The Grace In Darkness (29 page)

I looked up at him.
“
A hummingbird? You got a hummingbird?
”

“
Too girly?
”
he asked warily.

“
If too girly means insanely hot, then, yes, it
’
s
very
girly! Did it hurt?
”

“
Honestly, Hummingbird, I have no idea.
”
He chuckled.

“
It makes me want one too.
”

He laughed.
“
Does it make you want to...
”
He leaned over to whisper in my ear.

His words made my entire body flush, but I didn
’
t squirm away.

“
Only if I get to...
”
Bringing his face closer to my lips, I whispered into his ear, letting my lips trail down the curve of his jaw.

“
Holy fudge, Hummingbird.
”
He hissed and a tremble ran through his body.
“
God, I love how innocently sexy you are. And I love
”
—he moved between my hips—
”
how good you feel.
”
A moan melted on my lips as he pushed inside me.
“
Everyone has an addiction, Hummingbird.
”
He moved his arm under my thigh, lifting it, and thrust his hips, pressing deeper inside me.
“
And you are mine.
”

My neck arched back and my fingers dug into the sheets of the bed.

“
Oh my God, Ryland.
”
A growl of pleasure formed in my throat, and he moved again and I could feel all of him. I arched into him, meeting each one of his thrusts until everything faded and it was just Ryland and me.

I turned on the water, letting the steam fill the room and coat my body before I got in. I leaned against the sink and started removing my clothes. My body felt sore, but I welcomed the delicious ache. Every stiff muscle had a memory that connected to Ryland, and it was worth it.

I started pulling the pins that held the thick knot of hair to my head and smiled to myself. Shaking my hair free, I let the memory devour me…

“Why do you dancers always have your hair up in a bun?” Ryland asked, sweeping the long layers of my hair off my back.

Lying on his side, he lifted a strand of my hair and ran it up and down my spine. I lay on my stomach, my head rested on my hands, and I watched Ryland from beneath my lashes.

“You dancers? You make us sound so snobby.”

“
Aren’t you all?”

“
Have I become a part of the masses now?”

“
Never that, Hummingbird.” He leaned over and kissed my shoulder.

“
Uh-huh.” My eyes drifted closed as he left kisses down my side. “To answer your question, we wear them like that to prevent injuring ourselves or other dancers. It’s also less distracting.”

“
Makes sense.” He moved the blanket farther down, kissing the curve of my butt. “Does it make you as happy as it did before the accident?”

“
Dancing?”

“
Mm-hmm.” He bit my sensitive flesh softly.

“
Yes, but it’s different now.”

“
In a bad way?”

“
No. I feel like it means more now. I think in a way everyone takes life for granted too much. No one really thinks something bad can happen to them until it actually does. I wish more people would realize what they have before they don’t have it anymore.” I blinked several times and searched for Ryland’s shadow and smiled. “Sorry, I got lost in the moment.”

“
Isn’t that what life’s about? Getting lost in the moments that count the most?”

“
Yes, as long as you know which ones are worth getting lost in.”

“
What do you mean?” His fingers were moving over my body and I tried to focus.

“
It’s easy to get lost in all the wrong things about life, even if they don’t seem wrong at the time. It’s hard moving forward if you’re always moving backward. That’s what I was doing with the accident, with my mom’s death. I was constantly reliving that day, over and over in my head. I couldn’t get past it, or maybe I didn’t want to. Like moving on meant I was moving on without my mother, and I didn’t want to leave her behind. I didn’t want to move on without her because she was everything to me.”

I looked for him again.

“It wasn’t until you came along and showed me that there were tons of memories I didn’t have to leave behind. I could move on from the accident and still take my mom with me because where it truly mattered, she’d always be with me.”

Ryland
’s fingers had stilled and he pushed me over, covering my body with his. Kissing my lips softly, he whispered, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

I stepped beneath the spray, letting it cover me. The cool water felt good against the flush of heat the memories caused under my skin. They overwhelmed me, consumed me until I could think of nothing else but Ryland.

