The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear (21 page)

It is useless to worry about anything and doubly useless to worry about something that is over and done with and that nothing can be done about. If you made a mistake in the past that can be rectified then go ahead and take action to correct it. But, if you cannot do anything about it except be sorry, then ask for forgiveness from God and anyone you may have hurt and don’t worry about it any longer.

Let me remind you that worry is useless . . . so why do it? God has given us wisdom and a wise person will not spend their time doing something that produces nothing of any value.

There are many wonderful scriptures in the Bible that teach us to let go of the past and look to the future. We’re reminded to forget what is behind and keep our eyes facing forward, on God and His plan for us (Philippians 3:13). We can find peace in the knowledge that God’s compassion and kindness is new every morning and that His faithfulness is abundant (Lamentations 3:22, 23). Also, we must never forget that He is able to overcome and do far more than we could ever imagine that He could do for us (Ephesians 3:17, 21). God has provided a way for your past to have zero power over you, but it is up to you to receive His gracious gift of forgiveness, mercy and a new beginning.

Don’t allow mistakes in your past to fester and threaten your future. When you ask God to forgive you for something that you have done wrong He is faithful and just to do it. He continuously cleanses us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). It’s forgiven and forgotten—but you must do the same!

Millions of people destroy their lives by feeling guilty about something that is in the past and that they cannot do anything about. When God forgives our sin He also removes the guilt. But just as we must receive His forgiveness, we must also receive freedom from guilt and not let the emotion of guilt control us. If God says we are forgiven and pronounced not guilty then we should believe His Word more than how we feel.

We frequently hear people say, “I will feel guilty about that the rest of my life.” Or, I have heard people say, “I will never get over what I have done.” God’s Word says that when He forgives us He forgets the offense and there is no more penalty for sin where there is complete remission of it (Hebrews 10:17, 18). Why decide that you will feel guilty the rest of your life when God has provided a way for you to live free from it?

I’m reminded of a story from the early 1900s about a little boy who killed one of the family geese by throwing a stone and hitting it squarely on the head. Figuring his parents wouldn’t notice that one of the twenty-four birds was missing, he buried the dead fowl. But that evening his sister called him aside and said, “I saw what you did. If you don’t offer to do the dishes tonight, I’ll tell Mother.” The next morning she gave him the same warning. All that day and the next the frightened boy felt bound to do the dishes. The following morning, however, he surprised his sister by telling her it was her turn. When she quietly reminded him of what she could do, he replied, “I’ve already told Mother, and she has forgiven me. Now you do the dishes. I’m free again!”

Guilt is worry that is rooted in fear. We are afraid that God is angry, or that what we have done wrong is too big and too bad, even for God to forgive. We feel we don’t deserve forgiveness so we won’t receive it. We worry about what people think of our past sins. We are afraid they will never forgive us or see us as good people again. Guilt has everything to do with the past and it has the power to ruin your future. Get over it!

God holds nothing against you if you are sincerely sorry for what you have done and are trusting in the blood of Jesus to cleanse you from your former wickedness. The minute you repent, God forgives and forgets it, so why not follow His example and receive His forgiveness and forget it yourself?

A confident woman does not live in the past, she lets go of it and looks to the future. I believe that many women reading this book have a decision to make right now. Maybe you failed someone, or had an abortion, or committed adultery, stole something, lied or did any number of terrible things. But, God’s question to you is what are you going to do today? Will you live the rest of your life serving God and following His plan for you? If you are ready to make that commitment there is nothing in your past that has enough power to hold you back.

People dread many things and most of them don’t even realize what dread does to them. It sucks the joy right out of the present moment. The life God has provided for us through Jesus Christ is a precious gift and we should enjoy every moment of it.

Once I was getting a facial and enjoying it extremely. I glanced at the door and saw my clothes hanging on the hook and thought, “Oh, I dread getting up and putting on my clothes and driving all the way home.” Then I realized I was letting dread do its dirty work again. It was stealing the joy of the present moment.

Pray and ask God to show you every time you begin to dread any task or something lurking in your future that you’re not quite sure of. Merely eliminating dread from your life will release more of your God-given confidence and help you experience more joy.

How often do you find yourself putting things off that you dread doing? Maybe it’s that stack of laundry, or those bills that need paying, or worse, maybe it’s your annual taxes! Train yourself not to dread unpleasant tasks but to actually tackle them first. The sooner in the day you do the things you don’t prefer doing, the more energy you have to do them with. If you wait until the end of the day when most of your energy is gone and then try to do something you really don’t like doing, it will be worse than doing it earlier. Dread causes us to procrastinate, but if you’re ever going to do something, now is the best time!

Putting something off does not make it go away, it only allows more time to torment you. You can dread or you can confidently take action. As Christians with the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us, surely we can manage to do an unpleasant task without dreading it and with a good attitude. God’s power is not available just to make unpleasant things in our lives go away, it is frequently available to walk us through them courageously.

It is highly probable that you dread more little things than you do major things. First of all we have a lot of little things we deal with all the time but the major things come fewer and farther in between. As I began to examine this area of dread in my own life I realized it operated in little daily areas like going to the grocery store, doing laundry, running an errand, or looking for a parking place in a crowded shopping mall. I dreaded waiting because historically, I have not been an extremely patient person. Waiting in lines, traffic, or for slow people to get a job done were things I dreaded and allowed those things to frustrate me.

