The Fall (25 page)

The truth was there was no right way to break up with someone. My girlfriend Cammie once told me that in a relationship one always loves the other a little more. And the truth for me was, though I never wanted to be in the wrong position again, I
knew
the reward of being the one hopelessly in love.

There was no comparison and my heart refused to settle.

I should’ve done this a lot sooner. I hated the way I knew I was making Josh feel more than the idea of the break up. I knew better. I had done this to him. I had strung him along, and I needed to face whatever hurt I caused him. I knew this pain and it surpassed everything else I’d ever felt.

He stopped his pacing to face me. “I didn’t just want to get married. It wasn’t something I had to have. I wanted to marry
you.
There’s a big fucking difference.” He stood before me, lifting my chin to tilt my head so I was forced to meet his watery eyes. “Don’t do this. Please, baby, I love you,” he pleaded.

“I don’t love you the same way,” I said softly but firmly. “And I think you know that. I think you’ve known it,” I said seeing the truth in his eyes.

“So what if I did? I don’t care,” he said, placing a kiss on my jaw, his arms surrounding me.

“You will, and it’s not fair to me, either.” I stepped out of his grasp then pulled my hair through a tie. “Josh, I’m sorry. I should have done this sooner. I had no right to—”

“Just go,” he said, walking toward his bathroom.

“This is how you say goodbye to me?” I implored with watery eyes, my voice cracking.

He turned in the doorway, his towel still wrapped around him as I admired his chiseled chest. It was impossible not to. “What do you want to hear, Dallas? Oh, I know what you want. ‘We can be friends.’ No, I don’t want to be your fucking friend. I don’t want to talk a few months down the road as if I never loved you, was never inside you. I’m not that guy.”

At least we agreed on that, because I wasn’t that girl, either.

“I understand,” I said with a nod. I looked up at him, seeing the twist in his features that tore a piece of me in half. “I do love you—”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hissed before walking into the bathroom and slamming the door.

I understood that, too...all too well. I left with everything I’d ever brought to his place.

My heart plummeted as I walked out of his apartment for the last time. The death of our friendship would have me grieving for a lifetime. I’d just lost him.

Josh.

Dallas

• One Month Later
  

“Dr. Whitaker, what do you see?” Dr. Nichols asked as I studied the recent scan results. “Looks like a cardiac sarcoma stemming from the right aortic valve at least a half inch in diameter.”

“Very good,” he answered.

“I read they were a rarity. What course of treatment would you suggest?” I asked.

“I’ll take this particular case, Dr. Whitaker. We can discuss all of the options and make them together once I get a current health assessment. I am impressed. Most would have diagnosed differently. It is, in fact, a rarity.”

“Thank you,” I said, half-heartedly. I had to remind myself just because I had elected to be a doctor of specialty, I was no specialist yet. He had every right to take this case into his skilled hands. It would all come with time and practice. On the other hand, I had been able to diagnose and treat several cases with the help and governing of several others in the oncology wing. Dr. Nichols gave me a smile before retreating down the hall, and I froze when I saw Dean waiting for me. He was insanely beautiful as he spoke to Beatrice. I had begged the hospital and her both to keep her on my service. She had reluctantly agreed after twenty years on her floor. I hadn’t seen Dean since Rose’s party over a month ago and assumed he was trying to give me some space. As I approached, I smiled at him and he returned it.

“Dallas, do you have a minute?”

“Of course,” I said, giving Beatrice a wink. I led Dean into my office, connecting my tablet to the charger then taking a seat behind my desk.

He shut the door behind him and stood there with his hands behind his back. He was not dressed for work and looked more than appetizing in freshly starched jeans and a button down shirt that matched his eyes. His hair was freshly cut, and I noticed his skin had grown considerably darker.

“I called to apologize to you more than once,” he said dryly, his voice filled with gravel.

“I’ve been busy helping Rose plan her wedding, and with trying to fit in here. I did get your messages.” I shifted uncomfortably under his stare. He was less than pleased with my excuse.

“I’ve just come from my mother’s.”

“Oh, how is she? I wanted to call and ask you—” I cut myself off, knowing he had caught on to the fact that I’d been purposefully avoiding him.

