The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear (10 page)

The woman in Proverbs that we are studying was probably well aware of the power of blood. Therefore she covered her family in scarlet garments which may have well represented the blood of the coming Messiah to her.

One of the things you can do as a confident woman is apply the blood of Jesus Christ by faith to your household. I do this regularly. I apply it to my own life, my mind, emotions, will, body, conscience, spirit, finances, relationships, my walk with God, my husband, children and their families, co-workers and all the partners of Joyce Meyer Ministries. I do this by praying and releasing my faith that there is indeed power in the blood of Jesus to cleanse and protect.

Regularly repenting for sin in my life and keeping my conscience covered with the blood of Jesus helps me be more confident before God, in my prayers and daily life. Guilty people don’t function well. They are fearful and usually depressed to some degree. You don’t have to be guilty and condemned; you can admit your sins, and ask God to forgive you, and to cleanse you in the blood of Jesus. As you place confidence in His Word, your own confidence will increase.

Verse 22

I am particularly fond of verse 22 because it tells me that our famous Proverbs woman had nice things herself. She lived a balanced life. She did a lot for others, but she also took time to minister to herself. Many people burn out because they don’t take time to refresh themselves. We feel such a need to give and do for others that we ignore our own needs or worse, we feel guilty for even thinking about ourselves. We need to be ministered to spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. Each one of these areas is important to God; He made them and He is interested in the well being of all of them, including our physical and emotional needs. Our confident woman made herself cushions, rugs and clothing. Her clothes were made of the same cloth that the priests wore. In other words, she had really nice stuff. The best!

Many people have the mistaken idea that Christianity means to do for everyone else but sacrifice everything in life you might personally enjoy. I don’t believe this! We will certainly be called to times of sacrifice all throughout life and whatever God asks us to give up we should do so gladly. But we don’t have to make it a contest to see just how much we can do without in life in order to try to impress and please God. Jesus said, “I came that they might have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full) till it overflows” (John 10:10).

This woman had nice things and the Bible says she made them for herself. If you are doing nothing for yourself, you need to find out what you enjoy and allow yourself the privilege of ministering to your own needs as well as everyone else’s. Obviously, you should not spend money on yourself that you don’t have or become excessive in doting on yourself. But giving very little attention, if any, to your own needs is not healthy, nor does it please God.

I believe we feel more confident when we look our best and take good care of ourselves. You are worth being cared for and don’t ever forget it. You have value and you should make an investment in yourself.

Verse 23

Our woman has a famous husband but it is because of his fine wife. What a huge compliment to her! Just imagine if your husband went to a party and everyone flocked around him commenting about what a great wife he had. Or, if he were walking down the street and two men on the other side of the street had a conversation that went something like this: “There goes Mr. Proverbs 31, and man, does he have a great wife. You would not believe all this woman accomplishes in life! She not only takes care of everybody else, she takes really good care of herself also. Yes sir, Mr. Proverbs 31 is a blessed man. God’s favor is certainly on him to give him such a fine wife.”

Make a decision to be the kind of wife that will cause others to believe your husband is blessed because he has you.

Verse 24

Now we find our multi-talented woman making garments to sell in the market place. What a woman—she even adds to the family income by using some of the same skills she needs at home to be a blessing to others. I like the fact that she makes sashes that free one up for service. The clothing style of the culture she lived in required people to gather up their skirts and tie them so they could work unhampered. She made sashes that would do this. It was also something everyone needed. If you are going to go into business, make sure you do enough research to be sure a lot of people will need what you are going to offer.

Verse 25

Proverbs 31:25 tells us that her strength and dignity are her clothing, and her position is strong and secure. This certainly must have increased her confidence. She wasn’t afraid of losing her position or something bad happening.

She boldly faced the future because she knew she and her family were prepared for it. Lack of preparation is one of the major causes for low confidence. (I will dedicate an entire chapter to this later in the book.) Being prepared requires working ahead of time instead of putting things off until the last minute. Matthew 25 tells us of ten virgins. Five were wise and five were foolish. The wise took extra oil with them as they waited for the bridegroom to come but the foolish didn’t do anything to prepare. The bridegroom was slow in coming and, sure enough, the foolish ran out of oil. When he did come, they wanted to borrow from the wise who had extra oil. They had to be told that there would not be enough for all of them and they lost their opportunity to meet the bridegroom.

Knowing you are prepared for whatever comes will increase your confidence in an amazing way.

This same scenario happens to many people in life. They procrastinate until it is too late to take advantage of an opportunity that could have been a tremendous blessing to them.

Knowing you are prepared for whatever comes will increase your confidence in an amazing way. If you are one of the people who put things off, don’t procrastinate any longer and start getting prepared today!

Verse 26

Our woman in Proverbs 31 knows the importance of words. She opens her mouth in skillful and godly wisdom. The law of kindness is in her tongue. Speaking kindly to other people is a tremendous attribute and one that certainly enhances a godly woman. We all need kindness and I believe we will reap what we sow. If you need kindness shown to you, then show it to other people. Think about what you are going to say before you say it and you will be more likely to speak with wisdom rather than mere emotion. Proverbs 18:20, 21 says that a man will have to be satisfied with the consequences of his words and that the power of life and death are in the tongue. It goes on to say that we will eat the fruit of our words for life or death.

