The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (31 page)

•
Choose one day to honor as National Masturbation Day by indulging in your own private celebration.
Call in late for work so that you can take an extra hour enjoying a bit of self-pleasure. Convince your coworkers to do the same, then fantasize about business as usual coming to a halt while everyone is home playing with themselves! We dare you to put a message on your answering machine telling callers why you’re indisposed.

•
Send a proclamation to your mayor asking her or him to officially sanction May as National Masturbation Month.
Our mayor didn’t endorse our proclamation—maybe he was too busy with a little one-handed business of his own.

•
Engage in a bit of healthy voyeurism—watch others masturbate.
We held a screening at a local theater and showed masturbation clips from X-rated videos to sold-out audiences. If you can’t make it to San Francisco, and your local theater would rather show Disney movies, do a little at-home viewing. Check the videography section of this book for some notable masturbation movies and cue them up with your friends, with your partner, or by yourself. If porn doesn’t inspire, try the real thing—dedicate an evening to watching your partner masturbate, and vice versa.

•
Home school.
There’s no time like the present to improve your own technique. Check out one of the excellent books, videos, or websites in our resource listings to gain a few tips from your fellow masturbators.

•
Start a Masturbation Hall of Fame.
Know someone who has come out of the masturbators closet in a public way? Send them a note of appreciation and tell them they’ve been inducted into the Masturbation Hall of Fame. We wrote biographies of famous folks who’ve spoken publicly or written about masturbation and pioneers who’ve devoted their lives to its liberation. We displayed these in our store, much to our customers’ delight.

•
Come up with your top ten reasons to masturbate.
We held a contest that drew hundreds of entries. Many participants said simply composing their lists was very empowering. Our favorite entry won the “most universal” prize: “fingers, freedom, fantasies, convenience, nostalgia, pleasure, love, hope, self-esteem, and fun.”

•
Spread the word!
Phone your friends, family, and coworkers, or start your own letter-writing campaign. Announce it on your web page, post it to a newsgroup, or email all your acquaintances.

•
Start your own celebration.
We were tickled to discover the formation of The Masturbation Society at Miami University, whose stated purpose is to promote safer sex, to challenge stereotypes, and to “strive toward manual dexterity and hand-eye coordination!” We also learned we were not alone in hoping to honor masturbation with its own month; one men’s group advocates creation of “Monkey Spank Month” on its web page.

The sky’s the limit, depending on your imagination. A Good Vibrations customer wrote a letter to Hallmark chastising them for producing dozens of cards for Secretary’s Day but not a single sentiment for Masturbation Day! With grassroots support like that, it won’t be long before government employees get the day off.

PROFILES
in
PLEASURE:

Betty Dodson

“Masturbation
is the ongoing
love affair that
each of us has
with ourselves
throughout our
lifetime.”

A
t 72, Betty Dodson is not your average grandmother. There are no biological offspring playing with Leggos and Barbies on her living room rug. No, Betty is affectionately known as “the grandmother of masturbation,” and her charges come to her house to play with vibrators and vaginal barbells as part of her masturbation workshops.

The image of fifteen women lying nude in Betty’s living room jerking off with Hitachi Wands may strike many as daring or risqué, but to the thousands of women who’ve learned how to orgasm this way, Betty is nothing less than a miracle worker. Her Bodysex workshops (which, after twenty-seven years, have now given way to private sessions) epitomize Betty’s lifelong commitment to her self-proclaimed goal: liberating masturbation.

“Taking sex into your own hands is my credo,” she says. “Masturbation is our first natural sexual activity. It is the ongoing love affair that each of us has with ourselves throughout our lifetime.” Having witnessed tremendous numbers of women faking orgasm during group sex parties she attended in the sixties, Betty realized that cultural denial of masturbation underlies our sexual repression, so she decided to change that sad state of affairs, one orgasm at a time.

