The Color of Us (College Bound Book 2) (10 page)

My words were tumbling chants of
oh God,
and
yes,
and
Liam,
as my body bucked, trying to get closer, to get away, to make it last. He held on to my hip with one hand to keep me close, and I called out, panted, and writhed beneath him. He murmured against me. Dirty words I could barely understand.
Come, angel. Come for me.
His fingers and mouth possessed and claimed me until I finally broke, giving him exactly what he wanted.

My orgasm crashed over me, a wave that threatened to completely unhinge me.

When I could think straight again, I was embarrassed to find tears straggling down my face. I knew Liam would make me feel good, but I hadn’t expected to feel like this. Opening myself to him both body and soul was emotional. He was tender and strong and in control. Every touch had felt like a promise.

Liam kissed his way up my body, stroking and worshipping until he came to my tear-streaked face. “Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?” He kissed each tear, and that only made me more choked up.

I pulled his face close to mine and kissed him, tasting my tears on his lips. “You just make me so happy.”

Liam searched my face but didn’t answer, like he wasn’t sure if he could believe me. I’d make him believe me. I wiped the tears away and grinned as I pushed him onto his back. “Now it’s my turn to make you happy.”

***

Liam: You busy?

Rain hit my roof in loud gusts. This was the kind of morning where I wanted to stay in bed and read. Or stay in bed and play… with Liam.

Me: Packing. Save me.

Liam: Pick you up in 5

Five minutes later I called good-bye to my mom and hopped into Liam’s Jeep. I buckled my seat belt and kissed his cheek before he reversed out of the driveway. The rain slowed to a drizzle as he navigated to the main road.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, the rhythmic sound of the wipers relaxing me. Liam turned onto a long country road, nothing but fields of farmland on either side of us. “Rain’s gone. Want to chase a rainbow?” He pointed to the sky where the sun was just beginning to peek from behind the clouds.

My heart stuttered. I wanted nothing more than to chase rainbows with him. Sharing that with him felt so right.

“It’s been a long time.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed. “But I do.”

He stopped the Jeep, and we hopped out, standing on the side of the road craning our necks for any bits of color.

“There.” He pointed, and I saw the start of a rainbow.

“Yes!” I squealed, pulling on his arm. “Let’s go!”

We ran to opposite sides of the Jeep and jumped in. Liam took off, quickly shifting gears as we chased the elusive colors. I figured we’d do what my dad, Sam, and I would do—drive around for a while and then admit defeat and go to Scoops. What surprised me was that I wanted to do this. I looked forward to it.

I laughed out loud, and Liam turned to me, grinning widely. “What’s making my girl laugh?”

His girl
. That right there was what my heart needed to hear. The countdown was on, the end of summer was close, and I needed to know I was as much his as he was mine.

I laughed again, not thinking before I spoke. “Because I love…” I choked on my words. I couldn’t be in love with him. We barely knew one another. “… every minute I spend with you.”

Liam slowed down and pulled off the side of the road. He reached across our seat and wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him. His eyes searched mine like he wanted me to say more, but I held back. I’d said enough.

“Nothing in my life can compare to the time I’ve spent with you, Lex.”

His lips found mine, kissing me reverently. He slowed his kisses, leaning back to look at me. “But then again nothing compares to you. My girl.”

I closed my eyes and smiled. We might never catch a rainbow, but this summer with Liam was everything. I’d found the color in my life again, thanks to him.

“Alexis! Did you bring everything downstairs? It looks like you’re missing a suitcase.” Of course my mom would find fault somewhere. We weren’t leaving until tomorrow morning, but she still had everything collected by the front door, ready to pack this afternoon.

I wheeled the missing piece of luggage out of my room to the top of the steps and then half stumbled, half carried it down to the foyer.

“Here it is,” I said, setting it with the rest.

She gave it a critical eye, reaching down to pull the zipper the last three inches shut to close it completely. Mom frowned slightly, and I imagined her wondering how I’d survived eighteen years when I couldn’t even zipper a suitcase shut correctly. According to her, everything I’d done or hadn’t done in the past few days had been all wrong.

I tried to ignore the nit-picking and decided to be helpful instead. “I can load up the SUV now,” I offered. “Might as well get it done since Liam and I are going out tonight.”

My mother frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Alexis.”

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning. This is our last chance to see each other before school starts.”

She huffed. “That’s a good thing, trust me.” She didn’t look at me as she rearranged the boxes and luggage into an order that only she and the criminally obsessive-compulsive would understand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” My tone was harsher than I meant it to be but not as harsh as I felt.

She sighed. “That boy is a bad influence on you. The sooner you get some distance from him, the better.” I started to interrupt, but she finally looked me in the eye, her glare silencing me. “I know what happened with you and Melissa.”

I scoffed. “Doubtful.”

