The Dead Fathers Club (22 page)

It was December the 6th and that meant there was only four days to go before Dads Ghost had to have the Terrors for ever.

And I didnt know what to do because I didnt know what was true and what was not true. I used to think things go wrong because you are a wimp and wait too long and dont do things but I knew now that things go wrong when you do things and they are the wrong things. And even if they are the right things they still go wrong in the end because doing one thing is impossible because you do one thing and another thing always happens and another thing and another thing and another thing and another thing and another thing and even more things.

It was the weekend and Sleepy Eye Terry had been in the Living Room all morning talking to Uncle Alan and Mum about Mr Fairviews funeral which they went to on the day before. And then Uncle Alan and Sleepy Eye Terry went downstairs and out and so I dared to go in the Living Room and see Mum.

I said Wheres Uncle Alan?

She was putting the washing in the washing machine and she said Hes gone fishing. I told him to. He needs to take his mind off You Know.

She didnt look at me in the eyes. She hadnt looked at me in the eyes since she told the lie to the policeman.

I thought about helping Mum with the washing but I didnt I just went back into my room and did nothing for two hours. I just stared at the ceiling and pretended to take my pill when Mum asked me.

I thought about telling Dads Ghost to go away and now I wished I hadnt because if Mr Fairview was right Dads Ghost was not allowed in the Dead Fathers Club and so he had no one.

I heard Mums voice and she said Yes yes. He is. Ill just get him.

And then she called up the stairs Philip? Philip love? Theres someone to see you.

And I went downstairs and Mum wasnt there. It was just the door open and Dane was standing there with his skin head growing out his eyebrow growing scabs and I thought He has changed his mind and he is going to knife me.

I got to the door and waited for him to knife me but he didnt have a knife. He just said Shes gone.

I said What?

His eyes looked like they had been taken out and put back in.

He said Have you seen her? Has she been round here?

My heart fell like a pebble inside me and I wished he was going to kill me and I said No.

I saw Leah in my head. I saw her trying to save me from the boys and her red and brown hair blowing to me.

I said Shes not been here.

His eyes were jerking all over and he said to himself Ive got to look for her Ive got to keep looking keep looking keep looking. And his eyes stopped jerking and saw a brick a half brick on the ground in the car park and he picked it up and he went over to Carlas little white car and he smashed the window and he got in and sat down on the glass and he bent down so I couldnt see him and was ten seconds and then the car did a cough and started and he shut the door of the car and zoomed out the car park and the tyres cried when he skidded off like they were scared.

I said into the air Dad.

I said Dad come back.

I said Dad Dad. Come back. I need you.

I said Dad please. I need to find Leah. Shes in trouble. Shes gone missing.

I went out to the Bottle Banks but I still couldnt see Dads Ghost and I said Can anyone help me? Ray? Ray Goodwin? I need to find Mr Fairviews daughter. She is called Leah. Can anyone help? Mr Fairview? Are you there?

I heard a voice behind me and at first I thought it was one of the ghosts and the voice said All right Philip?

And the voice was laughing and I turned round and it was Big Vic and he was jingling his car keys jingle jingle and he was with Les Miserable and Les Miserable didnt say anything he just looked down and zipped up his jacket which was weird because they were going to go into the Pub and Big Vic said Talking to the Bottle Banks?

He was still laughing and they looked weird standing there thin Les and fat Vic side by side like a number 10 and I didnt say anything and my quietness stopped Vics laughing. Then the wind started and Les Miserable didnt want to speak to me because I had seen him with the woman and he had seen me near the fire and he said to Vic with his not moving mouth Come on its getting raw.

His head nodded backwards to the Pub like his hair was iron filings and the Pub was a magnet and they turned round and the wind pushed them to the Pub and I heard Big Vic and he said Hes a fucking fruit and nut that kid.

I saw a piece of paper on the ground. It was the Newark Advertiser and it was the front page and the back page. The front page had a picture of the Garage all black from the fire and the word
TRAGEDY
and then the wind unfolded the paper and the words were
GARAGE FIRE TRAGEDY
. The paper flew into the air like it was a bird with wings.

I followed it out of the car park and onto the road.

I kept on following the paper and it went down Castlegate and then it went down another road and then it stopped for a minute and I thought that was weird because Leah wasnt there but then it started moving and people were looking at me strange but I didnt care. I kept following the paper and it went down a passage and out and I thought Oh no because I knew where we were. We were at the river.

The ground was concrete and then it was grass and then longer grass and there was a path very thin and I ran because the paper was taking off now and going quickly and I looked back for one second and the buildings were going it was just grass now and the wind whispered We are near.

I looked forward and kept running following the paper and it was high and hard to see because of the bright clouds then I heard a noise like a toilet flush but louder and not going away. I knew what it was. It was the weir. And the wind was saying we are near weir near.

I shouted LEAH! And there was nothing. Just the weir getting louder and the paper getting closer.

LEAH!

LEAH!

LEAH!

And then the paper started to come down from the sky and when it came down I stopped running and followed it with my eyes and then I saw her and she was standing high on the bridge with her arms out like Jesus.

She was standing on the wall of the bridge not on the bit you walk and the water was below her and the weir was foam like white clouds like a waterfall and it was far down like a swimming pool off a diving board but not like a swimming pool because you die if you go in the weir everyone knows.

She had a top on with short sleeves like it was summer and not the coldest day in the world.

LEAH!

LEAH!

Her red and brown hair was blowing all wild like it was alive and didnt want to die with the rest of her.