A classically trained fine artist, Betty dazzled the New York art world with an exhibition of her erotic nudes in the late sixties. In 1973, she wowed the attendees at a National Organization for Women conference with a slide show of female vulvas, or what she jokingly refers to as “split beaver for feminists.” She received a standing ovation, which inspired her to take her show on the road, so that women everywhere could learn that their genitals were not “nasty, ugly, smelly or shameful. I wanted to show the world how beautiful they are.”

Indeed, few have done more when it comes to teaching women to be “cunt positive” than Betty. Her descriptions of genital show-and-tell in her book
Sex for One
are positively lyrical: “we discovered when the hood was pulled back and each clitoris appeared that the variations were astounding—from tiny seed pearls to rather large protruding jewels.” The accompanying pen-and-ink drawings of sixteen women’s vulvas possess extraordinary detail and are downright rapturous. View one of Betty’s video documentaries of her Bodysex workshops (
Selfloving, Celebrating Orgasm
), and you’ll see a variety of real women’s genitals (nothing airbrushed, no body makeup) in various stages of arousal.

Betty Dodson’s most far-reaching contribution to women’s masturbation emancipation,
Liberating Masturbation,
began as a slim, self-published book. “Between 1973 and 1986, I sold 150,000 copies of
Liberating Masturbation
. I stamped each one of them by hand (what I like to call a ‘monumental hand job’) and schlepped them to the post office each week in my old dilapidated grocery cart. I felt like I was mailing out an orgasm to every woman that ordered it.”

Asked what she’s found to be the most tenacious misconception about masturbation, Betty replied, “Women fear their partners will feel inadequate if they masturbate (which is often true) and men want to be the source of women’s orgasms with penis/vagina sex. Both women and men are under the misconception that masturbation is not real sex and that partner sex is the best.” Fortunately, Betty’s newest book,
Orgasms for Two: Discovering the True Joy of Partnersex,
tackles this issue head on. Don’t expect this grandma to rest on her laurels anytime soon!

Visit Betty Dodson’s website at
www.bettydodson.com
.

CHAPTER 7

Lubrication

Who Needs a Lubricant?

At Good Vibrations, we consider lubricant one of life’s more enjoyable essentials, right up there with bread, wine, and a decent cup of coffee. Every time a customer approaches the front counter at our store preparing to purchase a dildo, butt plug, or insertable vibrator, we ask politely, “Do you have some lubricant to go with that?” The responses we get can include blank looks or even hostile glares. A lot of people have been led to believe that their own bodies should generate enough lubrication to keep any sexual situation slippery, and they take the suggestion that this might not be the case as an insult to their sexual prowess. Of course, men are aware that their penises produce only a small amount of “pre-come” fluid when they’re aroused, but many women and men believe that vaginal lubrication is an automatic physical result of a woman’s sexual arousal and that lack of lubrication suggests a lack of sincere enthusiasm:

I occasionally use lube when I have trouble getting wet. But I feel better when I get wet enough on my own—that usually means I’m into it more.

I don’t generally use lube—I want to do it on my own. It feels like admitting that my body is abnormal or dysfunctional. I don’t know why. I’m trying to get over it.

In fact, vaginal lubrication doesn’t automatically follow sexual arousal and doesn’t automatically indicate sexual arousal. Lubricating is influenced by hormonal fluctuations and can vary dramatically, depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. Women who have reached menopause, have had a hysterectomy, or have just given birth or are breast feeding will experience a decrease in their natural lubrication as well as a thinning of vaginal tissues as a result of reduced estrogen levels:

I used lubricant following the birth of my child, when my tissues were tender and dry.

I should use lube, but I’m ashamed to admit it. I know that decreased vaginal lubrication happens in middle-age, but it’s a hard thing for me to accept and even harder to share with my partner.

