The Fragile Fall (30 page)

When he picked me up, he had a box of chocolates, a bouquet of roses, and some ice cream. He said he knew women liked chocolate and ice cream and he thought a pregnant woman
would probably love those things a lot more. Then he took me to this amazing Italian restaurant where I ate too much food and had this delicious chocolate dessert. The entire time I ate, he watched my lips. It was as though he couldn’t take his eyes off me.

After dinner, we took a little bit of a walk even though it was cold out. He held me close and told me about himself. He’s an engineer. He noticed me the first time he came into work and knew he had to have me. I tried to hide my face when I smiled, but he told me never to hide my face because I was gorgeous and my smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He dropped me back off at my apartment and kissed me goodnight. The way he kissed me was amazing! There is no way to describe his kiss. I had never been kissed that way in my entire life. I didn’t think anyone could ever kiss me the way he did. He made me feel things I never thought I would. There is no way I can avoid him now.

April 25, 1994

I can’t believe it! Dan and I got married today! It was fast, but it feels so right! Things have been so good between us and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He’s so good to me. He said he loved the baby even though he’s not the father, and he said he wanted us to be married before the baby came, so we just decided to elope. Now I’m Mrs. Leslie Morgan!

I put the journal down and looked at Jax. “Whose is this?”

“It’s my mom’s.” He looked everywhere but at me.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s my mom’s fucking journal.”

“That means…”

“Yeah, that my dad isn’t Ry’s dad.”

“Wow.” It was lame, but that was all I could think to say. “Have you told Ryanne yet?”

“No, I can’t tell her. She’ll be crushed. I can barely handle it.”

“How long have you known?”

“My dad went nuts one day and trashed his room. He made me clean his room with him the next day and I saw the journal. Ry and I know nothing about our mother, so I took it, hoping it would shed some light on why she left us.” He stared at the wall. “Instead, I found a journal full of things that completely change everything and a stupid letter inside. My dad must have opened the letter and that caused him to trash his room.”

“What do you mean?”

“The date on the envelope says it was mailed five days before Thanksgiving. My dad got the mail the day before Thanksgiving, so I bet he opened the letter and read it and that’s why he trashed his fucking room.”

“Wow.” I was at a loss for words. This could change everything. I hoped Jax and Ryanne could look past this and realize it didn’t matter who their biological parents were, they would always be siblings, but I imagined it would be hard to realize your entire life had been a lie.

“The last thing I expected was to find out that my dad isn’t Ry’s dad.” He ran a hand through his hand and grabbed the back of his neck, looking like he was going to become unhinged.

“You have to tell Ry, Jax. She deserves to know.”

“Read the letter.” He nodded his head toward the envelope in my hand. I unfolded it and read it.

Dear Ryanne and Jax,

It’s been fifteen years since I left. I am so sorry. There is no way I can ever say how sorry I am that I have been out of your lives this long, but I want to make it up to you. There has not been a single day since I left that I haven’t thought about you. Now that you’re both adults, I hope we can find a way to talk so I can at least explain my side of the story. All you’ve ever heard was Jax’s dad’s version of events and I want the chance to shine some light on what happened. Please write me back and we can figure something out.

I love you and miss you. I hope some day I get to see you both. I’m sure you have so many questions for me and I would love to answer them. Write me back and we can meet or share letters or something. I’d love to know how you’re both doing.

Love,

Your Mom (Leslie)

I stared at the letter, speechless. “You seriously need to tell Ryanne. That way both of you could figure out what to do from here.”

“No, I’m not telling her, man. She’ll flip out and I don’t want that.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “For the first time, she’s happy. You’ve made her happier than I’ve ever seen her and I don’t want this shit to ruin all of that.”

“She deserves to know.”

“I’m not telling her.”

“You can’t expect me to keep this from her. This is too huge.”

“I can and I will. And I expect you to keep your fucking mouth shut. Do not breath a word of this to her, Will. She can’t know.”

“What do you think you’re accomplishing by keeping this from her? What do you hope to do? It’s selfish to keep it to yourself.”

He hopped out of the beanbag chair and paced the room. “For once, I want to look out for her. My whole fucking life she has protected me and handled shit, and just this once I want to protect her happiness. That’s all. I don’t think that’s such a fucking selfish thing to do.”

“Okay. I get it.”

He plopped down in the chair next to me and buried his face in his hands. “This is so fucked up. I can’t even look at my dad anymore. He’s been lying to us for our entire lives, walking around like he’s the perfect fucking father when he’s a poor excuse for one.”

I knew he needed to tell Ryanne because this kind of secret had a funny way of coming out at the worst time, but I couldn’t force him to tell her. I also knew it would be better for her to hear it from Jax instead of me.

We sat there, both lost in our thoughts for a long time. Eventually, Jax picked up his controller and turned the console back on. We resumed playing video games in silence, the weight of the secret causing the air around us to be thick with tension.

Jax and I had talked a couple more times about the journal. He said it was updated sporadically up until a few months after he was born, then the pages were left blank. It filled in enough information that Jax knew his dad had fallen for his mom and had helped her financially, but that was about it. There was no information in there about why they had divorced or why his dad had kicked his mom out.

