The Great Powers Outage (26 page)

“I see where it would be an easy mistake to make,” I said.

“Yes, I agree,” admitted Dr. Telomere. “But some people had mistaken the cow pie part, as well. A number of them assumed that the island was home to cows that baked particularly delicious desserts.”

“I guess there have always been people who aren't very bright,” I shrugged.

“Quite right,” he said with a sigh. “And no small number of them swarmed aboard the boat. Finally, Lord Pincushion had to have the ship set out to sea in order to keep it from being capsized. Despite those efforts, over a thousand unwanted passengers had managed to get aboard. Pincushion didn't want to let them stay on the ship, but he also couldn't go back to shore where even more people were waiting for a chance to get on board.

“When he found out
why
they had swarmed his ship, he was outraged. To teach them a lesson he decided to actually take them to Cow Pie Island. There he set them to work harvesting a huge crop of the Cow Pie Golds to not only fill the ship's hold and sustain the crew and livestock but also to feed the enormous number of unwanted passengers who were now exhausted, homesick, and feeling nearly as foolish as they actually were.

“With the passengers now chastised, the
Befuddlement
set sail for the port it had come from. But then disaster struck. A storm came out of nowhere. For nearly three days the ship was tossed and battered and blown so far off course that not even the captain could plot their location. Finally, on the fourth day, the ship was washed onto a rocky outcropping of land where an enormous hole was ripped into its side. The passengers all swarmed ashore and found themselves on a lush beautiful plain that stretched toward the tallest mountains any of them had ever seen.”

“The Carbunkle Mountains.”

“Yes”—he nodded—“and the land—as you've probably guessed—was unoccupied. The topography explained why. The Carbunkle Mountains looped around to the north and the south, and on both sides they ran into the ocean. This created a plain ten miles long, by five miles wide with unpassable mountains on three sides and an inhospitable ocean as the remaining barrier—the Ornery Ocean they named it for just that reason.”

“And that's how Superopolis was settled?” I said. “Every resident of Superopolis is descended from someone aboard that ship?”

“Most of them,” he said. “The earthquakes and frequent eruptions were a bit unsettling at first, but people quickly got used to them. The large assortment of animals and plant species aboard the ship were quickly incorporated into the ecosystem as well. And the Cow Pie Golds thrived in the rich and fertile soil, becoming the new community's primary source of food.”

“The botanist must have been overjoyed,” I said looking him directly in the eye.

“He most certainly was,” Dr. Telomere responded without blinking. A corner of his mouth lifted slightly in amusement. “It became his life's work.”

“It became
your
life's work, you mean,” I contended. “I found your name in the logbook of the S.S.
Befuddlement
. Just exactly how old are you, Dr. Telomere?”

“Very good, son.” He began to laugh heartily. “You almost caught me as I left the ship the other day. I was there returning its long-absent logbook precisely so you could find it. In the process, you've discovered my power as well. So I guess it's only fair to answer your question honestly. I am,” he announced, “just over two hundred and seventy-three years old.”

CHAPTER THIRTY

A Powerful Secret

“You're immortal,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Well, I wouldn't say that,” Dr. Telomere replied. “After all, you don't really know if you're immortal until you've lived forever—and that will be a difficult thing to ever prove. But I certainly have lived long beyond my allotted span, and I show no signs of slowing down anytime soon.”

“And you've been making potato chips this entire time?”

“Almost from the minute we landed.” He laughed. “At first, the Cow Pie Golds were the only source of food we had. They were also the quickest to grow. The other plant specimens I had on board the ship took much longer to expand into functioning crops.”

“What about superpowers?” I added. “When did
they
start to appear?”

“Shortly after we harvested our first potato crop,” he answered. “The shock was staggering. People had no idea what was happening and were terrified at first. But they quickly got over it and adapted to their newfound abilities as if they'd had them their entire lives. I was fascinated—not only by what I was witnessing but also by the realization that I was apparently unaffected.”

“So when
did
you discover your power?” I asked.

“Oh, not for a very long time,” he replied. “In fact, it was many decades after everyone else had begun showing their superabilities. For the longest time I assumed that I had no power of any kind. After all, mine doesn't reveal itself in any flashy way other than by the passage of time. It wasn't until after all those who I had arrived on the island with were gone that I finally realized the truth.”

“So a person can show no sign at all, yet still have a superpower?” I asked far too eagerly. Dr. Telomere picked up on it instantly.

“Absolutely.” He smiled kindly. “I'm not certain what your power is, my boy, but I would be very surprised indeed if you did not possess one.”

My face lit up with optimism at these words. It wasn't a guarantee, but it was the closest I had ever gotten to someone telling me I might not be so different after all. Then a curious thought struck me—did I want to be just like everyone else? Dr. Telomere caught the change of expression on my face.

