The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear (23 page)

You might ask, “Doesn’t a really confident person get involved in a lot of things?” Yes, they probably do, but it isn’t because of fear. Whatever they are involved in they are confident they should be involved in. When we do things out of desire and confidence, they affect us totally different than when we do them out of wrong motives and fear. God will not energize our fears, but He does energize us if we have faith that we are doing the right thing and approach a project with confidence in Him.

Fear drains you of whatever energy you might have had and leaves you feeling stressed to the max, when confidence and faith actually energizes you. A confident person can do more with less stress because they live with an ease that fearful people never experience.

I don’t believe that what we do creates stress nearly as much as how we do it. If we do something fearfully and under pressure with no real desire to do it, then stress and no joy is the result. You’re miserable. If you have been under a lot of stress lately I encourage you to take an honest inventory of not only what you are doing, but why you are doing it. If fear is the reason you’re involved then eliminate some stress by getting your priorities straight. Your priority is not to keep everyone else in your life happy by doing all the things they expect; it is to live a life that is pleasing to God and one that you can enjoy.

Too many people are not living their dreams because they are living their fears. In other words, instead of doing things out of their heart, they do them because they are afraid of what will happen if they don’t. Someone will get angry! I will get left out! People will talk about me! It is time that you started being the person you really want to be. It is time to reach for your dreams. What has God placed in your heart? Is there something you want to do that you have been waiting on? I believe God’s timing is very important and I certainly don’t think we should take action foolishly, but some people never do anything but “wait” all of their lives. They wait for something to happen when they should be making something happen.

Too many people are not living their dreams because they are living their fears.

When people are frustrated and feel unfulfilled it creates stress. There is nothing more stressful than going through the motions everyday and still feeling at the end of each day, week, month and year that you are no closer than you ever were to reaching your dream or goal. God has created us to bear good fruit. He said, “Be fruitful and multiply.” If we are not doing that we will feel frustrated.

Some people never realize the fulfillment of their dreams because they always play it safe. Although safety is necessary, too much of it is merely another manifestation of fear.

A farmer was once sitting on his front porch when a friend dropped by to visit.

“How’s your wheat going this year?” asked the visitor.

“Ain’t got any,” replied the farmer. “I didn’t plant any. I’m afraid the weevil will get into it and ruin me.”

“Oh, well how’s your corn?”

“Ain’t got any,” replied the farmer. “I didn’t plant any. I’m afraid the crows will eat it all up and ruin me.”

“Oh, well how are your potatoes going?”

“Ain’t got any,” replied the farmer. “I didn’t plant any. I’m afraid the tater bugs will poison them and ruin me.”

“Well, what did you plant this year?” asked the confused visitor.

“Nutin’,” replied the farmer. “I just played it safe.”

Think of all of the products and services we would miss out on if their creators had decided to “play it safe” instead of pursuing their dreams. What if Henry Ford had simply been content to run a sawmill instead of going on to pursue being an engineer and ultimately one of our nation’s first automobile creators?
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What if Alexander Graham Bell had listened to his friends and family and focused on the telegraph instead of his telephone invention? What if Jonas Salk, the scientist who discovered the vaccine for polio, had followed his initial “safe” inclination to go into law instead of medical research?
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Always living in the safe zone of life and never taking chances actually makes one a thief and a robber. You might think that statement is a bit strong but the truth is always strong, and the truth also makes us free. If I spend my life keeping myself safe then I rob everyone else of my gifts and talents simply because I am too afraid to step out and be willing to find out what I can do in life. I have a feeling that some of my readers have not even begun to live yet and NOW is the time for you to stop “playing it safe” and start being bold and courageous.

Too much activity and no rest definitely is the culprit behind most stress, but no activity is also a problem. I am sure you have heard that exercise is a great stress reliever and it is very true. I would rather be physically tired from exercise and movement than tired in my soul from doing nothing and being bored.

I have noticed if I sit in a chair too long I will feel extremely tired when I get up. Why? God gave us all the joints in our body because He expected us to move! Movement means I am alive.

The Bible clearly warns against the dangers of laziness (Proverbs 12:27, 2 Thessalonians 3:6–10). The lazy man has nothing and he gets exactly what he deserves which is nothing. If you give things to a lazy man or woman they won’t take care of them and you’ll notice that everything around them is in shambles. Their car (if they have one) is dirty. Their house (if they have one) is messy and dirty. They are often in debt. People who are lazy spend their life “wishing” that something good would happen to them. They want others to do for them what they should be doing for themselves. They are miserable human beings and their lives bear no good fruit.

Work is good for all of us. As a matter of fact, God said we should work six days and rest one. That shows how important work and activity are in God’s eyes. God has created us to work, not to sit idly by and do nothing. Perhaps some of you are at a place in life where you simply need to “get up and get going.” There are several good stories in the Bible about people who had serious problems and when they asked Jesus for help He told them to “GET UP!”

In the fifth chapter of John we see one example. A man was crippled and he lay by the pool of Bethesda for thirty-eight years waiting for his miracle. When Jesus came to the man and asked him how long he had been in that condition, the man gave the length of time and then continued to tell Jesus how he had nobody to put him into the pool at the right time and how others always got ahead of him. Jesus told the man to “GET UP, PICK UP YOUR BED AND WALK!” (John 5:8). The man felt sorry for himself so he just lay there and did nothing. The answer to his problem surfaced when he made an effort to move.

