The Disneyland Book of Secrets 2014: One Local's Unauthorized, Rapturous and Indispensable Guide to the Happiest Places on Earth (97 page)

This jaunty tune bears the open secret of the attraction, which is that it is slyly and not too terribly subversive.  It’s a joyful tune and it’s a joyful attraction. 
While generous and civilized
Walt
had no use for the greedy, the cruel, and the dishonest, in his boy’s heart he appreciated the
nobler
aspects of the pirate’s nature, that restless yearning for new horizons.  There is in all of us (for some more than others) a thirst for adventure, exploration, fathomless riches, and freedom from constraint, and those aches and longings are what the attraction, its rousing signature tune, and the
Pirates
films celebrate.
Did You Know?
  According to a November 2007 “LA Times” article, during a
Pirates
cruise a woman scattered something powdery in the water, a substance rumored to be her son’s ashes.  The attraction was shut down briefly while Cast Members handled the matter.  Apparently her son loved
Pirates
so much that he wanted his remains scattered there.  Fact, or fiction?  Well,
some
substance was poured overboard, but there was, and is, no way to tell if it was human ash.  Guests are prohibited from dumping
anything
in the water for any reason, and vantage points along the route allow unseen Cast Members to keep tabs on prohibited or unsafe Guest behavior. Every year
Disneyland
receives requests by Guests who want to scatter loved ones’ ashes in the park–
Disneyland
refuses.  This is as good a section as any in which to remind readers that if you take the
Pirates
journey, you need to follow
all
posted and verbal instructions to remain safe.  Riding through
Pirates
is a fun adventure, but remember that you are in a real boat, on real water, and that at many points the attraction operates via unseen pumps and machinery.  Never put your face, head, fingers, hands, etc. in the water, and don’t let any little ones in your party do so.  Enjoy the voyage, but please keep an eye on your kids.  I’ve seen a grandmother and granddaughter switch seats seconds before plunging down the first flume, because the granddaughter didn’t want to get wet.  It was a horrifying thing to watch, and it’s lucky they sat down just prior to the drop, or they would’ve both been thrown out into the water.  I’ve seen people drop cell phones in the water and reach in to retrieve them.  I’ve seen Guests stand up in the boats, lean out over the edges of the boats, hold their infants over the water, etc. 
Pirates
is a pretty tranquil attraction but you still have to exercise some common sense to avoid potentially gruesome injuries.  And remember, Cast Members staff those vantage points along the route where they can watch Guests, unseen to us.  While we’re watching the pirates, Cast Members are watching
us
.
Did You Also Know?
 