Hormones aren’t the sole influences on vaginal lubrication. Alcohol, marijuana, and over-the-counter cold medications dry up all mucous membranes—those in your head and those between your legs. The popular antidepressants known as SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), such as Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft, can negatively affect sexual response, which includes reducing vaginal lubrication. Certain medical conditions, such as diabetes, also reduce lubrication and blood flow to the genitals. And, of course, stress can throw almost any “natural” physical response off kilter.

Astroglide helped a lot when I was first on Prozac and had a hard time getting aroused or staying wet.

Besides, even those situations in which a woman is lubricating heavily can be enhanced by the addition of artificial lubricants. Vaginal secretions don’t necessarily make their way up to the clitoris, and most women enjoy direct stimulation of the clitoris far more when the touch is smooth and moist. Lubricant makes any kind of vaginal penetration more pleasurable—it’s always more comfortable to have two wet surfaces sliding against each other—and is essential for anal penetration.

We use lube liberally. Sometimes friction is desirable, but most times “slipping and sliding” is better and allows us to play longer.

My belief is that you can never have too much lube. The slipperier it is around my clit, the better.

Whenever a customer returns from a first encounter with a new dildo or butt plug confessing that it was just “too big,” we double-check that she or he took plenty of time to relax and used lots of lube. Lubes are a crucial accompaniment to anal insertion, as the anus and rectum don’t produce any natural lubrication, and they’re invaluable for vaginal insertion as well—many dildos have a sort of velvety surface texture that will absorb your natural juices, resulting in an unpleasant friction that only a lubricant can tame.

I didn’t use lube for a long time. I thought it was kind of wussy. But now I’ve seen the light…. Lube is GREAT! I wish I’d had lube during some of my past experiences.

What’s in a Lube?

If all of life’s minor inconveniences could be solved as cheaply, easily, and enjoyably as the insufficiency of natural lubrication, the world would be a wonderful place. There’s a dazzling array of options when it comes to artificial lubricants. You can shop for lube in a bottle, or simply open the refrigerator—some folks swear that egg whites make a great organic lube.

Oils

For hundreds of years oils have been used as lubricants, but there are some facts you should bear in mind to have the best possible experience when anointing yourself for sex. Genital tissue is sensitive and easily irritated, so you should stay away from scented oils. Stick to pure, lightweight vegetable or mineral oils. Lotions and creams are absorbed into the skin too quickly to make very effective lubricants. Oils, which stay slippery indefinitely, are very popular for male genital massage, aka hand jobs. Men who enjoy using oils for masturbation often develop passionate preferences, from the classic Albolene hand cream, to coconut oil, to the latest and greatest Men’s Cream. This petroleum-and Vitamin E-based formula boasts an enthusiastic fan club.

While women can also enjoy using oils for masturbation, we do entreat you not to use Vaseline or any petroleum product as a vaginal lubricant. This stuff is extremely hard to wash out of your body. Vaseline is likely to remain coating the walls of your or your loved one’s vagina for days, welcoming all kinds of bacteria and creating an environment that promotes yeast infections. In fact, all oils will linger in your vagina longer than you might wish, as there is no way for them to be flushed out of your body. And oils of any kind will destroy latex condoms, dental dams, gloves, or diaphragms, so oils are completely incompatible with practicing safer sex. Your best bet would be to restrict your genital use of oils to solo sex activities. (But keep in mind that oils will also ruin the surface of any sex toys that contain latex—which includes those made from jelly rubber and cyberskin.)

Water-Based Lubricants

The safest type of all-purpose lubricant is the water-based lubricant. This kind of lube is especially formulated to be taste-free, nonstaining, nonirritating to genital tissue, and easy to wash out of your body. Water-based lubes contain deionized (that is, purified) water, long-chain polymers (biologically inert plastics commonly found in foods and cosmetics), and a preservative (such as methyl paraben or propyl paraben) to prevent contamination by viruses or bacteria. Many water-based lubes also contain glycerin, a syrupy-sweet byproduct of fats, which adds a slippery quality. Like many fine things in life, water-based lubes are an acquired taste, and people’s initial responses to them can be less than positive: