The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (32 page)

Using lubricant makes me feel like a frog swimming in a pond.

I don’t use lube if I can help it—I hate it. Sticky, messy, yuck!

The sticky quality folks find disturbing about lube results when the friction of your activities causes water to evaporate, leaving only the polymer and glycerin ingredients on the surface of your skin. Customers frequently complain that water-based lube gets used up too quickly and that they have to keep applying more. Actually, you can reconstitute and reactivate the lube by simply adding some water or saliva to your genitals. We recommend keeping a glass of water or, for the playful, a water gun, by the bed. One good squirt with a plant mister, and your lube will be flowing again. Lubricant is specifically designed for use on moist membranes, where it should stay slippery. When applied to the rest of your body, it will dry, leaving a sticky residue, which makes it completely undesirable as a massage product. Glycerin-free lubes tend to be less sticky and are more likely to just absorb into the skin like a lotion. Lots of people like to wipe the lube off themselves with a warm washcloth after sex, to avoid the experience of hopping into the shower the next morning only to slide off their feet when water hits skin and reactivates the lube residue. (Keep this in mind if you’re romping around a hot tub, and watch your step!)

For some people, the problem with lubricants is that they generate not too little but too
much
moisture:

Sometimes I don’t want lubricant because it takes away a certain friction that is good when I have my vulva touched/rubbed. Without that friction, it doesn’t feel as good.

GV Tale: Space-Age Serendipity

A revolutionary lube formula can have its genesis in the most unexpected places. Slippery Stuff was originally designed to make it easier for surfers and divers to slide in and out of their rubber wet suits. The manufacturers didn’t take long to figure out that any liquid that remained slippery under water could be equally handy on dry land. Astroglide, an enduringly popular lube, was developed by a gentleman who had worked at NASA. When a female relative complained about postmenopausal loss of lubrication, he turned his attention to cooking up a useful aid. His final recipe was inspired by the fluid used to lubricate
O
-rings on space shuttles.

I hate when I can’t get the traction I need. I also hate the cat-hair factor.

If you too crave more friction, by all means scrub that lubricant off your genitals with a washcloth, and you’ll be back to your natural state in seconds. Whenever you feel “too wet,” you should consider incorporating safer-sex supplies such as condoms, latex gloves, or dental dams into your activities—latex requires a lot of lubrication before it will get slippery.

As for the argument that water-based lubricants are too “messy,” we have to wonder why anyone would want a sexual encounter to be tidy. Nobody refuses a massage on the grounds that it is “messy,” and in fact water-based lubes are much easier to wash off both your body and your bed sheets than massage oils. It’s true that some water-based lubricants are stringier than others and may form long, sticky strands that land on your sheets or in your hair on their journey from the bottle to your genitals, but a little practice will enable you to show the lube who’s boss. The decision whether to apply a discreet dab or a big, sloppy handful is entirely yours.

I like the feeling of lube—that it is increasing the sexy wetness/messiness of sex.

Lube is the greatest thing to happen to sex right after the pill and the condom. You have to be very wet and relaxed to enjoy penetration—need I say more?

Silicone-Based Lubricants

Perhaps the hottest new lubes on the market are silicone-based—look for the brand names Eros Bodyglide and Wet Platinum. While they have a sleek, oily consistency, these lubes aren’t greasy and are completely safe to use with latex (in fact, most prelubricated condoms are actually coated with silicone). Since silicone lubes contain no water or glycerin, they stay slippery almost indefinitely—so if you want to indulge your underwater sex fantasies, these are the lubes for you. Furthermore, they’re taste-free. And if your thoughts are straying to leaky breast implants, fear not; silicone lubes are completely nontoxic, as the silicone molecules are too large to be absorbed into your system in any way.

Note a couple of downsides to silicone lubes: They’re far pricier than water-based lubes. They require more effort in the clean-up department—you’ll need soap and water to get them off your skin. Finally, silicone lubes don’t interact well with silicone toys. While the effect is not as thoroughly destructive as the effect of oils on latex, a silicone lube can ruin the smooth surface of your silicone dildo, and we don’t recommend combining the two.

