The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (4 page)

Roxy is working the espresso machine as I round the counter to grab my apron. I tie it on as she finishes with her customer.

"Is it just us this afternoon?" I ask as she is handing the customer his change.

Walking over to me, she sits down on a stool. "Yep. Brandon had to take care of some issue with his scholarship. But it's been pretty dead so far."

I pull up a stool and sit beside her.

"How was breakfast with your parents the other day?"

"You know, just the same old crap. Nothing ever changes. I don't understand my mother and why she just can't be happy for me. I keep holding on to the hope that she'll change, but I'm starting to get tired. If it wasn't for my father, I would probably never even see her." I look away from Roxy and focus on my hands. "God, that sounds horrible, huh?"

"No, hun, that sounds honest. Don't apologize for your feelings. You're allowed to be angry with her." Roxy stands up and walks back over to the espresso machine to make herself a drink. Talking over the loud grinding and hissing she asks, "So, did you do anything fun last night?"

"I kinda had a date," I said, peeking at her over my shoulder.

"Oh, yeah? How did that go?" She walks back over to her stool, sits down, and takes a slow sip of her drink.

"Fine, I guess. We just grabbed a couple of drinks. He said he wants to hang out again, which I guess would be okay. I mean, I might as well enjoy another date before the quarter starts and I get too busy."

Roxy shakes her head at me. "You take life too seriously, you know? You need to let loose and have some fun. You're never going to get this time back, Candace. Just enjoy it. Be young and carefree."

I know she makes a good point. I tend to have a hard time letting myself be free. I mean, I go to the occasional party with Kimber, and I go out on dates here and there, but mostly, I'm dancing, studying, working, or hanging out with Jase. I've been in college for three years, and I have yet to do anything crazy. Roxy is right; I'll never get this time back. After this year, I'm going to be focused on my dancing and trying to make it into a career. I need to relax and not take life so seriously all the time.

"Yeah," I sigh. I stare out at the front of the shop that is covered in floor to ceiling windows. I breathe in a deep breath and say, "Maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right. Every school year you get sucked into your classes and dance. You keep yourself so busy. Let go. Just for a moment—let go. Be a little spontaneous."

I stare her straight in the eyes.

"Just try," she says.

I'm not sure what it is about today that makes me actually listen to what she is saying. Maybe it's the fact that I am still irritated with my mother's crude voicemail. I've heard it all before, but this time, I feel it seeping into me. Roxy is right. What the hell was I doing? Kimber is always out having the time of her life while I have my head buried in books. I'm always striving to be perfect, but I know I will never be that in my mother's eyes. I try to do my best in school and with dance. Maybe if she sees how others look at me, she might start to appreciate me. She might even start to like me.
Screw it.

"Let's go next door," I say as my lips start to turn up into a grin.

"Huh?"

"Come on. It's dead in here. Let's close up for an hour." I hop down from my stool and start taking off my apron.

Roxy gets an approving look on her face and smiles. "Hell yeah! No way I'm gonna give you even a second to back down. Let's go."

Next door to the coffee shop is the tattoo parlor that Roxy's boyfriend works at. We both yank off our aprons, and Roxy locks up.

The buzzing of tattoo guns fills the shop. The walls are painted black, and they are covered in tattoo flash. I don't even look because I already know what I want. I have thought about getting a tattoo in the past but was always too scared.

"Hey, Rox," Jared says as he walks up to the counter. "What are you guys doing here?"

Jared and Roxy have only been dating for a few months, but they are head over heels for each other.

"Candace wants to get a tattoo, and I need you to do it fast before she chickens out."

"I'm not going to back out," I say to her.

Jared looks at me surprised. "A tattoo, huh? Well, you're in luck. My next appointment isn't for another hour." Jared comes around the counter, takes my hand, and walks me back to his station. I hop up onto the table and he asks, "So, what are you wanting?"

Clasping my hands together nervously, I look down at him. "I'd like a tiny heart on my lower hip."

"Easy enough. Just lay down and relax while I get everything set up."

As I lie on the table, I suddenly get nervous wondering if it's going to hurt. I close my eyes and try to relax. Taking a few deep breaths, I feel Roxy grab ahold of my hand. I open my eyes and look at her.

"I can tell you're freaking out," she says.

"Just a bit. Does it hurt?" I ask as I eye the tattoos on her arms.

"Nah," Jared says as he wheels over to me on his stool. "Unbutton and pull down your pants a little."

Nervously, I do as he says.

"You ready?" he asks.

I look at Roxy as she gives me a reassuring look that reminds me of the conversation we had a few minutes ago. I want to do this. I need to do this.

"Absolutely," I say.

I feel Jared's fingers press down on my hip as the gun starts buzzing. The pricking of the needle stings slightly on the sensitive area, and I pinch my eyes shut.

"You doing okay?" Jared asks me.

Opening my eyes as I start to numb to the sensation, I look down at him. "Yeah, it's actually not as bad as I thought."

"Well, I'm just about done."

"Really?!" I say, surprised at how fast it was.

