The Fall (9 page)

“Dally, you are my best friend,” I offered weakly.

“You don’t like me?”

“I love you, Dally,” I said without thinking. I gave her the truth.

“You do?” I saw the hope in her eyes and then saw it pass away with my next words.

“You are like family to me.”

“Oh.” After a beat, I saw a wave of pure determination cross her face as she eyed me with sudden disgust. “You know they call you the Spanish slut?” she said as she scorned me with her alcohol-filled honesty. “One girl could neeeever be enough for you.” Pain tore through my chest at that statement. She had done her job well. I was ashamed.

“But that doesn’t bother you, right?” she scoffed. I stood silently, letting her have her way. I deserved every bit of it. All I wanted to do was to rid her of the look of contempt and replace it with what I had grown used to. There was no sign of it. I was suddenly desperate for her laugh, her smile, anything but the look she was giving me. It was filled with so much resentment, and even more than that, defeat. I cringed physically as I took a step toward her. Doing the only thing I deemed safe, I pulled a Ricky Ricardo and started mumbling furiously in Spanish.

“
Soís suficiente para mi, chiquilla loca. Si supieraís lo mucho que quisiera besarte ahora mismo. Si supieraís cuanto tiempo me la paso pensando en ti.
”

Her eyes widened as she looked at me like I had grown another head.

“I don’t speak Spanish, Martin,” she snapped, irritated.

“And it’s a good damn thing,” I said, pretending my feet were made of solid rock as I kept them planted. Right or wrong, I wanted her, all of her. My anger at the situation rolled off me and landed on her. She gaped at me.

I had been a fool to think this would turn out differently. Masked feelings were dangerous and we were both at the end of our rope.

She waited for me to do anything, say anything, and I purposely failed.

“See you later...brother.” She dashed away from me and I went to follow her, but Daisy blocked my path with tears in her eyes. I felt guilty for the way I had treated her and tried to calm her. I couldn’t fucking win. Leaving Daisy with a group of friends, I searched the party for Dallas, but came up empty.

I circled the house and banged on every door, barging into every single room and was met with vicious protest. Still coming up empty, I began to panic. She was drunk, and she was angry.

After searching everywhere, I cornered Tina Walker, who was only too happy to inform me Dallas had left with Reiner.

“What the hell?” I said, dialing her cell.

“They’ve been dating for a month,” one of the girls at the counter piped up.

I swallowed hard.

Oh, fuck no.

She had been dating him for a month? How the hell had I missed that? I felt the bile rise up my throat. I was a hypocrite. I had no right to be acting that way. I was a man possessed as I questioned everyone in our circle and no one had a clue as to where they were. Reiner had left his own fucking party. I quickly drove Daisy home and spent the entire night searching for them in vain. I ended up waiting at Reiner’s house long after the party ended, alone and sitting on his porch as he pulled up.

It was no secret between us how I felt about her and deep down I knew he felt the same. She had been a silent tug-of-war between us this year and I knew he thought he had won. He got out of his truck, a smug smile on his face as he approached. That was all it took.

I used my fists to drown out each painful tear of my heart. Reiner matched me blow for blow as we exhausted each other until we were both panting on the grass, bloodied and aching.

He said nothing as he stood up to retreat to his house. There was nothing to say.

She didn’t attend another party up to the day I graduated. She made herself scarce at school. I caught her once sitting in the stands after track. When I spotted her, she purposefully made her way down the bleachers and left before I had a chance to catch up with her.

Whether I had made a move on her or not didn’t matter anymore, either way I was losing her.

The day I graduated, I spotted her chatting with my parents before she made her way to her car. I quickly walked past my waiting parents to catch up with her.

“Dallas,” I said urgently as she scurried to her car, speeding up when she heard my voice. She got in, ignoring me. I leaned against her car with a sigh and wrapped my knuckles on her window as she shook her head. I stood there like a jackass.