Buying a Lubricant

Name-brand and generic water-based lubricants produced by major pharmaceutical companies can be found in drugstores across the country. These lubricants, such as KY Jelly, were originally formulated for use during medical exams, so they don’t have the slippery properties of lubes specifically designed for sex. They tend to get tacky and “pill up” with extended use. For low cost and wide distribution, however, these over-the-counter lubricants can’t be beat. Thanks to public health campaigns stressing the importance of using latex barriers in conjunction with water-based lubes to prevent disease transmission, mainstream companies are cooking up more sensual lubes. Johnson and Johnson have produced a sleeker KY Liquid, which is marketed explicitly as a sexual lubricant in women’s magazines with ads promising “another good night’s sleep, lost.”

By and large, sexual lubricants are produced by small manufacturers and sold through adult bookstores, Internet retailers, and sex boutiques. Here in San Francisco, brands such as Astroglide, ForPlay, Probe, and Slippery Stuff share space on drugstore shelves with KY Jelly. Our mail-order lubricant sales, however, suggest that sensual lubes aren’t as readily available in the rest of the country. So what’s the advantage of these lubes? They tend to stay slippery longer than pharmaceutical lubes, and they come in user-friendly flip-top bottles or pump dispensers, rather than fiddly little tube containers. You can expect to pay anywhere from fifty cents to six dollars per ounce of lube, depending on how concentrated a brand you’re buying.

Lube Shopping Checklist

•
Purpose.
Will you be using the lube with latex or for vaginal intercourse? Then look for water-or silicone-based lubes. Anal sex? Try a thicker lube. Oral sex? Avoid lubes containing nonoxynol-9. Want a lube with staying power? Try Liquid Silk or any silicone lube.

•
Sensitivities.
Do you have sensitive skin? Check that your lube doesn’t contain methyl or propyl paraben or nonoxynol-9. Are you prone to yeast infections? You may want to avoid lubes containing glycerin.

•
Taste.
Do you want a lube with the least possible taste? Avoid lubes containing nonoxynol-9. Try Probe, Slippery Stuff, or silicone lubes.

•
Texture.
If you’d prefer a thinner lube, try Astroglide, ID Lube, or Slippery Stuff. If you’d prefer a thicker lube, try Embrace, ForPlay, or Probe. If you’re looking for a creamy lube that won’t get sticky, try Liquid Silk or silicone lubes.

•
Compatibility.
Don’t combine a silicone lube with a silicone toy.

Lubricants are a “personal care” product about which folks can develop almost fanatical brand loyalty. This loyalty can result from specific preferences regarding texture or from purely sentimental associations.

I always use Wet Light. I like the slipperiness—it feels natural and isn’t sticky or gummy like KY or some other lubes Also, I have very sensitive skin and this brand never gives me a rash.

My first girlfriend turned me on to Probe, and now I can’t imagine using any other brand.

Liquid Silk is the best. Period. Nothing else feels as much like the real thing.

To me, Astroglide is liquid gold for the sex gods. I won’t use anything else!

For every customer who turns trustingly to one of our store clerks and asks which one of our lubricants is “the best,” there are always two or three customers clustered around the lube shelf ready to jump into the discussion with conflicting advice:

“Get Astroglide. A little bit goes a long way, and it’s not stringy, like Probe.”

“Probe is the best: It isn’t too sticky, it doesn’t irritate me, and it’s similar to human lubrication.”

“I like ForPlay because it’s nice and thick.”

“Good old KY Jelly works fine for me.”

“Silicone lube rocks my world.”

So what’s a lube novice to do? If possible, get sample packs or small bottles of several different brands and experiment to determine your own preference. Water-based lubes all have basically the same ingredients, the main distinction between them being their consistency. Some folks prefer thin and watery lubes—close to saliva in texture—while others prefer thick and jelly-like lubes.

