The Fragile Fall (22 page)

“You look really good.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I bit my tongue, embarrassed that I’d said it out loud.

One side of his mouth quirked up. “Thank you.”

“Hey, man,” Jax said as he walked up behind me.

“Hey.”

“Good to see you home. Maybe Ryanne will be a little less spazzy now.”

All eyes turned to me and my cheeks heated. “Shut up, Jax.” I rubbed my hands over my arms, regretting not taking the time to grab a jacket.

“You must be cold, Ryanne,” Liv said. “Let’s head inside. It’s snowing and Ryanne’s out here without a jacket and proper shoes.” Once we were inside, Liv told us to sit down as she got me a blanket. I hadn’t realized how cold I was. My feet burned from the cold, and my fingers were frozen and numb.

“Glad to be home?” I asked Will. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“Yeah, though I’m nervous to be back in the midst of everything.”

“I get that.”

“Don’t feel like you’re alone. We don’t want you to feel like you did before.” Will’s eyes snapped to Jax. “Yeah, man, anything you need, we’re here for you.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it. So tell me what’s been going on since I’ve been gone.”

“Same old, same old,” I said. “School and work.”

Jax brought Will up to date as I watched the two of them. Will relaxed, sinking into the chair a little more, and I smiled to myself. He was such a different person than the broken boy I knew a few months ago.

“What are you smiling about?” Will asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Nothing. You just seem like you’re doing really good.”

Will smiled. “I am.”

Liv came in carrying a tray of coffee cups. “Here we go.” She handed each of us a cup of coffee, then set out cream and sugar. “That should help everyone warm up.” She smiled at Will. She seemed different, too; calmer and more at peace. The worry lines were gone from her face.

We chatted for a little while as we sipped our coffees, then I thanked Liv and took the empty mugs back into the kitchen. Liv was right behind me.

“I wanted to talk to you alone.” She looked over her shoulder. Will and Jax’s voices traveled from the living room. “Thanks for welcoming him home the way you did. He was worried that you and Jax would have hard feelings after the way you guys found him.”

“Never. We all go through rough times.”

“I know.” She looked toward the living room again. “He’s in a much better place now, but sometimes he still seems so lost and sad.”

“He’s been through a lot.” Before I could say anything else, Jax and Will walked into the kitchen, laughing. Liv gave me a tight smile before turning to the boys.

“We’ll see you later, Liv,” Jax said. “Will had informed me that it is movie night and you’re picking, Ry.”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile since the three of us have hung out and I’d like to spend some time with you guys. I mean, if that’s okay with you.” Will looked at me, uncertainty shining in his eyes.

“It sounds like the perfect plan,” I agreed with a smile. “You should come over for dinner too. We can make a night out of it.”

I couldn’t wait.

The doorbell rang just as I was finishing dinner. Jax ran down the stairs and opened the door to let Will in and they immediately started laughing about something. The sound of Will’s laughter sent butterflies through my stomach.

“Thanks for inviting me over,” Will said. I looked up from the pasta and watched as he settled himself onto a stool at the kitchen counter. “Aunt Liv has been driving me nuts. I know she means well, but I don’t need her to hang around. I was in my room and I swear she came in every ten seconds.”

“That had to be annoying,” Jax said as he walked to the fridge. “Want a drink?”

“Sure, whatever you’ve got is fine.”

Jax grabbed two cans of soda from the fridge. “You know, she’s just worried about you,”

“I get that, but she’s just adding to the anxiety I already feel about being home.”

“Ryanne, is dinner ready?” my dad asked, walking into the kitchen, but stopped abruptly when he saw Will. “Hi, I’m Dan, Ryanne and Jax’s father. I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Will stood from the stool. “Hi, I’m Will, Liv’s nephew.” They shook hands as my dad appraised him.

“Oh, yes, I remember hearing about you.” My dad’s gaze lingered on Will’s wrists. He couldn’t see the scars due to his long sleeves, but Will tugged on his cuff, trying to pull it further down. “Are you joining us for dinner?”

“Yes, sir.”

My dad nodded. “Is dinner ready?” he asked again, looking at me.

“Yeah.”

My dad had left a few days after Thanksgiving, not returning until Christmas Eve. He was planning on leaving again in a few days.

“Are you heading back to school soon, Will?” my dad asked as he dished out pasta.

“I’m going back on Monday,” Will answered.

“That’s only two days from now. Are you sure you’ll be ready?”

“Yeah, I kept up on my studies in the hospital.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” I said. Will smiled at me, causing the butterflies to take flight and my heart to race.

“You’ll kick ass,” Jax said.

The rest of the meal was spent chatting. I was surprised my dad stayed downstairs and ate dinner with us, but it was actually nice to see him around and not grumpy. After dinner, he retreated to his room as the rest of us cleaned up.

“It’s been so long since we have had a movie night with the three of us here.” Jax smiled as he plopped on the couch.