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Well, don’t be like the story of the old mountaineer and his wife who were sitting in front of the fireplace one evening just whiling away the time. After a long silence, the wife said: “Jed, I think it’s raining. Get up and go outside and see.”

The old mountaineer continued to gaze into the fire for a second, sighed, then said, “Aw, Ma, why don’t we just call in the dog and see if he’s wet.”
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GET UP and start doing whatever you can do to get the messes in your life cleaned up. If they are marriage messes then do your part. Don’t worry about what your spouse is not doing, just do your part and God will reward you. If you have a financial mess, then stop spending and start paying off your debts. Get an extra job for a period of time if you need to. If you are not able to do that then ask God to show you what you can do. Remember, you cannot have a harvest without first sowing seed of some kind. Remember what I’ve already said: “If you do what you can do, then God will do what you cannot do.”

A lot of laziness is rooted in fear. People are so afraid to do something that they form a habit of doing nothing. They sit idly by and become jealous of the people who have the life they would like to have. They become resentful because things never work out for them. They fail to realize that “Things cannot work out for them if they don’t work!”

If you are stressed out all the time something will have to change in order for the stress to be relieved. It will not just go away as long as you keep doing the same thing. We cannot expect to keep doing the same thing over and over and get a different result. If you want different results, you have to change the ingredients.

Now, as soon as I mentioned the word “change” some of you tensed up because you are afraid of change. Almost one hundred years ago, the clerk of Abbington Presbytery came up with percentages for the kinds of attitudes people have about change and I think they still apply today.

1. Early innovators (2.6%), run with new ideas

2. Early adaptors (13.4%), influenced by (1) but not initiators

3. Slow Majority (34%), the herd-followers

4. Reluctant Majority (34%)

5. Antagonistic (16%), they will never change
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If you’re like the bottom 84% of people in the above list, you don’t like change, and you want the safety of sameness. It is amazing to me how some people spend their lives resisting change while others thrive on it. Change keeps life fresh and adventurous.

Take some bold steps of faith and change anything the Lord leads you to change.

Take some bold steps of faith and change anything the Lord leads you to change. If what you are doing with your time is not bearing good fruit, then make a change. If you are not getting enough rest, make a change. If you are not disciplining your children and their behavior is causing you a lot of stress, then make a change. If you are not taking care of yourself, then make a change. If you are bored, make a change. If your friends are taking advantage of you, then make a change! Are you getting the point? Stress can be relieved if you’re not afraid to make changes.

You may be afraid of change but it is also possible that even if you find the courage to make the necessary changes that other people in your life won’t like the changes you make. Don’t be afraid of them either. You will get used to the changes and so will they. If you don’t take action now you will still be complaining about the same things a year from now, and a year after that, and ten years after that, and there will be no end to your misery. The time is NOW! Boldness takes action, but fear breeds inactivity and procrastination. The choice is yours!

Chapter Fourteen

CHOOSING BOLDNESS

M
aybe you’ve stayed with me this far and you’re still thinking to yourself, “Joyce, I’m a timid and shy person, that’s just my nature. I just don’t think I can change.” You may feel timid and shy but you can choose to walk boldly through life. The main thing I want you to remember is that you can feel afraid, you can feel timid, you can feel downright cowardly and yet you can make the choice to walk boldly and as if fear did not exist! Your free will is stronger than your feelings if you will exercise it. You may be like thousands of others who have catered to your feelings for so long that they now control you. Your will, like a muscle, becomes weak if not exercised. As you begin to ask God to help you and exercise your willpower against your feelings, it will get easier and easier to be the person you truly want to be, the person God has designed you to be.

When I think of what boldness looks like on someone, I think of someone who is daring, courageous, brave, and fearless. Some people think they are bold but they are merely rude, forward and impudent. They would be much better off to be honest and admit being afraid but keep going, rather than try and pretend to be brave while living a lie.

I must admit, that’s how I was for many years of my life. I thought I was a bold woman, but the truth is I was very fearful. I was not facing my fears, and I was pretending to myself and the rest of the world that I was not afraid of anything. There is a difference between truly facing fear and just ignoring it and pretending you are not afraid and covering your fear with a phony boldness that is merely rude and impudent.

When I think of what boldness looks like on someone, I think of someone who is daring, courageous, brave, and fearless.

I was quick to speak my mind but what I said was often foolish and inappropriate. I took control of situations thinking I would step out in boldness and do something since nobody else seemed to be doing anything, only to later realize that I had taken authority that was not mine to take.

I frequently moved impatiently and too quickly, once again thinking I was bold, but I made many mistakes and hurt a lot of people because I did not take time to seek wisdom. I was really very immature and didn’t know anything about true boldness.

If anyone offended or insulted me I was quick to defend myself and “put them in their place.” I made it clear that I would not be mistreated. However, as I became a student of God’s Word in an effort to straighten out a very messed up life, I was corrected by Scriptures like:

A fool’s wrath is quickly and openly known, but a prudent man ignores an insult.
(Proverbs 12:16)

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay [requite] says the Lord.
(Romans 12:19)

It takes true courage and boldness to walk in faith and wait for God to vindicate you when you are ill treated. What I thought was boldness had no ability to do that. A true person would be much better off to tell the truth and say, “I’m afraid but I’m going to do it afraid,” than to pretend they were not afraid and live in phoniness and self-deception. Genuinely brave people not only have the courage to take action, they also have the courage to wait when they need to.