The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (29 page)

Clit Pumps

Pumps have traditionally been thought of as men’s toys, but lately women have discovered the pleasures of clit pumping. A little cap for the clitoris is attached by a tube to a pump—squeezing the pump creates a vacuum and suction that can temporarily engorge your clit with blood. Some pumps also offer vibration. Use lube to make a good seal, and release the suction every few minutes. You can also use clit pumps on nipples.

G-Spot/Vaginal Stimulation

Inserting a vibrator or dildo into the vagina offers a feeling of fullness and can feel good alone or in conjunction with clitoral stimulation.

Some of my most memorable masturbation experiences involved strange phallic substitutes in the years before I got my first dildo: travel toothbrush holder, toothpaste tube, hammer handle, screwdriver handle, Coke bottle, corn on the cob.

You can also try to locate and stimulate your G-spot (see the Sexual Anatomy 101 chapter) by inserting your fingers into your vagina, though you may find it difficult to get adequate stimulation through manual masturbation alone. Women who enjoy G-spot stimulation often use insertable toys—look for ones made of a firm material, especially those with a curved shape or a bend at the tip.

Anal Stimulation

The anus is extremely sensitive to touch. Many women enjoy stimulation of this area during masturbation or partner sex play. You can experiment with your fingers or anal toys either by themselves or in conjunction with clitoral or vaginal stimulation. Use plenty of lubricant!

I push a lubed-up dildo in and out with one hand, and either rub my clitoris or use a vibrator on my clitoris with the other hand. If using a vibrator, I’ll also hold the vibrator against the dildo and up against my anus. Yeow!

Men

An estimated 94 percent of all men masturbate, many by the time they reach puberty. The penis, being a prominent, external organ, practically begs to be handled. You can heighten your pleasure by using a bit of lubricant (or saliva). One popular product is designed specifically for male masturbation. Developed by a concert pianist (what busy hands he must have!), Men’s Cream is an oil-based cream that lasts a long time, heightens sensation, and cleans up easily. Men who’ve tried it rave about it. Look for it in sex stores and catalogs.

You might also like to combine a variety of activities as part of your solo sex play. Use one hand to stimulate yourself while caressing your body with the other. A lot of men like to massage or tug on the testicles while masturbating. Experiment with pinching your nipples or inserting an anal plug while masturbating. Try doing Kegel exercises, taking deep breaths, and rocking your pelvis in time with your breathing to see how this enhances your arousal. Get off on a good fantasy or enjoy some porn as you play with yourself.

Penile Stimulation

Masturbating with hand

STROKING: Place one or both hands around the penis, and stroke up and down along the shaft. Variations include using a few fingers, using just your palms, changing your hand position, limiting your stroking to a certain section of the shaft or glans (particularly the frenulum), stroking in a specific direction, or encircling the head of the penis with each stroke. Another variation involves pressing your hand against your penis so that it rubs against your stomach as you stroke it. Or you could try wrapping your penis in a piece of clothing or fabric:

I often like to wrap my cock in a soft cloth to stroke it.

I like to be up on my haunches so that I can pull on my balls while stroking my cock gently. Most men like to stroke vigorously, in my experience, but I like it slow.

I lie in a recliner and apply some lotion. I use one hand on the shaft and rub the head, testes, and the area toward my anus with the other hand.

I put my thumb and two fingers of each hand around my dick and move up and down until I reach climax.

I like to cup my balls in my left hand and move up and down the shaft with my right hand whilst fantasizing of someone I love. I vary the speed and go to the verge of orgasm and then usually back off and approach orgasm a few times until I’m really anxious, and then I cross into orgasm.

I prefer rapid stroking with my hand encircling my penis—I usually take some pleasure in delaying orgasm. Occasionally I use lather or oil.

I love to tie off or stretch out my balls and look in the mirror at myself while I lube the head of my dick.

I much prefer to lie on my back and use my right hand to stroke the entire shaft of my penis. I may masturbate as much as an hour before orgasm.

I use a little shampoo or lube around the head and prefer straight wrist-pumping on my cock shaft. I also like a little nipple rubbing and a little fingering of my butthole.

SLAPPING, BEATING: This involves a steady slapping of the penis back and forth between two hands, or against the stomach or another object.

RUBBING AGAINST AN OBJECT: This is similar to the technique of women who like to rub their genitals against pillows or furniture. Try rolling over onto your stomach and rubbing your penis against the mattress, a pillow, clothes, or whatever you find does the trick!

I enjoy reading a dirty book and lying on my stomach pushing my cock against the surface I’m lying on.

I use a pillow underneath my stomach, thrusting between the pillow and sheets.

A pillow, a porn movie, and a couch. I usually fast-forward the porn tape to a section where entry and penetration of a woman is graphically shot. Next, I’ll fold the pillow so that it engulfs my penis and, with sufficient pressure, match the porn stars in the movie “stroke for stroke.” I’ll either come on my stomach or towel off if I choose not to wear a condom.