“Well, she’s fantastic, actually, thanks to you,” he said, cornering my desk and taking a seat on it in front of me. “Dallas, what you did for her...for me.”

“It was nothing but a favor from my dad. I couldn’t stand the thought of you missing out on your time with her to repair that house. You might have been punishing yourself spending every spare minute repairing it, but you were missing out on precious time with her. I didn’t do anything, really. My father—”

“Was absolutely amazing. He not only repaired the house, he had the best landscape architect come in and get the garden back to what it was. Dallas ...” He pulled me from my chair and wrapped his arms around me. “Thank you.” I hugged him back tightly, pulling away before I was forced to inhale his scent.

“So she’s happy?” I asked, excited about the thought of her seeing her garden restored. I would make it a point to go visit her in the next week. I smiled at Dean as he kept me in his embrace.

“I’m really glad,” I said awkwardly.

“I can’t let you pay for that,” he said, letting me go.

“My father made some calls and got all the materials donated. He was happy to do the work, and my mother was happy to have him out of the house. It was a win-win. Don’t insult him by trying to pay him back. He wouldn’t hear of it. You are like a son to him, Dean.”

He shook his head. “I’ve already tried, and he said the same thing. I’m lucky to know your family, and you’re right. I don’t deserve their loyalty.”

“I was angry. I didn’t mean that.”

“Let me take you out tonight,” he asked, guarded. “At least let me have that.”

I nodded. “I’m off in two hours.”

“Great, I’ll meet you in the lobby?”

“Sure.”

I locked my office, and for the first time allowed my mind to drift to Dean since he had made my larger office seem like the size of a coat closet. He dominated any space he was in so easily. I met him in the lobby as promised and after our greeting, we walked in silence to his car. I could not read his mood, which was odd, and looked at him curiously. He smiled over at me as he started his car.

“What’s up with you?” I asked.

“I’m still thinking about my mom,” he answered, giving me a soft look. “Dallas, she left the house for the first time in two years today to sit in her garden. She sat there all day talking to Rita. I couldn’t...” He paused, full of emotion, and I reached over to grab his hand. “It would have taken me years to get that place back to what it was. At first, I was angry with you. And you’re right, I was using it as a kind of penance for not being there for her when she needed me, but the truth was staring me in the face all day. You were right about so many things.” He finished by taking my hand and kissing the back of it once, twice, then slowly putting it back in my lap.

My vagina scrambled to attention, but I stifled her excitement.

I felt the pull then, the need to lean over and press my lips to his. I cleared my throat as he broke eye contact then put the car into gear.

“How’s Josh?” he asked. “Before you take my head off, I mean that sincerely. When I said you were right about a lot of things, I meant you handing my ass to me at your parents’ house, too. If he is the better man, and you are truly happy, that’s all I want.”

“Wow, seems like someone ate all his vegetables,” I said, rolling down his window so I could breathe in something other than his sea and wood scent. He dressed up to take me out to dinner, looking gorgeous in a light sweater. Fall had made its presence known this last month and I felt the cool air hit me.

“I’m just trying to be a respectable guy.” He took his gaze from the road and eyed me briefly. “You look beautiful,” he said as I crossed my legs in the seat. I had worn a turtleneck dress that hit mid-thigh, and high boots. I saw a large amount of leg was exposed as I shifted in my seat, covering it up as he caught an eyeful.

“Thank you,” I said, rolling the window down further. I suddenly felt like I was suffocating.

“I can turn on the A/C if you want.” He chuckled, noticing me shift uneasily.

“Dean, where are we going?”

“We’re here,” he said, pulling into a parking garage and easing to a stop in one of the available spaces.

“Where is here?”

“Come on,” he said, getting out of his side then coming to meet me at mine. I took his hand and felt the ever-present jolt between us. He noticed it as well, but for the first time, when my eyes flew to his, he ignored the connection purposefully. I smiled at the thought. He was really trying.

We walked around a corner and I saw the brightly lit trees of the restaurant first. It was a cool night, the feeling of fall in the air.

“God, I love the smell of fall,” I noted as he walked through the front doors.

“Always seemed to be a good time for us, didn’t it?” he added as he gestured to the hostess for a table for two. We were led to a small candlelit table.