“What’s one thing you’d like to do most, now that you’re blind?”

I frowned.
“That’s an odd question, don’t you think?” My fingers ran up and down his arm that was wrapped tightly around me.

His breathing was soft and relaxed against my ear and it tickled me. I snuggled in closer to Ryland
’s body and we became one seamless line.

“
Not really. I don’t want to ask what you’d want to do if you could see again. That’s living in the past and we don’t do that anymore, remember? We’re embracing your blindness. So what is one thing you want to do most, now that you’re blind?”

I thought about it for a minute.
“I’d like to dance on stage in front of an entire audience. I know I danced at the benefit, but that isn’t the same thing as a stage.”

“
And I kind of messed that night up for you.”

“
You didn’t, but even if you had, we’re not living in the past anymore, remember?”

“
Touché, Hummingbird.” He nipped at my earlobe.

“
What about you? What’s one thing you’d like to do most?”

“
Figure out what I want to do with my life, Hummingbird, but for now,” he purred against my ear and wrapped his hand around my thigh, lifting it on top of his. “What I want most is to be inside you.” He fitted our bodies together with a single thrust.

And just when I thought he couldn
’
t do or say something to make me love him more, he did.

When I could no longer handle the raw hunger twisting in my stomach, Ryland had gotten up and searched through my kitchen, completely naked, for something to eat.

“
When
’
s then the last time you went grocery shopping, Hummingbird?
”

I laughed and admitted shamefully my bad choices in nutrition.
“
I eat out a lot with Mak. I blame it on the fact that during the last four years, I was allotted zero junk food.
”
I reminded him.

I felt the mattress submit under his weight as he settled back on the bed.
“
Well, I hope you
’
re good with cereal because that
’
s all you had.
”

“
I
’
m so hungry I could eat you!
”

He nibbled on my lips.
“
Remember that for later.
”

He laughed when I blushed, and he offered me a bite.
“
Do you believe in reincarnation?
”

“
I think the idea of reincarnation is cool, but I don
’
t know that I believe it. Why, do you?
”

“
I don
’
t know. I like having the hope that I
’
m not just gone forever. Like a part of me will always be here.
”

“
So if you could come back as anything you wanted, what would you come back as?
”

I smiled.
“
That
’
s easy. A hummingbird.
”

“
You
’
d be a damn beautiful hummingbird, Miss Noelle.
”
He ran his hand down over my thigh, and my body hummed for him.

“
Your turn.
”
I took the spoon from his hand and dipped it into the bowl. Holding it up, I waited for him to take a bite.

“
What would I come back as?
”
I nodded.
“
Well, I know what I
wouldn’t
come back as. Anything your pretty little mouth would like to eat.
”

“
Beak.
”
I corrected.

“
Huh?
”

“
Hummingbirds have beaks.
”

He laughed.
“
My apologies!
”

“
Okay then, what would you come back as?
”

He leaned toward me, moving between my legs so my knees were at his sides. He brushed the hair away from my face and lifted my chin toward him.

“
I want to come back in pieces.
”

I frowned.
“
In pieces?
”

“
Yep. A piece of me would come back as the wind so I can be the one to lift and caress your wings when you fly. Another piece would come back as the sun so I can be the light that guides you and the warmth that warms your dainty feathers. I
’
d come back as the piece of the sky so you always had place to fly free. And a piece of me would come back as a tree so you always had a place to call home, Hummingbird.
”

“
You don
’
t want to come back as something cool? Like a dinosaur?
”

He laughed, but he was serious when he spoke again.
“
I can
’
t come back as anything that doesn
’
t allow me to be close to you, Araya, because damn it all to hell if I don
’
t exists unless I
’
m with you

And I believed him because I felt the exact same.

And that
’
s how the rest of the afternoon went. We never strayed far from the bed, except when absolutely necessary, and even then I really didn
’
t want to. It was the first time I
’
d gone almost an entire day wearing nothing but a sheet.