was only curious. Another ribbon of concern wrapped itself around her. “What did he say?”

Kinzie skipped in circles, singing a song. Something about cucumbers. Ellie worked to hear what her mom was saying. “He took John to the gym, to Savannah High. To shoot around for a few hours.”

“Wait . . . what?” Ellie’s panic hit a new level. “Nolan has John?”

“He won’t leave, Ellie. He wants to see you.”

She was about to argue, about to beg her mom to make him understand. But suddenly, she understood what she needed to do. Even if she didn’t want to. If he was going to hang around, if he wouldn’t leave until he saw her, then she had just one choice. She needed to go to him.

Yes, it would change things between them. It would alter the memories of yesterday. But at least they would both have their answers, and he could leave her alone. The first of June would come tomorrow, and after that she could move on. Once and for all.

“Fine.” Resignation sounded in her voice. She wasn’t upset with her mom, just steeling her heart. “I’ll bring Kinzie home, and I’ll go talk to him.”

Her mother hesitated. “Thank you.” She sounded beyond relieved.

“One question, Mom.” She still couldn’t believe she’d found her mother. “Did you tell him about . . .” She glanced at her daughter. Kinzie was closer now, dancing not far from the shopping cart. “You know.”

“About Kinzie. No. I didn’t tell him anything. I thought you’d like to tell him.”

“Thank you.” Ellie let that sink in. Her mom was so kind, so understanding. Ellie thought again about all that she’d missed without her mother. They had so much to talk about, a lifetime to catch up on. They could start tonight, making chocolate chip cookies with Kinzie. One conversation at a time, they would catch up and find their way back. Ellie could see great things ahead.

If only she could get past Nolan Cook.

E
llie dropped Kinzie off at her mom’s and headed for Savannah High. Now she paused just outside the gym door, and there, in the humid late-May air, she listened. Just listened. The slap of the ball on the wood floor and Nolan’s still-familiar voice filled her ears.

“Thatta boy . . . now you’ve got it!”

Ellie stepped into view and held her breath. It was one thing to see him on TV, to watch him tearing up an opposing defense, to see him interviewed by ESPN. But to see him here at the Savannah High gym? Her heart was instantly full, her resolve to say a few words and be on her way sorely shaken. If only she could stand here unnoticed for an hour and just be with him, here, where they’d spent so much time together.

John cut one way and then the other, dribbling the ball toward the basket. She needed to hurry, no matter how she felt. Before she left, Kinzie and her mom were pulling together ingredients for the chocolate chip cookies. Ellie wanted to be back before they put them in the oven.

But now . . . now she couldn’t do anything but watch him. His kindness toward John, his graceful, artful way of driving to the net and scoring. He had been destined for basketball greatness since he was in middle school.

“You’re doing great, buddy. Get some water.” Nolan gave John a quick pat on the back.

The boy noticed her first. He headed toward the water fountain, did a double take, and then stopped and looked straight at her. “Hi, Ellie.”

“Hi.” She could feel Nolan’s eyes on her before she turned
in his direction. Feel them drawing her in the way a magnet drew steel.

John jogged off to get a drink, and almost in slow motion, with eleven years wrapped up in the moment, Ellie looked at Nolan. Like something from a dream, she let her eyes find his, and everything around her faded. Everything except Nolan Cook. She didn’t breathe, didn’t notice her heartbeat or John walking back from the water fountain.

Because in all the world, there was only her and Nolan.

She caught herself just in time, before she said something or did something that would’ve tipped her hand to how she was feeling. How, for the first time in all those years, her heart felt like it was finally home.
Walls,
she ordered herself.
We’re not fifteen
. She stood a little straighter and walked toward him. “Nolan.”

“Ellie . . .” He looked like he couldn’t decide whether to run to her or stop and drink in the sight of her.

She came all the way to him. His skin was dry. Clearly, he’d been letting John do most of the playing.

“You know each other?” John came a few steps closer. He looked like he was facing Christmas morning.

“We do.” Nolan kept his eyes on Ellie. “It’s been a long time.”

She didn’t turn away, either. Her words came slow and measured. “We were fifteen last time we saw each other.”

“Wow.” John’s mouth hung open. “That’s a long time ago.”

“I have an idea.” Nolan turned to John and passed him the ball. “How ’bout you go to that hoop over there and make a hundred free throws.” He winked at John. “Would you mind, buddy?”

“Sure.” John grinned. He dribbled to the far end of the court, and like that Ellie and Nolan were alone.

“Why?” Nolan’s voice was pained, beyond hurt. He searched her eyes more deeply. “Why didn’t you want to see me?”

“I’m sorry.”
Keep the walls up, Ellie. You can do this.
“It’s complicated.” Ten minutes. She would talk for ten minutes, then take John and leave.

“Ellie . . . it’s me.” He reached for her hand. “What’s wrong?”

The feel of his fingers around hers sent electricity through her body. His skin against hers. Nolan Cook, standing in front of her, holding her hand.
Breathe . . . you have to breathe.
How could she keep her distance if their brief reunion began this way?

“Talk to me.” He moved a few inches closer, his eyes never leaving hers. “Please, Ellie. What happened?”

“I’m fine.” She stood a little taller, using all her strength to appear sensible, in control. “Nolan . . . it isn’t anything personal.”

He looked almost frantic. “I said . . . this is me.” Almost without moving, he came still closer. He kept his voice low, though John was too far away to hear them. “Why are you doing this?”