People with highly sensitive skin should try applying the lube to the insides of their wrists and waiting a day to see if any irritation develops before trying the lube on their genitals. Individual reactions can vary greatly. If you have environmental or dermatological sensitivities, you might want to avoid lubes that contain the preservatives methyl paraben or propyl paraben—some folks report allergic reactions to parabens. Probe is a good paraben-free options. Some women look for lubes that are glycerin-free, out of concern that the sweetness of the glycerin promotes yeast or bladder infections. Glycerin is, however, completely nonirritating to the vast majority of people and is used widely in everything from lubes to liquid soaps to cosmetics. You may choose to avoid glycerin because you object to its stickiness—so try Liquid Silk; this glycerin-free lube with a creamy texture is one of the most popular lubes on the market.

If you expect to encounter the lube during oral sex, its taste will matter to you. All water-based lubes are advertised as being taste-free; most containing glycerin, though, have a slightly sweet taste. Some will have a slight citrus flavor due to natural acids (like grapefruit seed extract) added as preservatives. Some will have a slight bitter taste. And any lubricant containing spermicidal ingredients such as nonoxynol-9 will have a somewhat soapy, medicinal flavor and may even briefly numb your tongue.

I prefer nonflavored and nonspermicidal lubes because if we want to engage in oral sex after penetration, there’s less in the lube to irritate the tongue and other mucous membranes. I can’t stand the taste of spermicides, and they always leave my mouth feeling incredibly nasty.

Since the preservative ingredients in lubricants are all capable of killing sperm, you should be cautious in your use of lube if you’re attempting to get pregnant. For instance, use lube only on the shaft of the penis, not the glans, and forego the lube entirely if you’re inseminating. We hasten to add that lubricants, in and of themselves, are
not
effective contraceptives.

Lubes and Anal Play

There aren’t many places in this book where you’ll find us making an absolute statement or insisting that there’s only one way to go about sexual play, but this is one of them: Never try any anal penetration without using a lubricant. While the anal canal produces some protective mucus, the anus and the rectum produce no natural lubrication. Please don’t ever insert so much as a finger inside your anus without the aid of some form of lubricant. Anal tissue is thinner and more delicate than vaginal tissue and can be easily damaged by a rough, dry approach. You do have plenty of options as to what kind of lube you can use anally. Since your anus naturally flushes itself out during defecation, it’s not as problematic to use heavy oils anally as vaginally. Many people prefer oils for extended anal play, as they don’t dry up the way that water-based lubes do. However, for the vast majority of people who should be observing safer-sex precautions, oils are out of the question for partner play, because any type of oil will destroy latex barriers. Instead, consider using the thicker varieties of water-based lubricant such as Embrace, ForPlay, and Maximus. While until recently lubes containing nonoxynol-9 had been frequently recommended for safer sex, there’s considerable support for the idea that detergents are too harsh for tender anal and rectal tissue and may do more damage than good.

If you’ve shopped in adult bookstores or with adult mail-order or Internet companies, you may have come across products marketed as “anal lubes.” These products usually contain desensitizing ingredients such as lidocaine or benzocaine, and their existence is based on the false premise that anal play always hurts and that you need to anesthetize yourself before you can be receptive to anal penetration. In fact, with sufficient relaxation and patience, anal play need never be the slightest bit uncomfortable. If you experience pain upon penetration, your body is warning you to stop what you’re doing. Rather than anesthetizing yourself to deaden sensation, you should be learning to voluntarily relax your anal sphincter muscles and to bring a heightened awareness to bear on all the sensations you’re experiencing. You’ll learn specific techniques in the Penetration chapter.

Lubes and Safer Sex

We have one more absolute statement to make in this chapter that is critical for your health and safety: Never use any oil whatsoever with latex products. Oils destroy latex—this means that even the lightest-weight massage oil, Albolene cream, hand lotion, baby oil, or Vaseline will eat into a condom or diaphragm and produce microscopic holes in the latex within sixty seconds of contact. Although many condom manufacturers have begun labeling condoms with warnings against using them with oils, we need consumer education on an even broader scale. Please take the time to read the label on any lubricant you are considering for purchase. Don’t be taken in by lubes that advertise themselves as “water-soluble”—these frequently contain oils.