The Great Powers Outage (28 page)

“Cannonball claims he can bring back your powers if you vote for him.” I quickly rose to address the class. “That's a lie, of course. But I'll make you a different promise. Our side will solve this problem and bring back everyone's powers
before
the election.”

The looks of surprise on my classmates' faces were nothing compared to my teammates', who gaped at me like I was crazy.

“If we fail, you should all vote for Cannonball and his puppet, Melonhead,” I announced as Melonhead turned around and glared at me. “But if we succeed,” I added after a suitable pause, “I expect all of your votes to be cast for us.”

The final bell rang at that moment and my teammates erupted in a frenzy of frustration.

“Are you crazy?!” shouted Tadpole. “How are we going to do that?!”

“Tadpole's right,” agreed Stench. “If we can't deliver on that promise, we're sunk!”

“Nice work, O Boy! You've just won us the election!” Cannonball guffawed as he walked past us.

“Way to go,” the Quake added as she “accidentally” bumped into me.

Tadpole couldn't restrain himself and began needling Cannonball. It wasn't long before the two competing political parties were in a full-scale clash. I could see Miss Marble was completely flustered by her inability to put a stop to it, and I decided to use the commotion as my opportunity to slip away from my friends.

I knew that I
could
return everyone's powers. But to do so, I had to convince people go back to Dr. Telomere's chips. I also had to find proof of Professor Brain-Drain's jail time. Luckily, the solutions to both problems could be found at the same place. I slipped away from the school playground and headed for downtown. It was time to pay a visit to city hall.

When I got there, I was in such a hurry that I almost didn't notice the dejected group of heroes sulking on the park benches in front of the building. It was a sad assemblage of seven members of the League of Ultimate Goodness. At first I thought they all looked depressed because Major Bummer was sitting with them, but then I realized he had lost his power to spread doom and gloom. This despair was genuine.

“Well, hello thar, Ordinary Boy,” Whistlin' Dixie said, trying to sound cheerful. “What brings ya down here to city hall?”

“I'm just here on an errand,” I said. “Why are all of you here?”

“We came down to file for unemployment benefits,” said the Crimson Creampuff. “But there's nobody in the office.”

“What happened to your jobs?” I asked.

“AI, he-a laid us off,” Spaghetti Man admitted.

“Aaarrgh, it's true,” confirmed Captain Blowhole. “The scurvy dog said he couldn't afford to pay us while he was out of commission.”

“Why?” I said. “He lost his power, not his fortune.”

“It's not the money,” grumped Major Bummer. “It's because with him powerless, he's no better than any of us.”

“He doesn't want to take a chance on anyone showing him up,” added the Human Compass.

LI'L HERO'S HANDBOOK

PEOPLE

NAME:
Cap'n Blowhole.
POWER:
The ability to shoot water from the top of his head.
LIMITATIONS:
Has difficulty holding onto hats.
CAREER:
After one too many harpoon incidents, the Cap'n, for his own safety, accepted an offer to join the League of Ultimate Goodness.
CLASSIFICATION:
Always a bit soggy.

“He's pathetic,” I said, my anger growing. And then I got an idea.

“Say, how would all of you like to get back at AI?”

“Vhat is it, darling?” asked Mannequin. “I'm feeling vonderfully vindictive at zee moment.”

“My dad and his team are getting Dr. Telomere's up and running even as we speak,” I explained. “If they can get real potato chips out to the public, it might just sink AI's Pseudo-Chip business. I know they'd welcome the help of anyone who's working against the Amazing Indestructo.”

“It would serve that egotistical basket case right,” mused Major Bummer as he glanced at his teammates. No one disagreed.

“Pardner, ya got yerself a deal,” Dixie said, tipping her rhinestone hat.

As the former LUGs headed off on their new mission, I climbed the steps to city hall. Like the league had said, the place was deserted. It was as if the city employees had already given up any hope of Mayor Whitewash retaining his job. I had two errands to run, though, so I ignored the silence and followed the signs for the hall of public records.

I found it quickly, but it, too, was empty. Glancing around, I slipped behind the front desk and headed straight for the files labeled POLICE RECORDS. I pulled open the drawer containing the Ps and began to riffle through them. Sure enough, I found a sliver-thin file with the Professor's name on it. I opened it up to reveal a single piece of paper.