INSERTING OR THRUSTING: Just as women have appropriated many a household appliance for insertion, so have men found a variety of things and places into which a penis can be inserted—socks, watermelons, warm banana skins, toilet paper rolls, soft eyeglass cases, and plastic blow-up dolls, to name just a few. Just remember to exercise caution and avoid getting stuck! One very popular sex toy for men is known as the Fleshlight. It’s a sleeve sculpted from a very lifelike material called cyberskin, which is encased in a hard plastic shell. According to the Fleshlight’s fans, this toy comes closest to simulating the feel of a real vagina.

Men with intact foreskins know that they are highly sensitive and may enjoy pulling the foreskin over the glans, so that it serves as a type of sleeve though which the penis can slide. The foreskin reduces friction between the glans and the hand as it thrusts into the hand.

One of the nicest toys for masturbation consists of a very soft latex sleeve, open at both ends, looser than a condom, but tight enough to stay on my erect penis even in the presence of lubricants.

I slick up my hand with water-soluble lubricant, grasp my penis, and try to simulate the feeling of a wet cunt, thrusting and caressing.

I sometimes put tissue around a knot hole in the floor and fuck through the floor.

PENIS PUMPS: Pumps have long been popular with men as masturbation devices. A generic pump consists of a long cylinder that fits over the penis and is attached to a pump. The pump creates a vacuum around the penis and pulls in blood to temporarily enlarge it, a feeling many men find pleasurable. Men who enjoy this type of stimulation play with varying degrees of pressure and suction. You should be sure to follow the recommendations for proper use and avoid using the pump at high pressure for longer than fifteen minutes at a stretch. Use ample amounts of a water-based lubricant inside the cylinder, as well as around the base of the penis, as this helps create a seal. Attachments for nipples and clits are available for some pumps. Penis pumps vary drastically in quality; if you’re in the market for one, it pays to shop around for the good ones.

My husband LOVES his pump! He likes it the best for masturbation, but we also get off on admiring his ample member.

VIBRATORS: A variety of vibrators provide penile or anal stimulation. Back-of-the-hand models, vibrating sleeves, spot vibrators, and cylindrical and anal vibrators can all provide intense stimulation:

I like to slide my wife’s battery vibrator along the shaft of my penis.

When I use a dildo inside me, I usually stimulate my penis with the other hand or with a powerful vibrator.

WATER: Women aren’t the only ones who can spend suspiciously long periods of time in the bathtub! Many men have discovered the joys of placing the penis under a steady stream of water. Jacuzzi jets, pulsating shower-head attachments, or the stream from the tub faucet can all do the trick. Experiment with different areas on the penis. Many men report enjoying water stimulation the most when they are about two-thirds erect and often prefer a direct spray on or below the glans. Some uncircumcised men enjoy directing the stream of water underneath the foreskin.

Masturbating at age 14 involved bathing in a tub and stimulating myself using a hand-held shower head, directing the spray at the glans of my penis to give me curiously pleasurable and powerful sensations. I would lie on my back in the tub and hold the shower head over me. Then I found that the shower head was removable. I would remove it, turn over, belly down, squeeze the stream of water exiting the hose to make it stronger, and then direct this stream against the glans of my cock. This was astoundingly pleasurable.

Anal and Prostate Stimulation

The anus is highly sensitive to touch, and the prostate gland can be stimulated by inserting fingers or a toy into the rectum. Many men enjoy stimulation of this area during masturbation or partner sex play. You can experiment with your fingers or anal toys either by themselves or in conjunction with penile stimulation. Anal toys tend to come in two shapes. If you’ll be inserting the toy and leaving it in, you’ll want a “plug,” which widens in the middle so that it stays put once inside. If you want to experiment with in-and-out sensations, get one that resembles a finger or small dildo, so that it slides in and out easily. Always choose a toy with a flared base if you’ll be using it for anal play, to ensure that it doesn’t slip out of reach.

My most memorable masturbation experiences actually involves some cross-dressing and anal “play.” I will put on a tube dress and “mount” a dildo I have secured between the mattresses and ride it for a long time as I picture myself having sex with one of my partners.

Masturbation and Partners

Many of us may feel fine about masturbating in private, but when it comes to divulging this practice to a partner or—heaven forbid—actually masturbating in front of him or her, we’d sooner stop altogether. An interesting statistic comes from the Kinsey Institute citing a small study in which twenty-four couples were asked individually if they masturbated regularly. All forty-eight individuals responded yes. Some 92 percent of the husbands, however, did not know their wives masturbated, while only 6 percent of the wives thought their husbands did not. While we won’t go into what this says about gender stereotypes, what’s startling is how common it is to conceal one’s masturbatory habits from a partner.

An overwhelming number of our survey respondents confessed to changing their masturbation habits when partnered versus single. Of those who elaborated, some explained that they got so much satisfaction from partner sex that they no longer wanted (or needed) to masturbate. Others cut down on masturbating because they didn’t want their partners to know they did it. In either case, there seems to be a general belief that masturbation should not be part of partner sex.

These are some of the anxieties that were expressed, along with our suggestions for overcoming them:

When a lover walks in, I feel caught and have to work to overcome that feeling.

This may be triggered by your own ancient associations of masturbation with shame. If your partner is making you feel bad for masturbating, try to find out what’s really causing his or her resentments. Only by discussing your anxieties about masturbation can you hope to overcome them. It may be a fear of rejection:

I once masturbated while kissing a woman, but when I finished she started crying. She took it as a personal rejection.