LEAH!

LEAH!

She couldnt hear me because the water was so loud it was like there was nothing else just the water so I ran closer shouting and she turned and saw me and turned back and looked down at the water and I was very scared she was going to jump in the water and the newspaper wrapped round her legs and then up and away into nowhere.

I said DONT.

I said DONT LEAH DONT. COME DOWN. ITS MY FAULT. DONT.

I was shouting because of the weir noise and Leah put her arms down and her arms were pink like sausages because of the cold and she had words on them not in blue pen in red blood DEAD + GONE.

She turned and looked down at me and she saw me but she didnt say anything and her face looked empty like the shops near Nans with wood in the windows and then she looked back down at the water and I got closer to her and I said LEAH GET DOWN!

My words got drowned.

I looked down the path to see if anyone was coming and there he was Dads Ghost. He was standing there in his red T shirt but his arms werent cold and he said Be careful Philip. You cant change whats happened.

He didnt care about Leah and that made me mad so I said IT WAS YOU IT WAS YOUR FAULT YOU DID IT YOU KILLED HIM IT WAS YOU.

Leah turned round because I was louder now and she could hear.

I was speaking to Dads Ghost but Leah didnt know I was speaking to Dads Ghost because she couldnt see Dads Ghost because she had her back to the path and she couldnt see ghosts.

I turned and said LEAH NO!

But it was too late and she was falling forward her body all straight like a door and I ran to the wall and saw her drop down into the water and land with a little white splash.

I climbed onto the bridge wall and the wind got angry and Dads Ghost said No.

I could see two fishermen miles away in the distance and I shouted HELP! HELP!

But they couldnt hear me.

I looked down at Leahs white splash and I looked at the weir.

I was meant to not go into the water. That is what I was meant to do. Just do nothing. And Leah would die and I wouldnt die so I could stay alive and kill Uncle Alan like Dads Ghost said.

That is what the stars said and everything said but I had a strange feeling like when you are dreaming and first you are watching your dream and you have no control of your dream but then when you are still sleeping you think I AM DREAMING and as soon as you think that you start to change the dream the way you want to like you can turn the insects on your plate into raisins again.

And when I was standing on the wall on the bridge I thought life is not like a film or a Christmas play or a TV with only one channel. There are more channels. You can change the story and turn over or do something different it is up to you.

And Dads Ghost was saying Philip no! Dont jump! Philip! Dont jump!

And my body was saying Philip no! Dont jump! Philip! Dont jump! But there is a different voice that is louder than the voice of ghosts and the voice of bodies and that voice was the voice I heard when I put my foot onto the air and fell into the water.

When I fell it was weird.

It was like my body was moving faster than me and I was still on the bridge looking at the water. My body kept falling through all the universe and then hit the water and I was back inside of my body.

I went down into the black water down down and it was burning cold and it was pulling me to the weir and I kicked my legs and it was not like in the swimming pool in pyjamas because the water was strong like it was angry with me.

Then I thought of Leah and that made me stronger and I got into air and I saw the back of her head all wet and shiny like a football going closer to the weir. I started swimming but the cold was freezing my arms and hurting them and slowing them but I kept seeing Leahs head go under the water and that is what kept me going.

LEAH!

LEAH!

She turned round in the water and she didnt look scared. She didnt look anything. I thought she might be dead already but she wasnt and the water kept on trying to get in my mouth and up my nose and pull me down but I kept on swimming closer to Leah and closer to the weir and the water and I kicked my shoes off in the water because they were heavy.

She was near where the black water meets the white water and as soon as she got into the white water she was going to go under it so I had to grab her.

I got hold of her and I said KICK YOUR LEGS but it was really kick your legs because of the weir noise.

 

LEAH LEAH KICK YOUR LEGS

 

And then I tried to shout Help! to the fishermen but they couldnt hear and that was when we got to the white water that was going to make us die.

Her eyes know what she has done now and water jumps into her mouth and turns into a cough and I lose her and she goes under and I cant see her but my arm goes after her and gets her and I pull her up and she is back in the world and she gasps the air in and I am holding her arm her wrist and we are trying to swim away from the white and the noise but I cant even do one press up and I am not Spiderman and the water is pulling all of nature is pulling and we go backwards into the foam and the water punches us all over and we go down fast on our backs down the weir like nothing like bits of wood and I cant see and I cant hear and the water pulls Leahs coat from the other side like a tug of war and the water wins.

And the water is everywhere it is in my eyes and in my nose and in my ears and in my mouth and I am caught under the waterfall and it is raining air and I look for Leah but I cant see her and a fish touches my face and flies off and I am swimming like a frog upside down with the water still pushing me and I can feel the river bed I can feel its slime sticking to me and hugging me and wanting me to stay there but there is air in me so I float up off the slime and twist and swim in the blackness and keep swimming up keep swimming but the world is miles away and I am losing air in pebbles out of my mouth cant breathe cant breathe and the river is squeezing the air out like toothpaste squeezing hard Where is Leah? Where is she? it is at my throat the panic and I need to breathe in I am not a fish no gills my body is a machine a breathing air machine in and out and in and out and it needs to breathe in now it needs to breathe in something something on my shoulder something a hand pulling up I cant wait I cant wait my body cant breathe in breathe in now breathe

 

newark trout

come and say hello to mr fairview

after years spent in warm sunshine

under normal circumstances

straight out of the trent

we would have no choice but to take philip out of

 

the unknown world

in the name of god

    in the name of