The Cirque (14 page)

Ugh
. Why did I open my mouth?

“Well, I guess this doesn’t surprise me,” his mother said, looking over all the jars and tubes of makeup spread out on the vanity. “He was always experimenting with my makeup when he was a boy.” After she said it, a confused look crossed her face as though she were trying to understand what that might mean.

“You guys want to grab a cup of coffee?” Tanner asked his parents. “I think we have more to talk about.”

“That sounds great, son,” Tanner’s dad said.

We said good-bye and watched Tanner leave with his parents. Sasha looped her arm around my shoulders and we walked back to our trailer.

We left in the morning for Fargo and four hours later we were even further north. Our crew readied the little village for business. We would only be there three days, and I was determined to show Del the new dance routine.

I got my chance the next afternoon before our evening show. I went to their trailer and convinced him and Marta to come to the training room to watch Shane and me. We were already in costume, our music was cued and I promised them it would only take ten minutes of their time. They followed behind me, bickering.

They reached the studio and stood looking at us, waiting for us to begin. Shane hit ‘play’ and our music began softly as we got into position. Shane and I were ready. We knew this routine – we felt it in our blood. Once the music picked up, we were taken over, possessed by it. We gave everything we had to the dance and our raw emotions spilled out in our moves. I knew we were performing it perfectly. Shane had pointed out that my tension showed sometimes, so I didn’t allow myself to move too rigidly. It was hard, fighting against my training of the last decade – but I was doing it, flowing and dancing freeform. Shane looked amazing. His split jumps were higher than I’d ever seen, and he landed softly on his feet, launching immediately into his next move.

Just as the song built to a frenzy, we finished with the dramatic ending we’d dreamed up – me devouring Shane’s neck. I was intrigued with the notion that we’d allow ourselves to be consumed by love, knowing whatever the cost, whatever the toll, it was worth it.

Del looked shocked, like he didn’t believe the little ballerina had that in her. What he didn’t know was that little by little, I was changing from the girl he’d first met and hired. He and Marta conferred for a brief moment, talking in hushed voices before walking toward us. Del pumped my hand up and down enthusiastically. “Congratulations. You’re our new opening act.”

Shane and I jumped up and down, hugging each other. Del’s next comment about me playing both an angel and a naughty dancer in the show told me that I could continue performing with Gabriel as well. As much as I complained in the beginning about being a silly target girl, now that I understood Gabriel, I didn’t want to abandon him. In fact, he was the first person I wanted to tell about getting my own act.

I found him practicing outside in the field. He was shirtless despite the chill in the air and he stood there, holding a lit torch. I watched from across the grassy field as he took a drink of something and then blew it out across the flame, throwing a huge wave of fire out from him.

My stomach dropped and I walked over to him once the flame died down. I eyed him cautiously. “A new hobby?”

“It’s a new routine I’m considering. Fire breathing,” he said. “I’ve played around with it before.”

“Why does that not surprise me?” I smirked at him.

He shrugged. “Wanna see?” he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Do I have a choice?” I asked, looking down at the still-lit torch in his hand.

He took a gulp of clear fluid and held it in his mouth. I stepped back but still felt the heat when he blew the mist out over the torch. The flame arced up four or five feet out from his mouth and it’s heat warmed my cheeks.

He spit on the ground, clearing his mouth of the remaining fluid.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, wondering if he had any concern for his own safety.

“It’s only a matter of time before Del gives you a new act. You’re not meant to be a target girl,” he said, snubbing out the torch.

“That’s what I came to tell you. Del watched Shane and I perform and he gave us the opening spot. But – I’ll still be working with you too.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yeah. It was never about getting away from you. I don’t love the knives, for obvious reasons, but I like to think I add something to your act.” His eyes caught mine and he smiled. “I just needed something of my own.”

He nodded and led me to his trailer as we talked. When we got there, Gertie pawed at me to pick her up. I bent down and retrieved her, holding her awkwardly by my side.

“It’s pretty obvious you’re not a dog person,” he said, taking her from me. He kissed the top of her head and set her down. It was a glimpse of such a different side of him – seeing how gentle he was with her. She hopped up on the bed and flipped herself onto her back. With her legs straight up in the air, she wiggled her body back and forth.

“Um, is she having a seizure?”

He smirked at me. “That’s how she scratches her back.” He stood, bare chested, towering over me.

He was such contradiction
– I was drawn to the danger he represented, yet I always felt safe with him. Without thinking, I reached toward him and ran my finger along a tattoo that trailed down his rib cage. The word
prevail
in cursive style lettering ran vertically down his side. He stood perfectly still and let me explore. His body was a maze of scars and tattoos that I longed to touch, to understand.

I tilted my head up and looked at his lips, aching to feel them on mine. He brought his hand to my waist, neither pulling me closer, nor pushing me away, just holding me in place. I felt a warmth spread through my body, radiating out from deep inside me. I leaned in closer and could smell traces of his cologne. He put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me from coming any closer. “I probably taste like lamp oil,” he said, reading my mind.

I flushed and dropped my head, remembering the fluid he’d used for fire breathing. Why did I have to be so obvious about everything while he always remained perfectly in control? He pulled a t-shirt on over his head, covering up his smooth abs and a tattoo I’d been eyeing – the one that was partially hidden under his waistband. He brushed his teeth and gargled while I sat on his bed, looking through his collection of books.

He came back and sat next to me. Gertie lifted her head to see who had disturbed her, but when she saw it was Gabriel, she quickly went back to napping. He looked at me intently and I wondered what he was thinking.