Bingo! I had found what I needed. Not only did I know how to put an end to Professor Brain-Drain's political career but also how I could steer everyone away from AI's Pseudo-Chips. All I needed was the cooperation of Mayor Whitewash—as well as the item I had been carrying in my book bag! Uncinching it, I reached in and retrieved my last bag of Dr. Telomere's Potato Chips. Now, I only had to get the mayor to try the chips. When his power returned, he would just assume it was from
not
eating the PseudoChips, and then he could begin convincing everyone else.

I found the mayor's office and came to a stop outside the ornate door that bore his name on a thick brass plate. I paused for only a moment as I took a deep breath and then entered.

The large, lavish room was as empty as the rest of city hall—including the mayor's enormous desk. And then I noticed that the desk chair was turned away from the door, and a thick shock of white hair was poking over the top of it.

“Mayor Whitewash,” I blurted out in excitement as I held up the bag of Dr. Telomere's chips, “I know how to help you win the election.”

“Is that so?” came a voice that turned my blood cold.

I watched in dismay as the chair spun around to reveal none other than the Red Menace himself.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

The Odd Couple

I slowly backed toward the door as the Red Menace began to laugh at me. And then he spotted the bag of Dr. Telomere's chips in my hand and the laughing stopped cold. It was all the confirmation I needed that he was fully aware of their power.

“Where did you get those?” he demanded.

“I found them at the zoo,” I replied.

“Yes, that would explain the superpowered animals,” he said, “but it doesn't explain how
you
came to know about the benefits of these chips.”

“The answer is there for anyone who wants to see it,” I stated.

“Answers are often right in front of our faces,” he said with a sneer as he got up stiffly and moved from behind the desk. “Yet most people prefer not to see them. They want only simple answers to life's questions—regardless of whether they're correct. But not you, apparently.”

“A wrong answer is no answer at all,” I said, deciding to stand my ground as he approached.

“That's just the kind of individualistic thinking that I will soon eliminate completely,” he threatened. “I've already spread equality to the entire population, and now it requires only my strong hand to lead them to a brilliant new future. Don't you agree?”

“Yes . . . I mean
no
!” I said forcing myself to break the grip of his power as he used it on me at full strength. “I notice you've kept your own power functioning. Why not make yourself as equal as everyone else?”

“If only I could.” He feigned exhaustion. “Yet I'm willing to make that sacrifice, as any selfless leader would.”

“Real leaders at least get themselves elected,” I pointed out.

“Oh, you mean politicians,” the Red Menace replied with a sinister laugh. “Their positions will soon be abolished.”

“Abolished?”

“Certainly. This will become an office for all the people—” he started to say as he waved his hand to indicate the space we were in.

“I doubt they'll all fit,” I interrupted.

“—but I'll occupy it on their behalf,” he concluded. “That's why I'm here, in fact. To check out my future home.”

“What have you done with Mayor Whitewash,” I demanded.

“Nothing,” he stated. “I would never cause harm to my own son.”

“Your
son
?” I said, unable to hide my shock.

“Of course,” he said matter-of-factly. “Surely you noticed the similarity of our powers. Sadly, Whitewash has only a watered-down version of my ability. While I can compel people to
do
whatever I tell them, he can merely convince them to
believe
the things he tells them. Believing is not the same thing as doing, you have to admit.”

“Lots of people believe they'll become millionaires,” I agreed, “but few actually do.”

“Exactly.” He nodded. “Still, it's certainly a useful power for a politician.”

“Except that you've taken it away from him. And without it, he has no chance of winning.”

“Yes, that's true,” the Red Menace admitted. “In fact, I made certain he lost his power before everyone else. Not that anyone was going to be able to counteract my commands, but if anybody could come close, it would have been him, as you yourself surmised. No matter. His office is about to become irrelevant anyway.”

“Really?” I asked. “Are you unaware that you've made it possible for Professor Brain-Drain to become mayor? That can't be part of your plan.”

“Ha! Professor Brain-Drain is no threat to me,” he scoffed. “Brain-Drain is powerless. I robbed him of his ability ten years ago.”

“But you were in prison,” I pointed out.

“And so was he,” the Red Menace responded, confirming the same information I had just uncovered in the record room. “I was serving a sentence of one thousand six hundred and thirty-six years in solitary confinement. Because of my power, I was allowed to see no one out of fear that I might bend him or her to my will.”