The Grace In Darkness (30 page)

Saying good-bye to Ryland early this morning had been nothing short of agony, but it came with the promise of seeing him again for dinner on Friday, which only made it a little easier. I
’
d spent all morning and most of the afternoon catching up on the sleep I didn
’
t get yesterday. When I
’
d finally gotten up, I made scrambled eggs and cleaned up a little.

My life was so different now than it was eight months ago. So many adjustments needed to be made to be completely on my own, and I didn
’
t regret anything. Everything that happened to me after the accident had made me stronger. Ryland made me stronger, and I needed him as much as I needed to breathe.

Everything about my relationship with Ryland was all uncharted territory, including the physical part. Especially the sex part…

“
Hummingbird?” Ryland whispered into my hair.

I was curled in his arms, snuggled against his chest, nearly asleep, when he called my name.

“Hmm?” I didn’t open my eyes.

“
Are you asleep?”

“
Mm-hmm.”

His hand moved down the curve of my back and over the curve of my butt, squeezing gently.

“Ryland, you’re going to kill me.” I moaned.

He laughed.
“I need you to stay awake just a little longer, okay?”

“
Yes,” I murmured sleepily.

“
I know I’m asking this a little too late, but are you on the pill?”

Inside, I panicked, but on the outside, I didn
’t move a muscle. I pretended I was still half asleep even though his question brought me wide awake.

“
It’s okay if you aren’t. I know you probably wouldn’t have needed to be on it…”

His words faded and I felt him twitch nervously.

“Yes.” I lied. “I’m on it.” My heart pounded against my chest and I prayed he couldn’t feel it.

“Oh, okay. Good.” He kissed my forehead. “I love you, Hummingbird.”

I knew it was stupid to lie to him when he asked, but I felt like such a child for not thinking about protecting myself and Ryland from something we were definitely not ready for. I needed to see my doctor first, and I had no idea what the route was for something like this. I never wondered what would happen if I got pregnant because I never expected it to happen.

“
W
hat do we have here, boys?
”
Detective Richards asked, pulling on a glove.

The coroner leaning over the abandoned body looked up.
“
White male, early to mid-twenties,
”

“
Do we know who he is?
”
Richards asked Officer Marks.

“
No, sir. He didn
’
t have any ID on him.
”

“
Was he robbed?
”

“
We think so, sir. His pockets were pulled out and empty.
”

The coroner stood and took off his gloves.
“
Looks like he
’
s been dead only a few days
”
—he looked down at the body—
”
give or take. He
’
s got wounds on his face and upper body and lower torso.
”

“
Cause of death?
”
Richards asked, bending over to examine the lifeless body.

“
No, they seem to be days, maybe even weeks old. Cause of death would be those two bullet wounds. One through the chest and one in the stomach.
”

“
What about these? Defensive wounds?
”

Richards held up his hand toward the coroner. It was covered in cuts and bruises over the back of his knuckles.

“
No, those were also pre-death. I
’
d say from all the damage to his body, he was probably a fighter.
”

“
As in a boxer?
”

“
Yep.
”

Detective Richards looked around.
“
Hell of a place to be dumped.
”

Richards watched the line of cars seep slowly around the roadblock on the service road of I-95. It was on the outskirts of nowhere, which is why it had taken so long for anyone to notice the body.

“
Any tire tracks?
”
Richards did a brief scan of the area.

“
No, sir,
”
Marks said.
“
The rain
’
s pretty much wiped everything away if there was any.
”

Richards nodded.
“
Make sure you check everything. There
’
s a lot of brush here. Something could be hidden in here.
”

“
Yes, sir.
”

“
Let
’
s find out who this unlucky guy is and why he ended up here.
”

“
D
idn
’
t expect to see you here.
”
I turned to see Sebastian leaning against the doorframe.

“
I live here, don
’
t I?
”

“
I guess so.
”

“
If you don
’
t want me here, just say the words and I can leave.
”

“
Calm down. You haven
’
t been here the last couple of days so I was left to wonder.
”

“
I didn
’
t realize I had to check in with you.
”

“
Knock it off, Ryland. You know that
’
s not what I meant?
”

“
What did you mean, then, Sebastian?
”

“
You know what? Forget it. I
’
m not going to fight with you.
”

“
That
’
s probably wise on your part.
”

“
You
’
re pushing it, little brother.
”

“
Stop calling me that!
”
I snapped.

“
Why?
”

“
What
’
s the point of it?
”

“
Well, now the point of it will be to annoy the hell out of you,
little brother.”