“Pretty romantic, Dr. Martin,” I said, raising my brows as he ordered a bottle of champagne.

“This is different. They serve the most immaculate food and this is a celebration,” he said in defense. “Look, elbows on the table,” he said, wiggling his fingers in front of me so I could see them.

“I’m not afraid of what you’ll do to me tonight.”

“No? Not afraid I may corner you somewhere?” His lips turned up on one side with a sexy smirk as he sat back in his seat.

“I’m more afraid of what I’ll do to you,” I said, casually glancing away from my menu to gauge his reaction.

“Come again?” he said, leaning in.

I licked my lips as I took a sip of champagne then asked the waitress for water as well, my mouth suddenly dry. “Let’s just order,” I said, changing the subject. He wore a slightly confused look as he appeared to concentrate on the menu.

We sat in silence until the waitress came back to take our order.

“You are so beautiful,” he said, closing his menu. “What you did for my mother, beautiful. What you are doing for your patients is amazing.”

“How would you know?”

“I got curious when you wouldn’t return my calls,” he said, shrugging my shoulders.

“Ah, Beatrice,” I said, “she has a mouth on her.”

“I like her very much,” he said sincerely. “She’s a straight shooter.”

“That she is, and apparently a spy for you.” Shaking my head, I continued, “You are shameless.”

“So I talk to her once a day,” he admitted without apology. “She said you have been tireless in your efforts.”

“I just want to do more for them, Dean. I just want to change the standard practice of treatment, become a little more involved. Diet, counseling...Over all, I just want to provide better care. The first thing people do when they are diagnosed and hear the word cancer is brace themselves for death. I want to change that instinct from hopelessness to fight.”

“You have my attention. Tell me more.”

He must have sensed my excitement to share with him, because as I started to speak, a slow warm smile covered his face. We finished the bottle of champagne as I laid out my treatment plan and he added his suggestions.

“You’re glowing, you know, when you talk about this. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited.”

“I just know it could work. I mean, it’s nothing new. It’s simple, really, but I think it could change things for the better.”

“Well, then...get it done,” he mused, crossing his arms in front of him.

“I’m on it. Piece of cake,” I said, chuckling.

“I believe you can,” he said sincerely.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked around us. The feel of the restaurant was amazing. I heard Etta James singing “I’ve Been Loving You” as I took in the Tiffany chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and the high backed, plush red chairs we sat in. The décor was tasteful, elegant, and romantic. Dean took a rose from a basket the hostess brought by and handed it to me. I inhaled the fragrant flower with my comment.

“I think I’m in love with this place.”

“Wait until you taste the food,” he said. “You will love it even more.”

“Take one of your dates here recently, hot shit?”

“I haven’t been on a date in a very long time, Dallas,” he said seriously. I nodded, dropping the subject.

Dean was on point. The food was amazing and the sounds coming out of both of us as we tasted each other’s dishes were moans of appreciation. We kept the conversation light and laughed hysterically as we took a trip or two down memory lane. I had to force myself to finish my food instead of eyeing my date. The longer I was with him, the more certain I became of my decision, and I told him as much as he walked me back to his car an hour later.

“Take me home?” I asked as he shook his head in reply. We drove in silence as the mood changed from lighthearted to heavy.

“What is it?” I asked as I studied his beautiful face in the cabin of his sleek car.

“I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I like you more now than I did when we were younger. Even when you’re bitching me out,” he said softly. “I really like the woman you’ve become.”

“And what’s she like?”

“Are you fishing for compliments, Dallas?”

“Absolutely,” I said with a chuckle. He parked the car outside my house then turned to face me.

“Strong, beautiful, determined, ambitious, family oriented, hard headed, infuriating—”

“Some of those aren’t compliments,” I said in jest.

“I guess it depends on who you’re asking.”

“Good enough,” I piped, exiting the car.

“I’ll walk you,” he said as I reached in my purse for my keys.

“Come in. I have something for you,” I said as I turned my key in the lock. I felt the nerves course through me and was thankful for the champagne.

“Oh,” he said, taking a step in.

“Yep,” I said, throwing my purse on my couch.