The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear (8 page)

Chapter Five

THE WOMAN I DID NOT LIKE

W
ho can compete with the woman described in Proverbs 31? This woman can do it all; she’s a great wife, mother, she manages the house, she runs a business, she cooks, she sews—what she doesn’t seem to do is get tired! She seems absolutely perfect. Maybe that’s why my first response to reading about her was, “I don’t like you.” Have you ever felt that way after reading this passage? Her lifestyle challenged me in so many areas that I just preferred to not know her at all. At least, that was my attitude thirty years ago when I first started studying my Bible seriously.

The woman in question is such a famous confident woman and yet her name is not mentioned. I am certain this is because God wants each woman to be able to insert her name in this woman’s story. I want you to read about her too and then I will share some practical insight that I believe will help you become the confident woman you want to be.

Proverbs 31:10–31

¹⁰
 A capable, intelligent, and [a] virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

¹¹
 The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

¹²
 She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

¹³
 She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it].

¹⁴
 She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household’s food from a far [country].

¹⁵
 She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.

¹⁶
 She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. [S. of Sol. 8:12.]

¹⁷
 She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm.

¹⁸
 She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].

¹⁹
 She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

²⁰
 She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

²¹
 She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet.

²²
 She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].

²³
 Her husband is known in the [city’s] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

²⁴
 She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service].

²⁵
 Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!

²⁶
 She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

²⁷
 She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

²⁸
 Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],

²⁹
 Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

³⁰
 Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

³¹
 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!

I hope you took time to read the verses above. Let’s go deeper and examine this passage verse by verse so we can take a good look at each quality this woman represents.

Verse 10

A good woman is hard to find; she is to be valued above rubies or pearls. Good women are precious, more precious than jewels or expensive gems. We must intentionally work to build up our husbands with thoughtful, caring questions and statements because like this verse points out, a woman who is capable, intelligent and virtuous is a rare combination. Any man who has a wife like this should appreciate and value her tremendously.

There are other verses in Proverbs that make it clear how important our role as a woman can be to our role as a wife. A good woman is the crowning joy of her husband but a bad one is like rottenness to his bones (Proverbs 12:4). A wise, understanding and prudent wife is a gift from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14).

Verse 11

Trust is the glue that holds a marriage together and the Bible says that the husband of our Proverbs 31 woman can trust her confidently; he relies on her and believes in her securely. What a blessed thing to be able to say! We live in a society where so many relationships lack these qualities, so when they are present, they should be valued above all else. Confidence, trust and security bring peace and rest to our souls. When we trust others and they trust us, it increases our confidence level. I have confidence in my husband; I trust and feel secure in him. I enjoy these qualities in him and I believe he can also say the same of me. He could not always say that about me. There was a time in my life when I was very unstable but thank God He changes us as we study His Word. We can rely on the promise found in 2 Corinthians 3:18—that if we will continue in God’s Word, we will be transformed (changed) into His image from one degree of glory to another. This transformation does not take place all at once but little by little we are changed.

I disliked the woman in Proverbs 31 until I realized she was an example to me, a goal I could reach for. One that God Himself would help me realize if I put my trust in Him and was willing to change. Over a period of many years this woman I once disliked immensely has become a good friend. Quite often when I make decisions I go to her to see what I believe she would do in a similar situation.

Verse 12

This woman comforts her husband and does him good as long as there is life in her. Many marriages could be saved from divorce if a woman would take the initiative to begin comforting and complimenting her husband. The husband also has the same responsibility but if he is not doing it, I encourage you to be willing to step out and be the first to make a move in the right direction for your marriage. We notice in our reading of Proverbs 31:10–31 that there is no mention of what the husband does other than the fact that he praises her and is well known in the city because of his fine wife. I believe if you take the first steps of obedience that God will also deal with your husband and you will see positive changes in him. I also believe it will increase your own level of confidence. When we compliment others we begin to see ourselves in a better light also.

A spiritually mature woman will be the first to do what is right even if nobody else is doing so. We live for God and not for man. We live to please the Lord and not people.

Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily [from the soul] as [something done] for the Lord and not for men,

Knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ [the Messiah].
(Colossians 3:23, 24)

Look at the verses just before the passage quoted above (Colossians 3:18–22) and we find instructions for daily living, such as:

Wives, be subject to your husbands, [subordinate and adapt yourself to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]

Servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not only when their eyes are on you as pleasers of men, but in simplicity of purpose [with all your heart] because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.

Please notice that there is an instruction to each group of people in a family household and each one is to obey as something done for the Lord and not for man. If everyone would obey these instructions, think of the peace and joy that would fill each of our homes. There would be no divorce.

Verse 13

Our Proverbs 31 woman is not lazy, nor does she procrastinate. She
seeks
(craves, pursues and goes after with all her might) wool and flax and works with willing hands (to develop it). One thing is for sure, whether she is making her family’s clothing or making things to sell at the market, she is definitely enthusiastic about it! She does not consider her work drudgery, nor is it something she dreads and complains about doing. This is part of her ministry to her family and she does it with zeal and a positive attitude.

Notice too that there is no mention at all of one member only doing what is right if the others do. No, each member is responsible for their part. Each of us will stand before God and give an account of our lives (Romans 14:12). We will not be asked about another person, but only ourselves. Each of us should strive to do the right thing even if we are the only one willing to do so. This greatly honors God and will be rewarded in due time.

Verse 14

She plans good meals that include a lot of variety. She even imports things from far countries to make sure her family does not become bored with eating the same things over and over.

Wow! I’m impressed! I fed my family hamburger 1,001 different ways. I must admit I wasn’t too creative. Our budget was meager and I used that as an excuse, but once again our lady in Proverbs challenges us to go the extra mile and make things as good as possible. Making the effort to do things with excellence always makes me feel better about myself and increases my confidence.

Verse 15

She rises before daylight to spend time with God. She knows that she can never be a good wife or mother unless she feeds herself with spiritual food. I am sure she read God’s Word, prayed, worshipped and praised and made sure she was spiritually ready for the day.

She also had a plan for the day. This is so important because I don’t believe we should be vague and thoughtless, merely getting up daily and waiting to see what happens. People who have this mentality rarely ever accomplish anything, they are usually frustrated and unfulfilled. Have a plan and work your plan. Be disciplined to your plan unless God shows you something else He wants you to do. Our plan does not need to become law, but we should have direction and purpose each day of our lives.

Our Proverbs woman had household help and I am sure many are thinking right about now, “Well, if I had maids I could get something done too.” Be careful not to use that for an excuse.

I once knew a woman quite well who was in full-time ministry along with her husband. She was always bemoaning the fact that God had not provided her with any household help. She felt she needed a nanny and a housekeeper, neither of which she had. The more I was around this woman, the more I realized that God had not answered her prayer because she was lazy, disorganized and forever starting things and never finishing them. She needed to show herself faithful in the small things before God would provide the help she thought she needed. She blamed her disorganization and inability to finish projects on the fact that she had no help but that wasn’t really the reason. She could have done fewer things and done them well and then God would have enabled her to do more by giving her help. If we do what we can do, God will always do what we cannot do.