He lifted my chin and brushed his fingers along my jaw. I waited for him to kiss me, but he seemed in no hurry as his fingertips lightly traced a slow pattern on my skin. He had much more restraint than me. My heart fluttered frantically inside my chest. I was becoming addicted to his gentle affections and the mystery he posed.

“We should probably feed you before the show,” he said softly.

That was the last thing on my mind. Then something clicked with the way he said it. “You don’t need to eat?”

He shrugged. “And you need to get changed.” He said it like he was trying to come up with a list of reasons why we shouldn’t rip each other’s clothes off right now.
Screw that.

***

 
Tanner and Shane were extra flirty at dinner. They shared a plate of pasta, reminding me of a cutesy scene from
Lady and the Tramp
. Tanner had confessed everything to his parents and he was like a different person now that he was truly ‘out.’ His mom told him they’d suspected he was gay for years and they were glad he’d finally opened up.

Gabriel sat down next to me with a tray of food.

“Wow. What have you done to him? He’s like a totally different person,” Sasha said looking at Gabriel with confusion.

I blushed at the thought of what I had been trying to do to him in his trailer, and stared down into my vegetable soup.

After dinner, Tanner pulled me aside. “Thanks for the parental intervention. I told them, and I just wanted you to know I appreciate what you said.”

I hugged him. “I’m so glad it worked out.”

“If you need me to stage an intervention with your parents, you just let me know.”

“I doubt that would be a good idea,” I said. Tanner’s parents were so warm, and loving. Eighteen years had taught me my parents weren’t capable of those same emotions.

“My parents surprised me. Maybe yours will surprise you too.” He rubbed my arm.

“Maybe. I’m just not ready to find out.”

He nodded.

That night’s show was the first time I got to see Hope’s performance. Del had said she was a contortionist, but I
hadn’t understood what that meant until I saw her perform. She slowly crept out across the stage on all fours, wearing a multi-colored unitard with a hood she’d pulled up tightly over her head. Her body was trim and lean. She reminded me of a stealthy lioness.

The set design played into the animal feel, with props of large trees that created a backdrop around her and the lighting made it feel like a moonlit night with a starry ceiling up above. Zen-like music with animal calls played in the background. She swayed and moved to the sounds of the jungle, twisting and contorting her body into the most impossible pretzel-like shapes. She could twist her arms in unbelievable angles and twist her body all without breaking eye contact with the crowd.

I overheard Dmitri talking nearby as he and his group of friends watched her perform. Dmitri was enjoying how flexible she was and they were brainstorming things they could use her skills for.

“More fun and less effort for me,” I heard Dmitri say and he elbowed his friend, Brutus, in the ribs. I clenched my teeth to stop myself from saying anything.

I didn’t want to give Gabriel any more reason to get involved. Things were already rocky between Dmitri and him. But knowing what Dmitri intended, I had to find a way to keep Dmitri away from Hope.

After the show my stomach twisted into a knot when I saw him talking to her. She was blushing and looking down at her toes. I had no doubt that he was inviting her to trailer seven. Bolstered by my anger, I walked over and introduced myself to Hope. She tentatively shook my hand.

“Do you want to hang out after the show?” I asked. “My friends and I are going to order pizza and hang out.”

“I kinda already told Dmitri I’d hang out with him.” She looked back and forth between us. I felt Gabriel watching us.

“I’m sure Hope would rather hang with me and my posse than with your group of misfits,” Dmitri said.

“What, so you can feed her vodka and take advantage of her?” I asked looking him square in the eye. He laughed it off, but I could tell I was making him nervous with what I might say next.

“You always seemed to enjoy yourself,” he countered. I saw Gabriel stiffen across the room.

I worried that Hope was a lost cause the way she looked up into Dimitri’s eyes with awe. She seemed flattered by his attention and not the least bit fearful – just like I had been, even though Sasha and Gabriel had told me to stay away from him.

“Hope, there’s something you should know about Dmitri….”

Dmitri put his arm around her shoulders, as if he could shield for from what I was about to say.

“He’s got a love ’em and leave ’em reputation.” I swallowed back the comments I really wanted to say because Gabriel might hear and I didn’t want to fuel his anger toward Dmitri.

“That’s not true, Ari. I never left you. You can come around anytime.” He smiled at me. I couldn’t believe I actually used to like him. It made me shudder to think about his hands all over me.

“Why would I do that after you almost date-raped me when I was passed out like what…two weeks ago?”

He sucked in a breath and staggered back like he’d been hit, his eyes flitting nervously between me and Hope.

I directed my attention to Hope. “If you change your mind about getting wasted and felt up at his party, we’ll be hanging out in my trailer. It’s number five and I hope you’ll come.” I walked away to meet up with Gabriel, a gnawing feeling growing in my stomach that I hadn’t done enough. I didn’t want Hope to repeat my mistakes. I was lucky Gabriel had stepped in when he did, but I doubted if Hope would be as fortunate. I considered going to her room to warn her before the party, but didn’t know who she roomed with. And something told me he wouldn’t try anything that bold tonight – part of his game was the chase.

I tried to get my mind off things, but I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t sit around tonight relaxing with my friends while Hope was at risk. I found out from Marta where Hope was staying. Marta seemed happy that I was including a new teammate in some social activities. If she only knew half of what went on around here….

 I changed and went to Hope’s with a goal of swaying her to come with me. Dmitri beat me there and was standing outside the trailer when Hope came down the steps. He must have suspected that I wouldn’t let this go, and decided to pick her up.