“Open the fucking door, Dallas,” I said, losing my patience. I was leaving for Spain in the morning to spend the summer with my parents, as I did every year. I had planned on stopping by her house, but was surprised to see her here, grateful for the chance to say goodbye.

“No!” she shouted, starting her car.

“Open the door!” I yelled, getting the attention of everyone in the parking lot. She lowered her window and I reached in past her and grabbed her keys out of the ignition.

“Congrats,” she snapped as she moved to stop me, her voice dripping with anger and hurt. “I hate you. I really do. We were best friends and you just dropped me for being a whore like you.”

“Dally, get out of the car.”

“Forget it. I hope you have a nice life,” she said, her voice shaking. “Give me my keys,” she ordered as she got out of the car, refusing to look at me. She opened her hand and I pulled mine out of reach, gripping them tightly.

“Not until we talk,” I said firmly.

“Fine, I’ll walk!” she shrieked, causing more eyes to wander our way.

“Stop it. Here are your damn keys. You want to act like a baby, fine,” I huffed in frustration, holding them out to her.

“You are the worst best friend I have ever had!” she declared, ripping them out of my grip.

“I could say the same about you right now, Dallas,” I snapped.

“Really, well, don’t worry. It’s all over now,” she said with finality.

“No, it’s not. I will always be here for you. I had to let you sit in your own mess for a while, Dallas, because you are acting like such a stupid girl and you deserved it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I know that you are young and acting more dumb than you are smart. You’re brilliant and beautiful and way above all this crap. I wish you would just realize it already.”

“How can I when the one thing I want ...” she caught herself. “It’s harder than you think.”

“I know exactly how hard it is,” I said as she stopped her rant to finally look at me. Her mouth parted as I gripped her shoulders and leaned in. “I know,” I emphasized as I silenced her by taking her lips in a kiss that was anything but friendly. She gave in immediately and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I lost myself in her for a brief moment as our lips met and melded. I indulged on her mouth, swirling my tongue in and tasting all of her. The surprise in her return kiss dissolved as we were both lost and found together. I always knew I had been right about her. I selfishly took as much as I could, knowing my craving for her was now seared into my DNA. Tearing myself away, I noticed the heated color of her face, the swell of perfect parted lips, and her need for me, memorizing every detail. “I’ll see you again, Dallas. Tienes el otro pedazo de mi corazón.”

“Dean?” she whispered in question as I forced one lead foot in front of the other walking away from her.

I turned to look at my spitfire one more time, pressed two fingers to my lips, and turned them outward toward her and her answering smile was breathtaking. “See you at Austin, Dally.” I winked before joining my parents who were watching us with interest.

"One look, one touch, I was hopeless" – Laura (Room 212)

Dallas

• Now
  

I spent the next two weeks burying and losing myself in work. It took the better part of the first week to get Josh to speak to me. We had never had a single issue between us that had kept us at odds for so long. I had apologized to him profusely one night at his front door as he refused to look at me. When he’d finally let me in to explain, it took the better half of the night to convince him that I’d remained faithful.

“Dallas, I can’t be with a woman I can’t trust,” he said as he paced his living room, refusing to look at me. I walked over to him and forced his eyes to mine.

“And I’ll never give you a reason to again. Stop treating me as if I’ve done something wrong here,” I said, exasperated.

“You have slept with that man before?”

“Dean?” I asked stupidly, hating my answer. “We had one heavy year in college, okay? That was centuries ago and he is engaged,” I said, throwing my arms around his neck.

He looked down at me, his body tense under my touch.

“And if he weren’t?”

I shrugged. “Look, I’m tired. There is nothing between us. It’s history. We were talking about old times. I realize how it might’ve looked, but we are over, okay?”

“I don’t want to see him around you, Dallas. He doesn’t look at you like an old friend.”

“Fine,” I agreed quickly.

“Fine?”

“Yes, Josh, I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Let’s go to bed.”