I had been keeping Jax’s secret for almost two weeks and it was killing me. Every time I saw Ryanne, I wanted to blurt out what I knew, but I kept quiet, torn between my best friend and my girlfriend. I wasn’t sure what to do. Was it better to let Ryanne be in the dark so she would continue to be happy and keep Jax’s trust? Or was it better to tell Ryanne because she deserved to know and betray Jax?

I had started distancing myself from Ryanne because I found it hard to be around her without saying, “By the way, your dad isn’t your dad.”

Today was my eighteenth birthday and I was struggling. Not only was it the first birthday without my parents, but I had the secret I was keeping from Ryanne and the day after my birthday made it a year since my parents had died.

One whole year without them.

My birthday would forever be tied with their deaths and it made it hard to be happy and excited about finally being an adult.

Jax and I had been wandering around the mall for two hours as he dragged me from store to store, pretending he was looking for something, but never quite finding it. Every time I asked him what he was looking for, he shrugged and walked into another store. My patience had finally run out.

“Jax, we’ve been here for two hours walking around. Is there a point to all of this?”

“I’ve been checking out hot girls,” he said, turning to watch a girl walk away. “Damn. That’s why you shouldn’t have a girlfriend.”

Instead of responding, I sat on a bench and let him continue walking and checking out girls. I figured he would eventually figure out I wasn’t behind him. Until then, I wasn’t moving. I was ready to go home.

He finally noticed that I wasn’t behind him and sat down beside me. “I’m just messing with you. There’s no need to be all upset.”

“I know. Can we be done with this? I’m sick of being here.”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.” We headed back to his car and drove toward our houses. Jax had been acting weirder than usual all day. He had been slightly off since he discovered everything about his parents, but today he kept checking his phone and he insisted on driving me to school. As soon as school was over, he said he was taking me hostage and making me spend time with someone other than Ryanne. There was no point arguing with him.

We were supposed to have pizza tonight with Aunt Liv and Ryanne, but when we pulled up to the house, it was completely dark. When I asked Jax if he knew what was going on, he shrugged and said maybe they ran out to get the pizza. On the front porch, I fished my keys out of my pocket and I unlocked the door.

“Did you hear what happened with Tony today at school?” Jax said.

“No. What happened?”

“He grabbed some girl’s ass. She turned around and clocked him, knocking him the fuck out and breaking his nose.” He tried to fight back laughter, but was failing.

I laughed so hard, I couldn’t get the key in the door. We stepped inside when I was finally able to unlock it and Jax flicked the light on.

“Surprise!”

I stumbled back, shocked. Aunt Liv came up and gave me a hug. “Happy birthday, Will.”

“Thanks.” Some guys from school came up and said happy birthday.

Jax slapped me on the back. “Happy birthday, loser.” He grinned like a fool.

“Is this why I had to endure two hours at the mall?”

“Yeah, I was trying to give Ry and Liv enough time to get everything set up.”

I made my way into the living room, looking for Ry. She ran up and wrapped her arms around me. “Happy birthday, Will,” she whispered into my neck. I ran my hand up and down her back.

“Thanks, Ry.”

“Were you surprised?” She still clung to me.

“Very.” I chuckled. “You’re better at keeping secrets than I thought you were.”

“Only good secrets.”

My stomach bottomed out, hoping she didn’t know how much I was keeping from her. “Do you have a thing for surprise parties?”

“Yeah. I like surprising people. And since it is your eighteenth, I decided to do it big, you know? What’s better than a surprise party?”

“Not much. They are pretty cool.”

“For my birthday, I don’t want a surprise party. I’m surprise partied out.”

I laughed and pulled her closer to me.

The rest of the evening was spent hanging out with my friends and family. We ate pizza and had cake. It was the first birthday celebration I had ever had. My parents hadn’t celebrated birthdays for religious reasons, and it had never really mattered to me because parties weren’t really my thing.

When everyone but Ryanne was gone, Aunt Liv went upstairs and Ryanne pulled me to the front door. She draped her arms around my neck. “You have to come straight home from school tomorrow.”

“What if I have plans?” I quirked an eyebrow up and smiled at her. She knew if she told me to come home from school immediately, I would be here. I got a lot of grief from Jax and the guys about being whipped, but I didn’t care.

She leaned in and lightly pressed her lips to mine. “I think I could convince you.”

I pressed her up against the door with both hands buried in her hair, kissing her until we were both breathless. When we finally broke apart, she smiled. “Come straight home. I have a surprise for you.”

I kissed her again. She giggled. “I’m going to go before we end up breaking the door or worse.” She headed outside and I watched her walk home, wondering what the surprise was.

I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

Ryanne

T
HE
LAST
COUPLE
OF
WEEKS
, Will had been a little distant. He still texted me and spent a lot of time with me, but he seemed quieter, more closed off. I tried to shrug it off, deciding it was the fact that the one year anniversary of his parents death was coming up. That had to be weighing on his mind a lot, so I wanted to do something special for him.