The Falling of Katja: an Erotic Romance (Anam Céile Chronicles) (4 page)

A
part from the pain of my heart and soul, childbirth
was the worst physical pain I had ever felt.  I tried desperately not to allow
my mind to connect this event to its origination, in an effort to spare my soul
the additional anguish. 

I
did not succeed in that.

Oh
Štefan, I do not know how to let you go.

When
it is finished, the midwife announces, “It is a beautiful baby girl!”  Then she
places the baby upon my chest.  I take a deep breath and open my eyes to look
at my baby.

My
face smiles, and yet my heart is filled with sadness.  Her tiny face is so
perfect, so beautiful.  Her hands so miniature.  I take it into my own, feeling
in awe of this little creature who has so instantly captured my soul. 

She
is my beautiful little baby girl.  Mine and Štefan’s child.   It is so
wonderful and at the same time so heartbreakingly tragic.

“What
will you name her?” my mother asks softly.

I
have not even given it thought.  I did not think I would be allowed the
privilege of bestowing her with a name since she will not be mine to keep. 

So I
say the first thing which comes to mind, the only one I can imagine. 
“Štefanja.”

My
mother smiles a tender, knowing smile at me.  “That is lovely, Katja.”

The
baby begins squirming and fussing in my arms.  I look down at her, not quite
knowing what to do.

“You
might try to nurse her, Katja,” my mother instructs gently.

I
feel daft for not realising what she needed.  I open the front of my nightdress
and guide her to my breast.   Her mouth is so tiny, it appears as though my
nipple will scarcely fit in it!  It seems as though she does not know what to
do either, for she gives no response, other than becoming fussier. 

Feeling
helpless, I look to my mother.  She moves closer and grasps my breast in her
hand, brushing my nipple across the baby’s lips.  The baby begins to thrash her
little head about as an animal, her mouth opening wide.  At last, she locates
my nipple and latches on, suckling voraciously at first and then simmering down
as she becomes more contented.

As I
gaze down at her, I am overcome with the realisation that this has just become
the most significant moment of my life. 

I
already love her so much, yet I cannot help but feel conflicted.  On the one
hand, every time I look at her all I see is my Štefan and it makes my heart
ache all over again.  On the other hand, she is all I have of him, a precious
reminder of the man I loved.

Oh,
Štefan!  I am so lonely without you.  You were my best friend.  Now all I have
is your child and these tears which never stop falling. 

My
family has permitted me to keep my baby to nurse her for the first year.  But I
am never allowed to be seen outside of the house with her, as all are to
believe she is my sister’s child. 

And
now, my year is nearly up.  I never imagined I could love someone as I do my Štefan. 
But when I look at my little Štefanja, with her flaxen hair and her eyes blue
as the sky— she is truly the spitting image of her father— my heart wells over
with more love than I can possibly describe.  Only it is a different love
entirely than what I feel for Štefan. 

And
I have come to feel that I would do absolutely anything for her without
question.  I suppose that means I truly have become a mother.  Though still, I
am not.  Or at least, I will not be allowed to be that for her.   And that very
thought rips my heart out, even more than Štefan shunning our love, something I
never would have thought possible. 

I feel
I am becoming increasingly desperate to keep her, though I do not know what I can
possibly do.  I am considering running away, but where could I possibly go? 

It
is now the winter of the year 1634. 

“Katja,
you will go to the market in Buda today and fetch some goods for us,” my mother
tells me during breakfast.  I nod my head silently, looking forward to escaping
the house for a time.

I
finish with my food quickly and plant a small kiss upon the top of Štefanja’s
head as I rise from the table, anxious to depart. 

It
is an opportunity which I welcome.  It has been awhile since I have been out,
away from here.  I put my warmest cloak around me and head out.  Finally being
away from my family gives me the chance to think straight.  As I stroll down
the road, thoughts begin sweeping through my mind like a whirlwind.  There are
so many things to consider.

I
reach the market and try to recall what I am to acquire for my mother as I
contemplate my circumstances.