Not only do we have the capability of speaking life or death to other people, we have the same ability in our own lives. We can speak words that build confidence in ourselves and others or we can speak words that destroy confidence. I encourage you to start increasing your own confidence today by what you say. Be especially careful about self-talk. This is the conversation that you have with yourself inside yourself. You actually talk to yourself more than you do to anyone else. Be sure what you are saying is something you want to live with.

Verse 27

Our friend in Proverbs is a responsible woman. She stays alert to how things go in her household, she refuses to be idle and she doesn’t waste her time in things like sitting around gossiping or wallowing in self-pity. She is not discontented. She appreciates life and I believe she celebrates it fully each day. Idleness, waste, self-pity, gossip and discontentment are thieves of the great life Jesus died to give you. Don’t allow them to rule you. When you maintain a positive attitude you will enjoy more confidence.

Verses 28, 29

She enjoys the praise of her children and husband. They rise up to call her blessed. Her husband says that many daughters have been virtuous and noble but that she exceeds them all. In other words, he says that she is the best wife anyone could ever have. He applauds and celebrates her strength of character and goodness.

One year my birthday happened to be during one of our conferences and my husband Dave stood up and read Proverbs 31 to me in front of a room filled with people. Then my children one by one rose up to say kind and edifying things to me. There is no better feeling than to spend years raising your children, and then have them tell you that they honor you, love you and don’t believe they could have had a better mother. Or, to have your husband say you are the best wife in the world. Those comments certainly were confidence boosters for me.

Verses 30, 31

Charm, grace and beauty can be deceptive because it is not lasting, but the woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord shall be praised. She will eat the fruit of her labors and her works will praise her.

Doing what one believes to be right will always increase confidence. You can’t go wrong when you keep God as the focus of your life. Follow the example of the Proverbs 31 woman. She gives us tremendous insight in how to be the best and most confident homemaker, wife, and mother we can be.

Chapter Six

OVERCOMING SELF-DOUBT

P
ut on a coat or a jacket and have someone tie your wrists together. Then try and take off your jacket. It can’t be done, can it? That’s what happens when you struggle with believing in yourself, when you let fear and self-doubt tie you up in knots. It’s pretty much impossible to succeed! Self-doubt and confidence don’t work together, they work against each another. Confidence will destroy self-doubt but self-doubt will destroy confidence.

Self-doubt is tormenting. The woman who doubts herself is unstable in everything she does, feels and decides. She lives in confusion most of the time and wrestles with making decisions and sticking with them because she is forever changing her mind just in case she might be wrong. A confident woman is not afraid of being wrong! She realizes she can recover from making a mistake and doesn’t allow the fear of making one to imprison her, or tie her up in self-doubt.

In the Bible, James 1:5–8 teaches us that God cannot answer the prayers of a double-minded person. God responds to our faith, not our fears. Self-doubt is fear. Fear that we will make mistakes or do the wrong thing. It often goes beyond being afraid one will do the wrong thing; more often it involves how people feel totally wrong about themselves. They carry a deep-rooted shame and just can’t seem to accept themselves or have confidence in their decision-making ability.

Probably right about now you may be thinking, “Well, Joyce, I really can’t help how I feel. I wish I felt confident but I just don’t.” What I am getting ready to say to you may be one of the most important things you have ever heard in your life. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL CONFIDENT TO BE CONFIDENT! To live in victory, each of us must learn to go beyond our feelings. I have learned that I can feel wrong and still choose to do what is right. I have also learned that I don’t have to feel confident to present myself in a confident manner.

We need to believe God’s Word more than we believe our feelings.

If I make a decision and believe it is right at the time I make it, I don’t have to change my mind later just because I begin to think or feel I might have made a mistake. If God shows me I have made a mistake then I need to change my decision, but I don’t have to bow down to every wild thought or feeling that I encounter. When Satan wars against my mind, I can open my mouth and say out loud what God’s Word says about me and you can do the same thing. “For in Him, [I] live and move and have [my] being” (Acts 17:28, pronoun substitution mine).

It is not wrong to say good things about yourself. We should say “God’s wisdom is in me and I make good decisions.” We need to believe God’s Word more than we believe our feelings. We have already established in this book that feelings can be very fickle, and they are ever changing and are not to be trusted to help us make decisions in life. Feelings in and of themselves are not evil but they certainly can and do lead people astray. Feelings are capable of giving us right information but they are also capable of not giving accurate information; therefore, we have to live deeper than emotions. God’s Word teaches us to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14, 2 Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 12:14, 1 Peter 3:11).

I have had times in life when I felt peace in my heart about a direction I was taking and yet my head argued with me. James 1:22 clearly teaches us that reasoning leads us into deception and betrayal. When we change our mind about a decision we have made, it should be because we have lost our peace about the direction we intended to take or have gained some wisdom or insight that we did not have previously.