Roxy lets out a soft laugh, "Candace, It's just a tiny-ass heart. How long did you think it was going to take?"

"Done," he says and he rolls away on his stool to grab a mirror and then rolls back. He hands it to me, and I hold it up, staring at the reflection of my new tattoo. It's a simple black outline of a heart. Small and discreet.

"I love it, Jared. Thank you."

He rubs on a glob of cool ointment and adheres a bandage over it. I grab his hand as he helps me sit up.

"Here," he says and hands me a sheet of paper. "This will tell you how to care for the tat as it heals. If you notice anything unusual going on, call me."

I nod and tell him, "Will do. Thanks again."

Roxy grabs Jared around his waist to give him a hug. "Come over later?"

"Yeah, I get out of here around six," he says before leaning down to kiss her. "See you girls later."

"Bye," we both say as we head back over to the coffee shop.

Holy shit! I cannot believe I just got a tattoo. My act of rebellion is thrilling, and I like the energy that flows through me. I could get used to this excitement.

"I still can't believe you got a tattoo, and I'm still pissed that you did it without me," Kimber says.

"Honestly, it was a spur of the moment thing," I say as I sit on the floor and unpack my dance bag. I have been living in the studio for the past few days. Classes are about to start, and I want to make sure I'm prepared and on top of my game. Kimber had been upset when I told her about my rare act of rebellion, but she's since calmed down.

"I am so excited that you are coming out with us tomorrow. I'm not sure what has gotten into you, but I like it," she says as she sits on my bed and watches me as I rub baby powder into my pointe shoes and hang them on a hook in my closet to air dry.

I start stripping off my sweaty clothes. "I don't know. Roxy just finally got through to me, I guess. She's right; it's time to start having a little bit of fun."

I hear my phone chime, and I walk over to my desk to read a new text.

"Who's that?" Kimber asks.

"It's from Jack. I haven't heard from him since we went out last Friday."

Kimber jumps off the bed and is quickly hanging over my shoulder to read his message.

Got plans tomorrow night?

For some reason Thursday nights are big nights to go out around here. The bars and clubs are always packed.

"You should ask him to come with us," she says as she smacks my bottom and walks out of my room.

I sit down at my desk and text him back.

Going dancing at Remedy with some friends. You should come!

Remedy huh? What time?

Around 10:30.

Meet you there?

Yeah. See you then.

I hop up from my chair, excited about seeing him tomorrow, and throw on some clothes. I make my way to the kitchen to fix a salad. While I'm chopping some veggies, my phone begins to ring. I pick it up to see that it's my mother.
Crap.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, darling. Look, there is a banquet this Saturday, and I am being recognized for my contributions to the Children's Foundation. I need you to be there," she demands.

I know she only wants me to attend for appearance's sake. One supportive, happy family. It's such a lie.

"I can't, Mom. I have to work that night."

"Well, take off," she says as if it's no big deal.

"I can't ask off work three days in advance. It doesn't work that way." I get so annoyed by her lack of consideration.

"Christ, Candace," she barks at me. "This is important. I don't even know why you have that little job."

"I like working, Mom. I'm sorry, but I just can't go," I say in the softest tone I can manage because I know she's about to flip. This is so typical of her.

"I swear, I don't know how to deal with you. You are such a selfish little girl. Here you are, playing around in college on your father's dime, and you can't even choose a respectable major. It's quite embarrassing. Then, when I ask you to do something to support me, you blow me off for some trivial job you don't even need. Where is your loyalty to this family?"

My face heats and I slam the knife down on the hard granite countertop. "Support you? You always want me to support
you,
Mother. What about supporting me? Shit, Mom, you have never once attended any of my shows. I work my ass off. You have no clue what it is I am doing here. I'm sick of this shit. I'm never going to be good enough, am I? What do you want from me? Please, just tell me so I know exactly what I need to do to make you fuckin' like me!" Disconnecting the call, I throw the phone across the counter. I am beyond pissed. My heart is racing, and I try to slow my breathing so I can calm down.

"What's with the screaming?" Kimber asks softly, knowing I rarely ever lose my temper.

My eyes begin to sting, and when I turn around to look at her, the tears start to fall. I feel so hopeless. I've fought with my mother my whole life, and I have no idea why she is the way that she is. She knows exactly what to say to me to set me off. I know it's only a matter of time before my dad calls to smooth things over and make excuses for her.

Kimber walks over and wraps her arms around me. "What happened?"

I let go of Kimber and wipe my face with the backs of my hands. "My mother. She went on another one of her tirades and thought it would be fun to belittle me. She just set me off, and I couldn't hold it in."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really. I think I'll just take a quick shower and call it a night."

"You sure?" she questions me with concern.

"I'm sure."

Kimber heads back to her room, and I bag up the vegetables I was cutting and put everything back in the refrigerator. I can't even think about eating when I am this upset. I pick up my phone and decide to turn it off for the night so I don't have to hear it when my father calls. After a hot shower, I start to relax. I know I should probably check to see if my dad has called, but I don't have the energy to deal with it tonight.