“Why do I feel like you aren’t telling me everything?” Josh eyed me suspiciously as I kissed his stubble filled chin without answering him. “I’m serious, Dallas. I don’t want to see him.” Josh proceeded to pick me up, throw me on the bed and show me just how serious he was. I lay awake that night trying to figure out why I was so desperate to keep Josh and my relationship with him. I lay on his chest with his arms wrapped around me as I stroked his hair, thinking of Dean and his blue gaze.

That same familiar guilt washed over me as I stared at Josh in his slumber. I couldn’t stop thinking about one man while I held another.

And then I remembered why and gripped Josh tighter to me

I parked in my usual spot, cursing the Texas heat as I wiped a mascara smudge away from my eye. In less than the ten minutes it took from my door to the parking garage at the hospital, I went from completely ready to a wilted hot mess. I groaned inwardly as Dean pulled up next to me and parked. I cursed my luck as I waited out of courtesy for him to exit his Jag. I could keep our interaction professional, friendly. I had no idea what was going on in his head the night we went to dinner, but I was sure it was nothing more than flattering old memories. Of course, the attraction was still there, but for all I knew we were now two different people. I was sure he had gone home to Helena, finding the situation as redundant as I had.

“Good morning.” He smiled as he joined me in our walk toward the elevator.

“Dean,” I said as casually as I could when the smell of him intoxicated me immediately.

“I went to look for you a couple of times last week to take you to lunch and could never find you,” he said, glancing at me as we stopped in front of the elevator.

“I’ve been really busy,” I said lightly, trying to match the conversation with my tone.

“Ah,” he said, giving me the look that told me he knew I was full of shit. “So how mad was he?”

“Well, let’s just say you and I—” I gestured between us “—will not be going to any intimate dinners for two, for the next...decade.”

“That bad.” He smirked.

“It looked bad,” I said, stepping onto the elevator as he followed.

He pushed the buttons for his floor and mine and I had to fight a desperate battle to keep my eyes averted. Perfect hair, perfect face, perfect suit, and perfectly matched tie.

“When he’s not being a jealous guy, is he good to you?”

“Very, very good Dean, and I can’t screw it up,” I pleaded as I braved a look at him. His jaw hardened as he nodded at me with understanding.

Why did I suddenly feel guilty? Dean didn’t deserve an explanation.

“I really would like to catch up, but now—”

“I get it, Dallas. No big deal,” he said, moving to the opposite side of the elevator to let someone on. I felt the loss of him and sighed. He turned to look at me, his gaze intense as he took in my appearance and then quickly answered a smile of the woman next to him. I felt the heat race through me at my instant pang of jealousy. I couldn’t stop staring at him. I spent every night of the past two weeks wondering what would have happened if I would have let him kiss me.

When we were the last two left in the elevator and it was my turn to exit, I turned to him.

“Why did you try to kiss me?”
Damn it, Dallas, let it go!

He took a step forward and held the door for me as he leaned in. “You look beautiful today, Dallas. Have a good one.”

“Aren’t you going to answer me?” I gazed up at him as his stare penetrated me as he grazed his bottom lip with his teeth, a move I had specifically told him I found irresistible when we were dating. He chuckled when he saw me take in a breath.

“You know, old habits,” he said before he pecked my cheek and stepped inside, letting the door close.

I stared at the elevator and heard my name being called.

“Dr. Whitaker, good morning.”

I turned to see Dr. Peirce giving me an odd look. I quickly shook off the spell I was under and nodded to him, regaining what senses I had left. I became angry instantly at myself and at Dean for what he had just done to me.

I finished my rounds with the med students and Dr. Pierce and found refuge in my office. I sat at my desk, clicking and un-clicking a pen in a complete stupor. Why the hell was he coming on to me when he was engaged? What the hell was he trying to do? I heard the light knock on my doorframe and looked up to see Josh.

“Hey, baby, lunch,” he said as he stuck a plastic container on my desk and kissed my cheek. I smiled as he pulled away.