My mother’s hands went to her hips as she assumed her scolding position. “You smacked her across the face, Alexis! What kind of lady does that?”

I don’t want to be a lady.

“There are rumors going around about you.” She placed the palm of her hand against her chest, as if my fall from grace was painful for her. “Violence, hanging out with the wrong crowd, ignoring your friends.” She reached over to straighten the suitcase, which was leaning just slightly crooked. “Ever since you met that boy, you’ve been breaking curfew and getting into trouble,” she continued.

“Curfew?” I laughed in disbelief. “Mom. I’m eighteen years old, and I’m coming home earlier than Sam ever used to. If I were out with Talia and MaryAnn, you wouldn’t care. It’s only an issue now because you don’t like Liam.”

She lifted her chin and looked down her nose at me. “With good reason.”

I wanted to argue, but I remembered the incident at Target and wasn’t in the mood for a repeat of that disaster or the guilt that followed. I swallowed down my rebuttal.

When I didn’t say anything to defend myself, my mother smoothed down her shirt and started to walk to the kitchen. “Dinner’s at five tonight.”

“Mom, I have—”

She whirled around to face me, her finger wagging in anger. “This is your last night before you move to college. Your father and I would like to eat with you. Dinner is at five, and I expect you to be here.”

I bit the inside of my lip and huffed out a breath. I could give her dinner. “Fine. I’ll just load up the car now,” I said.

She gave me a terse nod and went into the kitchen.

I was still going to see Liam tonight. I didn’t care if he was a bad influence on me. In fact, I loved that he was.

***

Dinner was quiet, just as it had been ever since Sam died. We all avoided looking at her empty chair, but I knew we each felt the hollowness it left in our lives. Dinner, and every other meal and daily event, was incomplete without her there. I wondered if it would feel this way forever or if that vacancy would eventually scab over and heal like any other wound. I hoped not. As much as I hated missing Sam, I’d hate it even more if I didn’t.

My father cleared his throat. “There’s… ah… there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, Alexis.”

My mother’s fork clattered against her plate. “Paul,” she scolded through clenched teeth. “I thought we agreed not to discuss this right now.” Her eyes darted between my dad and me.

Dad set his silverware across the edge of his plate and folded his hands on top of the table. “You suggested we not discuss this, but I disagree. Alexis has a right to know.”

Mom cast another worried glance my way. “She’s already got enough going on. This can wait.”

There was a moment of silence where my father merely arched his eyebrow at my mother. “She deserves to know.”

My mother pursed her lips and then sat up straight, refusing to look at me as she took another bite of dinner.

“What’s going on?” I asked, turning to my dad. Thoughts of him losing his job collided with a million other possibilities like divorce or gambling debts. What could he possibly want to tell me that my mother didn’t want me to know?

My dad reached up to run his hand over his hair. “You may have noticed that I’ve lost a bit of weight in the past few months,” he started.

I nodded. “I know. Sam… it’s been hard on all of us.”

“True,” he agreed. “Only that’s not the only reason. I’ve been having some strange symptoms other than the weight loss, and my doctor ran some tests.” His voice shook with nerves, and then he took a deep breath, folding his hands together on top of the table. “I got the results back today. I still have to go back to discuss treatment options, but I wanted you to know what’s going on.”

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat because I knew whatever it was that was going on wasn’t something I was going to like. “What’s wrong, Dad?”

Dad cleared his throat and looked down at his hands before meeting my eyes. “I have leukemia.”

Despair slammed into me so hard I forgot to take a breath. I felt like I was staring down a long tunnel and my father was at the end of it. His mouth was moving, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

Cancer. Cancer. CANCER!
My brain tripped over that word as it reverberated through me.

Relentless.

Unforgiving.

Criminal.

Cancer.

Death was coming again, and it wanted to take my father away from me. It wasn’t satisfied with just Sam. It had to have everything I cared about. Grief and fear seeped into every crevice of my body until they were jammed up against the back of my eyes and in my throat, hot and painful, ready to break free.

“… the doctor,” my dad was saying. “I’ll see him this week, and we’ll come up with a treatment plan. I don’t want you to worry.” He reached for my hand and tried to squeeze it, but my fingers felt lifeless underneath his. I saw him touching me, but I couldn’t feel it.

I nodded even though I wanted to shake my head and scream how unfair this was. Inside I was ranting and rioting, throwing a temper tantrum so epic my stomach was ready to rebel against me. I could feel the scars on my heart ripping open. It was like the past three months never happened and I was right back to losing Sam all over again.

Raw. That’s how I felt. Raw.

When I didn’t react, my father squeezed my hand again. “Want to say anything?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t speak. If I opened my mouth, the only thing I’d be capable of was swearing and wailing. Neither of which would be acceptable to my mother. I chanced a furtive peek at her and couldn’t understand how she looked so calm and collected when I felt so utterly destroyed.