“Getting something that you've always thought you've wanted doesn't necessarily mean things will work out the way you expect.”

“You're right,” I admitted. “I thought that if I could discover what causes everybody's power, it might help me discover mine. But even knowing that secret may not tell me anything about myself.”

“It may not,” Dr. Telomere agreed. “But what
have
you figured out about the source of power?”

“Well, at first I thought that the Red Menace had developed potato chips that took away people's powers,” I explained, “but then I realized that it didn't provide any kind of an answer as to where powers came from to begin with.”

“That's correct.” He nodded.

“So then, when my friends and I discovered the giant prodigium meteorite buried beneath your water tower, it only seemed natural that it had to be having
some
kind of an effect.”

“So you concluded that radiation from the meteorite had caused everything,” Dr. Telomere hinted. “Very clever.”

“Only for a moment,” I replied. “Upon discovering the meteorite, I also discovered Professor Brain-Drain. He, too, believed it was the radiation's effect on the water supply that was the cause. But the Professor himself proved otherwise by revealing that he, also, is without a power.”

“You don't say?” Dr. Telomere nodded. “I've suspected that something wasn't right with him. With the exception of his spectacular scheme a couple weeks ago, he's been unusually quiet these past ten years. Where did your investigation lead you next?”

“Here, of course,” I answered. “It's the potatoes, isn't it?”

He merely stood there smiling at me with a glimmer in his eyes.

“If there's one thing I've determined with certainty,” I pressed ahead, “it's that
you
know the answer and can tell me if I'm right or wrong.”

Dr. Telomere didn't say a word. At first I thought he was going to just ignore my accusation, but then he started chuckling.

“You're right, my boy—and yet still wrong. The prodigium does indeed irradiate the water supply—and in this particular case the water I store in the tower atop Crater Hill. I use that water to irrigate the vast fields that grow my potatoes. But the potatoes themselves do nothing—until the final step.”

He glanced away, his eyes darting around to the assembly-line process taking place all around us—the potatoes being peeled and sliced, the slices dropping into the oil. . . .

“It's the oil!” I blurted out, more as a statement than a question. “Or more precisely, the heat! Frying the potatoes causes the change. It's the potato
chips
, not the potatoes themselves that are the cause!”

“Bingo!” Dr. Telomere exclaimed. “The water subtly alters the makeup of the Cow Pie Golds, and the heat causes a molecular change in them. In the process, a previously unknown chemical—which I've dubbed superose—is produced. It's the superose that causes powers to develop. I discovered the unusual side effect of my chips totally by accident after I began selling them. It took years of additional experimenting before I figured out the entire chain of events that led to this unique result. You, lad, figured it out in mere days.”

“The clues were all there.” I blushed.

“Yes. The clues are all there for everyone”—he nodded solemnly—“but other than me, only you put them all together and came up with the answer.”

“Why has no one else ever tried?” I asked perplexed. “Why wouldn't people want to know?”

“People in general are remarkably incurious, and the citizens of Superopolis are particularly so,” he replied. “I suppose it makes life easier not to question anything around them. Unfortunately, that also makes them less intelligent. After all, you can't become smarter if you have no interest in learning the answers to questions.”

“Not everyone lacks curiosity,” I reminded him.

“Very true,” he agreed. “All of the Lords Pincushion have been intelligent individuals, and the current one assembled an entire team of such heroes.”

“The League of Goodness!” I confirmed. “But I was thinking of somebody else, actually—Professor Brain-Drain.”

“Ah, yes,” Dr. Telomere said with all seriousness. “He's a perfect example of what can happen when knowledge is put toward evil purposes. There probably hasn't been a more curious, and intelligent, citizen of Superopolis—at least until I started following your progress, my boy.”

“My progress?” I said, taken aback. “But why? How long could you possibly have known about me?”

“Oh, since shortly after you were born,” he admitted. “It always catches my attention when I hear of children who don't show any outward signs of a power,” he explained. “As you're probably aware, people's powers tend to fall into two distinct categories: abilities and deformities.”

“Deformities?!” I said, lurching back.

“Well, that was the term I used at first. When people sprout an extra limb or their hair turns into yarn . . .”

“Or their head looks like a watermelon . . .” I added.

“Exactly,” he agreed. “I used the word strictly as a scientific categorization, but the people who had these various . . . abnormalities . . . took offense at the term.”

“I'm hardly surprised,” I said.

“Besides, they loved their newfound ‘uniqueness,' ” he said with a shrug. “Eventually the term fell out of favor.”

“And the second group . . . ?”

“The other classification covered those individuals who looked perfectly normal but possessed abilities that ranged from the spectacular to the less than useless.”

“I know both kinds,” I admitted.