“
Whatever. I
’
m over it.
”

“
What is your problem?
”

“
You
’
re my problem!
”

“
So I
’
m guessing you
’
ve talked to Araya?
”

“
Of course I have
”

“
I figured as much. Look, it was nothing. I told her it was nothing, and your damn attitude is the very reason I didn
’
t want her to tell you. But leave it up to Saint Araya—
”

“
Wait,
”
I said, holding up my hand to stop him. My face pinched in confusion.
“
What the hell are you talking about? You didn
’
t want Araya to tell me what?
”

He frowned.
“
What are you so angry about?
”

“
Don
’
t change the subject! What didn
’
t you want her to tell me and why would you tell her to keep things from me in the first place?
”

“
Because I knew you would act like an ass about it.
”

“
About what?
”
I yelled.

“
It
’
s nothing, Ryland. Let it go.
”

“
Would
you
let it go, Sebastian? The fact that you won
’
t tell me and never wanted to tell me says it
’
s not
nothing.”

“
I thought Araya had told you.
”

“
Well, she didn
’
t so now you
’
ll just have to tell me.
”

“
She wanted to be the one to.
”

“
I
’
m two seconds away from ripping your fucking head off, Sebastian! Tell me!
”

Sebastian sighed and I was filled with knots. I had a feeling I was going to be very pissed off.

“
We kissed, but before you freak out, it
’
s not what you think.
”

My blood boiled and I felt like I was going to explode. I couldn
’
t hear anything past my own rage, and it was loud.

“
I knew you had a thing for her. I fucking knew it!
”

There was a look of genuine shock on Sebastian
’
s face, and it told me everything I needed to know, even if he wasn
’
t. It wasn
’
t look of shock because I was
wrong
. It was a look of shock because I
knew
.

“
What? What the hell are you talking about?
”

“
I
’
m not stupid, Sebastian. I can see it.
”

“
You
’
re insane.
”

“
You
’
re going to deny it? You
’
re going to tell me to my face that you don
’
t feel a little something for Araya,
”
I said, pinching my fingers together.

“
I don
’
t feel
anything
for Araya.
”
His eyes narrowed.

I smirked.
“
You
’
re a damn liar!
”

“
I
’
m not doing this with you. You
’
ve officially lost it, little brother.
”
He turned around and walked down the hall.

I was right on his heels.
“
Why
’
d you kiss her, then?
”

“
She kissed me! She thought I was you!
”

“
Did you kiss her back?
”

“
Enough, Ryland.
”

“
Answer me! Did you kiss her back?
”

“
Yes!
”
he roared, turning on me.
“
But you
’
re wrong about the rest.
”

I wanted to beat the shit out of him.
“
If I
’
m wrong, why did you kiss her?
”

“
It was instinct.
”

“
No. Instinct should have been to push her away, douche bag.
”

“
It shouldn
’
t have happened, and it won
’
t happen again,
”
he said so calmly it pissed me off more.

“
Damn right it won
’
t.
”
I sneered.
“
Quit kissing my girlfriend and quit trying to be her knight in shining armor. For someone who claims to have no feelings for her, you sure are there to sweep her away from me every chance you get. Even if I wasn
’
t in the picture, she deserves someone better than you.
”
I wanted to get a reaction from him.

And that
’
s exactly what I got.

“
I may not be any good for her, but maybe you
’
re not as good for her as you think, either. Don
’
t you think it
’
s sad that she
’
s always trying
to escape you? Like mother, like son,
little brother.”

“
You son of a bitch.
”

I launched at Sebastian, my fist driving straight for his face. He tripped over the chair, falling to the side on his hand and knees. He sprang to his feet, licking the corner of his lip where it was busted and now bleeding.

“
Bad move, brother.
”

He knocked into me, and we fell against the wall, hitting the side table. His fist held the collar of my shirt and his other connected with my cheek, and pain exploded in my face, making my ear ring. It took me a second to recover, but I did. Pushing against him, we fell against the table and it shattered into a million tiny pieces. We both wrestled for control, and it was me who took the upper hand, pinning him to the ground and hitting him again before falling back on my hands.

We were both panting hard, trying to catch our breath. He just lay there unmoving and staring up at the ceiling. Finally, I got up, stumbling back a step or two and holding on to my ribs, which hurt like a bitch.

“
I
’
ll be out before the end of the week,
”
I said, stumbling toward the exit.

He didn
’
t say anything as I slammed the door behind me.