“Okay.” Dad patted my hand. “We’ll talk later. If you want.”

I knew I was a coward. I knew I was weak. I should have said something to comfort him, even if it was just to tell him I loved him. But when he finally released my hand, I did the only thing I could. I escaped.

***

Why is this happening, Sam? I can’t lose Dad too.

I waited for her to answer, but the only response I got was the chattering of crickets around me. I took another swig from the bottle I’d swiped out of the cabinet when I bolted away from our house. The liquid burned my throat and made me cough. It tasted terrible, so I took another gulp, wishing the fiery alcohol could burn away my pain.

God that was awful.
The taste wasn’t as bad as I felt though, so I tipped the bottle back again. Maybe another sip would do the trick.

I sprawled out on the grass with my back against the cold stone of the bench that sat over my sister’s grave. I didn’t remember the walk over, but I wasn’t surprised to find myself here. My feet knew the way.

My eyes drifted shut. I’d just stick around for a little while. Maybe Sam would finally answer.

After a while the cold stone behind me disappeared as I was pulled into a warm, protective hug. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know it was Liam. The familiar smell of leather and smoke was like a drug I recognized all too easily. A drug I craved. I opened my eyes and tilted my head back, grateful to see his strong profile above me.

He gently pried the bottle out of my hand and then tipped it over into the grass.

“Hey, I was drinking that.” The words sounded a lot better in my head than they did coming out of my mouth.

“You don’t need this.” He tossed the bottle away. “I’m here now. I got you.” His arms became a protective cage around me, and I took a deep, satisfied sigh.

“How’d you know where I was?” I mumbled, laying my head on his chest. That felt so good. He was like a balm, numbing the pain.

“I came to pick you up for our date.” He reached up and smoothed my hair down, folding me deeper into his chest. “Your dad told me what happened and then suggested I might find you here.”

I frowned, surprised that my Dad hadn’t turned Liam away from the door. Mom certainly would have. I also hadn’t known my dad was aware that Sam’s grave was my safe place, my thinking spot. But then again maybe he knew it would be. Maybe that’s why her headstone was a bench. He knew I’d find my way to her one way or another.

“I’m sorry about our date,” I mumbled.

He rubbed my arm. “I’m sorry about your dad.”

“Me too.” The burn behind my eyes threatened to tumble out even though I’d already cried so much my cheeks were tight and salty with all my dried-up sorrow.

Liam kissed the top of my head. “You’re going to be all right,” he said. “Your dad will get treatment, and you’ll survive.”

I noticed he promised that I’d survive, not that my dad would. He couldn’t make that promise, even though I desperately wanted him to. He’d fixed so much of my heart this summer that I could almost believe he could fix this too.

“How do you know I’ll be okay?”

“Because.” He tightened his arms around me, his strength becoming mine. “You won’t have to go through this alone. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.” I snuggled deep in his embrace, where I felt safe and the world felt perfect, where I could pretend there was no such thing as death or broken hearts.

He pressed soft kisses on my hairline as we sat in the darkness, his lips leaving silent promises that he’d support me no matter how weak or weary the world left me.

“So are you all packed? Ready for tomorrow?” he asked in a hushed voice.

I pulled back to look at him. “Tomorrow?” I’d forgotten all about school. My heart stuttered trying to find its rhythm again. “I can’t go now. I have to… I have to be here for my dad. He’s sick. I’m not going to just—”

Liam put his finger over my lips to silence my words. “No fucking way.” He scowled at me.

I opened my eyes wide in response because yes, yes fucking way. I wasn’t going to abandon my dad now. I couldn’t run off to college and move on with my life when he was sick and possibly losing his. Yeah, I bolted from the house, but I wasn’t running away. I just needed some time to compose myself.

Okay, so drinking next to my sister’s grave was more like unraveling, but I had every intention of eventually pulling myself together and going home to be strong for my dad.

“As much as I’d love to be selfish and tell you staying home is the right thing to do, we both know that would be a lie.” Liam held my gaze. “Your old man is an adult, and he can handle this on his own. He has your mom to take care of him. You, on the other hand, have to handle your business. Which means going to school and kicking ass.”

I started to argue, and he pressed his lips against mine.

I shut up.

“Can you imagine the guilt he would feel if you gave up on your future right now? What do you think you’re going to do? Go to doctor’s appointments with him and hold his hand?”

I bristled at his comment. I hadn’t thought it out yet, but yeah. I could go to appointments and hold his hand. Sure.

“I know you want to protect him and take his pain and fear away, but staying home to babysit him isn’t the right answer. Abandoning your future isn’t gonna fix anything. Your dad wouldn’t want that.”

I stared back at him because I knew he was right. My dad would be furious and disappointed in me for even considering it.

“And besides,” he continued. “Just because you’re at school doesn’t mean you can’t come home to visit. Yeah?”