Kevin Yee
’s fascinating book
Mouse Trap
explains that although
Disneyland
doesn’t have a vast hidden
Utilidor
like
Walt Disney World
,
New Orleans Square
, including
Pirates
, is riddled with corridors, chambers, elevators, and bridges unnoticed by and off-limits to Guests.  Cast Members traverse this unseen world above and below the
Square
to cook and transport food, store and retrieve supplies, take their breaks, and eat their meals.  I had the opportunity to view a portion of this secret domain first-hand when
Pirates
broke down one evening.  I ride
Pirates
frequently, as it’s one of my favorite attractions.  It rarely breaks down; when it does, it’s usually a matter of moments before it’s up and running again.  In this instance, however, it went down and stayed down.  I was in a
bateau
that stalled near the beginning of the corridor that connects the park show area with the vast show building outside the
berm
.  In other words, my
bateau
broke down underground but within park limits.  We sat for about fifteen minutes while Cast Members tried to get the attraction up and running again.  Unfortunately, the
Davy Jones
dialogue, within earshot of our boat, wasn’t powered down; it kept looping, and we heard it repeated
ad nauseum
.  Finally a Cast Member who realized the attraction wasn’t going back online any time soon pulled the plug on
Davy Jones
’ recording, much to our relief.  A Cast Member emerged from a hidden door and told us that we’d be evacuated momentarily.  Other Cast Members joined her.  Because we were debarking from boats on water, it had to be carefully orchestrated which rows exited first, or we could flip the boats.  I was in a middle row (row three or four) which was the last evacuated; Guests in center rows keep
bateaux
balanced.  A Cast Member helped Guests to step over the gap between the boat and the narrow walkway above the water.  We were told to follow the Guests who’d been evacuated first, walking through the hidden door and up a staircase.  We were hurried along rapidly, not rudely, but with the cool, no-nonsense precision of a military maneuver.  I wish I’d had the time and leisure to really study my surroundings, but what I saw was fascinating.  It was fascinating because it was so ordinary. 
Disney
makes a sharp distinction between
onstage
(any place Guests are) and
backstage
(Cast Member, Administrative, Costuming, Food, Maintenance, and Storage areas off-limits to Guests). 
Disney
lavishes time, attention, money, and artistry on the
onstage
areas, and pinches every penny it can safely and humanely pinch
backstage
.  Have you ever gone backstage after seeing an elaborate theater production?  The orchestra was in tuxedos, the music was operatic, the sets were colorful and gigantic, the costumes resplendent–then you go backstage, and it’s all plywood and linoleum and sawdust.  That’s entertainment!  All the glamour is in view of the audience.  And that’s really true at
Disneyland
.  I’ve had several
backstage
glimpses during my many visits to the resort, but this was the most extensive.  Our evacuation route took us through generic, utilitarian stairways and hallways that could be in any old building anywhere in America.  We passed grey metal employee lockers, and bulletin boards to which were pinned black-and-white notices and schedules printed on plain paper in plain font–nothing fancy.  We passed a break room and it could’ve been the break room at a Wal-Mart or a local department store.  One interesting detail was that although we didn’t walk through any store rooms or kitchens, at certain points we distinctly smelled food cooking, so we were either in the vicinity of the vast
New Orleans Square
kitchen complex, or the Cast Members’
West Side Diner
, or we were being swept by re-circulated air that had passed through the kitchen regions.  Before we were allowed to exit into the cool night air, Cast Members voluntarily offered us hand-written
FastPasses
for any attraction we selected to compensate us for the abbreviated
Pirates
experience.  I used my
FastPass
at
Space Mountain
, but for me getting that
backstage
glimpse was the highlight of the night, a little peek into the
magically
ordinary, usually invisible world of the
New Orleans Square
Cast Members. 
Smell-O-Vision:
  Yar!  So ye want to smell like a salty old pirate, eh?  What
does
a
Disneyland
pirate smell like, anyhow?  Believe it or not, you can find out by going online to order
Pirates of the Caribbean
-inspired scents for men and women.  According to the scent descriptions, pirates smell spicy and/or citrusy–like papayas, and mangos, and pineapples, and such. 
Disneyland
pirates clean up pretty good!
Night Vision:
  A highly efficient attraction,
Pirates
rarely has long wait times, but for an extremely short wait, visit
Lafitte’s Landing
during a
Fantasmic!
performance.  With Guests thronging the banks of the
Rivers of America
and Cast Members setting up one-way routes to control
Fantasmic!
traffic, you might find it a challenge to reach the
Pirates
entrance, but if you can, you’ll experience brief-to-zero wait times.  On one research trip I was the only Guest in the queue; instead of making me wait for more Guests, the Cast Member loaded me into my own private
bateau
.  Because they are real watercraft and balance like boats, you can’t have a
bateau
with Guests seated only in the first, or only in the last (sixth) row.  That would dangerously unbalance the boat and probably topple it when plunging down the flumes.  For balance and safety, the Cast Member seated me in the middle (third) row.  For this die-hard
Pirates
fan it was an
incredible
thrill to journey the fantastic caverns and ports of
Pirates
as a lone voyager. 
Hidden Mickeys:
  There are three that I’ve personally confirmed on this attraction, two from
Hidden Mickey
expert
Steven M. Barrett
’s book
Disneyland’s Hidden Mickeys
, and one that my sister spotted on a 2009 trip during the
D23 Expo
weekend, based on a tip from
Chris Strodder
’s
The Disneyland Encyclopedia
.  Look to your right as your boat glides through the ship-to-fort battle.  You have to be looking at
just
the right angle, but see if you can spot the
Hidden Mickey
composed by cannon damage to the fort wall.  The second and third
Hidden Mickeys
are in the final shootout scene, just before your
bateau
is chain-pulled up the final waterfall.  Keep a weather eye on the pieces of plate armor hanging on the wall on your left, particularly their crests.  One of them is etched with a tiny crest with a silhouette that will look awfully familiar to
Mickey
fans!  Keep your eyes focused ahead of you and look up as well.  Those three roped barrels, swaying and dipping precariously above your head–do they remind you of anything?  Purists might quibble with this one due to relative size issues–
Mickey
’s ears should each be about one-third the size of
Mickey
’s head–but I’m confident this three-barrel configuration is no accident even though the barrels are all the same size.
FastPass:
  No, but this efficiently loading “people eater” attraction offers typical wait times of only ten to thirty minutes even on crowded days.  In the early mornings, off-season, or during
Fantasmic!
performances wait times are as short as five minutes! 
Kid’s Eye View:
  Very fun!  If you’re in the front row and you don’t want to get splashed, ask a Cast Member to change your seat.  It’s very cool.  There are two drops; the first is right after the talking skull, then there’s a second one a couple of minutes later, not as bad.  It’s still fun, and makes you want more drops, but there are only two.  After that, it’s kind of boring but mostly still fun. 
Teen’s Eye View:
  It’s a very short line for a long ride.  The ship will take you on an adventurous tour through the lives of pirates, and it will make you feel like you’re really there.

New Orleans Square Gear and Grub

Gear:

Cristal d’Orleans

[
FastView:
 
Glimmering goods at all price points.
]

This is one of numerous charming stores tucked along the intriguing lanes of
New Orleans Square
, with multiple entrances and windows shining with translucent wares.  When you stumble upon
Cristal d’Orleans
in the heart of the square, you feel like a tourist in the real Crescent City happening upon a hidden gem.  This glittering little crystal shop was launched when
New Orleans Square
opened, helmed by the same talented
Arribas Brothers
who opened
Crystal Arts
on
Main Street
.

Browse (carefully) the glass and crystal wares that include
Disney
-themed and non-
Disney
offerings.  Unless your little ones have graduated from an accredited finishing kindergarten, best not to bring them in here among a veritable garden of breakables!