Like many of you, I have a lot to do and I don’t like wasting my time waiting for people and things. But, thank God, I have learned it does no good at all to dread something I have to do anyway. It steals my current joy and I have lost enough of that in my life so I am not willing to give up any more of it. Do you feel that way? Have you also wasted a lot of your life in fear, worry or dread simply because you did not have enough knowledge to know how to deal with it? If so, I believe those days are coming to an end for you. I have faith that the knowledge contained in this book will enable you to enjoy a different quality of life than you previously did.

A conference was being held at a church in Omaha where those in attendance were given helium-filled balloons and told to release them at some point in the service when they felt like expressing the joy in their hearts. All through the service balloons ascended, but when it was over, one-third of the balloons were still unreleased. Let your balloon go.
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Let your joy be known, even in the little things.

It has become a game with me to try to beat the joy sucker of dread at his own game. I want to prove to the devil that I can enjoy everything I do and that his tactics to steal my joy just won’t work anymore. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4). I believe it glorifies God when we refuse to live in fear, worry, dread or any other relatives of theirs.

When I find myself in a situation I would rather not be in, whether it is waiting or doing an unpleasant task, I make a decision that I will do it joyfully and not dread it and then I exercise self-control. I use those faith muscles that God has given to me as well as every person on the planet. If we allow fear in our lives it breeds more fear, but if we practice walking in faith it becomes easier to do it again and again.

When I think of the word anointed, I think of something being rubbed all over. We are anointed (rubbed all over) with God’s power. He has anointed us with the presence and power of the Holy Spirit to help us live life in a supernatural way.

Even as spiritual people we must deal with ordinary natural things all the time. Don’t let the things that defeat other people defeat you. Don’t faint in your mind when you look at a job that needs to be done and give up before you ever get started. Remember that messes are made a little bit at a time over a long period of time and it will take time to clean them up. Think about how messy your closet, garage or basement is—it didn’t get that way overnight and it probably won’t get cleaned up without some time and effort. Does a messy area of your home aggravate you every time you see it, yet you put off cleaning it up because you dread it? If so, it is time for change. I want you to attack those messes boldly and have the confidence that you can have order in your life and home. Don’t let a messy closet defeat you. You have the power of God in your life. You are able to clean up closets, basements, garages and anything else in your life that is a mess and do it with joy!

Dread is expecting something unpleasant to happen and it has nothing to do with faith. Faith looks forward to something good.

Does the thought of mowing the lawn get you discouraged? Do you think, “Oh man, I wish I didn’t have to mow the lawn today, I really dread it. I wish I could just go shopping or do something fun.” If so, you’re not abnormal. We are all tempted to think like that, but the good news is God has given you the spirit of self-control and you can choose what you will think about any situation. You can also choose to do what you know is right no matter how you feel at the moment.

Dale Carnegie said, “You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.”
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For God did not give us a spirit of timidity [of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear], but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
(2 TIMOTHY 1:7)

We can conquer worry and fear, and we can also conquer dread. God has given us a spirit of self-control; all we have to do is exercise it and we will experience freedom from fear and dread.

Dread is expecting something unpleasant to happen and it has nothing to do with faith. Faith looks forward to something good. I believe dread is very deceptive. It is so subtle that it is usually imperceptible. Even while writing this chapter, I needed to stop for awhile and pack all my stuff to get ready to leave a friend’s condo I was staying in and return to my home in St. Louis, Missouri. I put my computer and resource material away and began packing. Only a few seconds went by when I realized I was dreading packing up all my things. Here I was writing a chapter in a book encouraging others not to dread and dread was trying to suck me into its misery. Thankfully I recognized it and was able to say, “no way.” I am going to enjoy this packing; I will not dread it!

I believe this is a big area that people really need to look out for. The instant you begin to dread something, your joy starts to go and a “down feeling” sets in. Everything about the devil is down. It is all doom and gloom, depressing and discouraging, negative and yucky. Don’t dread anything, but instead face everything with courage and believe you can do anything you need to do and do it with a good attitude.

We know that lack of confidence, worry, dread, and other tormenting emotions are rooted in fear. Fear is the source of these problems, but is there anything we can do to help prevent fear?

Babies don’t worry, and they don’t dread things, so why do adults? As babies we are not responsible for anything and everything is taken care of for us. As we mature and begin to take on responsibility we either learn to be confident, placing our trust in God, or we live in fear, worry and dread. We can look to God and trust in His faithfulness and be confident that He will not let us down or disappoint us. If we don’t look to God and place our trust in Him then we carry a burden that we were never meant to bear alone.

Now suddenly WE must make sure everything goes right. WE have to figure things out and come up with answers. Worry is simply fear that things won’t work out the way we want them to. But the person who trusts in God has confidence that even if things don’t work out the way they desire, that God will have a better plan than they had anyway. Confidence believes that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Confidence in God is absolutely wonderful because it gives you the confidence that God has answers even when you don’t.

Trust is confidence, confidence gives us boldness and boldness does not allow fear to hinder its progress. Boldness is action in the face of fear. Babies naturally trust, but as they have experiences in life, sadly, they learn how to fear. They learn that everything and everyone in their life is not stable and that they cannot always be depended on. People and circumstances change. A child may trust that mom and dad will always love each other and be together. But if mom and dad get a divorce the child’s world comes crashing in because something they never even conceived could happen did happen.

As a child continues to mature and encounter various disappointing circumstances they either distrust more and more, or they learn how to trust God who never changes and is always faithful. This does not mean that God always does what we expect Him to do or even what we want Him to do, but He is good. Trusting Him brings a supernatural rest into our soul that allows us to enjoy life, and live free from the tyranny of fear.