“What do you want to watch?” Will asked.

“We were thinking of something scary, just like old times.” I looked at Will, worried that something scary might not be the best idea. I wasn’t sure if it would bother him, but I had an ulterior motive. I remembered the last time we had watched a scary movie and the way he held me and I was hoping he would again.

“Sounds good,” Will said.

I put the movie in and turned, staring at the couch. Jax sat on one end of the couch and Will sat on the other. I really wanted to sit between them, but I wasn’t sure how Jax would react. As I stood there, worrying, Jax and Will made my mind up for me. They both patted the cushion between them. As soon as I sat down, Will put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. My heart fluttered and the butterflies rioted.

“I didn’t want you to get scared again,” he whispered in my ear. I fought back a smile.

I stole a glance at Jax, wondering if he truly was okay with Will and I. He merely smiled and shook his head. I took that as a sign that he was okay with it, so I snuggled into Will’s side and rested my head against his shoulder. Breathing him in, his scent was familiar once more.
The Will I remembered.
I sunk in his strong arms, enjoying being with him again after so long.

Will

A
UNT
L
IV
DROPPED
ME
OFF
at Dr. Thomas’ office. I hadn’t been to this office before since it was only for patients not in the hospital. Since I was starting school tomorrow, she had requested that we meet today, even though it was Sunday. She wanted me to be as prepared as I could be to face the anxiety that would come with going back to school.

Dr. Thomas popped her head into the waiting room. “Hi, Will. Come on back.” She smiled and I relaxed. I had gotten comfortable with her since I had been spilling my guts to her five days a week for over a month. Comfort and familiarity were bound to happen. “It’s good to see you. How have you been doing?” she asked when we were settled in her office.

“I’m good, I think. Anxious.”

“Tell me about it.”

“School starts tomorrow and I’m worried about what people will say.” I lifted my arm and looked at the scars on my wrists. The little cuts had healed and left behind little to no marks, but the ones from the scissors … they left large, red scars. I was embarrassed by them, but there was nothing I could do. “I don’t know if people know why I’ve been gone or how they will react.”

“We discussed that you didn’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. I can tell them I was sick.”

“Exactly. It’s up to you to decide how much or how little you want to share. You are entitled to boundaries and privacy.” I nodded. “How is being home?”

I rubbed a hand through my hair. “Stressful.”

She smiled at me. “You know you have to give me more than that, Will.”

“It’s scary to be back home. Friday I hung out with Jax and Ry. Yesterday, I hung out at home. I found myself going into the bathroom and staring at my razor.”

“Did you cut?”

“No, I didn’t. I just looked at it. I kept thinking about how something so small and seemingly innocent had almost cost me everything.”

“Do you want to cut?”

I thought about her question and I wasn’t sure how to answer. Sometimes, I wanted to cut because it was familiar, but I also didn’t want to cut because I was stronger now. “No, not really. When the urge hits me, I write.”

“Remember you can always call me if you have an issue. If the urge to cut is too strong, call me and I can talk you through it.”

“I know.”

“Good. How was seeing Jax and Ryanne? I know that was something that had you very nervous.”

“It was good. They were happy to see me and didn’t make me feel weird or ask uncomfortable questions.”

“That’s great, Will. I’m happy for you.”

“Being around Ry was hard, though.”

“Why was it hard?”

“Because I have all these feelings. They have gotten stronger instead of going away. I thought that would happen in the hospital.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for her, Will.”

“Jax has made it very clear that there is something wrong with having these feelings.”

“Do you think you need Jax’s approval?”

“I’m not sure. He’s my friend and she’s his sister. It’s kind of an awkward situation.”

“I suggest you talk to them. You can’t know unless you try.”

I nodded, not sure if I’d ever get the courage to talk about my feelings with either of them. Truthfully, I wasn’t even sure if I was strong enough yet to get into a relationship.

By the end of the appointment, I walked out feeling relaxed and ready to tackle the next day.

I sighed deeply and pushed open Jax’s truck door. The high school sprawled in front of me and the ocean of students swarmed the parking lot. I had been giving myself a ton of pep talks, telling myself I could do this and I didn’t have to answer any questions.

It was easy telling myself that.

It would be harder to follow.

My anxiety climbed, so I practiced the tips my therapist and I went over yesterday. I closed my eyes and visualized a calm place as I breathed deeply and slowly. When my heart slowed and the nausea passed, I opened my eyes and walked toward the school. Jax stood off to the side, giving me time.

“Ready?” Jax asked.

“As I’ll ever be.”

We walked toward the school, and I heard people murmuring and saw a few fingers pointing, but no one approached me. When we pushed open the doors of the school, I was met with the familiar sounds, sights, and smells of the high school—dry erase markers, chalk, and cleaning products. Most of my experiences inside this building had been good, and I was in charge of my attitude and how I let things affect me, so I was choosing to remain positive.