The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (113 page)

In the 1930s, Palm Springs was a desert hide-away for Hollywood stars and moguls. Today it's the top wintertime gay resort town on the West Coast, perhaps in the country. There are more gay-exclusive resorts in Palm Springs than in any city in the world, and if clothing-optional appeals to you, you've hit the jackpot. And speaking of jackpots, there's a wide range of activities available, from casino gaming to golfing. There are also a large number of restaurants, bars, and shops that are gay-owned or gay-friendly. Be aware that from June through September, high temperatures average around 105 degrees—and also that in late March or early April, for better or for worse, you might have to share the city with tens of thousands of lesbians who descend for the Dinah Shore Weekend. (Go to
www.palmspringsgay.com
.)

Want to do the whole thing up in Hawaii? There's a company on Maui called Hawaii Gay Weddings (
www.hawaiigayweddings.com
) that has been planning and running same-sex weddings for almost fifteen years. They have a number of packages to choose from. Are you envisioning exchanging vows on a romantic secluded beach? the “Tender Hawaiian Wedding” package will make it yours, including a state-licensed minister, and a Polynesian processional complete with a conch blower and a torch maiden. the folks at Hawaii Gay Weddings can help with your travel arrangements, booking a beachfront condo, hiring a photographer, and touring the island.

Check out the website
gayhometrade.com
to set up a home exchange between you and other gay couples throughout the world. The people you
trade homes with will be able to give you lots of tips on gay life in their city.

As we all know, the true pleasure of travel is not in the arriving but in the journey. So why not take your act on the road? Set out in a rented or borrowed RV campler, or pickup truck; take your sleeping bags or just drive from motel to motel. Or plan your honeymoon around an activity that you both love—cross-country skiing, golfing, or fishing, for example.

If you have kids, and are thinking of taking them along on your honeymoon, you may want to plan your wedding around an R Family Vacation. Started in 2004 by Rosie and Kelli O'Donnell, the destinations have included the Bahamas, the Galapagos Islands, and Alaska. Almost all of your needs are included in the cruise price: accommodations, entertainment, special programs for kids and teenagers, and twenty-four-hour-a-day food service. These cruises sell out, so book early. (See
www.rfamilyvacations.com
.)

Wherever you travel, especially if it's outside the United States, be sure to do the following:

Know what your rights are.
European laws are generally more progay than American ones are, but don't assume anything. And although attitudes toward gays have vastly improved, there are still some resorts in Jamaica that limit occupancy to heterosexual couples—no singles, children, or same-sex couples—and it's legal.

Know what to expect at customs.
Yeah, yeah,
we
know you're married, but
they
don't know that. Even if you were legally married in your own state, in terms of federal law, you and your new spouse are not considered a “family” and must abide by customs restrictions for individuals.

Take a copy of a notarized power of attorney.
It doesn't have the weight of a marriage license, but it can specifically authorize you to visit each other in hospital intensive-care wards and make legal and medical decisions for each other.

Now that you've decided where you're going, how can you guarantee you won't have to push single beds together in hotels? Well, you can never be entirely sure; sometimes it even happens to non-gay couples. But there is a system developed by Lindsy Van Gelder and Pamela Robin Brandt, authors of
Are You Two… Together? A Gay and Lesbian Travel Guide to Europe.
Pamela and Lindsy tell us that “the ease of getting a double bed varies from country to country and according to the fanciness of the hotel.”

“Method A, the simplest: Make your reservations for double-bedded accommodations before you leave home. Method B, a variation on the same ploy: One of you books the room while the
other waits at the railroad station or in the car with the luggage. Arrange all the details and get the key. When you return with a husband instead of a wife, or vice versa, just head directly for the room and hope for the best.”

There are additional approaches to getting what you want—the honeymoon suite, the basket of fruit, the chilled champagne, the whole ball of honeymoon wax—wherever you go. In a gay-owned or gay-friendly environment, they should be supportive and really go to town welcoming you, so be sure to tell them you'll be newlyweds.

If you decide to go to a mainstream hotel or resort, you can certainly make the reservation yourself, but to confirm that you'll be going somewhere you'll feel welcome, you might want a travel agent to book the room. In addition to having a contact with whom they have a good working relationship, the travel agent might have knowledge of the hotel's or resort's politics. Check the website
gayfriendlyinns.com
to find over a thousand U.S. locations that are guaranteed to welcome you with open arms.

But once you're at the hotel—then what? One way for the out-and-about gay honeymooner to find things to do/places to go/people to meet is to have a chat with the hotel's concierge. Simply put, the concierge deals with the needs of the hotel's guests. A good concierge will have the Rolodex from Heaven, with contacts to help you get tickets to a sold-out sporting event or dinner reservations to the trendiest eateries. If a guest wants it, the concierge will work to get it, or find someone who can—within legal restrictions, of course. At the request of a woman guest, one concierge had the bed turned down and scattered with rose petals to surprise her wife when she checked in.

Personal service and confidentiality are key here, and you should feel free to ask a concierge about gay night life. “Concierges are philosophers, psychologists, and jacks-of-all-trades,” says Robert Duncan, concierge of the Westwood Marquis Hotel and Gardens in Los Angeles. They've heard and seen it all, and what they haven't will probably intrigue them rather than shock them.

Not every hotel has a concierge who will turn somersaults for you—or even has a concierge at all. Sometimes there's just an employee who answers the phone and transfers you to another department, or a front-desk manager who gives basic directions and recommends places to eat. But should you require their services, they should try to help you. Unless you've checked into the James Dobson Motor Lodge, a same-sex couple shouldn't send them into hysteria.

And think of it this way: it's a good bet that at least 10 percent of the hotel's staff is gay.

HONEYMOON HIDEAWAY

If you have your heart set on soaking in a heart-shaped tub, spend the night at a honeymoon haven that specializes in honeymoon kitsch. Such a place can delight you with gel beds and mirrored ceilings; you can get a rococo velvet settee, an all-pink guest suite called the Love Nest, or an all-blue one called Just Heaven. You can find seven-foot bathtubs, pink cocktails called Cupid's Arrow, and rock quarries complete with little waterfalls or Roman-villa themes. Hang out the do not disturb sign and enjoy.

A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.

—A
NDRE
M
AUROIS

I
T'S BEEN SAID
by far wiser folks than ourselves that the first year of marriage is the hardest. We're not about to walk you through the entire year with its trials and tribulations, because that's not what this book is about. But we thought it would be unkind to leave you hanging at the honeymoon, and not prepare you at least a little bit for what lies ahead.