“This is awesome,” I said, pulling the lid off and inhaling the mouthwatering scent of sautéed vegetables and risotto. “The perks of having a chef for a boyfriend.” I beamed as I took a huge bite and exaggerated a moan in appreciation.

“There are more than one,” he reminded me with a cocky grin.

Josh took a seat next to me as I ate and stayed with me until it was time for his shift. We were laughing as he left me at the reception desk and turned to walk toward the elevator.

“That man is in love with you, honey,” Beatrice said, looking between the two of us as Josh stepped on the elevator and it closed. “I can almost guess that this time next year he will make you his misses,” she added.

“Will she say yes?” This time the voice belonged to a distant memory. Someone who didn’t belong in the new world I had created. I jumped at the intrusion and turned quickly to face Dean, who was being scrutinized by Beatrice as he stood behind me with his arms folded on the counter. His stance was arrogant and I couldn’t help but notice the tick of his jaw as he eyed the closed elevator behind me.

“What’s up, Dean?” I asked dryly as I braced myself for a look at his gorgeous face. As usual, it did not disappoint. My insides sighed as I studied him.

Beautiful bastard.

Dean was half-Hispanic from his mother’s side and could credit her for his flawless olive skin and startling blue eyes. His parents had met when his father had taken a trip overseas after college. I had met them a few times when we were kids and once in college. His mother, Dayana, had a nickname for me that she spoke frequently in her native tongue. Dean had refused to tell me its meaning. I would constantly worry when we were younger that she didn’t approve of me, but she treated me with nothing but kindness. It seemed so long ago and yet I couldn’t help but notice the same kindness in her son’s eyes now as he watched me closely.

Dean grabbed his tie, studying it without interest as he spoke. “I was just meeting you halfway and to treat you to day-old egg drop soup and green Jell-O for lunch in the cafeteria, but it looks like you already had a lunch date.”

“Yes, I’m all set. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Sure.” He gave me a small smile, nodded, and waved a goodbye at Beatrice before he walked off.

“Oh...shit...honey, I smell trouble,” she said, shaking her head as she picked up the phone when it rang.

I couldn’t help but laugh at her spot on assessment of the situation. I fully intended on making sure that lunch happened with Dean soon. I wanted to know why he was back in Texas and working in my hospital, and why he was so reluctant to talk about his fiancée.

Whatever the hell was going on with him, I had decided to find out sooner rather than later.

Dean

• Then
  

It was three long years before I heard three words that would forever change me. I was walking across campus toward the Marshall Hall building when the voice sounded. “Dean, Dean Martin?” A smile was already on my lips as I looked in the direction of the voice. Dallas’s laugh was unmistakable as she walked toward me. What I wasn’t expecting was the mere sight of her would leave me scrambling to regain basic fucking motor function. My smile quickly faded as she flew at me in a hug. All the breath left my body as I inhaled her scent. I gripped her to me tightly as she laughed and hugged me back. When she pulled away, my arms were still securely around her. I knew I had to be grinning like an idiot as she beamed back at me.

“How the hell are you?” she asked, a little Texas twang in her voice.

“Better now,” I said, still refusing to let her out of my grasp.

We spent a little longer than we should in our embrace, neither of us willing to pull away from the other. In that instant, I felt the pain of missing her ease slightly. My chest tightened at the return of a familiar stir.

It was just that damned easy.

“Let me look at you. Damn ...” My voice was hoarse as I let her go to take her in. She was wearing tight jeans, knee high, rider boots and a tight fitting red sweater. I took in every curve as I whistled slowly.

“I know.” She waggled her eyebrows up then down and did a little turn for the full effect. She was a far cry from the skinnier version I left. She had a small amount of curve on her hips and her long legs remained one of her best assets. This was no longer the tempting Lolita that I had left. This was the young woman I had always pictured but even more beautiful than I could have imagined.