In
just less than a month I am due to hand Štefanja over to Svetlana for good.  I
know I have given my word, yet still I do not think I can go through with it. 
I just cannot give my baby away.  I have come to love her too much.   She is
part of me, part of my Štefan.  The sole evidence of our forlorn love. 
Furthermore, she is the only thing I have left of him, my only solace at losing
him.

Then
again, if I go back on my word I know it will break Svetlana’s heart.  She
loves Štefanja as much as I do and she has waited so long to have a child.  I had
not even imagined, let alone yearned for a child as she has.  But now that Štefanja
has come into my life, I cannot deny my immense love for her.

I
mentally replay my Mother’s words and am fairly certain I have picked up all
she asked.  I set off to strolling through the market, taking my time,
savouring the chance to be around other people again and clear my head. 

No,
I cannot do it, I simply cannot!  I will not give away my child!  I do not know
what it is I shall do, but I will find a way, even if it means resorting to
less than decent acts to sustain myself and my child.  After all, what do I
have left to lose?  I have already lost the man I love.  I am no longer a maiden,
so I cannot expect to find a husband, lest it be an old man.  And if that is
what it takes, then so be it.

 But
I will not lose my Štefanja as well.  She will remain mine.  I will be her
mother.  I am her mother!  And she shall grow up knowing that.

I
shall return and act as normal as I can, spend time with my family for the
last.  Then tonight, when all are slumbering, I shall take my
Štefanja and go away to the nearest city and then keep
moving if I must till we are safe and I have secured another situation for
myself. 

A
broad, genuine smile spread across my face as the delight and reprieve of my
decision washed through me, warming my long aching soul.  I beamed at everyone
I passed, eager to begin a new life with my daughter, one free of awaiting
another imminent heartbreak. 

Despite
the circumstances which brought her to me, I vow to be the best mother ever
there was.  She is my unforeseen treasure, my little miracle and she has
alighted upon my heart and opened it to love once more.

Read more of
Katja
in ‘
Soeis
’, Book II of the
Anam
Céile Chronicles

"Do
I deserve love again when I have done nothing but murder? And when again I
find him, will there be anything of me left to give?"

After having lost everything she
centered her life about, Aislinn is left to meaningless wandering. Though she
treasures her homeland of Ireland, she only knows she must find escape from the
painful memories. Not knowing where she is heading, her intuition beckons her
to Italy. Perhaps, she will resume her long ago dreams of becoming a famous
violinist - such a thing would be possible there. But that was before her
existence had been altered by her love for Donovan. How can those old dreams
possibly ever matter anymore - when she has lost everything that did matter?

Barely sustaining herself in the
underground of Florence, Aislinn is found by Zahrah & Katja, a couple of
stunning seasoned vampires who offer to take her under their wing and
demonstrated to her how a vampiress should be conducting herself. While relieved
to be taken from her dreary homeless existence and to be living in their
beautiful old villa, she finds acclimating to their régime of seducing their
helpless male prey with the lure of sexual promises to be inflicting turmoil on
her conscience.

There is one catch. Aislinn is
truly enticed by Katja, the angelic Hungarian golden-haired vampire. When Katja
seduces her, Aislinn is awakened to pleasures she never imagined existed
before.

And she wants more. Much more . . .

Even as she battles against everything
that they are— and in turn, everything she is becoming—Aislinn cannot help but
be overcome with the intense sexual lust, as well as the bloodlust of their
realm. Determined to find her love reincarnate once again—as she avowed to him
as he lay dying in her arms—she is struggling against losing herself and
preserving her virginity in the midst of these increasingly overwhelming
desires.

Then, one day, Aislinn is certain
she glimpses and catches the scent of her love. With this new driving force, she
is desperate to be with him again. But she knows she must be vigilant in
safeguarding her secret. It is vital that she finds him before they do and
relish turning him into their next victim.

When Zahrah imprisons Aislinn in
the dungeon, she sinks into despair. Now, how will she ever find him? Worse
yet, trapped there, how will she protect her love from them?

What Aislinn does not know is that
she possesses powers of which she is unaware. Will she discover them in time to
save herself—and her one true love?